| T.R | Title | User | Personal
Name | Date | Lines |
|---|
| 231.1 | Have You Considered This? | FDCV03::ROSS | | Fri May 20 1988 14:42 | 14 |
| Bob, have you considered that your walking around with a chip on
your shoulder, vis-a-vis, your "piss on them all" attitude, *might*
have something to do with *their* attitude toward you?
It appears that you've gotten yourself into a vicious circle: you
started off feeling hostility from them, countered back with feeling
hostility toward them, and now are wondering why they don't find you
someone they might like to be with.
Do you really think a woman can't sense negative feelings about women,
that are emanating from a man?
Alan
|
| 231.2 | Things look fine from where I sit | CVG::THOMPSON | Let's move Engineering to Florida | Fri May 20 1988 17:30 | 10 |
| I think you're hanging around with the wrong group of women. :-)
It could be you as well. I'm not running into any problems (outside
of an occasional Notes tiff :-)) with angry women.
Are you married or in an other serious relationship with a woman?
Women do seem to treat married men somewhat differently then they
do single men. Being married I may not see things that you do. And
the other way around.
Alfred
|
| 231.4 | you male scum you... | SALEM::AMARTIN | Jam City Production JAMS!! | Fri May 20 1988 23:58 | 7 |
| bob,
Did you ever think that it is due to the many, many years of
suppression? We deserve it ya know. Being 24, I have suppressed
them all and so have you. And don't go blaming it all on our
forefathers, your a male so your did it too.
Sounds darn silly doesn't it? Think about it...
|
| 231.5 | | CFIG1::ACKLEY | Aslan | Mon May 23 1988 11:29 | 10 |
|
I was surprised, when I left town, to find that women in other
areas of the country could be friendlier than those here. Then,
there are other places where they are even more hostile than here.
Don't blame it on yourself. There *are* in fact, a lot of
hostile people out there, although there are also places where
people are still friendly. Maybe you need to take a vacation...
Alan.
|
| 231.6 | In some cases you get what you give. | SALEM::MELANSON | | Mon May 23 1988 13:35 | 9 |
| Sometimes what you give is what your getting, if your giving off
anger - then more often then not it comes back to you. I'm not
saying blame it on yourself, but if your comming from a place of
anger and frustration and people sense it about you, it comes right
back at you. Can you shift your attitiude a bit, be open and a
bit vulnerable you might see things differently and so do people
around you.
Jim
|
| 231.7 | | DELNI::FOLEY | Rebel without a Clue | Mon May 23 1988 18:13 | 6 |
|
Great advice Jim... (Are you any relation to the Melansons
of Billerica??)
mike
|
| 231.8 | My $.02 | IPOVAX::BARBER | Skyking Tactical Services | Tue May 24 1988 10:52 | 17 |
|
Yes, I have experienced my over fair share of angry women.
And yes theres that crowd thats going to say that I deserve
it based upon what ever reason they have. Point and case is
that there is going to be people that like you, don't like you,
and even others that just outright don't give a damn. Attempting
to talk to the angry and arrogant ones will get you nowhere, save
for wasting your time and breath.
Best advice is to pay attention to, and spend time with those
that express liking your company. The ones that don't have an ax
to grind over a real or perceived problem. Its like the old
proverb says "avoid angry people, for you are likely to become
one of them." If they don't have to good sense to want to be
friends with you, then they aren't worth knowing or dealing with.
Bob B
|
| 231.10 | another .2 cents worth. | SUCCES::BURTON | | Tue May 24 1988 13:50 | 37 |
|
My wife works in a small town variety/liquor store. She has to deal
with men that take a freindly attitude as an invitation for sex
nightly. Although I don't condone the behaviour in women, I do
sometimes see the nessesity (sp?) of being a bitch. Not that you
are sending the same message as the men my wife has to deal with.
Marie (that's my wife's name) says she has even had to call the
police on one occasion due to some slimeball that wouldn't leave
her alone. She doesn't consider this a valid reason to be a bitch
to any member of the male sex though. She claims that it's something
like one in every 20 who comes on to her.
I've had similar experiances here in work and outside. One instance
happned only a couple of months ago. A woman, new to this building,
was in the elevator when I got on. I only said to her something
like, thank god it's friday or something harmless like that.
I got the rudest treatment from her. She made a derogatory remark
under her breath, but loud enough for me to hear. I was hurt by
this. I didn't say anything bad. I didn't even look at her in a
way that could be remotely considered compromising.
In the last few weeks this same woman has said hi to me in the halls,
held the elevator door for me and seems to have a totally different
attitude towards me. What happened was the people she works with
know me, somehow she got the message that I'm very marrried and
not interested in her or any other woman. I've not spoken to her
since that day either. I'm just off her "threat list".
I don't condone her behaviour but I can sort of understand it.
I know what my wife goes through with some slimeballs.
Marie says she has to be careful about just how nice she appears
to men she doesn't know well.
I don't know of any solutions to this either. Just don't shut off
all woman cause a few can't deal with freindly men. The woman I
mentioned isn't alone but she's not part of a majority either.
For every one like that I meet at least three that are pleasant
at first meeting.
|
| 231.11 | another 2 drachma worth | GNUVAX::BOBBITT | I sing the body electric | Tue May 24 1988 14:20 | 9 |
| there's folks as likes you for the right reasons
folks as dislikes you for the right reasons
folks as likes you for the wrong reasons
and folks as dislikes you for the wrong reasons.
the only ones that deserve cpu-time in your head are the first group.
-Jody
|
| 231.12 | re: "Do women make you angry?" | HANDY::MALLETT | Situation hopeless but not serious | Tue May 24 1988 18:18 | 4 |
| No.
Steve
|
| 231.13 | No Generalizations, Please!? | CSOA1::KRESS | | Tue May 24 1988 19:52 | 62 |
| Bob,
Sometimes I think people tend to let their past experiences affect the
present too much. So many times we analyze a situation to the point
where we lose all perspective and therefore lose the value of that
experience. For example, when a person is hurt in a relationship,
that person can either learn from the experience or they can shut the
doors to avoid that pain from occuring again. Speaking from personal
experience, it's much easier to shut the doors but ironically, it only
serves to hold the pain; not to let it go. I'd like to ask a
rhetorical question...have you been hurt recently? If so, have
you dealt with it? If not, you had better do so before moving on.
At the same time, I don't think it's fair to insinuate all women
are arrogant, nasty, miserable creatures....Just as it isn't fair
for women to accuse all men of chauvinism and suppressing women
of their rights. I have a friend who feels very bitter toward men.
Funny, but what she really wants is to have a special person in her
life. I don't see how she can until she releases her ill feelings
toward members of the opposite sex. Who wants to be around someone
like that?
Only you can decide if the problem is with you or with the women
you meet or perhaps a mixture of both. I find that when faced in
a situation where I wonder if it's me or other people, I will confide
in close friends and/or family members of what is going on. If I get
the same answer from two or more and they say it's me...then I know
it's time to take a good look at myself and take corrective action
if necessary.
Excuse me for saying this; but you and Mr. Healy come across as
bitter and indulging in self-pity. Somebody hurt you? Well, I'm
sorry to hear that but you're not in the boat alone. People of
the opposite sex shun you? I'm sure there are others (men and women)
who feel the same. Unfortunately, first impressions play an important
role in our society...sometimes we don't give people a chance.
I've never liked the bar scene because I don't enjoy the insipid
games people play but now I watch the people.....I wouldn't say
that looks are everything but what is important is attitude. You
first have to like yourself....and whether you want to believe it
or not - IT DOES SHOW!!!!!! It shows in actions, reactions, words,
and body language.
I wish you well....don't give up. It won't make you any happier!
And yes, Virginia, there are nice men and women out there. You
just have to look in the right places.
Good luck Bob!
Kris
P.S. I don't know about the rest of you but I can hardly wait for
Mr. Healy's article regarding us miserable creatures (am I
supposed to be miserable? Geeeeez! No one told me!!). Oh
the suspense...the excitement...the thrill of it all!
|
| 231.14 | | RANCHO::HOLT | Robert A. Holt | Tue May 24 1988 20:35 | 24 |
|
Although I was married for 8 years, that relationship is
ancient history. I haven't socialized with women for several
years, but that has little to do with why I feel this way.
There was a time when I tried real hard to be charming, etc...
Then I overheard women making fun of men and how they try so
hard, and having a good laugh. Well, that is the last one they'll
ever get at my expense. All this male sincerity is just garbage,
which women flush down the nearest commode. I know what
2 and 2 are...
You tell me I should just shrug off all this anti male hostility...
sorry, I just don't have the generosity of spirit to do that.
Why should women be so priveleged that they should get away with
giving hostility signals while expecting men to crawl like beaten
dogs to kiss their feet for the privelege of getting to talk to,
date, make love to, etc...them..?
Men are suckers; smiling like benign idiots, waiting for some
female to grant "permission"....yecch! I only wanted to be treated
decently, honestly... well, no. This apparently does not happen
in the Western World.
|
| 231.15 | | AXEL::FOLEY | WommanNotes Co-moderator Trainee | Tue May 24 1988 22:40 | 15 |
| I'm gonna re-phrase the question..
"Do I make women angry?"
Oh yea.. I sure as hell do sometimes.. I can be a bastard when
I want too be.. (Thankfully that is VERY few and far between)
So shoot me (and the women too).. We're human.. If people did
a little less pissing and moaning and a little more chatting and
smiling we'd be better off.. (And if they don't, well, me and Bob
know what to do to them..)
mike
Personal name's for you Bob.. {smirk}
|
| 231.16 | | KELVIN::WHARTON | Is today a holiday? | Wed May 25 1988 10:16 | 18 |
| For some men the problem is not the women but the men themselves. Which
women, in her right frame of mind, will give the time of the day to the
man who says/thinks that "women and their miserable, irrational, nasty
ways piss me off to the ends of the earth"? With an attitude like that
one can only cut himself off from women. Would you like to converse
with a woman who thinks that men are evil, chauvinistic, and are
ass-holes? If you met a woman in a bar and that was her attitude would
you be nice to her? Would you want to spend more than a second
with her?
I think that there are women who are nasty, and there are men who are
nasty also. To dismiss women as nasty, irrational, and miserable based
on a previous poor experience is nasty, irrational, and miserable.
I am a woman, and I don't think that I suffer anymore severe mood
swings that the average guy in this conference. I don't think that
I am a bitch. I am nice to most people until they become overbearing.
Then I lash out. Isn't that what most humans do?
|
| 231.17 | "...a little music please!" | BIMINI::ROMY | | Wed May 25 1988 13:16 | 10 |
| Bob,
Many people are insecure about themselves - they manifest this
sometimes through strange behavior. Try to see each woman (and
man) as an individual, otherwise you may just become extremely unhappy
in your world -- this will eventually show in your behavior and
many people will become uncomfortable around you.
Regards.
|
| 231.18 | | PSYCHE::WILSON | How wrong they are in being always right. | Wed May 25 1988 13:36 | 10 |
| RE: .16
>Would you like to converse with a woman who thinks that men are
>evil, chauvinistic,
No, but unfortunately I didn't have to go to a bar for this privilege.
WW
|
| 231.19 | give yourself a break! | PARITY::FLATHERS | | Wed May 25 1988 14:06 | 24 |
|
> "I know I look like a geek, so it's understandable"<
Sounds like you've takin yourself out of the ballgame before the
first pitch!!! I have a cousin with the same image problem. And
when you consider what the 80's have brought us:
- Words like, geek, nurd, etc.
- Movie after movie of geek and nurd bashing and movies that tell
women that the ROCKY AND RAMBO types only count!
I can see why it can be hard for anyone who falls short of these
false role models. But just remember that there are women out there
that can see thru that false crap.
What are your interests? You have a better chance meeting someone
while your involved in those interests than at the bars or clubs.
Go easy on yourself, you deserve it.
|
| 231.20 | | HANDY::MALLETT | Situation hopeless but not serious | Wed May 25 1988 16:41 | 93 |
| re: .14
� I haven't socialized with women for several years, but that has
� little to do with why I feel this way.
A possibility: maybe things have changed in several years. Also,
I have a hard time fully accepting the idea that your not having
socialized with women for several years wouldn't affect the way
you feel. I know that for the nearly three years I was forced to
not socialize with women, it very definitely affected the way I
felt (and, BTW, not for the good, either).
� There was a time when I tried real hard to be charming, etc...
Maybe you should stop "trying" so hard. FWIW, my relationships
with all people improved dramatically when I stopped trying to be
what I thought "they" wanted me to be. Things got even better when
I tried (just as an experiment, mind you) to deal with people a
bit less judgementally; when I stopped expecting others to be the
way I "knew" they "should" be, things got better. Funny how that
stuff works.
� Then I overheard women making fun of men. . .
All women? How many millions of conversations did you overhear
to get your valid sample.
� . . .and how they try so hard, and having a good laugh.
The way I see it, we *do* try so hard and sometimes it *is* funny.
When I look back at some of the stuff I've done to impress the
objects of my heart's desires, I gotta laugh; sometimes I wince
a bit too, but I (and *every* guy I've ever known) have done some
truely off-the-wall stuff in the name of lust, er, love. I'd be
mortally embarrased except that all my brothers have done as bad
or worse.
I've also learned that there are a few people who will make jest of
another's behavior in a cruel manner, with hurtful intent. Do you
really think those few are worth more than a passing moment of your
consideration? I don't, especially because it takes energy away
from making contact with all the rest of the good people on the
planet.
� Well, that is the last one they'll ever get at my expense.
If you believe that in your heart of hearts and hang on to it with
all your might, it will no doubt be true. How do you think you'll
feel about that on your dying day?
� All this male sincerity is just garbage which women flush down the
� nearest commode. I know what 2 and 2 are...
I'll grant you know what 2 + 2 is, but I honestly think you have
a seriously flawed view of "women". Suffice it to say that many
of us have gotten into hot water for *not* being more sincere, honest,
caring, and giving.
� You tell me I should just shrug off all this anti male hostility...
� sorry, I just don't have the generosity of spirit to do that.
Again, you're making your own bed here; as you will, so shall it
be. I hope for your sake that on your dying day you don't find
yourself wishing that you'd done things differently.
� Why should women be so priveleged that they should get away with
� giving hostility signals while expecting men to crawl like beaten
� dogs to kiss their feet for the privelege of getting to talk to,
� date, make love to, etc...them..?
Again, the rare few women (or men) who act this way just aren't
worth worrying about. The only time *I* crawl, get beaten, and
kiss feet is when I'm feeling kinky (mega :-D 's). But seriously,
I consider myself very average as far as numbers and types of
relationships with women is concerned and I have to say that the
type of person you describe has been the rarest of minorities in
my experience. And, BTW, the very few people I've known who did
answer more or less to that description were *very* unhappy folks.
� Men are suckers; smiling like benign idiots, waiting for some
� female to grant "permission"....yecch! I only wanted to be treated
� decently, honestly... well, no. This apparently does not happen
� in the Western World.
Are we talking about the same planet? As far as calling me a sucker
(you didn't say "some" or "most" men. . .), smiling like a benign
idiot, them's gettin' mighty close to fightin' words, pard. No,
you're right; I don't *really* care that much, but does it make
any sense to you that going out the door with such an outlook just
might make all the difference in how others relate to you?
Steve
|
| 231.21 | Give'm time, they'll realize. | TSECAD::HEALY | Life is Perfectly Fair. | Wed May 25 1988 19:36 | 13 |
|
RE: .14 Right on Bob! Do you want to go out for a few beers?
We'll discuss this topic real loudly. I didn't even
read the subsequent replies before answering yours
(which I always do). I think these male brown nosers
have either been very fortunate or they're very
niave to true human nature. Treat a woman nice and
she'll take you for a sucker. Its their sneaky, see
how much they can get away with attitude.
MATT
|
| 231.22 | A former ToA member speaks. | NEXUS::GORTMAKER | the Gort | Wed May 25 1988 21:32 | 40 |
| Speaking as a divorced man that was taken by his ex wife and has
spent the last three years avoiding women and thinking some of the
things .14 and .21 I say:
BULLSHIT!
I see the attitude you men are holding as just that. I spent a good
deal of time resenting being hurt by my ex and the pain was deep I
gave alot but not all as anyone in a relationship does but never
would I consider it 'brown noseing' or 'foot kissing'.
I admit I had a bad attitude after I was hurt and hurt a few really
nice women(whom I now wish I could spend time with) and to avoid
being hurt again would even discuss how "bad" my ex was to me.
You matt and bob need to get off the pity pot(I know this to be
the case 'cause *I* have sat on that throne of agony) give up the
held resentment and pain and start having an open mind.
Since I jumped of the throne of agony I have met some very nice
women and a few bitches and still I donot have a SO but I still
feel better about life than you guys do. I REFUSE to join you again
but understand some of where you are coming from I feel sorry because
I can relate to the pain.
Let go and enjoy life, hateful feelings inspire hate in others you
WILL reap the seeds you plant.
If you decide to reply to this go for it but if you try to further
convince me that you are rightful and staying in your situation
dont bother your time will be wasted. If however I can help send
mail or reply here and I'll try to help the thought of someone
spending the rest of their life feeling like I did is terrible!
BTW- I intended none of this note as a flame any feeling otherwise
could be considered as a "truth that hurts". Also what I said is
not something I suddenly realized by myself a very good friend whom
I hadent seen for a long time saw my attitude within 2 hours of
seeing me again, he made it a point to find out why. He really laid
into me I might add(and I fully resented it then) but made me see
that I was wrong in thinking they(women) are "all that way".
Best regards,Jerry
|
| 231.24 | Not all, just some! | QBUS::WOOD | | Wed May 25 1988 23:53 | 11 |
|
re: 23.
And maybe, just maybe, if some of us were given a chance
Bob and Matt might find out that what you are saying is true!
Thanks, AL, there are good and bad of both species...I think
we just have to be open, and patient in our search.
My
|
| 231.25 | hmph... | SALEM::AMARTIN | DIG IT AL | Thu May 26 1988 03:26 | 7 |
| RE: anyone that might care...
Due to technical problems, I was forced to delete my reply (.22).
No biggie, It pretty much said that there are all kinds of people
and that only some of them (male and female) are that way.
Sorry for the inconvenience, we now resume you regularly scheduled
tangent.
Al
|
| 231.26 | | OKYAH::SCOTT | Beware the fury of a patient noter | Thu May 26 1988 09:43 | 12 |
| Ref .21
>>> Treat a woman nice and she'll take you for a sucker. Its their
>>> sneaky, see how much they can get away with attitude.
With this attitude I can truly understand why many women may
find it difficult to "relate" to you. There are not many people
who would want to spend time with a person who is so bitter and
hateful towards their being. Would you not become angry towards
some-one who held the opinion that all men with blonde hair and
blue eyes were down-right bastards if you so happened to fall
into that criteria.
|
| 231.27 | USED TO FEEL THE SAME ABOUT MEN | RUTLND::SWINDELLS | | Thu May 26 1988 12:52 | 22 |
| As a female, I deeply resent your attitude towards us. If we were
to go around spending our time and energy saying that ALL men were
arrogant, egotistical bastards - then we'd all be in deep s**t.
I am truly sorry that you have obviously been deeply hurt by someone,
but to put all of us in that category is truely unfair. I had lived
several years ago with a very violent drunk (and that is the only
way to describe him), and left him with a very poor attitude towards
men in general - I could not even look at one without feeling total
disgust, repulsion and anger for a long time. It has taken a long
time, but I now know that ALL men are not alike.
I agree that you need to stop feeling sorry for yourself, it only
hurts you in the long run - no one else really gives a damn. If
you have an attitude that we're out to get you, then every female
you will meet will sense it and treat you in just the way you feel
they'll treat you - tell someone they're a bad person enough times,
they're going to start living up to that expectation because it's
what you expect out of them.
There are lots of nice women out there, lower your expectations
alittle and just be yourself - maybe you'll surprise yourself.
|
| 231.28 | A Question | PSYCHE::WILSON | How wrong they are in being always right. | Thu May 26 1988 13:27 | 13 |
| RE: .27
Why did you start to develop a very poor attitude toward men because
of this one man who hurt you?
Excuse me, but I find that strange in a way. Even when I despised
a former girlfriend, I never doubted for one minute that there were
better women out there. What do you think made you despise all men?
And I should say I'm not doubting your emotions, just trying to
understand.
|
| 231.29 | | TSECAD::HEALY | Life is Perfectly Fair. | Thu May 26 1988 13:38 | 12 |
|
RE: .22 and .27
I think the connection the two of you have TRIED to make
is a bad one. My personal opinion on the nature and dis-
position of many of the women I've met in the past has
NOTHING to do with self pity. Make your counter arguments,
but give that "self pity" thing a permanent rest.
MATT
|
| 231.30 | | BSS::BLAZEK | Dancing with My Self | Thu May 26 1988 21:34 | 19 |
| re: .22 (Jerry)
Good for you! It seems that it's been mostly women saying "No,
we're not all like that" while the men who feel that way have,
for the most part, not responded in such a way.
The same woman who can appear to be curt is probably also a warm
and loving individual. Maybe you met her on an off-day or she's
having family difficulties. Believe me, women do not sit around
and compare how they hurt men. But if you project negativity of
any kind (including pressure) the reaction you'll undoubtedly get
will be one of negativity. Please realize that each of us, even
women (believe it or not!), have very deep feelings that can be
affected, whether it's blatantly shown or not.
Hearts and emotions do not have gender.
Carla
|
| 231.31 | | COMET::BRUNO | Beware the Night Writer! | Thu May 26 1988 23:19 | 14 |
| Bingo.
There ARE some basically evil people out there. If you run into
one, I sympathize, but it shouldn't be enough to convince anyone
that this particular person is representative of the gender. There
are also clusters of unbelievable sweethearts in the world. If
you preconceive the nature of THESE valuable citizens, all you'll
get to know is the back of their heads as they walk away. There is
a very sensitive balance between self-protection and openness to
others, and it takes a strong character to set it just right.
Greg
|
| 231.32 | | FSLENG::HEFFERN | we make it harder than it has to be | Fri May 27 1988 02:21 | 21 |
| Going back to when I was ten years old, I have a trail of both
mental and sexual abuse from various men. I probably could spend
the rest of my life hating them and have it be justified, but I
don't (kind of like them, actually. :-) )
It's hard to listen to your abusive, narrow minded, opinions without
hearing how many times I've heard women say "men are all alike,
they're only after one thing". There was a time when I would stick
up for them right then and there, then there was a phase when I
couldn't agree more. Now I realize that you just have to be careful
with your feelings when dealing with them. Some men start out a
little rough, but you just have to have patience and polish them
a bit (and yes, stroke their egos a tad).
Perhaps you should just chill out a bit, and take some time to
heal your obviously deep wounds. Is it so necessary that you meet
someone *right* now? How about making yourself a little happier
with yourself first?
cj *->
|
| 231.33 | Look within yourself | ANGORA::BUSHEE | Living on Blues Power | Fri May 27 1988 09:47 | 15 |
|
I've noticed alot of the women I meet are very cold and
stand-offish towards me at first. I don't blame them, it's
my problem, not theirs! In my case, my tour of duty in VN
changed me in such a way that until someone really makes an
effort to know me, they think me cold and unfeeling. I know
it's there, the look, the blank expressions, the negative
vibs, not something I'm proud to display. I've tried and
tried to change, but without any success. I could opt to
place the blame on women, but that would only serve to
smooth my ego. It is true, you do reap what you sow, I'd
suggest others that find hostile vibs from women to really
look at themselfs before making judgement.
G_B
|
| 231.35 | Misunderstanding? | MEMV04::BULLOCK | Flamenco--NOT flamingo!! | Fri May 27 1988 14:35 | 21 |
| Hi--
After reading this note and all answers makes me think twice. There
are times when I am plain old having a rotten day but I HAVE to
be at work. I know on those days I am not too cordial with people,
and am downright rude simply because I feel bad myself. On days
like that, when I need to be alone and someone talks to me I view
it as an intrusion.
You would think that an adult woman would be better able to keep
her emotions in check, but sometimes it isn't the case. I don't
like to hurt anyone's feelings, and know what it is like to have
mine hurt. I guess what I am trying to say is that personally I
am trying to make an effort to think of the other person more.
Sometimes we inadvertantly hurt or put off people because we are
wrapped up in our own hurts or moods or preoccupations.
Ssometimes people are not what they seem--it could be THEY that
are having the problems, and not you.
Jane
|
| 231.36 | One more time... | AXEL::FOLEY | Rebel without a Clue | Fri May 27 1988 23:36 | 45 |
| This note has been re-written due to one of the moderators
objections. I have heard that there was a rather flaming reply
to it also. Oh well, can't please all of the people. I STILL stand
by what I have said and have only taken out the dirty words
and the slight reference to a personal attack. (not meant that
way initially but hey, I'm in a nice mood so I'll attempt to
be nicer this time cuz I became an Uncle today)
If you STILL don't like this then send me mail. I'll be more
than happy to tell someone that I haven't changed my mind on this.
Slightly irritated,
mike
================================================================================
Note 231.34 Do women make you angry ? 34 of 36
AXEL::FOLEY "Rebel without a Clue" 22 lines 27-MAY-1988 10:24
-< Don't take this personally but....... >-
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Matt,
It's guys like you who make it tough for guys like me. Your attitude
REALLY stinks. Yea, I've been hurt REAL deep by some women, so what? I'm
still around and I STILL try to be objective and NOT the pessimist you
are. I STILL give of myself and I still get hurt. But I'm stronger
now than I was then and can deal with it MUCH better.. My
advice for you is to go seek some counselling and learn to like
& love yourself cuz until you do, you'll never find this happieness
you seem to be searching for.. (If you think someone can "make" you
happy you're more blind than I thought.. Well, not really)
Explore, confront and deal with your resentment of women. 'else
you might find yourself in a world of hurt you never would expect.
FWIW, mental, physical, and sexual abuse of ANYONE (female OR
male) pisses me off to no end. Nearly EVERY woman I have gone out
with has experienced 2 or more of these things.. Thankfully I'm
getting better at dealing with it.. (Doesn't mean I want to though)
mike
|
| 231.37 | Point taken by this reader.. | RANCHO::HOLT | Am I in trouble now..! | Sun May 29 1988 01:28 | 6 |
|
Why, what a constructive and reasoned reply. I shall
certainly take your advise to heart.
I am certainly glad that you rewrote your note. Dirty
words don't impress me any more than sanctimonious ones.
|
| 231.38 | | AXEL::FOLEY | Rebel without a Clue | Sun May 29 1988 22:24 | 14 |
|
Having seen the flaming reply, I can agree that dirty words
aren't nice. Especially the ones written to me. And the intended
personal attacks. Unfortunately (??), I'm an emotional person and
when I get emotional, like I did, I tend to be rather blunt and
less concerned with how I say something rather than what I say.
Oh yea, and for the record, (and for those who saw the flaming
reply), I CREATED the Singles conference so nobody made me
co-moderator. And the way I "rule" it has the approval and
thanks of MANY people. That's as much as I'll reply to the
flaming reply.
mike
|
| 231.39 | | 2B::ZAHAREE | Michael W. Zaharee | Tue May 31 1988 01:43 | 6 |
| re .38:
We need rebuttals to removed notes about as much as we need the removed
notes. Please get back to the topic of this note. Now.
- M
|
| 231.40 | | HYDRA::LYMAN | Village Idiot | Thu Jun 02 1988 19:29 | 9 |
|
FLAME *ON*
I hate women who laugh when they see me naked!
FLAME *off*
Jake
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| 231.42 | set up alert! set up alert! | SALEM::AMARTIN | DIG IT AL | Fri Jun 03 1988 00:24 | 2 |
| ans: 1, his mother. :-)
Sorry, Jake. I couldn't resist.
|
| 231.43 | It doesnt happen | FLOWER::JASNIEWSKI | | Mon Jun 06 1988 10:55 | 14 |
|
No. People make me angry. Receptivity seems to be a random
variable, and, doesnt seem to be related to the factor of gender.
I'm sure there are factors, loads of them for every individual, that
do influence one's social cordiality from time to time. God only
knows how they're set for each person at any given moment.
Certain people do have trends, I've noticed. If the most available
girl on the floor wants to be completely standoffish - so what?
I get a real kick observing the complete shift in her behavior toward
the married guys...Hit it once, break away clean and all I 'spose.
And no worries about "some guy that wants to go out with me" and
him hanging around foreverafter -
Joe Jas
|
| 231.44 | No time like the present | BMT::LOKIETZ | Support mental health or I'll killyou | Wed Jun 22 1988 18:23 | 42 |
| re 14:
Bob, I have had feelings such as yours and understand completely
where you're at.
The picture you paint of your current outlook is one of a man who
has been deeply hurt and doesn't want to face that hurt. To distract
himself from the negative feelings, he lashes out at the perceived
source of the hurt and feels totally victimized.
You have placed yourself in a box that you are afraid to walk out
of. You are projecting your resentment on to all women. Sensing
your resentment, even those women that may want to be friendly toward
you expect to be rejected and shy away, or if they are insecure,
react with their own defense mechanisms. You blame them for not
being friendly, when their actions are only a normal human response
to the attitude you cling so tightly to.
As has been pointed out in .13, you must deal with your past
experiences. It is a scary thing to confront all that nasty stuff
you've been through. It often seems easier not to, but the feeling
of resentment and hurt will just grow and become more unbearable
as long as you avoid it. Eventually it will surface, perhaps in
an embarassing or even violent manner. The emotions will control
you.
The alternative takes a lot of courage. It requires the support
of a good friend or friends who will stick with you when you're
feeling really down. You may want to consider professional help
(I don't know how effective the Employee Assistance Plan is, but
it may be worth looking into). I assure you that it will be
worthwhile. The thing is, once you really confront the pain and
let yourself feel it, it will fade away and bother you no more.
You'll feel better about yourself, and have some real peace of mind for
a change. And you will be in control of your emotions, and a stronger
person.
Of course, only you can make that decision to take responsibility
for your feelings. I strongly encourage you to do so, and to do
it NOW.
Steve
|
| 231.45 | !?!! | RANCHO::HOLT | Robert A. Holt | Mon Jul 04 1988 23:23 | 1 |
|
|