T.R | Title | User | Personal Name | Date | Lines |
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307.2 | Was it so bold | NEWVAX::ZIMMERMAN | Mark Zimmermann | Sun Nov 20 1988 19:58 | 9 |
| Well, I'm not sure she HAS a boy-friend. Another friend says he
over-heard her telling another waitress that she's looking for a
steady boy-friend. But who knows....
I meant the card as more of a humorous close to the uncomfortable
chapter, showing there were no hurt feelings, but also to re-inforce
that I was serious. I didn't sign the card, but like I said, she
knew it was from me. Was a card that simply said 'dump him...'
that bold, or just a silly answer?
|
307.3 | Honesty "IS" the best policy!!! | WOODRO::OLSON | Mensch! | Mon Nov 21 1988 06:42 | 16 |
| Why not just be totally open and honest with her? If she can't
be, it just ain't worth it! However, she may be impressed by your
honesty and open up.
DON'T let your friend do the work, play a game, for you! Games
are for teenagers, not adults!
No, I don't think you were "BOLD", just cautious and "feeling out"
where she stood - committed to someone or not.
I feel that the honesty route will make it or break it for you,
an answer you need to know so that you are/aren't wasting your time.
-jeff-
|
307.4 | do it! | WILKIE::MSMITH | Crime Scene--Do Not Enter | Mon Nov 21 1988 08:36 | 5 |
| re: .3
Good advice given in .3. That is what I would do.
Mike
|
307.6 | which rainbow are we chasing | BISTRO::WATSON | life is a glorious cycle of song | Mon Nov 21 1988 10:47 | 8 |
| >< Note 307.3 by WOODRO::OLSON "Mensch!" >
> -< Honesty "IS" the best policy!!! >-
It certainly is.
But are we trying to find the best policy, or the most effective one?
Andrew.
|
307.7 | The most effective, and when | NEWVAX::ZIMMERMAN | Mark Zimmermann | Mon Nov 21 1988 11:52 | 6 |
| Look, I have no problem with honesty, but my real concern is being
a bother to her at work. Now I can't pull her into the corner and
lay it out to her in 100 words or less (ok, a little sacastic, but).
Should I wait for her to make some sort of move at this point, or
is the ball still in my coart.
|
307.8 | GO FOR IT!!! | LEDDEV::BRATKON | | Mon Nov 21 1988 13:57 | 5 |
|
You could be waiting a long time...
Jim
|
307.9 | Good Luck! | NYEM1::FABRICANTE | | Wed Nov 23 1988 12:56 | 7 |
| How about sending her again flowers with your phone number? and
keep your "friend" outside of all of these.
Good luck!
Lily
|
307.10 | Another Opinion... | STEREO::PRIEUR | Here's to Otis | Wed Nov 23 1988 15:14 | 26 |
| You will never get everyone to agree on one good method of handling
this. Women or men will never approach a situation the same way.
I would of thought your note was humorous and would of taken that
as a compliment. But I happen to like that style. She hasn't
told you to leave her alone so thats a good sign. I agree with
.9 that sending flowers or a card one more time with your phone
number in it may be a good way to put the ball in her court. Just
say something like "If you ever change your mind" then put your
phone number there. This way the next move is hers.
If she's interested she'll call. If not she won't. Plain and simple.
This way you won't be bothering her all the time or wondering if
you should do something else. I would still go to the bar (no
reason to stay away) and just enjoy yourself. If she talks to you
fine, see how it goes from there. If she doesn't and starts to avoid
you, then you know shes not interested and you should back off.
As for your friend, the less he knows about what your doing the
better. Seems like he doesn't have his priorities or your best
interests on this mind.
Just be true to yourself and do what you feel comfortable with.
|
307.11 | More Roses! MORE ROSES!! | COMET::BERRY | Annie are you ok, Are you ok ANNIE! | Thu Nov 24 1988 07:46 | 50 |
|
Roses? Are you kidding us? No! You ain't one of those boys, are you?
The kind that ask for a date by sending roses??? I don't believe it!
By all means, buy her some more roses, with your telephone number!
If that don't work...
Buy some more roses, and put an autographed photo with them!
If that don't work...
Buy some more roses, put a gold necklace with them!
She still ain't said, "Bug off." So...
Send her some more roses, with a copy of your insurance policy!
Hey she ain't told you to go ____ yourself, so...
Send her some more roses, with a condom, (unused), hid in them!
AND THE ADVENTURE CONTINUES....
Seriously, just plant seeds, everywhere you go, and if something grows,
fine. If not, fine. Don't try so hard. I think most guys "really"
know if a woman is interested or not. She'll give signals. I can't
believe you sent her roses and are now waiting, thinking the ball is
in her court. Hell, sounds like she's playing tennis with another player.
I knew of about 4 or 5 guys that asked some women out by sending roses,
and it didn't work in any case. Oh, I'm sure it has for some people,
maybe even you in the past, but for some, it's perceived as a "desperate"
act. Some people do this as they "lack nerve" for asking someone out.
Keep moving before you take root....
Dwight
|
307.12 | A more subtle approach | HSSWS1::GREG | Malice Aforethought | Fri Nov 25 1988 08:27 | 50 |
| re: .0 (and subsequent)
Flowers are old news, but they still work on some of the
old-fashioned sentimental types. The "Dump Him" card was
a cute touch (and not particularly bold, by my standards)
I have a different approach. I'm a celibate for the most
part, and I don't try too hard to hide that fact. I show
very little interest in relationships, and do not 'hit up'
on women... you might be surprised how many of them are
attracted to that, especially the more attractive women.
I know, it sounds stupid, but the truth of the matter is
that many very attractive women are just plain tired of being
'picked up' or 'hit on'. They eschew direct advances, and
are often looking for something different. That's where I
come in.
When they figure out that I'm a friendly guy who's not
going to put the moves on them, they start to relax around
me. Eventually, I usually end up being 'like one of the
girls' (i.e. someone they can talk to openly about intimate
things). Of course, this sort of approach is useless if
all you want is to jump her bones, because it usually takes
several weeks for this level of comfort to be achieved.
However, I have also noticed that most of the women I
make friends with in this way do (eventually) start to
put the moves on me (or, if they are already involved,
try to set me up with one of their girlfriends in an
attempt to break my celibacy... sometimes I let them).
Warning: If this is the approach you want to try you
should be aware that sincerity is a must. You'll never
get anywhere with this approach if it's just a front.
You have to REALLY be interested in talking to them (more
interested in talking than sex). They can spot a faker
a mile off, since the faker will not be able to talk about
anything except himself. Show some real interest in what
they are concerned about and learn to draw them out of
their shells.
Obviously, this approach is not for everyone, nor is it
universally accepted. However, you might be surprised to
find out how much these women really have to say, and how
frustrated they are because there are so few men they can
say those things to (without getting into an untenable
situation.)
- Greg
|
307.13 | direct may be the only way | NEWVAX::ZIMMERMAN | Mark Zimmermann | Mon Nov 28 1988 18:59 | 28 |
| Thanks for .9, .10, .11, and .12 (?)......
.9 I was glad to see a womans point of view, the second shot at
flowers seemed like a good idea, until .11 ???
.10 Agreed, there are advantages...
.11 You make some good points, but I think you miss the point of
the flowers, as I meant it. I was put in a tough situation, and
I thought/think it was tough for the girl as well, I wanted to turn
the situation back around, and put a smile on her face (this was
accomplished by the flowers and CARD). But after reading your reply,
I tend to think the second batch of flowers would be kind of whimpy...
But the flowers approach (for a second time) would bypass the problem
of BOTHERING the poor girl. I guess maybe the question is......
how important is it not to bother the girl, certainly not to the
point of not asking her out..... The question is what is the least
obtrusive approach....
.12 well, what can I say.....
Oh, to all, my 'friend', come on, I work for digital, not ibm, just
how dumb do you think I am. He knows nothing from me.
Thanks for the input and ideas, I should see her again Thursday.
Mark
|
307.14 | My 02� worth.... | HARPO::NIXON | Get that camera outta.... | Mon Nov 28 1988 21:44 | 23 |
| Mark,
I think the flowers and card were a nice gesture. Since she
hasn't dumped a tray of drinks in your lap or told you to not bother
her, why are you so worried about "bothering" her. From what you
have written she appears to be at least somewhat interested in you.
When you see her next why not just try talking to her and asking
her out? Do you know any of her interests? What she likes to do?
How about skating on a Saturday afternoon? Something that would
be relaxed for both of you.
You might be giving her some mixed signals yourself and she
is still unsure what your "intentions" are at this point. As Greg
pointed out most women are EXTREMELY tired of being just "hit on"!
She may still be trying to decide if that's what you're all about.
Ask her out. And if she says no this time and you think she is
someone you really want to get to know ask her again. You need
to be a bit more forward....but just a bit, okay. Be a friend to
her. That's the best place I know of to start a relationship.
Don't know if this helps......hope so. Good luck with her.
Vicki
|
307.16 | her move(?), why? | NEWVAX::ZIMMERMAN | Mark Zimmermann | Wed Nov 30 1988 10:54 | 17 |
| reg: .15
Yours is the first that states it's 'her move', and since I expected
that there would be different points of view, I'd like to know why
it's her move. In light of .13 (I think), where she may be confused,
I feel like I should maintain the initiative.....
Any way, how about explaining your point of view a little. Why
is it her move, and what sort of move should I expect, a simple
thank-you (which I've received), or the keys to her place (which
I haven't)... Patient, ya no problem, but I don't want to sit on
my hands..... I'd like to be patient, but I don't think I should
be, ya know! After all, I'm the GUY.
Thanks,
Mark
|
307.17 | sorry, wrong reference | NEWVAX::ZIMMERMAN | Mark Zimmermann | Wed Nov 30 1988 10:57 | 3 |
| Sorry, I refered to .13, it was .14, pointing out that the poor
girl may be getting mixed signals from me??????
|
307.18 | | 16565::WILLIS_LO | | Wed Nov 30 1988 17:23 | 22 |
| I don't even think it would be her move. So you gave her flowers
that said "dump him...", now what? What's she supposed to do?
She's already said thank you. Short of asking you out, what is
she going to do? I don't think she'd come up to you and say, "oh
thank you for the flowers, I think it would be nice if you and I
could go out" because you haven't even asked her out! She wouldn't
be responding to an invitation because there wasn't one.
I think it's great that you sent her flowers--that's always a nice
touch. Although I don't think it's "wimpy" to send her flowers
to ask her out, I do think it would be better if you asked her out
in person as well as sending her the flowers with your phone number.
That way the ball would definitely be in her court and you'd be
able to see if she was interested or not. After that, you'll be
able to tell what's going on. If she's not interested, then that's
that. If she is, then that's great!
Just an opinion (smile)
-Losa
|
307.19 | Go for it!!! | CSC32::DELKER | | Fri Dec 02 1988 21:11 | 27 |
| re .18: I pretty much agree.
I sure wouldn't think sending flowers a second time was whimpy!
It would impress me, but then I love flowers, and I'm very romantic.
Can you stop in and see her sometime when your friend isn't there,
and she wouldn't be very busy? Could you talk with her long enough
to tell her you'd like to get to know her better (don't make this
sound lecherous!), and that you'd like to talk to her when she isn't
working?
If someone sent me flowers and a card with their phone number, I'd
call to thank them. But even if she called you, it would still
be your initiative to ask her out. You might use the card to ask
her out to dinner, in case she didn't feel comfortable calling you,
so she could give you a response when she saw you next.
As for the "dump him" my reaction would be that you have a good
sense of humor, laugh a bit, feel good that you had enough interest
to send the flowers and card, and enjoy the ego boost. It would
have *definitely* gotten my interest. It's great to see a man show
a woman he's interested, when so many are out playing games and
being cool.
One way or another, ask her out! Good luck!
Paula
|
307.20 | amazing | NEWVAX::ZIMMERMAN | Mark Zimmermann | Sat Dec 03 1988 10:59 | 39 |
| Thanks to all of you for your thoughts, especially the women, it
was your opinions that I was really looking for.
Let me take this opportunity to compliment women in general. I'm
beginning to think that if it wasn't for you women, and your skill
at developing (or at least starting) relationships, the human race
would end.... Let me explain:
Thursday night, went up to 'the bar', I wasn't there 1 minute (oh,
I planned to get there early, while she was still pseudo-hostess,
and not busy, well work changed that) anyway, she walked by, asked
how I was, noticed my hair cut, commented that I hadn't been there
in a while, we talked about Thanksgiving, everything was wonderful.
But after that, she pretty much ignored me, ok, that was her move,
now it's up to me, fine, wonderful, no problem. Decided that would
have to wait for another day, and asked the bartender for my check.
Well, after my check arrived, this waitress came up to the bar, well
I could very well pay, while she was there, so I waited till she
left, paid and left.
Now this is where I blew it, as I walked out into the entrance way,
bent on waiting till the next time I saw her to do something, there she
was, at the pay phone, looking through the phone book, no one
around...... Oh, maaannnnn, I just said good night and left.... I got
in my car, and it was like someone hit me in the head, darn (or
something like that), that was my chance. What a dolt, just the
thing I was looking for, delivered on a silver platter, and I missed
it.
Oh well, maybe tonight. Just one comment about playing games and
being cool.... She may think I'm playing games, or being cool,
but I have to say, in our (guys) own defense, sometimes, maybe we're
just stupid......
Hope you've all enjoyed this disscussion, and I'll invite you all
to our wedding!
Mark
|
307.21 | hand her a note?? | CSC32::DELKER | | Mon Dec 05 1988 11:18 | 13 |
| Mark,
Just one additional thought: Since it seems so difficult to talk
to her at the bar, would you want to give her a note or card
briefly explaining that you don't want to bother her at work, but
you'd be interested in taking her out (to dinner, or whatever) so
you could talk together? You could even hand it to her when she
delivers your drink.
Don't worry about asking her out; you've got everything
to gain, and nothing to lose. Good luck!
Paula
|
307.22 | going direct | NEWVAX::ZIMMERMAN | Mark Zimmermann | Mon Dec 05 1988 22:20 | 21 |
| A card or a note, I don't know, maybe it's a man's ego, but that,
and/or sending flowers asking for a date, is like sending a boy
to do a man's job. I sent flowers and a card the first time, served
it's purpose, and that was to drive home that I was serious, but I want
her to go out with me, because of 'me', not because I sent flowers.
But I don't see it as 'nothing to lose and everything to gain',
just a question of what's proper, when expressing genuine interest
in someone who gets hit on (maybe as part of the job). I've done
all I can do, now she either says yes or no. I think she'll say
yes, but I want her to say yes to me, not a piece of paper. If
I have to, I'll have dinner at her station again. Worst part now,
is waiting till she works again, but I think she'll be worth it.
How does that song go..... oh ya, 'Don't worry, be happy...'
ya ya sure sure......
bye
Mark
|
307.23 | I think that the waiting is hurting you now | BISTRO::WATSON | dunce without a confederacy | Tue Dec 06 1988 07:15 | 21 |
| >< Note 307.22 by NEWVAX::ZIMMERMAN "Mark Zimmermann" >
> -< going direct >-
>Worst part now,
> is waiting
True. So take the first opportunity to ask.
If she says "no", then at least the suspense will be over for you.
You may even feel relieved.
> How does that song go..... oh ya, 'Don't worry, be happy...'
If she says "yes", and I hope she will, then we don't need to tell you to be
happy. If she says "no", then don't let it hit your self-respect; you've shown
yourself to care for her and her feelings even when it got difficult, and
being able to do that is a lot more important than the "success stories" a lot
of guys would be aiming for in your situation.
Don't worry, be yourself,
Andrew.
|
307.24 | the continuing saga | NEWVAX::ZIMMERMAN | Mark Zimmermann | Sun Dec 11 1988 17:18 | 40 |
| OK, you can all breathe now, for those of you holding your breath
in the continuing saga...... But, take a deep breath, cause it's
not quite over yet......
Went to the bar Thursday, and she and I talked most of the evening,
talked about everything from computers to dating (but not computer
dating). It was a very relaxed atmosphere, and as we discussed
dating (me and her specifically), she responded quite coyly, with a
'maybe', as she left to deliver her order. ummmmmmm, ahhhhhhh,
now don't anybody yell, but I was AT the bar for 3 1/2 hours, and
had several drinks. Now I don't think I was drunk (ya ya, I know,
that's what everybody says), but she made the comment that 'I was
trashed'. So, I decided it was time to leave (after all, I'd just
been insulted, just kidding, come on, chill out). But, before I
left, I ran into her (not literally), and before I left I again
stated that I thought we should date, and she said ok. But I left
it at that.
Went up Friday, my 'friend' asked me to meet him up there, but I
didn't have a chance to talk to my new friend, it's too busy on
Friday's.
Sat. went up to have dinner early, of course at her table, talked
a bit, and gave her my number, with a brief explanation, mostly
that it's too difficult to talk to her at work.
I really wanted this topic to more discuss points of view in
approaching/being approached in a situation like mine. I was hoping
someone could define where the line was. To me, this wasn't so
much a question of what might happen beween us, but the 'proper'
approach, if there was one. It seemed there was a fine line between
showing interest, and going too slow and causing confusion.
I expect she'll call on Monday, the 12th, she's going to see someone
at the Computer Learning Center (yuck) about their school. I wonder
if I could date someone who worked on IBM equipment! Well, 'maybe'.
thanks,
Mark
|
307.25 | my one cents worth | LEZAH::BOBBITT | recursive finger-pointing ensued | Mon Dec 12 1988 09:04 | 12 |
| I dunno, I don't mean to sound negative but it sounds like she's
stringing you along. Most women who want to date you would be less
vague (unless she's really into the coy way of doing things).
Sounds like you're sinking a lot of money into dining/drinking out.
Do you know her full name? Roughly where she lives? Directory
assistance or a phone book can give you her number.... - this may
be something you consider too forward, but if she doesn't call you,
what happens next?
-Jody
|
307.26 | | 5933::MALLETT | Split Decision | Mon Dec 12 1988 10:08 | 30 |
| I personally kind of doubt that there is a "proper" approach
In thinking about the "fine line between showing interest, and
going too slow and causing confusion" it occurs to me that there
might be another fine line to think about, that between showing
interest and coming on too strong or trying to rush things. And
it gets "worse". . .if a woman were to try to approach you, Mark,
you'd have an idea where those fine lines are for you, right? But
would they be the same for her? That is, you probably have a good
idea of what words/behavior would be too aggressive, just "right",
and too passive in terms of being approached. But since those values
are highly subjective, how is anyone to know if they have a match
with another person?
My "solution" has been to "give up". By this I mean that I accept
that it's practically impossible to guess what the "perfect" approach
is for any given individual so I must resort to those most basic
of "tactics": honesty and simplicity. If I were interested in dating
a woman I'd say something like "You strike me as a very interesting
and attractive person; if you're free sometime, I'd like to get
together for drinks and/or dinner and get a little better acquainted."
In this particular instance (in her workplace where it's difficult
to talk), I guess I'd write the above and hand her the note, probably
with the payment for the bill (if I handed to her just as I were
ordering and she preferred to decline, it might make it the rest of
dinner a bit awkward). In any case, my guidline would be to make
my feelings clearly known without pressuring her and make it easy
for her to either accept or decline gracefully.
Steve
|
307.28 | | CSC32::SPARROW | MYTHing, once again | Mon Dec 12 1988 17:37 | 14 |
|
If she commented on your being trashed, maybe, she wonders if the
only time you have the nerve to ask her out is if your're drunk? Maybe
she thinks that you won't remember asking when youre sober. Remember
the environment she works in. Being hit on, is not an odd occurance
when working in a bar. Maybe if you asked her to breakfast after
she gets off work, it would be a more comfortable atmosphere at
the local Denny's. You would then have a chance to talk and she
would have a chance to see you away from the bar.
or..... Maybe the bar has a rule regarding dating patrons.
vivian
|
307.29 | gooooooood points | NEWVAX::ZIMMERMAN | Mark Zimmermann | Mon Dec 12 1988 18:38 | 53 |
| Wow, alot of responses.......
I'm going to 'try' to keep this reply short, but I'm affraid it's
not going to be.....
First, let me comment on .27, and the dance. I'm currently in the
D.C. area (though it's been less then a year). A while back in
Milwaukee (where I'm from), I was having a discussion with a good
female friend of mine about human relations, and flirting. I asked
her how a guy is suppose to tell the difference between simple
flirting, and genuine interest... She said that that was the 'game'.
Until that night, I really hated the 'game', as I thought of it,
but hearing her definition, well, things made more sense. That
'game' is or at least can be fun. Since I've been out here, I've
had two relationships, the first was one where we flirted for months
thru ALLIN1 (a customer), before we dated, the second, not at all.
In fact, the second was a game I'd rather not play, where she now
calls me, and either hangs up after 1 ring, or after I answer....
But you're right, the dance, or 'game', should/can be enjoyed, if
both parties are comfortable with the situation. That's why .27
really got me thinking. I do think this girl is interested and
I should just accept that, and enjoy the situation while I can.
I say that, because it can be difficult to flirt, AFTER something
develops (maybe that's the SPARK that so many people claim seems
to be missing in old relationships). I guess my problem was that
I forgot to enjoy this part, and I guess the reason can be summed
up by something my 'drinking friend' said to me Friday night. He
asked how things were going for me and the waitress, and I just
simply said that I was working on that. He replied, that I'd been
saying that for 2 months (a little exageration, but the point was
made none the less). But again, in light of .27, so what, is the
prize any better, if I finish earlier.... I was ready to lay back
and wait at this point, she has my number, so if she doesn't call,
then I should forget about it. But now, well, maybe I've put too
much preasure on this situation, and I should just enjoy it more.
Just a personnal note here, accept it as part of the male ego showing
through, or what I believe to be a true indication of my opinion.
I've wanted this discussion to focus more on developing relationships
then my 'personal life'. I don't mind being the subject, but I've
been more interested in points of view then advise. I've really
enjoyed this both because it gives me a chance to get things off
my chest, as well as get points of view from those I don't know,
and will probably never meet.
I have to make a comment on .28, exactly............... I remember
everything we discussed, and hope to discuss it again with her,
but ya, I've thought the same thing, she must assume I don't remember
anything.....
Mark
|
307.30 | reply to .24 | COMET::BERRY | Annie are you ok, Are you ok ANNIE! | Tue Dec 13 1988 03:42 | 9 |
| Wow! 3 1/2 hours of drinking at a bar just to ask her out, and
still you didn't, just suggested that you should date.... might
be a record.
Maybe she stuck her finger on a thorn on one of those roses you
gave her and is holding that against you.
Don't you think it's time to 'plant new seeds' ??? Nothing's growing
there, but moss.
|
307.31 | Some Other References | FDCV13::ROSS | | Tue Dec 13 1988 09:46 | 18 |
|
Re: .29
> Just a personnal note here, accept it as part of the male ego showing
> through, or what I believe to be a true indication of my opinion.
> I've wanted this discussion to focus more on developing relationships
> then my 'personal life'. I don't mind being the subject, but I've
> been more interested in points of view then advise. I've really
> enjoyed this both because it gives me a chance to get things off
> my chest, as well as get points of view from those I don't know,
> and will probably never meet.
Mark, you might want to take a look at Notes 178, 180 and 181 in
this Conference.
Alan
|
307.32 | Happens to us, too | DSSDEV::FISHER | Work that dream and love your life. | Tue Dec 13 1988 11:05 | 11 |
|
> you probably aren't alone in this "dance" you two are doing.
> Many people who have had less-than-ideal pst interactions with
> the opposite sex grow a bit shy about starting new relations.
> And often people have pre-conceived ideas about the ideal mate.
Sounds familiar. It happens to us shy folks who are looking for
partners of the same sex, too. ;-)
--Ger
|
307.33 | Not one for prolonged games | DSSDEV::FISHER | Work that dream and love your life. | Tue Dec 13 1988 11:12 | 23 |
|
RE the game.
People don't have to play games. I know lots of people who don't. Or,
maybe I should say that I know people who have a low tolerance for the
game. The price that people might pay is fewer potential dates, but
I'm not sure that's true. But there is something really neat about
the directness of "I think that you are very attractive; would you be
interested in coffee to get to know each other a little better?" No
bullsh*t.
Another thing is that I think that it is wise keep in touch with how
much fun I am having. If I am interested in a guy and the flirting
feels fun to me, I don't mind playing the game a little bit. But
there comes a time when the person just isn't worth me hanging around
(NO person is worth me being strung along). So, after the flirting
stops being fun, I tend to offer the guy my number, put the ball in
his court, and not expect anything to come of it. If he does end up
calling, GREAT! End of game. If he doesn't end up calling, GREAT!
End of game.
--Ger
|
307.35 | Did I miss something? | DSSDEV::FISHER | Work that dream and love your life. | Tue Dec 13 1988 13:57 | 11 |
|
> Is SEX that strong a drive in young people ???
I thought we were talking about dating? I mean, isn't it possible to
seek out a lot of dates with a lot of people (with lots of flirting
going on) without ever having sex?
Seems to me that immediate sexual gratification is another topic, no?
--YoungGer
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307.36 | try to see her away from her workplace | TALLIS::ROBBINS | | Tue Dec 13 1988 14:28 | 20 |
| Is it possible that she's acting so strangely and appearing to
play games because she works in a restaurant and you're a customer?
Let me explain: The summer after I graduated high school I worked
in a restaurant/bar (a Bennigan's, which is kind of like a TGI Friday's,
if that helps explain the type of place). I was asked out, propositioned,
had suggestive comments made, had compliments about my appearance made,
etc., etc. etc. on a daily basis, even from customers who had not
been drinking. Of course, when you go through this every day, you don't
take any of it seriously--you assume that if these same people met you
in some other way, they'd show no interest in you. Maybe that's
what she thinks. Even when the same person (a regular or frequent customer)
would ask you out several times, you'd kind of shrug it off, not really
answer, etc., because you assume that they're not serious.
Is it possible that this is her problem?
PS. I had the same problem when I worked in an ice cream restaurant--
alcohol doesn't seem to be the cause here. I think it's just the way
people treat waitresses in general.
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307.37 | What is the final result? | SSDEVO::NGUYEN | | Mon Jan 23 1989 15:04 | 11 |
| Mark,
This is January of 1989. How is your romance going? Did you
ask her out yet? It is so quiet lately, I wonder if you succeeded.
When will we hear the wedding bells?
Just out of curiosity, I had an EE instructor Dr. Zimmerman, he
also the Dean of EE Department at UCCS in Colorado. Your last name
is Zimmerman! I wonder if you are related to him?
Please tell us the outcome of your romance.
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307.38 | The saga continues..on and on | NEWVAX::ZIMMERMAN | Mark Zimmermann | Mon Jan 23 1989 20:41 | 30 |
| Sorry, no relation to Dr. Zimmerman, may not matter, but the actual
spelling to my name is Zimmermann (2 nn's). But, as you can see
(NEWVAX::ZIMMERMAN), even digital gets it wrong. My roots are in
Wisconsin, and Germany.
Ya, ya, tell me about it, Jan. 1989. I've continued to frequent
the BAR, but really backed off. In fact, the first time I stopped
in this year, I got a look from her, to me it said, 'What the hell
are you doing here?", but it was just a look. It's funny, this
is the first time in a long time that I've check this note, but,
last Thursday I stopped up, and a trusted friend told me that she
would go out with me if I asked. I've got her number, and 'WE' do
plan to go out. What was that comment a while back about 3 1/2
hours, and being a record; looks more like 11 1/2 weeks to me.
Wedding bells, man, at this rate, I'll be six feet under, long
before I get that far. Maybe this will be an example of 'slow and
steady wins the prize'. I've concluded that in fact there is no
proper approach, just an easy way to waste alot of time, we should
have been dating long ago. But, now, the question is, does the
end justify the means, and, with those SEEDS that I planted (???),
do I have a cactus, or an oak? Life is such fun, full of questions,
or maybe it's full of SH*T, maybe that's why I need to keep planting
seeds, the soil is so rich.
Hey, this as been fun (sort of), now wish me luck.
Mark
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307.39 | The Best Policy | SLOVAX::HASLAM | Creativity Unlimited | Tue Jan 24 1989 11:23 | 14 |
| Mark,
Honesty is going to be the best policy. Start off on that note,
and everything should work out fine. Who knows, it might be a
refreshing change for her;)! As a woman, I certainly prefer a man
who tells me the truth from the start. It saves a lot of time and
I have the advantage of feeling comfortable with him from the start.
You sound like a very caring man. I think she'll be pleasantly
surprised.
Good Luck!
Barb
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