| Title: | What's all this fuss about "sax and violins"? |
| Notice: | Please read all replies to note 1 |
| Moderator: | QUARK::LIONEL |
| Created: | Thu Jan 21 1993 |
| Last Modified: | Thu May 08 1997 |
| Last Successful Update: | Fri Jun 06 1997 |
| Number of topics: | 133 |
| Total number of notes: | 1901 |
I just spent a miserable 3 hours with a friends last night who is going
through a "trial seperation". It was just last month I saw him in his
nice 4 bedroom home with 2 beautiful kids (about 3 and 5 yrs
old). Now he's sitting in a depressing 1 bedroom apartment. That gave
me an appreciation for what I think I have.
He is under the impression that he'll be back with the family after a
couple months. He said he and his wife have been unhappy for years and
they need to get away from one another. I think his wife considers it
over. They have a personality clash that a therapists can't fix. He
has a calm, relaxed, chill out personality. She has an excitable go
for the gold personality, thus she thinks he's a bore.
I told him I'd put this note in an print your responses. Any couples out
there that think they have a shot. Also, she sees this as a good thing
for the kids. He thinks they are better of with both, even though they
don't get along. Thoughts.
They have been married about 9 or 10 yrs.
thanks
| T.R | Title | User | Personal Name | Date | Lines |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 121.1 | It can work if they both want it to | WRKSYS::MATTSON | Wed Aug 07 1996 17:17 | 17 | |
First off, it's not going to work out unless they both want it to.
What are her complaints about the relationship? It's unlikely that it's
just his laid-back personality; after all, she married him, she must
have seen something. If they could talk it over, and possibly agree to
work with therapists on their individual issues, it might stand a
chance. I definitely don't think they should just stay together for the
kids, but maybe he can ask her to give it another chance--and agree to
work on making it better. (sounds good on paper, harder in real life!)
As far as personality differences, I don't think that that's
necessarily a negative. My husband and I have this same dynamic. It can
be an issue at times--if we're not getting along great to begin with
due to whatever reason--stresses in our personal lives, etc, it flares
up. But once we sort things out, it's actually good to have some
balance. He helps me relax and stay grounded; I help him get motivated
and bring excitement into his life (I like to think!) So it can work.
It just depends on whether there's enough good to make it worth saving.
| |||||