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The following reply is being posted anonymously. You may contact the
author by mail, by sending your communication to me and I'll be glad to
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Joe
I don't know what I was thinking when I wrote the basenote and
I especially don't know why I was so surprised or allowed myself
to get so upset by this behavior.
He is perfectly fine now and back to his usual self. I don't
know how long it will last though. If I had taken back and
really thought about it before, this is his usual pattern.
He flipped out like this last Spring and his Dr put him on
Zoloft. It was like a miracle until, after 41 days of
being on it, he flipped like he never flipped before (I don't know
how to describe exactly what I mean by 'flip' - he acts out of control;
like he is the Supreme All-Powerful Being, increased amount of physical
activity, everyone is out to get him, not living in the real world. etc.)
He stopped taking the Zoloft cold turkey and hasn't seen his psychologist
or his p-shrink since. Things were, for the most part, fine with us -
to the point where I had almost forgotten last year completely - until the
past month or so when he started ramping up again.
I don't know what to do about this; I love the guy but this roller
coaster ride is really something I don't need. I will not
put myself through another one of these 'episodes'.
Hopefully, in a few days I'll be able to talk to him and he'll
get himself back into counselling.
The thing that really scares me here is that his 9 year old son has
been under evaluation for the same symptoms his Dad exhibits.
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| Is it possible this guy has bi-polar syndrome (otherwise known as
manic depression)? A friend's spouse was like this when on his
"high" phases.
If you haven't already, please check with a doctor, and try to get
him to take his meds.
Good luck,
Karen.
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Hi Anon,
It sounds like he has control issues. Someone who feels
fundamentally that things are out of control will *over* control to try
to compensate for the feeling.
Unfortunately, the circumstances which lead this person to feeling
out of control often have more to do with their past history, than they
do with the actual reality of the moment.
- His suspecting you of having affairs or cheating, if you look
the wrong way or wear attractive clothing.
- His inappropriate and degrading comments directed toward you.
- His threatening you and issuing ultimatums to you.
- His untruthful claims against you.
- His struggle for "POWER", his trying to be the "all powerful
being".
- His problem with the fact that you do have choices in your life.
- His creation of a constant struggle for you in your life
together.
- His inconsistency in how he views you and holds the idea of you
in his mind.
- His pattern of holding it in - and then flipping out.
- His paranoia and being "out of it" with regard to reality.
Are all manefestations of someone who feels out of control, for
reasons - I'd guess - of undifferentiated childhood issues. An example
of a 'childhood issue' which could render someone this way, might be
that Dad was a drunk and would come home all hours and turn the house
upside down. So you never knew what was going to happen to you or your
reality, all the time you were growing up. That would have an impact
which could possibly form the same patterns this fella is exhibiting in
adulthood.
>He stopped taking the Zoloft cold turkey and hasn't seen his psychologist
>or his p-shrink since. Things were, for the most part, fine with us -
>to the point where I had almost forgotten last year completely - until the
>past month or so when he started ramping up again.
Well, anyone stopping their medication and their therapy on their
own is bound to eventually go back to their old mechanisms of coping.
>I don't know what to do about this; I love the guy but this roller
>coaster ride is really something I don't need. I will not
>put myself through another one of these 'episodes'.
>Hopefully, in a few days I'll be able to talk to him and he'll
>get himself back into counselling.
Even if he does get back into counseling, that doesnt guarantee
that you wont be going though another of his episodes if you stay with
him. "I will not put myself through it" sounds like you're taking a
stand for yourself. Sometimes love means letting go, allowing someone
to go on to whatever it is they're here to experience, while you do
the same. Sometimes love means realizing "I was not born to experience
this", as in having to *necessarily* co-endure someone else's difficulty.
As in taking a beating from someone. As in allowing your life to wither
away, while you wait for someone else to get around to "straightening
themselves up".
>The thing that really scares me here is that his 9 year old son has
>been under evaluation for the same symptoms his Dad exhibits.
They say it can be "generational". In that the dysfunction, the
disease gets passed on from generation to generation. Part of me wants
to say "of course".
Joe
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| I am sorry to hear that you are going through this.
I myself recognise exactly what you are going through.
My ex-husband was diagnosed a manic depressive, We were together for
8 years in total. I put up with being accusted of having affairs with
everyone for my work mates to my neibours.
He seemed Ok most of the time and the crashed about one a year when we
all went though hell. I thought it was a problem with insecurity so we
got married (it did not help)
I made excuses to everyone for his behaviour lost most of my friends
and nearly lost my family. I lost my self respect.
We started a family (adds security) bad move thing went from bad to
worse to the point of violence, When things desolved to the point of
him nearly choking me and me blacking his eye in front of our daughter
I had had enough, we split.
It was the best move of my life I now realise what I thought were the
good time were infact times of walking on egg shells tip-toeing about
waiting for the next explosion. They were not good times they were
waiting times.
I was alone for 2 years after him in that time I discovered or
rediscoverd myself, my pride and my self respect. which is odd because
I had not noticed that it had been eroded !!!.
I now get on very well with my ex, he is married again and I suspect
that he puts his new wife though the same thing.
I dont know it any of this will help, but you are not alone.
If there is one thing that I learnt it was that I count. I deserved to
be treated better than I was and if nobody else will give me that
treatment I'll give it to myself ....because i do deserve it!.
Mail me off line if want.
Tracey
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