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| Title: | Topics Pertaining to Men |
| Notice: | Archived V1 - Current file is QUARK::MENNOTES |
| Moderator: | QUARK::LIONEL |
|
| Created: | Fri Nov 07 1986 |
| Last Modified: | Tue Jan 26 1993 |
| Last Successful Update: | Fri Jun 06 1997 |
| Number of topics: | 867 |
| Total number of notes: | 32923 |
337.0. "Book: "Second Chances"" by SSDEVO::FAVA (4 Yrs of Eng Sch & Never Saw a Train) Mon Apr 24 1989 19:38
I'm new to this conference but I've seen several topics on the
subject of divorce. Perhaps this deserves its own topic. Moderator,
please move to another topic if appropriate.
I recently finished reading the following new book, which I would
*highly recommend* to anyone, man or woman, who is currently
considering, is going through, or has recently completed a divorce.
Title: Second Chances
Subtitle: Men, Women, and Children
A Decade after Divorce
Who Wins, Who Loses - and Why
Authors: Dr. Judith S. Wallerstein, PhD
Sandra Blakeslee
The book describes the results of a long term study of the effects
of divorce on men, women, and children. This was the first study
of its kind ever made. Previous studies assumed that divorce was
a one-time event that people experienced, completed, and put behind
themselves after a while. This book destroys that assumption.
Divorce is a long-term phenomenon with long-term effects on everyone
involved.
In 1971, Dr. Wallerstein and her staff selected 60 couples who had
recently decided on divorce. There were 131 children involved,
ranging in age from newborn to late teens. The majority of the
participants were white, middle-class families living in the San
Francisco area.
Each of the participants (adults and children) was interviewed
individually and separately at the start of the study/divorce and
again after 18 months, 5 years, and 10 years. At the 10 year point,
83 of the adults and 110 of the children continued to participate.
As the book was being prepared, about half the participants were
already interviewed after 15 years and some of this data is included.
A lot of the information is depressing but the book does offer hope.
For the adults, divorce *does* offer second chances but it is up to
the individuals to take advantage of those chances; unfortunately not
everyone does. This study concluded that women in their twenties and
men in their forties at the time of divorce are most likely to come
out ahead. Conversely, older women and younger men generally do not
do as well.
For the children, the long-term role of the non-custodial parent
(usually the father in this study) is much more significant in the
children's lives than previously assumed by mental health experts.
Also, the long-term mental/emotional health and development of the
children varied widely, even among siblings.
Favorite quote, on establishing new relationships after divorce: "To
experience love is to risk its loss."
Dr. Wallerstein is also the co-author of "Surviving the Breakup:
How Children and Parents Cope with Divorce", published in 1980,
which includes the results of the first five years of this study.
Today, the book is available only in hardcover at a cost of $20.
Check your local library. I hope others benefit.
Tom
| T.R | Title | User | Personal
Name | Date | Lines |
|---|
| 337.1 | another recommendation | GOLETA::REDDEN_BO | Bob | Wed Apr 26 1989 17:12 | 5 |
| This book offers some interesting insights into a child's view of
divorce. It struck me a profound that parents generally feel like
divorce is a net benefit to them while children generally feel that
divorce is a net loss. I would also "highly recommend this but
to anyone parenting children of divorce.
|
| 337.2 | Reviewer's comment | DABBLE::MEAGHER | | Sat Apr 29 1989 20:30 | 13 |
| I've read reviews of this book, though not the book.
My impression from reading the reviews is that this book makes too much of the
fact of divorce, when perhaps the emphasis should be on unhappy families. At
least one reviewer's criticism was that the book is not a controlled study of
the effects of divorce, because families that did not divorce are not studied.
(There were no scientific controls, in other words.)
Don't we all know people who came out of intact families who seem to have
problems as troublesome as the problems of children from divorced families?
Vicki Meagher
|
| 337.3 | Hmm sounds like its of some value .. | WILKIE::EARLY | Bob Early CSS/NSG Dtn 264-6252 | Mon May 01 1989 18:23 | 21 |
| re: .0
>> ".. one time effect .."
I'm not sure what this means, but its been over 10 years since my first
divorce and the pangs of that experience are still with me. That
doesn't mean I'm dysfunctional .. it just means that I still *feel*
some of the bitterness associated with the experience.
In conversations with my children, it has affected their lifestyles in
the sense that the males have CHOSEN to delay marriage until they
overcame their own feelings of immaturity.
I hope the book does become available; as it sounds like something
people could learn from "BEFORE" they start the "things which lead to a
divorce". Thats not so remote a thought. There is "at least" one person
whom has been influneced to seek counsel BEFORE their problem became
irrevocable; and chose to stop the errant behaviour.
Bob
|
| 337.4 | RE: .2 | SSDEVO::FAVA | 4 Yrs of Eng Sch & Never Saw a Train | Tue May 02 1989 13:03 | 27 |
| RE: .2
> At least one reviewer's criticism was that the book is not a controlled
> study of the effects of divorce, because families that did not divorce are
> not studied. (There were no scientific controls, in other words.)
I had the same feeling while reading the book. There was no "control
group" of intact families during the same time period to compare
against.
> Don't we all know people who came out of intact families who seem to have
> problems as troublesome as the problems of children from divorced families?
Yes, the book implies that the divorce alone was the source of the
problems for the kids who had problems afterwards. No analysis
of the pre-divorce parenting is made to try to determine if these
kids would have had problems even if the family had remained intact
or if the pre-divorce parenting was the source of strength for the
kids who came through okay.
However, I still believe the book has merit. If you read it as a
"lab report" on a specific study of a specific group of people in one
geographical location with a certain set of ground rules and
assumptions and not as THE definitive book on the effects of divorce,
it is worthwhile reading.
Tom
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