| Re: .0
> What kind of experiences have you had with support groups for the
> recently divorced?
Mostly good. The negative aspects were only relatedto "lifestyle"
issues.
> I am in the middle of a divorce (separated for 3 months now) and
>have been to a couple of different support groups.
> My findings: without probable systemfile damage
> - The men tend to be outnumbered by the women, usually by a
> two-to-one margin.
The groups that went to (more than 2 years ago now) it was more
like 5 -10 to 1. ometimes, it was 15:1; where I was one of 2 men
in a group of 32.
> - The men tend to contribute less than the women, who are
> usually much more vocal about their feelings (with anger
> heading the list). The discussions have often taken on
> an "All Men Are Pigs" flavor that I find disturbing.
Albeit times change, the group familiar to me is "TSL", The Single
Life ... and the moderators controlled the dicsussion to prevent
such onesided opinionation.
> - The group leader/moderator generally tries to keep the
> discussions constructive, but as in most small groups, there
> are usually one or two people who have the most to say and
> dominate the discussion. These tend to be those who have been
Again, see Moderator involvement in controlling the group.
> the most recently separated/divorced and have felt the most
> wronged/cheated/taken advantage of by their ex's.
Which, of course, is all of us, isn't it ?
> Any comments? Any suggestions on support groups in the greater
> Boston area that were helpful and constructive?
Do you need to remain in that area ? Would you consider commuting
to a suburban area if you could find a singles club suite to your
own lifestyle.
I'm not sure what you want to find in a "recently divorced" group;
but I expect that what you found would be typical. Try a few singles
clubs, where there is generous mix of divorced, widowed, separated
and a few never marrieds. TSL is (was) based in Waltham Mass (see
the white pages).
The interesting thing about a club like TSL, is , if you don't like
the people in the chapter you join; then you can go to a different
chapter somewhere else. And with somthing like 32 chapters to choose
from; the possibilities are really quite good at finding one you
like.
Two other notesfiles related to this topic is:
Singles, Human_Relations, and Womannotes.
Bob (thrice single and happy, now married and happy).
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| I recommend a discussion group organized by the Cambridge Center
for Adult Education, located in Harvard Square. They have a course
called The Divorce Experience, or some such name, that I took
several years ago. It's run by two people from the Divorce
Mediation Center, and it consists of basically discussion about
the various issues of divorce. But, they focus on personal feelings,
not much on the legal and logistical issues of divorce. I liked
it because it was fairly evenly balanced between men and women,
and there was a lot of open feelings expressed during the sessions.
It was helpful to see how very different people reacted to this
type of stressful experience that they all were going through.
good luck
|
| I have tried to be a contributing member in a few of them and find
that, sadly, there are few good ones. Most are places for meeting
people, in one guise or another. And while I certainly understand
loneliness and sympathise with that - a social club is not really
my greatest need. My need is for a support group of people who,
like myself, are making a determined effort at continued parenting
under the exceptionally trying circumsatnces of a histile divorce.
It's not easy to find a group like that..I'd be happy to hear from
anyone who has any ideas. Far and away the best divirced group I
have come across was the one at Calvary United Methodist Church
in Arlington. It is run by their minister, Peter Miano, a well trained
young man of great sensitivity. But most are collections of sadly
wounded people who don't really know what to do.
My greatest disappointmnet was a group of single fathers - the leader
turned out to be so rabid that he made the most strident of feminists
look downright restrained. His anger was self destructive.
Remote parenting is hard to do - I would really appreciate conatact
with other men who wnt to conceentrate on that issue and who can
help each other by sharing experiences and sanity checking the remedies
most of us who have not just given up spend so much energy seeking.
Jack
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