Conference quark::human_relations

    well, for me it's a tough one - my best friend and 6+year housemate moved
    to Houston Texas in October so things aren't like they used to be - my
    10 year old son, who's had her around for more than half his life, really
    misses her and she misses everyone back here (her sister's family live
    in Dallas so at least she has someone a little close) - she wants us to
    come there over school vacation but financially since she left things have
    been really tight, especially with car repairs that *had* to be made.......

    I trying really hard to still make Christmas for my son - slowly decorating,
    still haven't gotten the tree, trying to make plans to see other people,
    so at least he still has a Christmas........

    all in all, YUCK !  But we'll get thru it, just like we always do - just
    seems the circle of family/friends keeps getting smaller and smaller and
    that stinks, especially when you've been brought up that Christmas is
    being with/doing for people you care about........

    
    Well for me this is going to be a real change.  At this time I'm
    presently going through a devorce, (should be final in a month or so) 
    but also Christmas eve will be the 7th year anniversary of my mother's
    death.  So with both of these things looking at me straight in the
    face, I hope I can get through the holiday without to much trouble.  I
    do have a friend that I've been seeing, but she will be with her family 
    Christmas Eve and Day.  For me the real tuff time is Chrismas Eve, but
    I still do have my family.  Of which I'm more than thankful for, I will
    be leaning on them for much support.  I only hope that next year proves
    to be a better year all around.  Time will tell.
    
        Happy Holidays to all
    
    
    

 "Handling Christmas" sums it up for me.  Just when I think I've made and 
 continue to make progress, something happens to remind me I still have a
 long way to go.  Basically I'm OK as long as I refrain from going to the 
 mall or any place where great throngs of happy, smiling, hand-holding, 
 sparkly-eyed, couples tend to congregate, looking knowingly and 
 passionately at one another (especially outside Victoria's Secret).

 I had to go to the mall to do some of my own shopping.  I dressed up, put
 on a happy face, smiled at people and they smiled in return.  I thought, 
 "This isn't so difficult after all."  I was encouraged and nearly got caught
 up in the Christmas Spirit....  Then I came home, stayed up to wrap my gifts   
 and when I tried to sleep, I was haunted with the images of the couples I'd    
 seen just hours before.  It reminds me of when you try counting sheep to fall  
 asleep and visualize them prancing by (if sheep prance) one by one, except
 theses were those SMILING COUPLES walking by TOGETHER.  It was like they were
 saying, "Nya-nah, Nya-nah, Nya-nah, we have someone and YOU DON'T."  What a
 long night.

 I have this uncanny knack for continuing dreams even when I wake up and
 interrupt the dream.  This was no exception.  I tossed and turned for hours    
 trying to lose my thoughts and those faces reminding me of my single (alone)   
 ness......again (still).

 This is my third Christmas on my own.  I really feel like I handle Christmas
 now.  A day I used to look forward to 364 days a year is now a holiday to be   
 dealt with, survived...handled.  I hope '95 will bring many changes in my 
 life; including my ability to cope with and accept my situation. 

 I am discovering though in talking to my friends, that I'm not the only one
 who wears a mask and muddles through until December 26th.  It's been a tough
 year for many people.

 Seasons Greetings and best wishes for a Happy New Year!  YES!!

    
    thank you all for sharing those inner-most feelings, boy I can relate
    to each and everyone, my dad has been gone for 2 years, my mother has
    A.D. which is a horror in itself, I especially relate to note.3
    people get caught up in that b.s. ( MY WORLD is happy & PERFECT)
    The happiest times are the saddest times. I had the best Christmas
    spirit in the world up until a few years ago. Being in a Mall with
    tons of people can be the lonliest places. But I am happy to be here
    in the flesh if not in spirit... Christmas is for kids (wish I had
    some) but single men have a hard time adopting... I know there are
    alternatives. Keep the peace and spirit in yoour own way. I hope
    things improve for all of us. take care and feel free to write again.
    					Bob R.

    I did my Christmas shopping today. That's it over with.
    Christmas eve and Christmas day I'll spend with my daughter.
    I'm not sure what I'd do without her to make Christmas for.
    Anyway I've had a lot of mixed feelings today. In Toys'R'Us I got quite
    weepy. Her Mom used to be the one that did all that. We seperated over
    two years ago. I was a part time single parent then as she had custody.
    She died last February. So this is my first Christmas a full time
    single parent.
    
    Most of the time we have fun but it's holidays that bring up the fond
    memories.
    
    Last Saturday we went o the Parents Without Partners Christmas
    childrens party. I joined PWP because I was tending to isolate. Friends
    where leaving me. A close room mate had moved to Arizona. A
    relationship had changed to "just friends".
    
    I'm doing Christmas. It's not Christmas I have to cope with it's the
    issues that are coming to the surface that I have to cope with.
    
    I hope the spirit of Christmas and the wonder of the winter solstice
    enter into your hearts.
    
    Take care,
    Peter.

    Well, I am having a hard time like everyone else.  I am single and have
    friends that care about me.  I also have family that seems to be
    disagreeing with a lot that I have accomplished this year.  I haven't
    even started x-mas shopping yet, but just found out that we are
    celebrating x-mas this Sunday.  So of course I get to spend x-mas alone
    like always.  I have been going thru a lot of changes in the past few
    months, all of them good.  Some of them I don't know where to go with
    them, but I am being patient.  My family is making this hard on me
    because instead of listening they tell me everything I have been doing
    wrong.  I am not as close to my family as I used to be.  I think it is
    because I am finally realizing that my family is still messed up!!!  
    
    I am just having a hard time dealing with negative people, I walk away
    they come running back again, reminding me of the way I used to be!!! 
    I have been having episodes where I just start crying for no apparent
    reason and just made the phone call yesterday to go and seek
    professional help once again!!  
    
    All in all I am going to make the best of it.  Because I can't change
    people I can only change me!!!

    
    	Re .3
    
    I dont like shopping malls either - too much tension, energy, sensory
    input - I last about 20 minutes, then I want to get the hell outta
    there. The way things are displayed in stores, the way some people are
    displayed for each other; my whole field of vision is just so *saturated* 
    that I start to lose my serenity. Yeah, I think I get it that hanging
    outside of a "Victoria's Secret" in a shopping mall isnt exactly
    conducive to a feeling of inner peace! You know, I think I get it that
    *all* the outer reachings for inner peace wont get you any closer to it
    than just another roller-coaster ride, and that's - Oh nevermind - I'll
    shutup now! Wouldnt want to spoil the idea of Christmas for the kids
    ...just because that's how I was trained, just because that's what I
    got - STUFF!!! Mounds and mounds of it! Yahooo!! Aieee!!! :'(
    
    One store I've recently visited has computer terminals to get what you
    want. Now we're talkin! "No Thank-you - I know how to use one of these"
    
    	Joe

    .6 reminded me of something someone once told me.
    
    "your family will know just how to push your buttons.
    They installed most of them."

    
    ditto on all; #8 is right!

    Hi all,
    
    Well,  this is going to be sort of a non-sequitur reply.  This  is  the
    first  Christmas  I've  spent in nine years w/o a mate.  I've never had
    kids (never  wanted  'em),  so kids won't be a part of my Christmas.  I
    didn't put a  tree  up  this  year,  mostly because I just had a hernia
    operation, and I don't  want to lift anything heavier than a bag of cat
    food.

    So, I'm reading this string,  and  I'm  thinking to myself that I don't
    believe I've been more relaxed and happy and at ease during the holiday
    season for Lord knows how long.  I can go into malls and little stores,
    and I find myself smiling when I see  couples  walking  around.    This
    season's  the  first  one that's not imposed a "psychological  shopping
    burden" on me in almost a decade.

    Now, me being a type that likes to analyze everything to death, I asked
    myself  why  this should be the case.  How come I'm  not  cowering  and
    whimpering in a room lit only by the glare of a television set?

    Well, first of all, a couple of years  ago  I got out of a relationship
    that was extremely bad for me.  Buying presents  for  the  woman  I was
    seeing was an enormous chore;  subconsciously I'm sure I  was rebelling
    against  the  season  and  against  the conflict between my deep-seated
    resentment of  that  person and the shiny veneer I was putting over the
    relationship with the  gift-buying  and -wrapping.  I won't go into any
    details of *why* the  relationship  was wrong for me, but suffice it to
    say that I hated Christmas  during  those  years,  and  I never allowed
    myself to acknowledge it.

    Second, last year at this time I was seeing someone  with whom I really
    only wanted to be friends.  So last year's holiday season  wasn't  that
    great for me because, again,  I  was buying  for someone I  knew wasn't
    right  for me.  (We're the *best* of friends now, and I wish she didn't
    live so far away -- go figure...)

    Third, in past years the constant discrimination against and murders of
    gun owners and their families by  federal  agencies,  and the incessant
    slander in the news media, were really wearing me down and taking their
    toll.  I'm a firearms instructor, and quite frankly, I was beginning to
    feel  like an "undesirable" in the country of my  birth.    The  recent
    elections hopefully will begin to rectify this, and therefore I'm on an
    upbeat curve on this matter.

    Fourth, I'm free from post-graduate school.   The  past  six years were
    very stressful for me because I was in a CIS Masters program.  Although
    I completed my last course in December of '93, it didn't hit  me that I
    was  done until well into last summer, and it wasn't until then that  I
    began  to  relax  a  bit.    This season I fully realize that I've been
    released and now have time to do what *I* want.

    Fifth, my Mom died of brain cancer on 12/24/89, and it's taken  several
    years  for  me to get over being blue around this time of year.    I've
    also had  to  watch  the past seasons affect my Dad, and he seems to be
    breaking out of the yearly funk, too.

    Sixth, a big piece of me likes to be able to hop in a  vehicle  and  go
    somewhere just for  the  hell  of  it,  but  there  are  the occasional
    snow-ins.  Those used  to  bug  me  in  previous  years.   Well, for me
    anyway, not any more.   I  just got my 8-hp snow blower tuned up, and I
    just bought a used Ford F-150 4wd truck, and I shod it with four *real*
    snow tires a few weeks ago, the  kind that make that "woooooo" sound as
    the truck rolls down a dry road.   I also built ramps that let me carry
    the snow blower  in the truck.  Snow?  Hah!  Let it.  I now know I have
    "mobility regardless."

    This  weekend  I'm going to drive out to the coast and poke around some
    of the little stores, take in the lights and the music, and I know that
    for the first time in years I'm really going to enjoy it.

    Best wishes to all,
    - craig