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Conference quark::mennotes-v1

Title:Topics Pertaining to Men
Notice:Archived V1 - Current file is QUARK::MENNOTES
Moderator:QUARK::LIONEL
Created:Fri Nov 07 1986
Last Modified:Tue Jan 26 1993
Last Successful Update:Fri Jun 06 1997
Number of topics:867
Total number of notes:32923

126.0. "Custody = BIG $$$!!!" by CASPRO::SALOIS (Live at the Fuzzy Grape!!) Mon Jul 06 1987 17:20

    
    
    	I am looking for information concerning a men's organization
    that deals with divorced fathers and their legal rights to their
    children.  I had heard there was such an organization set up to
    protect the father's legal rights.
    
    	Although it is no excuse, I was so dumbfounded and emotionally
    disabled during my divorce two years ago, that I feel my lawyer
    looked for the quickest way to wrap up the divorce, without considering
    my best interests.  My ex-wife filed the divorce and refused to
    grant joint custody.  Her lawyer told the judge that we would just
    argue over what was best for my daughter, and the judge agreed to
    give sole custody to her.  I wasn't even aware of this until my
    lawyer told me it was decided in private between the judge and her
    lawyer.
    
    	I believe my daughter is in a mentally and emotionally stunted
    environment with her mother.  Her mother provides food and clothing
    and housing (my support), yet I can see my daughter is lacking alot
    of love and attention, as her mother says she is too busy to bother.
    
    	I would like to enlist the services of a competent and experienced
    lawyer and also the services of a reputable child psychiatrist to
    see my daughter.  I do not know the scientific or medical ramifications
    of psychiatry, but I do know when my daughter is hurting.  I wish
    I could do more.
    
    	If any one out there knows of this organization or has any input
    on this I would like to know what you did and how you did it ($$).
    Some psychiatrists and lawyers are at least $100 an hour.  I just
    couldn't afford it, yet it bothers me to think that because of a
    severe lack of funds, the effort to help my daughter would be an
    exercise in futility.  I also want to make sure my daughter is not
    caught in the middle.
    
    Comments?
    Distressed Dad!
    
T.RTitleUserPersonal
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126.1You may want to ask in ASKENET too.VCQUAL::THOMPSONNoter at LargeMon Jul 06 1987 18:044
    RE: If your daughter is covered by your dependent coverage, most
    psychological stuff with be covered (80%) by DECs insurance. 
    
    			Alfred
126.2CSSE::MARGEHappy New Year!Tue Jul 07 1987 13:207
   You might start with an appointment with our own EAP, Employee
    Assistance Program.  They have excellent referral services and no
    record is made available to Personnel or your Cost Center of your
    visit, entirely confidential.
    
    Good luck!
    Marge
126.3Ask ACLU about the organizationZEKE::KOZIKOWSKIThu Jul 09 1987 13:186
    I've heared of such an organization before also.  You might try
    calling the ACLU American Civil Liberties Union, they may have 
    some idea of how to find it.
    
    Best of luck!
    Derek
126.4possible starting pointWEBSTR::RANDALLI'm no ladyThu Jul 09 1987 16:137
    There is a chapter of a father's rights organization in Nashua, NH. 
    
    I don't know who to contact to join them, but they announce their
    meetings in the local paper (the Telegraph, usually in the Horizons
    section).
    
    --bonnie  
126.5a 2nd for EAP & look into your communityLEZAH::QUIRIYNoter DameMon Jul 13 1987 14:0312
    
    As was mentioned, EAP is excellent.  It's also free.  Many mental
    health professionals will conduct an introductory session or interview
    free of charge.  Also, don't overlook your local mental health center
    -- the one in Concord, MA (Eliot Community Mental Health Center) is
    excellent.  The staff members are competent, the fees are adjusted 
    according to income and a payment schedule can be worked out if you
    can't pay the full amount at each visit.
    
    Good luck.
    
    CQ
126.6The resource who knows other resources for us.BETA::EARLYBob_the_hikerThu Jul 16 1987 09:2833
    Just to add another comment about EAP. I knew "several" people
    who felt they were being "inequitaably" treated in one of DECs business
    groups. Most of them wound up going to EAP, following instrctions
    on "how to <deal>" with the then incumbent management.
    
    Surprisingly enough { :^)  }, when "normal" methods failed; there
    were "more than one" personell audits of the department; in terms
    of "evaluating" management/personell techniques.
    
    In the long run (it doesn't work overnight) everything became eqitable.
    
    But "someone" has to go to EAP first, and <everyone> who feels they
    are being "inequitably treated" must also go. Very often, there
    are MORE people who would whine and complain than will ACTUALLY
    take the initiative to DO something.
    
    On another matter, while having some "perceptual" problems, ostenibly
    hearing loss and memory 'problems", the EAP counsellor referrred
    me to an excellent nuerosurgeon for testing of both hearing and
    memory.
    
    The result of that evaluation was that: My hearing is excellent,
    my memory is excellent; when stressed both go to pot real fast.
    STRESS affects hearing and MEMORY (as well as a myriad of other
    psychosomatic symptoms).

    I feel the EAP is an excellent resource, for they provide to us
    the resource who is familiar with many other resources; not just
    counseling for <emotional issues>, but for many other issues as
    well, and they can command the ear of upper management "when necessary"
    (I think that is true by implication).
    
    .bob.
126.7F.A.I.R.YODA::BARANSKIWhat, I owe you money?!?Thu Jul 23 1987 18:2193
              <<< SABRE::$DISK1:[NOTES$LIBRARY]PARENTING.NOTE;1 >>>
                       -< Parenting is a family Affair >-
================================================================================
Note 107.31  The Supreme Court on custody and parental 'kidnapping'     31 of 32
YODA::BARANSKI "Thank You! Thank You! Thank You!"    85 lines  28-JUN-1987 15:39
                 -< Father's Advocacy, Information & Referral >-
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

                                   F.A.I.R.

                Father's Advocacy, Information & Referral corp.

                       A National NonProfit Organization
                    Vepco Office Building, Camden, DE 19934

Dear Father,

Thank you for your recent call inquiring about our program.  Our program is a
unique, innovative program designed to help divorced fathers with visitation,
custody or any other problems that they may be experiencing in being a good
father.

We are not just another "Father's Rights" program.  We are the only program of
our kind in the country!  Our program is the result of four years of research
and two years of planning.  We are not able to do the impossible, but a recent
study doocuments our ability to help fathers most of the time! We are a national
program helping fathers across the nation. 

What makes us so unique?  First of all we have a staff of professional social
workers on call to help you.  Our social workers are also trained
psychotherapists who are experts in child welfare and family relations. They
have testified in courts, across the country, as expert witnesses. They have
extensive training, beyond their graduate education, in the problems that
fathers have in the context of divorce.

Second, we provide a comprehensive package of professional services to fathers
that help them through every phase of problem resolution.  We provide advocacy,
information and referral to help you at each step.  Advocacy means that our
program will stand behind you and help you to receive what you are entitled to
whether you are dealing with the legal system, a social agency or a
professional.  We provide accurate up to date information that will help you to
make important decisions in the days and years ahead.  We conduct our own
research and publish a monthly Newsletter which is packed with vital information
that you can use.  We also provide referral to professionals that we know will
provide you with Honest and Competent help. 

And finally, F.A.I.R. has a network of Affiliate Attorneys who stand ready tos
serve our members in most locations throughout the country.  As a member you will
be eligible for a free assessment consultation with one of our Affiliate
Attorneys.  Our Affiliate Attorneys are required to maintain *our guidelines*
for practice and are helping fathers each day to get a F.A.I.R. deal in an often
unF.A.I.R. justice system.  Most of our services are free to our members and are
as convenient as your telephone!  Our professional staff will listen to your
problem and advise you of your options.  Like a good friend, we will be there
for you providing you with the help that you need and the professional care you
deserve. 


We are a NonProfit Organization that is dedicated to helping fathers to have a
good relationship with their children.  As a result of our program children have
been reunited with their fathers; little hearts have been healed.

Our program receives no funding from the government or any other organizations.
We fund our program through our membership.  We therefore ask each member to
make a 50$ tax deductable contribution which covers your membership for one year
as well as a one year subscription to our Newsletter.  That works out to less
than 1$ per week. 

We urge you to complete and return your application today.  As soon as we
receive your application you will be eligible for any of our services.  We will
also rush you this month's Newsletter.  You will also be able to call our
hotline and discuss any aspect of your situation with our professional staff.

We know that for too long fathers have been financially and emotionally drained
by a system that is not F.A.I.R. to fathers and the children that they love. You
know how many times you have said, "Something ought to be done about this!!!"
Well, something is now being done.  We can not make the system F.A.I.R. today,
but we can provide valuable services, and work toward changing the system
through public education.  You can continue to go it alone or you can join hands
with other fathers.  The valuable infromation we can give you will put at your
fingertips, as near as your phone, the experience of a countless number of
fathers who have been in your situation.  There is no need to reinvent the
wheel.  We'll share our knowledge and provide you with valuable professional
services.

We therefore invite you to join our ranks.  Complete the enclosed application
today and you will become part of an organization that is making the system
F.A.I.R. to fathers and the children that they love.  With best wishes for you
and your children... 

Sincerely,

F.A.I.R.