Conference quark::mennotes-v1

131.0. ""I call mine Bertha, what's yours called..."" by MUNICH::CLINCH (Legalise Success!) Fri Jul 17 1987 07:36

    This arrived en route from the US this morning.  Don't think it's posted
    here yet...
    
From:	MUN02::SCHMIER      "Detlef Schmier (TSC-MUNICH)" 17-JUL-1987 10:31
To:	CLINCH,GYPC::THALHAMMER,SCHUETZ,ROGER,SCHMIER     
Subj:	computers ...

computers are better than woman
===============================

because:
--------

a computer can wait forever for you.
a computer doesn't compare you with it's past users.
a computer doesn't get calls from it's past users while you're logged in.
a computer doesn't mind how excited you get.
a computer doesn't tell you how completely teriffic it's past users have been.
a computer is big in all the right places.
a computer never forgets your birthday.
a computer won't ask, "are you in yet ?"
a computer won't ask, "is there another computer ?"
a computer won't even talk about marriage.
a computer won't fall in love with you just because you have sex.
a computer won't get bitchy if you're slow to respond.
a computer won't grade you on how much you send it.
a computer won't look through your chequebook.
a computer won't mind how many other accounts you have, or
                      if you keep getting new ones.
a computer won't say, "let's just be friends".
a computer won't shave with your razor.
a computer's maintainance personnel doesn't cross-examine you every time you
log in
computers are easy to turn on.
computers are ready when you are.
computers are very responsive.
computers aren't into finding out how far you'll go to keep your account.
computers do everything you tell them to.
computers don't care about age differences.
computers don't care if you're married.
computers don't get pregnant.
computers don't get upset if you use other computers.
computers don't insist on foreplay.
computers don't leave hair in your teeth.
computers don't make you meet their parents.
computers don't mind if you share them with a friend.
computers don't mind spending hours on the phone with you.
computers don't play head games unless you ask them to.
computers never ask you to call them in the morning.
computers never have headaches
                or take rainchecks
                or have a curfew
                or have that time of the month.
computers won't mind if you don't like their friends.
if you don't like the feel of one terminal you can easily switch to another
           in less than a minute.
size doesn't count to a computer.
the average computer session lasts four hours.
there's a simple, easy command to get a computer to go down on you.
with a computer, you never have to say you're sorry.
with a computer, you never have to wear a condom.
you can log into several computers at once.
you can turn off a computer.
you can visit a computer any time you like, and it'll be up and ready for you.
you don't have to tell computers you love them.

    A computer doesn't snuggle up to you at night and make you feel
    great to be alive, either.  On the whole, I prefer women.
    
    					Steve

    Do you really want to get into the old joke posting mode here?
    
    This could spawn posting of:
    Reasons why a computer is better than a man
    Reasons why a pickle is better than a man
    Reasons why a beer is better than a woman
    Ad Nauseum.
    
    I have most of these in my joke file.
    Bob Mc

    Re: .2
    
    Not really....
    
    	Steve

    Re: .4
    
    You have fun your way, and I'll have fun mine.  :-)
    
    				Steve

    If your computer is ready whenever you log in . . .
    
    you've got a far quicker system than I do . . .
    
    --bonnie 

    
    Perhaps the appropriate rewrite of that song would go...
    
    	"I like a user with a slow hand"
    	"I like a keyboard with an easy touch?"
    
Simon.

    "I want a system that will spend some time"
    "And not go down in a heated rush"
    
    

    re: .0
    Obviously ... you don't have a real life computer .. because
    real life computers ....
    
    Well, my 'old' computer was called tonto, but we wanted to either
    rename it YOYO or 'Honey' because it went down so often.
    
    Real Life computers only let you in if 'they feel like it' ....
 
    Real Life computers are slow and awkward, and gotta be told
    'everything',and then they'll forget it as soon as someone pulls
    the plug .......
    
    You must know the 'Password' to use a Real life computer ..
    
    You gotta use the right 'Sintax' to use a Real life computer ...
    
    You gotta 'play with its mnemonics' to use a Real life computers.
    
    Real life computers are not easy to get along with ...
    
    Real life computers are terrribly expensive ...
    
    Real life computers consume large amounts of power ...
    
    Real life computers aren't easy to get rid of ....
    
    Real life computers can't be 'retaught' easily ..
    
    
	If you think 'Computers are fast', you don't use the
    	... TSN network
    	... TYMENET interconnect
    	... SET HOST facility
    	... VTX
    	... CLD Process
    	... APPIX facility
    
    
    Hmm which computer DO YOU use ? Is it made by DEC ?