Conference quark::human_relations-v1

    Well your tale reads like a list of the worst case stressful incidents
    that can happen to you. To be still coping in any way whatsoever is to
    be applauded, most people would have gone under long ago. 
    
    Getting over stress is a slow process and regaining you self confidence
    is a major part of it. Please don't have negative thoughts where you
    denigrate yourself in your own eyes. Dwelling on the past, continuously
    reviewing what might have been had you done things differently is a
    waste of time and energy. Learn from the past and live for the future.
    Start looking forwards for a change.

    Jamie.

    
    Sounds like things were pretty bad for you, I understand what you mean
    by feeling guilty about the pressures that resulted on others because of
    your personal problems, but people should and do understand that there
    are areas in your life that are more important than work and that
    problems in these areas have a serious impact on your ability to get on 
    with things and forget about your problems. After all, it doesn't make
    you an incapable worker just because you are human, it is because you
    are human and know that these problems can occur that will make you
    a benefit to you colleagues when they experience times of difficulty.
    It will help them in times of trouble to know that you are a person
    who won't bear any ill feeling towards them because  you know how much
    worse it feels to have those around you feeling that you aren't pulling
    you weight when all you need is their support and understanding. If
    your manager implied that you had caused problems then that person 
    should be fired as far as I am concerned, they obviously do not have the
    ability to understand other people enough to be put in that position.
    It makes me angry to think that someone could actually tell someone 
    who is trying to climb back up into a productive state, that they have
    been impacting on the group or whatever, why state the beeping obvious?
    Why heep more hassle about the guilt of impacting on colleagues, this will 
    not help at all, it is counterproductive. It's like saying, "Well
    you're getting over it now so it's my turn to stick the boot in...".
    Totally unfeeling. 

    That's my flame over, I know how you feel because I went through my own
    little hell recently and the people who helped me through it most were
    my manager and my colleagues, they were the only people  close enough
    to me, but far enough away, to be able to care but remain objective.
    It's not easy to tell them how much you appreciate it.
    
    	Steve

Steve,

I can't begin to tell you how much you put my feelings into words. This note
was needed because I feel I was shot down just as I was getting up and I
didn't/don't know how to cope with that. Thanks for reminding me I'm human,
because sometimes in this day and age, it's easy to forget that.

Regards,
Laura

    
    Laura,
    
    I only just realised it again myself 8^)
    
    It is so easy to expect yourself to be a machine these days, everyone
    feels the pressure of life, but somehow I know now that everything will
    work out, every day will get better, I have no proof, no plan, but I
    just feel it. You can't cover every eventuality, there are always the
    occassions when we feel that too many problems collide and we can't 
    cope or the truths we believe are suddenly false and it unbalances our
    view of the world, most of the time noone can sort it out except the
    person it is happening to, but the one thing a person can do without is
    a few more pressures whilst they dealt with the plateful they have.
    
    Take the time to feel good about yourself, because that is the worst
    thing about these times, you start believing that you can't hack it,
    more often than not it isn't true. It's time to believe in what the
    people who do care say and what you know, to hell with what your
    manager says, because somewhere along the lines, that manager is
    missing a serious part of being a human being and that is one of
    the best bits.

    Steve
                  

It sure sounds like you've been very busy. Without wishing to belittle
your problems let me just make one observation about your husband's 
business venture. I can well believe that this could result in a lot 
of stress for both of you. But it's not exactly involuntary; I assume 
you and he went into it knowing how much work would be involved. And to 
expect your fulltime employer to make allowances for the resulting impact 
on your work performance sounds a little inappropriate to me, almost as 
though you're expecting Digital in effect to underwrite your husband's 
business.
One can reasonably expect one's employer to react sympathetically to
unforeseen problems such as illness in the family, but I don't see that
an independent business enterprise really falls into this category.
    
    ...Robert

Robert,

Thank you for your reply. I am in agreement with you that DEC "shouldn't" have
to feel the repercussions from someone who is starting a business. But for that
matter should or shouldn't DEC feel those repercussions from someone who is
going to school, has family priorities, hobbies, volunteer work, etc. All I'm
trying to bring to attention is that stress can come from both negative
and positive situations, volunatarily or not. And if it were a perfect
world we could all seperate our professional and private lives so that one
wouldn't influence the other in a negative way. For myself, I do try to do
this, but there are times when it all comes down at once, when that seperation
just doesn't work. Each of my stress situations, are managable on their own,
but combine them all together, and it would take a pretty strong person to
not be affected or have work affected. With the wedding behind me, my dad
thankfully recovered, beginning to get comfortable in a new city, my manager
is back from leave, I'm getting familar with my new job and almost
settled in our home, I feel that my husband's business won't adversly affect
DEC.

But for the record, I acknowledge your concern for DEC, as I'm sure that there
are those who would use DEC for their own personal gain.

Regards

    re:.0
    
    Laura, it seems like all but one major source of stress has passed -
    you used the past tense for everything but your current job.
    
    If that's true, you ought to first pat yourself on the back for making
    it THIS FAR and keeping your head above water.
    
    Now, I bet that as time goes on your new group will realize that this
    was only a temporary problem.
    
    And remember, worrying about stress only wastes time and accentuates
    the stress.

    
    re. .5
    
    Robert,
    
    	Do I read "Robert" for "Digital"?
    
    Steve

>>    	Do I read "Robert" for "Digital"?

    No. I'm not even a Digital employee, so I don't feel a personal
    involvement, if that's what you're getting at. But what do you 
    mean by fuzzy logic?

    ...Robert

    
    Robert,
    
    Check Note 1.1 re. you not being a Digital employee.
    
    I feel that you comment failed to acknowledge the possibility that
    had Laura's husband not undertaken to start a business then the 
    effect of the resulting situation (i.e. unemployed husband, short on
    money, Laura = wage earner, etc) could well have had far more of an
    impact on Laura and her ability to perform at work. We cannot prove
    or disprove this alternate scenario but it should be born in mind when
    attempting to determine whether or not someone can be classed as
    taking advantage of Digital or acting responsibly in trying to place
    themselves in a more stable position, a position which would enable 
    them to perform more effectively in the long run. 
    
    I don't think Laura was acting unreasonably, there are times when you
    have to do several things at once for them to even stand a chance of
    working, some times they can be too much for you, others you make it
    through. Sometimes you have to take a risk, go with your hunches, and 
    sometimes they don't come off, it is not reasonable to be kicked in the
    guts for failing, but to be encouraged for trying.
    
    Consider the following :
    
    If you were to take up regular physical exercise it is for your own
    benefit in terms of health but it has the added benefit to your
    employer of providing a healthier, less frequently sick, employee.
    However, in the process of getting fit you may suffer injuries which
    may require time off work or have an impact on your ability to do
    your job effectively. So, would it be better to not get fit, just
    in case you injury yourself and impact on the company, or does the
    perceived long term benefit for both parties, employee and employer
    allow for the short term risk of sickness to be outweighed by the
    long term improvement. 

    The fuzzy logic bit was meant to imply that we can never really say
    whether or not Laura should have taken on what she did, it is only
    up to us as other people to understand why she had to do it.
    
    Steve
    statements that made sense, it not possible to view them in isolation