Conference quark::human_relations-v1

Your fiance should run, not walk, to a competent lawyer knowledgeable about
divorce issues, and put these questions to the lawyer.  That's your best
bet.  Otherwise, imagine the worst possible thing that can happen and then
double it.  

Stories like this illustrate why everyone who is divorcing and has children
should not even think of "winging it" without a lawyer.

				Steve

    Your income will NOT be counted in his ability to pay.  
    
    However he will have to pay unless he can prove that the moneys are not 
    being spent for the child (which is VERY difficult to prove beleive
    me!)  In the courts eyes, if the child is being fed and clothed
    properly, and (if necessary) receiving proper day-care, then the money
    is being spent properly.  
    
    I'm not sure how the local courts determine childsupport here, but from 
    what you've described of the situation he currently has joint physical
    and legal custody of his child... I would suggest he push his attorney
    for getting that continued at least until the child reaches school age,
    then have a determination made as to the feasability of insuring the 
    child continues in the same school regarless where she is residing at 
    (with father or mother).  It can be done.  AS it stands now, the
    minimum she'll be able to get, is (according to an article I read in 
    "Single Parents Magazine" $250.00 per month period... but, that is a 
    MINIUM.  It will depend on a lot of varying factors such as her income 
    as apposed to his income, expenses, etc.  
    
    Still from what you've said, he'll end up making out financially as it
    sounds to me that he is shouldering ALL of the financail
    responsibilities for the child right now.  
    
    This is something I've argued about before if you're divorced, and
    children are involved, get the visitation and child support spelled out
    in a legal document ASAP.  Otherwise, you're asking for trouble. 
    Regardless how well you get along with your Ex-spouse.  I learned the
    hard way.  And later I found out that I received a very "easy" lesson.
    Keep in mind when having such made up... clauses involving... vacation
    time... holidays... inter and intra state and country traveling (are
    you 
    aware that many states do not recognize each others child support laws
    and court agreements/documents?  It's changing now but still not up to 
    par.... If my Ex had elected to leave the state of California before 
    documents were set up, she could have with me unable to do a damn
    thing.  Further, afterwards, without certain agreements included in the 
    document, if she moved to certain states, it would have been null and
    void and she would not have had to grant me any visitation or other
    rights at all until I entered into legal proceeding under that states 
    laws.  
    
    His ex is asking for trouble however.  For right now, a little tip that
    will help him out later if it does go to court...
    
    KEEP TRACK OF EVERY EXPENDITURE HE MAKES!  Document Document Document!
    Keep tack of money spent on entertaining her, money given to his Ex for 
    her support, money spent on clothes, dental floss, hair cuts...
    everything!  If he is carrying her on his medical insurance keep a note
    of it.  If he has anything in storage for her, keep a note of it.  
    
    I mean document everything.  If the Ex is spending the money he gives
    her for child support on something other then the child, document it 
    and keep the records as accurate as possible with dates and times of 
    everything.... receipts if possible.  
    
    The reason I am saying this is that the more documented proof he can 
    bring to court, the better off he will be, the better he will look
    before the court, the the harder it will be for "mom" to take him to
    the cleaners.  Even thought you can't get receipts for the things she 
    may buy, if you document it, then it's entered into the court records
    it will work in his favor.  Plus if she is asked under oath about it,
    she's going to have to confirm or deny one way or another what the
    money was spent on.  
    
    Skip

    Hi,
    
    
    
    I guess that I'm the first so far to reply, that is at this point I am.
    Anyway, being a single parent, and collecting NO child support, I have
    to ask a question here, when you say that "the money was being spent
    on other things other than for the child"..you have to take into 
    consideration that child support money doesn't just go for
    materialistic things for that child, there is rent to pay, and food to
    go on the table, Also, there are the little things like entertainment
    for the child, going out to eat once in a while, a movie, a park.....
    all those 'little' things have a $$$ attached.  So, could you be
    alittle more specific?
    
    
    Kelly

    When you think about, he may getting ahead by doing what he's been
    doing.  $200 is less than what the courts will order.  If he and
    the mother can keep this current agreement without turbelence and
    without court involvement, they may be just fine.  Like, .3 said,
    it can cost $350 rent for just a bedroom in Calif.  
    
    When I first read basenote, I thought how wonderful of this guy
    to pay and help care for his daughter without court order.  That
    some how says something about this guy.

    I'd disagree with the him getting off for less without the courts...
    if he's covering 90 percent of the expenses PLUS paying 200.00 per
    month.  The trick is itemizing and documentation.  When they figure 
    the rent, the parent is stuck with the bulk  (believe me I went through 
    all this in California... my child support ended up being $250.00 
    per month, a lot less then what I had been paying in child care,
    clothing, and other expenses.... 
    
    She should be careful of the hand that feeds her.
    
    Skip

    Re:.3
    
    The mother goes shopping for clothes and things such that can be put on
    lay-away.  She gives the receipt to my fiance who actually buys them. 
    He also buys things he shops for himself.  He buys all the pampers and
    is trying to potty train her which is difficult bucause the nursery she
    is in during the day does not do that sort of thing and the mother does
    not want to "clean dirty underware".  Sure the mother has to provide
    food but that is on the average two nights per week because the child
    is with relatives whenever her mother goes out.  My fiance has paid
    100% of all medical bills, including prescriptions.  Shortly after the
    child was born when he was giving her the $200, and providing all else,
    he would get calls at 1:00am saying the baby was out of pampers or milk
    or powder and would have to call some family member on her side of town
    to go pick something up and take it to her.  The mother makes more than
    enough money to take care of business and live comfortably, however
    spends foolishly and has repeatedly had her phone disconnected (and
    reconnected in someone else name), electricity turned off and court
    summons for delinquent accounts.  These things existed prior to the
    birth of the child.  My fiance believes that the money he had
    previously provided went to getting her out of debt rather than for the
    needs of the child; although the two may intertwine in some ways.
    
    

    From my experience, the court will take into account her bills, how
    much she makes, how many children, how much he makes, etc.  When I went
    to court we both had to bring financial statements.  Your money is not
    taken into account.  When I went to court the judge awarded me $50.00 a
    week (12 years ago) and when my ex ranted about it the judge said
    "consider yourself lucky.  If she (me) wasn't working you'd be paying
    $200.00 a week".