Conference quark::human_relations-v1

    I just have a couple questions for you, or your client:  Is the daughter
    aware that her mother has located her; Has she consented to being
    contacted?  I ask these questions because I am adopted.  I am very
    happy with my adopted family and am not sure I would welcome a 
    disruption in my life right now.  I am 21 years old.  I'm not sure what
    type of agency she worked with to located her daughter, but I have 
    read about some agencies that work as a mediator.  They are hired to 
    located the adopted child/biological parent, contact the party being 
    looked for and make sure both parties agree before one walks into the
    other's life.
    
    There are many different reasons why a child is put up for adoption. 
    I do not know my case history.  For me, at the age of 21, it would
    be emotionally stressing to take part in a search right now, or have 
    someone "locate me".  If and when I decide to search for my biological
    parents, I will do it when there is more stability in my life (ie: out
    of school, stable job, etc).  I have also promised my adopted parents
    that if I decide to do that, I won't do it without their help.
    
    I guess all I am trying to say is please think very carefully about the
    daughter involved.  You just don't know how welcome an unexpected visit
    from you biological mother will be after 22 years with your adopted 
    parents.  There have been very successful reunions and emotionally 
    destructive reunions.  I know I am not ready to participate in this
    issue.
         

    
    Ask the agency that located the daughter if they have a support group.
    Most search groups also offer support services or contacts.  Go to the
    library for books on adoption searches.  Most of them list support
    group references.
    
    Also:
    In Massachusetts, she can call the Adoption Connection in Peabody which
    has meetings once a month for adoptive parents, adoptees and birth
    parents.  I don't believe they meet in the summer, but they do start
    around October.  There is also PACT in Sommerville (617-628-8815) and
    there are local chapters of Concerned United Birthparents (The number
    for the national office is 515-263-9558).  
    
    I don't know if it helps, but the average "searcher" is a female
    adoptee in her 30s.  If your client's daughter is unprepared for her
    contact and doesn't want to see her, I'd urge her to leave her name and
    number and forwarding addresses over the next several years.  Chances
    are that it may prove valuable later on even if its an unwelcome
    disruption now.  What one cares about at 35 is not necessarily the same
    as at 22.  A lot of adoptees who never thought they'd search in their
    20s suddenly find it part of their journey in their 30s and 40s.
    A support group of birthparents will help her with her questions and
    approach to this.  Good luck.
      
             

    When my sister was 15 she became pregnant.  The boy was 15 also.  My
    mother forced her to give the baby up for adoption.  My sister has
    always missed her and wondered what happened to her, has she had a
    good life, etc.  When my sister gave her daughter up, the agency made
    her sign something saying that she would never try to locate the child.
    She has always hoped that the child would try to locate her.  I'm
    curious...is that possible?  Would the agency or some other agency give 
    the child that information?  With all of the secrecy it seems to me it
    would be almost impossible for either the child or the birth mother to
    locate each other.

    For those of you interested, there is a membership only conference
    available that discusses all aspects of the adoption triad (birth
    parent(s), child and adopting parent(s).

    In October '89 I found my bio-mom. My search was unusually short (less
    than a month). I have since met 4 "� siblings", one grand-mother and a
    bunch of relatives of both sides of my biological parent's sides.

    If you are interested in a membership to the TRIAD conference please
    send me mail. I don't note anymore, but am still a moderator and can add
    you in.
    
    Gail

    I believe that here in the UK it is not possible for a parent to locate
    their adopted child... all they can do is register with the appropriate
    agency and hope that the child comes looking for them...
    
    
    
    Xtine

>Note 1187.6             Biological Parent Seeking Support                 6 of 6
>
>    I believe that here in the UK it is not possible for a parent to locate
>    their adopted child... all they can do is register with the appropriate
>    agency and hope that the child comes looking for them...
>    
>
      Xtine,
      I was going to say wrong, because I know of at least 2 children who have
      contact with their parents. But if I think about it I am not sure which
      one initiated the contact.
      Rgds,
      I will ask.