Conference quark::mennotes-v1

363.0. "Starting Over" by PAXVAX::DM_JOHNSON (is there life before death?) Mon Jul 24 1989 12:17

He sits in silence, his mind dwelling on the past,
Only 10 minutes with a judge; it was over so fast,
"Married" to "divorced", a heart breaking transition,
Never did he predict he would end up in this position.

Just a short while ago, he began a new life,
Leaving behind him, his children and his wife,
Moving out of his spacious home to a small rented room,
Waking every morning with an impending sense of doom.

After 2 decades of marriage, he takes with him nothing,
But his memories, his clothing, and a faded wedding ring.
She has the house, the children, and the checking account,
He has visits with his son, and more bills than he can count.

Divorce is a bitter pill for him to swallow,
The judge declared the rules he must follow,
But he didn't explain how to start living alone,
Or how to raise his children on the telephone.

He earns a good salary, sending his wife almost half,
Shuddering when his calculator reveals the simple math;
He can't affort to eat out anymore, or to travel far away,
He wonders what the future holds; if he'll ever see the day,

When he'll once again hang family photographs on the wall,
When he'll return to a space larger than a room and a hall.
Meanwhile, as he unpacks his few treasured possessions,
He tries to keep his mind from dwelling in obsession;

"Is there anything that we could have done?",
"What kind of effect will this have on my son?"

He misses his former wife; even their pain and misery,
Being single and free is not all it's cracked up to be.

He wonders every day when his grief will subside,
If he'll ever stop feeling the intense need to hide.
Nothing in his life prepared him for this pain,
For the days when he feels sure he is going insane.

Some friends reassure him he is better off this way,
Other friends avoid him, they don't know what to say,
Everone tries to remind him of how lucky he is,
To be out of a bad marriage, to have the freedom which is his.

But he remembers the joy that was in his marriage too,
Even though the tender moments became all too few.
He wonders what happened to the love they once shared,
he didn't know until the divorce how much he really cared.

He sits in silence and wonders who he is,
He met his wife when they were only kids,
He became a father when he was a child himself,
And then focused his life on amassing great wealth.

Now his wealth is gone, and so is his wife,
And he's focused on creating a brand new life.
he feels like a kid starting over once again,
At the age of forty, he feels like only ten.

It's time, he knows, for intense exploration,
Now is the time for adolescent maturation.
He does  believe he is better off this way,
And it's getting easier each and every day.

He hangs his favorite picture up on the wall,
And thinks of giving his son a call,
"One day at at time", he know is best,
My god, divorce is one hell of a test.
    
    
    						Linda Ackerman

    Many divorced men or woman for that matter could feel and
    experience tears in reading and experiencing this one.
    
    Where did it come from, who experiences such pain?
    
    jim

    
    As I sit in the dark tonight, and think of why, I'm reminded of the
    pain, sorry, and frustration you feel.  For I as many have been there
    before with hopes and dreams but have found them lost.  I wrote the
    following to my x-wife & x-friend when I was up emotionally.  It is
    hard to go on, but when you feel you're at the end - give me a call,
    for you see I've been there too and now.
    
    How to start over....
        
    When you have given all that you have given...
    Tried all you have tried...
    Hoped when there was none...
    Cried till it hurts...
    Memories that haunt...
    Feelings that have felt...
    
    It's time to say goodbye my friend, my love, and move on!
    
    
    Jerry                                         
  

    re .1
    
    Linda is a good friend of mine. I had a hard night a few weeks ago and
    she witnessed part of it. Two days later I received the poem in .0 in
    the mail. She did such a good job of capturing the feelings that I
    asked her if I could share it in this environment (She's a non techie)
    and she agreed.
    
    Dj

    
    
    re.0
    
    Boy, did that hit home, only for me I had to leave behind 2 wonderful
    stepchildren and 2 from the marriage. That was three years ago and now
    I have a relationship far better with all the children than I ever
    dreamed of. Only now am I able to give 100% of me to them, where as 
    before they only had 10%, because the ex wanted and demanded 90%.
    
     The material things that I left behind, new house,car,furniture mean
    nothing to me now, and they did not then. Also, the support that I pay
    does not bother me either.
    
     I guess what I am trying to say is that *I* am better off, and so are
    my children and my relationship with them and nothing in the world can
    take *that* away from me...
    
    johnboy  g^)
    
    
    

    Denny,
    	 my heart goes out to you. I continue to thank my lucky stars for a
    lasting and happy marriage. 
    
    - ���