Conference quark::mennotes-v1

    This is an old story. Once, long ago and far away, in another life, ...
    I worked on a study of 5000 families, transferring data from
    questionnaires onto data entry forms. The study had to do with work and
    money (a study of the causes of poverty, actually) and among other
    things asked all family members how much they worked at work, and how
    much they worked at home. The great tendency, with few exceptions, was
    that Ma and Pa worked roughly the same hours at work, and Ma worked
    nearly ALL the hours at home. This was true for dual-M.D. households,
    even: they both worked seventy hour weeks, then she worked another
    twenty at home.
    
    - Hoyt

    EVERY SERVICE MEMBER IN MIDDLE EAST VOLUNTEERED.  NOBODY WAS FORCED
    TO JOIN THE MILITARY.  
    
    
    p.s. bring 'em home by Christmas..............
    

        <<< Note 508.2 by ORCAS::MCKINNON_JA "Persian Gulf Vet. 1974" >>>
                             -< they volunteered! >-

    EVERY SERVICE MEMBER IN MIDDLE EAST VOLUNTEERED.  NOBODY WAS FORCED
    TO JOIN THE MILITARY.  
    
    
    I think they meant "forced to go", not forced to join.  Yes, every
    service member is in the service voluntarily, but once in they can't 
    just say "Ooohh, icky!  I don't like that assignment, I want a
    different one!"  So I think they are saying they volunteered to go
    to the middle east; their husbands (SOs) already know they volunteered
    for the service.
    
    E Grace

    Wrong.  If they don't want to go there are avenues that can be taken.
    

    Oh, and obviously their opinions of their hubbies are pretty low too. 
    I mean, dont they think that they (the hubbies) can read a paper?
    
    I would love to hear their 'reasons' for volunteering.......
    
    

    Could it be...
    
    	patriotism?

    well, whatever the women's reasons for going, as volunteers for the
    service or for this duty or not, the men-on-the-homefront learning
    about (I believe the word was 'dumbfounded') just how much work their
    women did to run their homes was a main point of the article Bruce
    posted (Hi Bruce!).  Does this mean I have to go to war to get my
    husband to appreciate the amount of work I do at home?  (Rhetorical
    question. He does, and if he didn't I'd tell him! ;') Let alone take on
    half?
               
    Seriously guys, those of you with wives, how's the split between you?
    We're talking informal poll, here.  Be honest.
    
    And p.s., those of you who complained about why-are-men-always-the-
    combatants, and about the women-and-children-first ethos that leaves
    the men hostage -- what do you think of these women?

    I've already confessed to less-than-stellar performance (.1). My wife
    probably does about three hours per night, 90% of which is preparing
    and cleaning up dinner.
    
    I have rationalized as follows.
    
    First, about two of her three hours are spend making dinner. For her,
    this is entertainment. She makes spagetti sauce from scratch. She tries
    new recipes all the time. She serves at least four dishes per meal. My
    wife does very little in the way of leisure, and I don't begrudge her a
    leisurely bit of meal-making, even though the kids are I are frequently
    frustrated by the uncertainty about the dinner hour (between 7:30 and
    9:30). Cooking is one of my wife's main pleasures.
    
    Second, she refuses to delegate the cleaning up from meals. The first
    four years of our marriage, I was the dish-washer. Not a big deal:
    about fifteen minutes per evening, loading up the dishwasher, then
    coming back an hour later to empty it out. After about three years,
    however, of her intending to get the girls started on chores, I finally
    took the tactic of resigning my dishwashing duties in favor of other
    activities, e.g. painting tenant's bathroom ceilings. She made some
    faint-hearted attempts to get the girls to pitch in, then reached her
    usual conclusion that it's easier to do it herself.
    
    Third, despite a great deal of resistance to getting sex-typed, I'm
    finding myself in the role of Mr. Handyman. We own a couple houses and
    have five apartments full of tenants; the fix-up list always has about
    fifty items outstanding. I do about 90% of this, which is STILL
    probably about half as much time as my wife puts in (but see 1 and 2
    above).
    
    Fourth, I'm a lazy sod.
    
    - Hoyt

    re:  .7
    
    As someone who is not married, I am having some difficulty
    understanding why allotment of household work between husband/wife and
    other family members is a problem.  If your partner doesn't do his/her
    share of household chores and has unreasonable expectations, why does
    this come as any big surprise to the relationship?  I mean, don't people 
    try to work these things out -- a discussion on who is responsible for 
    what and how both feel about household work -- before they move 
    in together?   
    
    I guess I am really puzzled as to why a guy would automatically
    EXPECT his wife to do all the cooking, cleaning, and washing by
    default.  Or why a woman would automatically expect her husband to do
    half ... or even worse, why a woman would automatically start doing 
    all of these chores without first communicating with him, even before
    they live together, about who would do what.   I have a woman friend,
    recently married, who complains that her husband leaves his
    dirty laundry scattered all over the house; even after she told him
    to pick up his dirty clothes, he still wouldn't.  Even so, it was a
    struggle for her to finally stop picking up his clothes HERSELF.  When 
    I asked her if they discussed such chores before their marriage, she said
    something like, "No!  I expected that he would be like a normal,
    civilized clean person and not leave dirty laundry on the floor."
    Surprise!  Surprise!
    
    Maybe someone can enlighten me as to why this all is such a big deal?
    Why it seems there is a lack of communication (at the outset) and 
    why your partern's habits/attitudes about household work come as 
    real surprises so late in the game.
    
    Paul
    

    re .9 Lots of folks have never seen anything other than the
    'traditional' model.

    It could also be that as people are finding out that women can 
    serve in the military, they are also finding out that *men* CAN
    be single parents.
    
    fred();

    
    
    
    
    
    re. -1:
    
    Certainly men can (and some are) single parents.  That should come as a
    shock to no one.  
    
    As for the split on housework, I'm not married (I might as well be,
    it'd give us a nice tax break and some nifty dependant benefits we
    don't have right now :), I sometimes reflect on the fact that *I* don't
    do the "traditional" chores around the house I was led to believe
    usually fell into the hands of the woman.
    
    I work 70+ miles away from home (one-way), while my boyfried works 20
    mins. away and gets off work at 3pm.  When I've come home, typically
    (and without my asking!?):
    
    a) our various animals are fed and medicated
    b) laundrey is done (if it's that time of the week)
    c) dinner is made
    d) other various household errands are done
    
    Mind you, it bears repeating that I didn't ever discuss this with him
    at all--he simply took it upon himself to do this.  While it's nice, I
    sometimes feel a little disconcerted.  Wether or not this is because
    some traditional part of me is saying, "Hey! this is the GIRL'S job!"
    or if I simply feel like I don't do enough, I'm honestly not sure.  I
    suspect it's the latter, because I do partake of housecleaning on the
    weekends, and I have been known to cook on occasion.
    
    I suppose, given all the things that a relationship consists of, chores
    are a relatively minor point.
    
    kim