| T.R | Title | User | Personal
Name | Date | Lines |
|---|
| 1295.1 | Right Time, Right Place!! | LARVAE::HAWKINS_B | Secretaries do it in Minutes | Fri Sep 04 1992 07:55 | 17 |
| This is a good one!
I lived with my husband for 6 years before we married last year, but
neither of us feel any more committed now than we did then, so, why did
we do it? Don't really know the answer - we always said if we ever got
to Las Vegas that's where we'd marry, we both fancied a quiet do, away
from friends and family - so we got there last year and married in a
little chapel on the strip, it was great we both enjoyed it.
Coming home, nothing changed. We had already made wills and the house
was in joint names, so financially we are no more secure than we were,
but I guess it just seemed that the time had come when we both wanted
to marry, if that's a good enough reason, I suppose that's why we did
it!
|
| 1295.2 | Yes, it does. | ELESYS::JASNIEWSKI | Why not ask why? | Fri Sep 04 1992 10:39 | 38 |
|
I'd connect people's need to marry with their need to love. I'm
talking _real_ love, not the lustful "biological bonding mechanism"
kind. Though of course, that does play its part ;')
Love as defined something like "An extension of one's self, for the
physical, emotional and spiritual growth of yourself and another
person". Real love involves work and sacrifice, folks. Usually, someone
must comitt in their own mind to something like "work and sacrifice", -
else it doesnt ever get too far along.
I see marriage as a point of comittment to this definition of love
with someone special in your life. That's why I did it. For me,
it was the precious beginning of the next half of my life; the first
half being...such a mess. Today, I'm comitted to this idea as is
my wife; our wedding day was the beginning and celebration of that
comittment.
I think the reason why you see a lot of marriages breaking up is
because two people comitted themselves instead to the biological bonding
mechanism, which, as a matter of fact, dissappears after a while.
(I've heard it said "this is one of Nature's little jokes". It also
can be one of Nature little tradgedys, when the biological bonding
mechanism works for its intended purpose, yet "dad" or "mom"
dissappears along with it). Theres got to be more!
I think one of the most wonderful things is knowing for sure that
your husband or wife is comitted to this "extention of self", for
your physical, emotional and spiritual growth. I'm not implying that
there's limitations to this for people who're all on their own, for
the idea can also work quite well in the relationship one has with
themselves. I guess I'm trying to say that for me, life has gotten a
lot better since I've worked this idea in concert with someone who I
trust and want to be with - I'd think *that's* why people do it. Well, I
hope so anyway.
Joe
|
| 1295.4 | If it's important to you... | ISLNDS::USHER | | Fri Sep 04 1992 16:36 | 17 |
| RE: .2 (correct me if I misunderstood)
The physical part...
If your saying that the intensity wanes as years go by, I would agree. If
your saying it disappears - I would have to disagree.
I know of many couples that are just as attracted to each other and
get just as excited with each other as they did years ago. They work at it.
They make it a priority in their lives. They still have romantic dinners
and do small but special things for each other. I think that too many
people just accept that that part of their relationship will not exist a
few years down the road - it won't if they don't take the time to make it.
The romance takes a back seat or no seat at all because people don't
take the time. They put more time into making their lawns look pretty then
into a very important part of their relationships. IMO, thats why their
is so much infidelity and malcontent in our society today. Lust can die
and lust can turn into love but love can keep lust alive - if you work at it.
|
| 1295.5 | The last word! | KAOU93::DAVY | | Fri Sep 04 1992 17:07 | 13 |
| Philosophical Statement About Marriage:
The only problem with it is that nothing better has been invented yet!
Cheers from someone who still believes in face value relationships,
traditions and chivalry.
A gentleman from KAO!
|
| 1295.6 | We wanted to share for life | MR4DEC::MAHONEY | | Wed Sep 09 1992 13:38 | 20 |
| When a marriage is treated as a SACRAMENT, not a contract, it lasts...
but when it is treated lightly, it breaks, as we all know.
For me, it was something sacred, something for life, and thanks God, my
husband shared my same values, we've been married 28 years, which is
not that easy to find in these times... we have been happy, we have
been less happy, but we have ALWAYS been faithful to each other,
respectful to each other and loving to each other and to our kids...
Our reason to marry was to create a family and give them a stable
and save environment where we could all grow, love and be loved.
We both worked hard at it, 28 years later we are very proud of our
three kids, (2 out of college, 1 just got in) they're real mature,
respectful kids, full of fun, I absolutely adore each one of them!
We find the above a darn good reason to marry and we did!
Hope this answer your question.
Cheers! Ana
|
| 1295.7 | | KAKAPO::LILBURNE | | Thu Sep 10 1992 22:04 | 11 |
| Thanks for your replies - interesting that they all(?) come from those who
are married!
I make a point of examining customs and traditions to determine whether they
are valid for me or whether they are just one of society's conveniences.
Marriage is one of those institutions I have my doubts as to its value.
However I do appreciate the worth of making a public commitment with
witnesses.
Perhaps .5 has the answer ie there is no "better" way of committing oneself
at the moment.
|
| 1295.8 | | WMOIS::LECLAIR_S | | Fri Sep 11 1992 10:00 | 14 |
|
Personally, I don't think marriage makes one more committed. I was
married once a long time ago and my husband cheated on me many times.
You see I had committed to the relationship but he hadn't.
However, I am in a relationship now and I am not married and we are
more committed to each other than you could ever imagine. Yes, we
will probably get Married one of these days but it really doesn't
matter to either of us if we ever do. The only reason we would
marry if for financial reasons. Marriage would not change anything
else for us.
Susan
|
| 1295.9 | Don't think I'd ever do it... | KERNEL::SUMMERFIELDJ | Peroxide Redhead | Fri Sep 11 1992 10:25 | 20 |
| Hi
I can't see myself ever getting married. For women it seems to be
considered a drop in status (particularly in work).
My parents divorced when I was 4. My mother got remarried. My father
did not. They have both now been with their partners for 15 & 17 years.
I think my mother and her husband have let their relationship go a
bit because are legally bound. I feel that my mum feels very restricted
but she's married and can't do anything about it. She would see a
2nd divorce as terrible. I may have got it wrong, but that's my feelings.
However, my father has been living with a wonderful woman for 15-odd
years now. They are very equal, respect each other's privacy and they
always seem to me as if they have just started going out together. It
seems to me that they have a far more equal relationship because they
are not married.
Julia
|
| 1295.10 | | AKOCOA::HOFFMAN | | Fri Sep 11 1992 14:05 | 11 |
|
Re:" .8 by WMOIS::LECLAIR_S,
> Personally, I don't think marriage makes one more committed.
I quite agree. Commitment does not stem from the state of being
married. But commitment --on both sides-- is a prerequisite for a
successful (dare I say, 'everlasting'?) marriage.
-- Ron
|
| 1295.11 | | BROKE::BNELSON | Is this a trick question? | Mon Sep 14 1992 11:32 | 42 |
|
> I am just curious as to why people see a need to marry? Why is this
> seen as such an important commitment when it is so easily broken? Why
> do those of you who are committed, choose not to marry?
Like someone said a while back, the thing that occurred to me when
I first read this was that it's like democracy -- it ain't perfect but
we haven't found a better one yet.
I don't have a *need* to marry, it is something I desire and hope
to do someday. Big difference. I think a lot of the hoopla
surrounding marriage comes from the music, books, etc that surround us:
people telling us we can't live without it. However, I also think that
when entered into by serious, mature people who have put aside these
fallacies it is not something that is "easily broken".
Some have noted that marriage doesn't seem to make someone any more
committed. True! If you get married because you want your partner to
be more committed, you're barking up the wrong tree. I don't think
marriage causes anything in and of itself -- the people in the marriage
cause things to happen. But neither does marriage cause people to be
less committed. Don't blame the institution, I don't see marriage as
either good or bad -- simply something that is as good or as bad as the
people in it make it, like anything else in life. I hope someday to
get married, and to then work to make it as good as I possibly can.
It's also been my observation that people generally get what they
look for. By that I mean I've heard people complain about their
partners for one thing or another and find fault with them, rather than
possibly examining their search criteria to see if *that* was what was
at fault. I'm not saying it's universally true (sometimes people
change, and sometimes people hide things at the beginning, etc), but
it's true a lot more often than folks give credit for.
Brian
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