| T.R | Title | User | Personal
Name | Date | Lines |
|---|
| 82.1 | Time for an intermediary | FOUNDR::SHEEHAN | | Mon Nov 07 1994 16:36 | 22 |
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Reply .0
First off be assertive in telling this person that they are wasting their
time if they are interested in a relationship with you and their persistance
is a real turn-off.
You could also let someone else in your office run interference for you. Ie.
ask a friend to interupt or walk in every time this person comes by your
office. Make up a signal to let them know that this person is there. Also
don't reply to their E-mail and screen your calls. Eventually this person
will probably get the hint. If all else fails get your boss involved and
settle the intrusions via your boss either talking with this person or
contacting his boss and letting them know this person is interupting your
work. If this person starts to really harass you, save the mail/phone
messages and contact personel. I know someone who had a similar problem
and the offending person was eventually fired for harassment. Hope it
doesn't get to that point in your situation.
Good Luck!
Neil....
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| 82.2 | Some questions | FOUNDR::CRAIG | Mona Charen for President | Mon Nov 07 1994 20:04 | 16 |
| Do you know any of X's friends? Someone you could talk to and ask to get X
to lay off? Perhaps someone you know might be able to go to one of X's
friends; that way you're "twice removed," sort of.
Have you told X in VERY PLAIN ENGLISH that you want to be left alone at
work, or have you gilded your rebuffs to save X's feelings, but in such a
manner that X might perceive there still to be an opening to your heart?
If X really does have it bad for you, then X will be hoping beyond all hope
for a reconciliation unless you say, "It's over. Go away. Don't stop by
again, ever." Those words exactly.
Is X hopelessly and pitifully in love with you and therefore finding it
difficult to stay away because his/her heart keeps dragging him/her over to
see you, pride kicking and screaming in protest, or is X a boorish lout who
just won't take "No" for an answer? The answer to that question would do
much to determine the next step, yes?
|
| 82.3 | Reply from anonymous author of base note | QUARK::MODERATOR | | Tue Nov 08 1994 12:40 | 16 |
| This morning the person came in my office again. I stammered, hemmed,
hawed, and was very uncomfortable, but was finally able to utter the
words "your visits make me feel harassed".
That seems to be the magic phrase.
Needless to say, the person was taken aback and acted as if devastated
and suprised. I regret having been so blunt and frank.
I'm confident that I've finally articulated my feelings clearly and
unambigously.
The unclearness seems to have been a contributing factor and painful as
it was, a message unlikely to be misunderstood was required.
What an experience, what a mess. I hope its really over now.
|
| 82.4 | | MROA::MAHONEY | | Tue Nov 08 1994 13:18 | 9 |
| It only took a few clear words on your part.
That took care of it. Why let yourself be nervous, embarrased and ready
to drop your employment because of it? I think you were overly nervous
for a situation that only took a few clear words to take care of it.
Please don't let something simple like that to mess up your job...
and your future.
Cheers, Ana
|
| 82.5 | | ELESYS::JASNIEWSKI | Why not ask why? | Tue Nov 08 1994 16:59 | 17 |
|
It's so astounding to me ( and believe me, every bit of what I'm
about to say applies to *me* as well ) that a simple and direct
statement like "X makes me feel Y" engenders consequential feelings
such as "pain" and "regret".
Why is it painful to tell someone how you feel? Why is doing so -
regardless of what the feeling is - something that's - within our
ordinary conditioning in this society - *regrettable*? Why does it
actually seem easier to act as a result of a feeling "I'll quit my job"
than it is to simply say what it is?
My congratulations and hat's off to you, anon, for having the
courage to speak your feelings. I wish you the best for having done so!
Joe
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| 82.6 | | HANNAH::OSMAN | see HANNAH::IGLOO$:[OSMAN]ERIC.VT240 | Wed Nov 09 1994 11:08 | 9 |
|
I'm glad to hear you spoke directly. I feel good knowing you took a stand
to take care of yourself.
I can relate to your feeling uncomfortable afterwards, but you somehow realized
that what you said needed to be said. Good work !
/Eric
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| 82.7 | wanted crushes @ work:::::::::::::::: | OFOSS1::RAGUCCI | | Thu Dec 08 1994 20:58 | 21 |
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what about wanted crushes @ work????????????????
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