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Conference quark::mennotes-v1

Title:Topics Pertaining to Men
Notice:Archived V1 - Current file is QUARK::MENNOTES
Moderator:QUARK::LIONEL
Created:Fri Nov 07 1986
Last Modified:Tue Jan 26 1993
Last Successful Update:Fri Jun 06 1997
Number of topics:867
Total number of notes:32923

202.0. "HITE REPORT Parody ?" by PARSEC::THOMPSON () Mon Dec 21 1987 11:34

                         -< Topics of Interest to Men >-
================================================================================
Note 202.0                       A Stone's Throw                      No replies
FIDDLE::MITCHELL "Fiddle-sticks"                    108 lines  18-DEC-1987 14:02
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The following is a humorous article taken from a Canton newspaper...
    
    (if humor is dangerous to your health....DO NOT READ)  :-)
    
    Kathie
==========================================================================    
A Stone's Throw   by Paul Steven Stone  extracted from 'South Look'

   Now, Let's Hear From The Typical American Male

 Your humble columnist ( inadequate, insensitive male that he is ) has learned
that the recently released HITE REPORT on female attitudes ("Are we ever fed
up!") is due to be followed by a report on the male point of view.  The 
following questionaire, obtained by typical male underhandedness, is scheduled
to be mailed out to the husbands and cohabitators of the women whose martyred 
feelings and sensibilities were so brilliantly showcased in millionaire-
scientist Hite's report.  My male readers are encouraged to fill out the 
questionaire and mail it back to me in hopes that I, too, may earn a wad of 
money off the misery of America's adult population.


    1.  As an adult male, you are guilty of a number of crimes against women.  
	Which is your personal favorite?

    a.  The fact that I snore.

    b.  My ability to beat my mate in one-on-one basketball.

    c.  My insensitivity to my mate's loss of identity through sharing
        my name and bank account.

    d.  The fact that I use a male doctor.


2.  As you know, women have been oppressed since the dawn of history.  From 
    which earliest historical period do  you trace your personal responsibility?

    a.  My guilt can be traced back to the age of dinosaurs.

    b.  I don't take responsibility for anything that happened before the
        American Revolution.

    c.  I woke up two months ago and learned I had the feelings of a pig.

    d.  I'm not guilty and I've got a dozen witnesses who'll swear to my
        sensitive nature.
             
    
3.  In an average week, how many women do you suppress, abuse, or deprive
    of their rights?

    a.  A dozen, at least.

    b.  Three, but I'm a shut-in.

    c.  Let's see, 48 a day, with overtime on weekends......?

    d.  I'll have to ask my wife.
    
    
4.  Which would you LEAST like to be alone in a locked room with?

    a.  A feminist who suspects me os succeeding in a male-dominated profession.

    b.  My wife's therapist.

    c.  The governing board on N. O. W. on Superbowl Sunday.
    
    
5.  As you've probably learned, the first sign of a dissatisfied partner is her
    tendency to withhold things.  What did you first notice your mate withhold-
    ing from you?

    a. Her income.

    b. Her orgasm.

    c. This column.


6.  Because of you, and people like you, women today have lost their sense of
    identity.  In light of this loss, what identity do you think they're most
    likely to assume?

    a.  Eleanor Roosevelt.

    b.  Joan Jett.

    c.  Scarlett O'Hara.

    d.  Margaret Thatcher.


7.  In personal terms, what do you regard as the biggest change brought on by
    the Sexual Revolution?

    a.  My children believe they have two fathers, neither of which they like
        very much.

    b.  My constant desire to confess my sins against women.

    c.  My constant desire to commit more sins against women.

    d.  My inability to understaand what exactly is a sin against women.


8.  Finally, in light of everything you've done or will do against womenhood
    in America, would you still want your daughter to grow up to be a woman?

    a.  Yes.

    b.  No.

    c.  Both of the above.
    
                                         (reprinted without permission)
T.RTitleUserPersonal
Name
DateLines
202.1Eagles_Answers_2_202_...PARSEC::THOMPSONMon Dec 21 1987 11:3651
Re Note 202.0                       A Stone's Throw
    
1.  As an adult male, you are guilty of a number of crimes against women.  
	Which is your personal favorite?

    c.  My insensitivity to my mate's loss of identity 
	through sharing my name and bank account.


2.  As you know, women have been oppressed since the dawn of history.  From 
    which earliest historical period do  you trace your personal responsibility?

    d.  I'm not guilty and I've got a dozen witnesses who'll swear to my
        sensitive nature.


3.  In an average week, how many women do you suppress, abuse,
	or deprive of their rights?

    b.  Three, but I'm a shut-in.


4.  Which would you LEAST like to be alone in a locked room with?

    a.  A feminist who suspects me of succeeding in a male-dominated profession.


5.  As you've probably learned, the first sign of a dissatisfied partner
	is her tendency to withhold things.
	What did you first notice your mate withholding from you?

    b. Her orgasm.


6.  Because of you, and people like you, women today have lost their sense of
    identity.  In light of this loss, what identity do you think they're most
    likely to assume?

    d.  Margaret Thatcher.


7.  In personal terms, what do you regard as the biggest change brought on by
    the Sexual Revolution?

    d.  My inability to understaand what exactly is a sin against women.


8.  Finally, in light of everything you've done or will do against womenhood
    in America, would you still want your daughter to grow up to be a woman?

    c.  Both of the above. (Yes and No ...)
202.2FIDDLE::MITCHELLFiddle-sticksMon Dec 21 1987 12:0339
response received by Mail......


======================================================================

To:	FIDDLE::MITCHELL
Subj:	Hite report feedback

Harrumph!  And I suppose I am supposed to represent the male point of
view (oink oink).
 
 
Hmm___lessee___  bah humbug
 
 
1.  Dammit I don't snore.  No mate to lose identity anyway.
2.  a,b,c,d Yes to all.
3.  Don't seem ever to get a chance.  48 at the residency at ADP, zero
since.  Most women find me avoidable.
When I had a wife I would not have dared to try it.  Too much red headed mouth
involved.
4.  Feel as though I am in both states most of the time when females are
around.
5.  Mate?  I thought that's what animals did in the dark.
6.  None of the above.  Try either Messalina or Empress Irene.
7.  All of the above except: my children believe they have no fathers, neither
of whom they like.
8.  Daughter grow up.  When will that happen?
 
Krausmeyer
=============================================================================
To:      FIDDLE::MITCHELL
Subj:    Oh no you don't!

Don't go sticking my response in a notes file without editing out
the node name,  PLEASE !

Hite report    Bull-Tiki
    
202.3Survey says......CASV02::SALOISWell, you should see Polythene Pam!Mon Dec 21 1987 12:2557
	Let's see....hmmmm.....?
    	Where are all the liberated men?
    
    1. As an adult male, you are guilty of a number of crimes against
    women.  Which is your personal favorite?
    A. Witholding my orgasm..no, wait, wrong question/answer.  I mean,
    my ability to beat my partner....in one-on-one, basketball, that
    is.
    
    2. As you know, women have been oppressed since the dawn of history.
    From which earliest historical period do you trace your personal
    responsibility?
    A. My guilt can be traced back to the age of the dinosaurs.  Actually,
    just a little earlier.  I think some guy named Moses wrote it down
    on a couple of tablets.
    
    3. In an average week, how many women do you suppress, abuse or
    deprive of their rights?
    A. Let's see.... Suppress = 47, Abuse = 12, Deprive = 114.  Please
    note this is an average.  Last week was better!!
    
    4. Which would you LEAST like to be alone in a locked room with?
    A. That's easy! The governing board on N.O.W. on Superbowl Sunday.
    Can you imagine having to answer all those dingaling questions from
    a bunch of know-nothing cackling hens?
    
    5. As you've probably learned, the first sign of a dissatisfied
    partner is her tendency to withold things.  What did you first notice
    your mate witholding from you?
    A. Her income.  All women are taught by their mothers to do this
    as soon as possible.
    
    6. Because of you, and people like you, women today have lost their
    sense of identity.  In light of this, what identity do you think
    they're most likely to assume?
    A. Women today have just lost their sense!! But I'd have to say
    it would be Eleanor Jett.  A frumpy old battleaxe with claws!!
    
    7. In personal terms, what do you regard as the biggest change brought
    on by the Sexual Revolution?
    A. Besides more disease, my constant desire to commit more sins
    against women.
    
    8. Finally, in light of everything you've done or will do against
    womenhood in America, would you still want your daughter to grow
    up to be a woman?
    A. What do you mean? Don't you know there's a conspiracy among women
    to make sure their stranglehold on men is sustained?  They conspire
    all the time to make sure all little girls grow up to be women.
    
    
    Totally tongue-in-cheek! 8*)
    Down with Shere Hype!!
    
    Mean Gene!
    
    
202.4CEODEV::FAULKNERGOD, drives a camaro.Mon Dec 21 1987 15:3375
    1.  As an adult male, you are guilty of a number of crimes against women.  
	Which is your personal favorite?

    c.  My insensitivity to my mate's loss of identity through sharing
        my name and TAKING MY bank account.

2.  As you know, women have been oppressed since the dawn of history.  From 
    which earliest historical period do  you trace your personal responsibility?

    a.  My guilt can be traced back to the age of dinosaurs. 

	And isn't that kinda special!!!!!
    
3.  In an average week, how many women do you suppress, abuse, or deprive
    of their rights?

    a.  A dozen, at least.

    b.  Three, but I'm a shut-in.

    c.  Let's see, 48 a day, with overtime on weekends......?

    d.  I'll have to ask my wife.

    e.  How many can I ??????????????    
    
4.  Which would you LEAST like to be alone in a locked room with?

    a.  A feminist who suspects me os succeeding in a male-dominated profession.

    b.  My wife's therapist.

    c.  The governing board on N. O. W. on Superbowl Sunday.

    d.  Any or all of the above.    
    
5.  As you've probably learned, the first sign of a dissatisfied partner is her
    tendency to withhold things.  What did you first notice your mate withhold-
    ing from you?

    a. Her income.

    b. Her orgasm.

    c. This column.

    d. My orgasm !

6.  Because of you, and people like you, women today have lost their sense of
    identity.  In light of this loss, what identity do you think they're most
    likely to assume?

    a.  Eleanor Roosevelt.

    b.  Joan Jett.

    c.  Scarlett O'Hara.

    d.  Margaret Thatcher.

    e.  Gloria Steinheim.

7.  In personal terms, what do you regard as the biggest change brought on by
    the Sexual Revolution?

	Unisex underwear.

8.  Finally, in light of everything you've done or will do against womenhood
    in America, would you still want your daughter to grow up to be a woman?

    b.  No. An android.
    
                                         (reprinted without permission)
    
202.5Sounds just like the real one don't it?SALEM::AMARTINVanna &amp; me are a numberTue Dec 22 1987 00:235
    oooooo YES, give it to me!  MORE.... MORE!!!
    Gimme a hundred thousand of em .
    Man, when I read that, I about died laughing.
    I wonder if Shere Hype has seen it yet.
    Million dollar suit coming, i can hear it. :-)
202.6No bias here...BAXTA::SABATA_ROBERLast of the Grand Waazoo&#039;sWed Dec 23 1987 18:272
    If there is anything in any note file that comes close to being
    as funny as this, please point me to it. godDAMM! that's funny!
202.7CEODEV::FAULKNERGOD, drives a camaro.Thu Dec 24 1987 09:332
    womennotes 1 - nnn.
    re.-1.
202.8STING::BARBERSkyking Tactical ServicesThu Dec 24 1987 12:107
    
    There was this "Christian dating questionnaire form" over in 
    soapbox or HR I can't remember which. If it wasn't for the fact 
    that the originators took it as serious, its a riot to read. I'll 
    have to see if I can find it and re post it.
    
                                      Bob B
202.9...oh won't you cry for me..,XCELR8::POLLITZMon Dec 28 1987 22:2325
    1. Women ARE GUILTY of crimes against men.
    2. Men have been OPPRESSED thru the AGES.
    3. WOMEN abuse, suppress,& DEPRIVE. (*ESP* FEELINGS-Surprise!)
    4. Frankly, I'd rather BE in the NOW bdrm (boardrm-not bedroom!)
       with a Chance (OK, v.v.slim = v.v.slim) to CHANGE the WORLD!!
       Premise to Premise, why not duke it out? WE hardly are AWARE
       of the seriousness of the WRONG PREMISE BLAMING M E N  that
      has LONG DOMINATED UNCHECKED. Well, not so anymore. :-) <---0
    5. Women with hold deep emotional intimacy - for very BAD REASONS.
    6. Because of the 'Movement' (blaming men- which SCARRED MEN-SCARS),
       it is MEN who grope for ID. Women's ID is LONG KNOWN and hardly
       changeable overnite.
    7. The Sexual Revolution!?  Try the Divinity of Prostitution. Try
       Disposable MEN, and unfeeling dumps at that. My favorite author's
       truths in broad daylight - SEEING the REAL INTENT OF the
    'Revolution' in Real day to day Life. Crystal clear. Some 'revolution'.
    8. My future daughter will read Simone DE Beauvoir, Collette Dowling,
       Annie Dillard, Rachel Carson, Erich Fromm, Leo Buscaglia, and
       other important Role Model - LEADERS.
    
    RE .4  5d  How true!  How true!  Love it!
           Also add Ms Elly Smeal and M O L L Y  after Gloria.
    RE .8  Yes, let's find it!  I recall they recently deleted .1 
            in CHR - hardest language ever seen. And I thought I
           was an Andro (male dominator chauvanist Pig,etc,etc.) :-)
202.10OINK OINK OINK OINK OINK OINK OINK OINK OINK OINKGRANMA::MWANNEMACHERTue Apr 12 1988 12:1021
    1)E. THE SIMPLE ACT OF BEING SUPERIOR AS A HUMAN BEING.
    
    2)E. SINCE ABOUT 1970 WHEN WE MEN MADE ALL THE WOMEN BURN THEIR GOOD
    BRAS.  SINCE THEY HAD TO GO OUT AND BUY NEW ONES, THIS WAS QUITE
    A FINANCIAL SETBACK TO THE WOMENS MOVEMENT.
    
    3)E. ONLY ONE SINCE I'VE BEEN MARRIED. I'M KIND OF OLD FASHIONED THAT
    WAY.
    
    4)E. PHIL DONAHUE & MARLO THOMAS
    
    5)E. MY GIRLFRIENDS.
    
    6)E. RENEE RICHARDS
    
    7)E. TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHO GAVE YOU WHICH DISEASE.
    
    8)E. YES, BUT SHE'LL BE DIFFERENT.
    
                                                   LAUGHINGLY YOURS,
                                                    PORKY PIG