| T.R | Title | User | Personal
Name | Date | Lines |
|---|
| 1244.1 | | SA1794::CHARBONND | me and the chimpanzee agree | Wed Mar 11 1992 16:15 | 26 |
| re.0
> You see, I have remarried. I love my new husband desperately but am
===========
> sure that I am still in love with my ex.
That one word speaks volumes. Are you 'desperately in love' with him,
or are you desperate _to be_ in love with him? Consider your next lines -
> Anytime my new husband and I have an argument I consider if I should
> end it and try to reconcile with my ex.
> My ex and I are still in contact frequently. My new husband finds this
> no threat.
Is there a strong reason why you're still in contact? Have you both
really 'let go'?
> I have a child with my new husband, none with my ex.
What would you do if you didn't have a child with your current husband?
Everybody has second thoughts about big decisions, it's perfectly
normal, but at some point you either have to accept the decisions you've
made, or make an all-out effort to undo them. Sitting on the fence
forever is not a good option.
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| 1244.2 | | HEYYOU::ZARLENGA | exsqueeze me? | Thu Mar 12 1992 19:53 | 10 |
| re:.0
Reexamine why you broke up with your ex in the first place.
It's very easy to remember the good times and to forget or downplay
the bad times. That fact is, you and your ex had reasons for breaking
up.
If those reasons are still valid, then you'd only end up apart again
and the realization of that might be enough to end your wondering.
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| 1244.3 | .0 | SLEDGE::RAUH | I survived the Cruel Spa | Fri Mar 13 1992 11:44 | 18 |
| Sounds like you were on the run from one marriage to another. Sounds
like a normal reaction. Many people 1 year or so after the divorce wish
that they could have worked on the marriage to make it better. But such
is life. I know that I periodically grieve. I know that sometimes I get
a call from the ex but because of her pride she will not speak to me on
the phone. Just answer the dead silence please.
Most of us don't understand, sometimes, that marriage/relationships/etc
are like the swing of a pendulum clock. The swing between, "I love you
madly!" to "I hate your guts and I am leaving". So long as the swing
pass's over dead center more than one side or the other you consider
yourself luck, happy, normal. But, because of our disposable society,
disposable marriages and commitments...... We throw out part of
ourselves that really meant something. Those good times, like the bad
times are experiences of life. Like a fine bottle of wine to be opened
years later and savored more than to drink.
So much for the rambling....
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| 1244.4 | Monday morning Quarterback? | CFSCTC::GLIDEWELL | Wow! It's The Abyss! | Tue Mar 17 1992 20:55 | 15 |
| It might be interesting to consider how often you play Monday morning
quarterback on yourself.
A lot of people (me, for instance, damn it) seem to wonder "what-if"
more than is benefical. Did I go to the best school for me, should
I have entered a different profession, maybe I should have bought the
other house, and so on.
If you find you do this on a number of issues, I would guess that the
feelings about your current and ex have more to do with yourself than
your relationships. However, if you have these feelings only or
primarily in relation to your marriage, the feelings probably reflect
something about the relationships.
Just a thought. Meigs
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| 1244.5 | | EVMS::NORDLINGER | To read the unreachable STAR:: | Sun Apr 26 1992 21:25 | 6 |
| Give your new marriage a fair chance - break off from your ex -
if only for your piece of mind and for the kid.
my opinion,
JOhn
|
| 1244.6 | Get Help for Yourself | CSSE::PPARKER | | Tue May 12 1992 15:18 | 19 |
| I think this is a very sad situation for all of you. You are cheating
everyone, especially yourself. Going through a divorce is like a death
and as such, you have to allow yourself time to mourn the death of the
marriage before you can get on with your life. It is a painful but
healing process after which you are ready for a healthy non addictive
relationship hopefully. (I have been divorced twice) It sounds like
you skipped this process and maybe have to do it now. Keeping your
options open with your ex is just going to confuse everyone including
yourself. I find it hard to believe your present husband doesn't feel
threatened by this continued relationship which is usually put to rest.
You will never have peace of mind unless you can make a decision and
let go and put all your focus on what it is you want. Counseling or
even one of the 12 step programs for co-dependent addictive
relationships may help. I know its not easy, I've been there.
I wish you the best of luck.
Pat
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