Conference quark::mennotes-v1

    You didnt mention if you have dated (gone out) with him before...
    If not then I see no problem with asking him out for a cup of joe or
    even dinner.  never hurts to ask.  I find that most men like the idea
    of a woman taking hold of the usual male side of the reigns...
    give it a try.....

    Yes I have gone out with him before, but under false pretences...
    
    My attitude to asking him out, is that it takes all the excitement
    out it for the man.  Beside it was me that asked him last time,
    and for this evening,  But under false pretences again.  I wish
    I could explain the whole story, but I can't...
    
    I feel that it his time for him to ask me, but what if he is shy.
    What if he doesnt realise how I feel,  How do I tell him, without
    seeming to pushy...
    
    Thanks for your advise,  I might ask him if he want to come to a
    party with me...
    

I agree with Mike - it can be very flattering, and is much more likely to
acheive results than trying to find some way to ask him.

If you want a "low pressure" approach, say that there's this new movie or
play that you'd like to go see and that you'd like him to join you.  Give
him the room he may need to "wake up" and notice your interest.

Then again, prepare for the possibility that he really isn't interested
in you at all.

There are some other notes in here on women asking men for dates.  They
are probably worth looking through.

				Steve

    Be sincere!  Be a woman!  Make him feel like a man!
    
    And this advice *is* from a man - my father.  And it works!
    
    In any event, it sure beats manipulation through false pretenses.

	If you've asked him out this evening on false pretenses, that's the
    first thing to get out of the way.  Tell him why you asked him out, and
    see what his reaction is.  I suspect you'll be able to tell if he's
    interested.

	Then, some time later in the evening (assuming you *are* having a
    good time), say to him. "I'm having a really good time.  We should get
    together more often."  If he mumbles something, then either he's not
    interested or he's *too* shy, and you'll just have to take him
    somewhere and have your way with him (0,-).  If, on the other hand, he
    says something like, "Yes, indeed we should,"  then you say "OK, when?"
    If he says, "Oh, sometime," you've got trouble.  If he says, "How about
    Friday?" then congratulations!

	Either way, better to know than not to know.  If the guy has any
    class at all, he won't be put off by honesty.

	Good luck.


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    Regarding -.6, I think saying "we should get together more often",
    or something to that effect, is fine.  It gets the message across,
    while leaving everyone space to move, no matter how shy he may be.
    On the other hand, I would not recommend saying "o.k. when?".  If
    he needs that much of a push, I don't think he's ready.
    
    Good luck.
    
    Tony

    So what do you make of this then....
    
    I didn't see him last night,  His excuse was that by the time he
    got round it would be quite late, so there wasn't much point.
    
    boo hoo
    
    BUT THEN   He asked if I could make it any other time this week.
    actually his words where, canyou fit me in any other time this week.
    So I suggested Wednesday(tonight)  But I made it sound that I wasn't
    that sure.  
    
    That was no good...
    
    SO THEN
    
    He suggested Friday evening, at 8:30.  I asked if he could get away
    from work at that time.  And he said deffinately, it was Friday
    night, and we could make more of an evening of it...
    
    so what do you think of that...

Hi Helena,

From .8 I'd say he sounds interested.  But, even so, I agree with the
past notes suggesting that you let him know the "real" reason you want
to spend time with him (assuming he could be accepting the "false
pretenses" as the only reason you're interested).  Try real hard to
take it a little at a time, it's easy to want the whole relationship
defined right away.  But definitions can be restricting too.

If, on Friday, you let him know you're interested in romance, and he
seems happy with that, great!  There is no reason you *have* to arrange 
for your next meeting.  If you leave it open, that will give you an 
excuse to call him later ;^>.  Of course, there is no reason *not* to 
arrange the next meeting, if you both want to, but it could set a fast
pace which is difficult to manage.

But *most importantly*, do what feels right to you at the time!  All of
us giving advice only know a few snippits of information and are working 
heavily off our own experiences.  Noone knows as much about what is right 
for you *as you*.  If you follow what feels right for you (in your mind, 
try to block out what you think is best for him), then you have the best
chance of *ending up* with what is best for you.  Since the world is
always changing, what you think is best for you at one moment may be
completely different than the next, so you can only do what you think is
best right now.  Try to find that (and only you can judge if you've found
it).

Good Luck!

Kerry

    I wish a lady would ask me out!!! I think its great when the sexes
    don't find it neccessary to follow the "rules" of dating!!?