Conference quark::human_relations-v1

    A bed that has not been made since New Year's day.
    
    Pizza boxes stacked next to a fridge that has only a
    light bulb in it.
    
    Coffee table covered with two week old sport pages turned to 
    that day's box scores.
    
    						CAL_F

    A refrig that contains a jar of mayo (questionably colored), a jar of
    mustard, and a case of beer.....
    

    .1 should be thrown out of this topic. He mentions the i-word.
    
    	Andrew.

        re .1,
        
>>	No ironing board, but a nice piece of table or counter and a
>>   towel that has been used as an ironing board since day 1.
        
        You forgot to say what is being used as an iron.
        
        Dan

Socks and/or underwear in the living room.
A bra under the cushion on the couch from an uncertain visitor hence the reason
for it not having been returned.
The lack of nic-naks and other difficult to dust around objects or nic-naks
that have been dusted around leaving drifts in areas.
Shirts hanging 8 deep on a doorknob.
A kitchen table that hasen't held a meal in 2 years(no room).

And the biggie that drives my mom crazy when she visits me is:
windows that appear frosted from windex withdrawl.

I do have an ironing board though. I even used once 8^)


-j

    
    - Unmade bed (rumpled sheets, duvet warped and twisted)
    
    - coffee rings on all available surfaces
    
    - washing (or prospective washing) on chairs in the lounge
    
    - icky glass (shelves or mirrors) in the bathroom
      (toothpaste splashes, dust, accumulated grot....)
    
    - non-shiny baths
    
    - complete unselfconsciousness on the part of any of the inhabitants
      about any of the above, implying a state of normality...
    
    'gail

    furballs in the shower area (no, they don't throw them out, they merely
    put them aside) the size of a mongoose
    
    the munchies-to-real-food ratio is greater than 1 (sometimes >10)
    
    the couch looks really slept-on because they are too tired to drag
    themselves off to bed
    
    the liquor cabinet is the best stocked cabinet in the kitchen
    
    laundry is left unfolded, and sometimes on the floor, until it is worn
    
    the decor is, as we say, "risque", regarding posters and the female
    anatomy they portray....
    
    -Jody
    

  Clean clothes piles on one part of the bedroom floor
  Dirty clothes piles on the other part of the bedroom floor
  (overlap is optional)

  Box of tampons of questionable age under the bathroom sink

  Over 1 mm of grunge on pretty much everything

  (mind you, I've known lots of female bachelors with similar habitats)

Jim

    re:.1
    
    mike ....you iron ........hmmmmmm, most guyes I know iron their shirts
    in the dryer.
    
    

My "glassware" consists of whatever local gas stations/fast food places
have to offer..right now its made up of a shrinking supply of Bugs Bunny 50th
anniversary glasses.


My fridge contains several items of vegetable matter that appear to support the
theory of evolution.




Jim

    Dead plants that haven't been thrown out yet.
    The TV Guide and remote control in a handy spot next to the coffee
    maker, napkins and condiments.
    A massive pile of papers, books, literature, and ??? that effectively
    hide a desk.
    A weight set and exercycle make up part of the decor.  (So handy
    to trip over as well as being convenient for stubbing your toe)
    Dishes that done at least once a week when the sink is full.
    
    :)Barb

    re: .2
    A bed that hasn't been CHANGED since New Year's.
    
    re: .13
    A dishwasher, bought when all the dishes in the house were dirty at the
    same time.
    
    :)

    
    
    Here's some more ....
    
    - Lite Beer lifesize cardboard cutout in living room
    
    - overflowing bathroom wastebasket
    
    - towel hanging over bedroom door to dry
    
    - Marriott "Do Not Disturb" sign on bedroom door knob
    
    - every back issue of "Sports Illustrated" in living room and bathroom
    
    - Garfield see-through shower curtain, complete with green mold
    
    - an [empty] can of bathroom spray
    
    - no tissues, only toilet paper or paper towels
    
    - a microwave with more food in it than there is in the refrigerator
    
    - a kitchen table that looks like the home for misfit junk mail
    
    - empties, empties, and more empties
    
    - one uncapped tube of toothpaste
    
    - toilet lid up in bathroom
    
    - the cheapest shampoo on sale at CVS sitting on the edge of the
      tub
    
    
    
    -Mike
    
    

    Newspapers all over the place..
    dishes in the sink, glasses on the floor..
    clothes on the floor.....
    dust an inch thick on the tables....
    slime in the bathtub....
    gunk on the stove that was caked from last years dinner.....
    motor oil bottles in the linen closet....
    empty fridge...
    empty freezer....
    lighted Budweiser clock on the wall....
    
    
    
    some that I know ;-)
    
    
    Lynne

    RE:  this whole string.
    
    You mean, this isn't what an apartment is *supposed* to look
    like?!!!!!!!!
    
    sigh
    
    E Grace

    re.14
    I thought everyone threw away the toothpaste cap the first me it ca
    off you mean some actually use it?
    
    -j

    I am slightly confused and maybe a little worried as to why 
    .9 needs or has a box of tampons....
    
    
    tracie.

    RE: -1
    His pickup timing was off....
    
    :-)

    bare walls
    dust
    10-year-old fingerprints on the walls near light switches, on all
         doors (including the refrigerator) 
    dirty mirrors
    cheap shampoo and no conditioner
    a toothbrush with more bristles sticking out than up
    unwashed/waxed floors
    lots of pizza making stuff - no baking, stewing, or roasting supplies
    
    ooh, this is fun...

    RE: .20
    
    Tracie,
    
    I know of many bachelors who keep a box handy in their bathroom - it
    usually comes in handy when a girlfriend is visiting and just happens
    to need one.. Or when a sister or mother needs somthing...
    
    I also tend to place a box in the guys apartment that I am dating ....
    it has come in handy many times....
    
    Gale
    
    

    Re .-1
    
    You clean the tile grout? I heard that if you spray those black lines
    with some mystic magic solution they turn white again. Never tried it
    myself.
    
    Looks like someone has been wandering around my condo, some of the
    comments describe it to a T. Some additions:
    
    	- Soap scum that won't come off the shower base even with the help
          of some hyped up cleaner
    
    	- A pile of papers on the dining room table. On top of which are
          opened computer generated slips saying things like. "If you don't
          pay your gas/cable/phone bill by X it will be disconnected on Y".
          Good reminders, the real bills get dug up and checked months
          later.
    
    	- A vacuum cleaner with a full bag of dirt (the bag is reusable of
          course)!
    
    	- A stove where one of the rings looks used. The other rings give
          off a wierd smell if they're called into service when guests come
          over.
    
    	- A freezer with 3 DEC turkeys in it
    
    	- A wastepaper bin with the 1987 DEC turkey in it
    
    	- Various odd car parts in the basement
    
    	- Clean washing in the clothes basket, dirty washing on the floor.
    	  No point in filing away the clean washing until the clothes
          basket is needed again.
    
    	- Shades on windows rather than expensive curtains
    
    And I could go on,
    
    Dave

    ...wet clothes in the washing machine because ....
    
    ...the clothes in the dryer have not been removed because ...
    
    ...there's no room on the bed/couch/floor to put the clothes from the
       dryer.
    
    [If anyone wants to drop by my home in Beelersfield please give me
    three days advanced notice]
    
    TYVM,
    Jerry

    By reading through all... no wonder that fumigation control is such a
    thriving business! imagine the nice, strong, healthy "pests" derived from
    all these clean habits.
    
    Let's hope that this make believe is fun and just a make-believe...
    Good humor is the best medicine there is...  Cheers!

    Other uses for the girlfriends left around tampooons are that they make
    great zippie dryers when you spill oil on the car floor! Toxic shock!
    WOW! No, I don't try to put the little suckers back into the bag and
    allow the date to use them! 
    
    

RE:             <<< Note 1117.23 by AV8OR::TATISTCHEFF "oink, oink" >>>

   >    unwashed/waxed floors
    

   My 19 year old son is staying with me temporarily.  I came home from work
a couple nights ago and after kicking off my shoes the minute I stepped in
the door (and of course leaving them there) and started slipping around on the
floor..he had actually washed my floor!  Only because he dropped a glass full
of Pepsi on it, thereby reducing my aforementioned Bugs Bunny glass collection
by 1.



Jim

    dust on the bookshelves
    dust on the tables
    dust on the tv
    dust on the stereo
    dust on the dress shoes sitting in the closet
    dust...
    
    
    re. ironing - no _real_ bachelor buys clothes that _need_ ironing.
    Ya learn to like polyester :-)

    A freshly made bed
    $1500 stereo with a great CD collection
    Clean bathroom with shiny mirror
    Bottle of good French wine under the sink
    Clean plates, gourmet coffee in fridge, crystal wine glasses,
     clean towels, ironed shirts in closet...
    
    Yeah, I know I'm not playing along, but honestly those old sterotypes
    of the pizza boxes piled high and the socks all over the place just
    don't apply every bachelor.
    
    Sorry to spoil everyone's glee...
     

    re: -1
    
    and you're still a bachelor?!  someone hasn't snatched you up?
    
    8^)
    
    dlw

re.33    How nice!!!



RE.-1   >> and you're still a bachelor?!  someone hasn't snatched you up?
    
	yeah!...8^)...what they said..


	But to be serious for a moment.  I give guys more credit than this...
	and Mike Z, since I use to work with you and know the way you dress.
	(like you just walked out of GQ)...I would imagine your home is pretty
	tidy also???..

	come on...;')

	Mikki

    As British author Quentin Crisp said, "After 5 years, the dust
    doesn't get any worse."
    
    Richard

I currently live with two other men, and alot of the above definitely
applies to our apartment.

One thing I notice is they leave their bedroom doors closed whether home or not
and I leave mine open.  My room's a bit of a mess, but theirs, I suspect is 
in such shambles that they're uncomfortable leaving it in view !

I consciously STOPPED making my bed about a year ago, after making it
diligently for over thirty years.  My rationale:  After getting the sheets
a bit sweaty overnight, give them a chance to dry out, rather than burying
them under blankets and bedspread (remember bedspreads ??)

As for ironing, I never think about such things.

/Eric

    re Mike the Z...
    
    It's all an illusion, Mikki.  ;-)
    
    Nanci

    Getting the sheets sweaty implies that you have sheets on your bed in
    the first place.  :-)
    
    -- Mike

    sheets on the bed?  Now isn't that a novel concept??????
    
    
    ;-)
    Skip

    re: .34 dlw
    
    << and your still a bachelor?!  someone hasn't snatched you up?>>
    
    Because most woman SEEM to prefer the type of bachelor this string
    is describing.
    
    Al

    re: last
    
    ya, I guess there's a certain irresistable challenge in "civilizing the
    savage beast"!  8^)  
    
    but there's also an attractive quality about a well cared for home - if
    a man takes very good care of his surroundings, perhaps he treats his
    women *very well* too!
    
    8^)
    
    dlw

	I really hate it when a guys place is neater and 
	cleaner than mine .........


	kits

	Hi Nanci,

	   Yes, you are right......just an illusion...;')
	Guess you know him too, huh?

	Will we be seeing you soon???  Keep in touch okay??

	have a good weekend..

	Mikki

I do try to keep my place neat, but immaculate is out of the question :^)  
Every couple of weeks I'll go on a cleaning kick and really go to it.  And
later that evening I'll marvel at how clean it is and vow that its never going
to get out of control again.  By the next day (usually Sunday) I put off washing
the breakfast dishes, or putting the toothpaste tube away (hey I just got 
through cleaning fer cryin' out loud) and by Monday, well, its right back down
the tubes. 


Jim

    I guess I'm not the "typical" bachelor either, as I try to keep my
    place fairly neat and clean.  Not too often though -- I'd hate to set a
    bad precedent.  ;-)

    And I keep a fairly decent assortment of stuff in the fridge and
    freezer -- I remember one time I had some friends over and one of the
    guys looked in my refrigerator and told me, "There's no way that's a
    bachelor's fridge -- too much stuff that needs actual *cooking*!"  I'm
    not much on cooking during the week, but on the weekend I enjoy it --
    especially if I'm cooking a little candlelit dinner for two.

    It's rare though that I make my bed, unless I happened to wash the
    sheets.

    Laundry I do when I get low on the "bare" essentials.  ;-)

    I have an assortment of things on the walls (nothing even remotely
    resembling the female anatomy), from oil paintings to pictures of my
    white water rafting trips.  Tastefully done?  That's subjective, but I
    like it.

    The kitchen table is my *biggest* bane!  Even if I clean it up, it
    seems like it just *attracts* papers and stuff almost immediately!  I
    think it has something to do with being a flat horizontal surface, and
    being so handy to the door.  ;-)

    The bathroom I try to keep clean, but if you were to visit unannounced
    you could see things I don't normally let others see.  That's one of
    the truly great things about having visitors -- I am much more
    motivated to clean!

    I'm not sure my mom would agree with some of this, but then she's
    fastidious about this stuff.  A few Christmas's ago she gave me a
    little craftsy thing with magnets that I have hanging on my fridge.
    It's a little house with a couple of fur-balls outside, and one has a
    sign saying, "Danger:  This house protected by killer dust balls."!

    That reminds me of a few years ago when I was sharing an appartment (I
    live alone now) with a friend.  At first we were great about cleaning,
    but that quickly fell by the wayside.  One time I was sitting at the
    table eating, and my roommate was in the kitchen.  He walked kinda
    quickly across the floor (tile), and I noticed that something was
    following him; it turned out to be a dust-ball the size of a golf ball!
    Thereafter, we'd know when it was time to clean by the size of the
    tumbleweeds in the kitchen!  ;-)


    Brian

>    $1500 stereo with a great CD collection
    
    But but but... as far as I know that's not a strange thing at all to
    find in a bachelor's place... Neither are 27" screen colour TV's and
    comprehensive Hi-Fi VCR's or that sort of stuff...
    
    It should be, of course, in fine contrast with the 15-year-old-second-
    hand-for-$25 "fully functional" laundry machine, featuring back panels
    permanently removed for easy access and the tool box sitting
    comfortably at hand right on top of it...
    
    PS While I can easily confess to the majority of items listed so far I
    only need 1 hour's notice. Well, that is, I need three days really, but
    I'll have it come down to the last minute anyway...
    
    ;-)
    
    Ad

    
    "Greater love hath no man than this - that he should clean his
    apartment for his visitor"....;-)
    
    - no trays (even if the dining table is in another room)
    
    - no oyster-cracking devices
    
    - extremely comfortable great-for-slobbing-around sofa
    
    (Yes, I have someone specific in mind, and you know who you are! ;-)
    
    'gail
    
    

.49> "Greater love hath no man than this - that he should clean his
.49> apartment for his visitor"....;-)

    Don't forget not all bachelors live in apartments ... I have a two-
    story four bedroom home ... 

    In actual fact...the place generally stays immaculately clean ... it
    could possibly qualify for "Better Homes and Gardens" ... the only
    thing that I really fall down on is dusting ... I like to do it every
    day, but, for the most part only get to it every other day.  I may get
    flamed for this, but, I actually *like* house keeping ... washing ...
    ironing ... that sort of stuff.

    I regret that when I was married I didn't do much of it and now see how
    much fun I really missed ... oh well ... plenty of time to catch up.

    Jerry

    I am beginning to get confused.  Do I live in a bachelor's place?
    
    The valve that was removed from someone's car WAS wrapped neatly in
    paper.
    
    Those other unidentified car parts by the cellar door.
    
    Whenever I look for screw drivers or pliers I know I can find them
    on the table next to the recliner in the livingroom.  The weights are
    in front of the wood burner also in the living room.
    
    Yes, my dish detergent container has motor oil on it, that is if its
    not out in the driveway because a car has just been washed.
    
    Doesn't everyone have two extra mufflers and ten (10!) tires in their
    cellar?
    
    I will admit the power tools, Black & Decker work bench and carpenter's
    apron are mine.
    
    Oh, yeah, now I remember it must have been that nineteen year old son
    of mine. 
    
    There are a few give aways that a woman lives here too, like fabric
    curtains in every room except one and, a lace tablecloth, needlepoint
    on the wall.
    
    Martha

    Martha,
    
    don't forget the dust elephants!
    
    E Grace

    Ohhhh those things.  I though they were friends of my dog and cat.
    
    Martha

    Martha....
    
    That's not a bachalors apartment.... see... those few things are also 
    typical of a bachalor in training.... most teenage males go through
    it... the difference is that when they are home with mother they get to 
    have her threaten to make them live in that stuff if they don't get it 
    cleaned up.... after hearing it a couple of thousand times they
    sometimes decide that they might get around to possibly doing something 
    about it to save face and keep peace in the family.... 
    
    At least that was how I was as a teenager.
    
    Skip

      he knows exactly where everything is, because he left it there

      Peter

    re: Jerry
    
    > I actually *like* house cleaning...
    
    You DO?!?!?!?!?  I think I'm falling in love....:-)
    
    Lynne
    

    I enjoy cooking... I guess we all have a few minor flaws when it comes 
    to being bachlors eh?
    
    Skip 
    
    Shhhhhhh don't spread it around though!

    .57> Shhhhhhh don't spread it around though!
    
    Yes, I've made a mistake in this string ... as a result of my "liking
    housework" comment I've already received 28 VAXmail proposals of marriage.
    
    Jerry

    lets make it 29 , Jerry , you wanna go do it ??
    
    Tracie.

    I warned you... never admit to liking domestic duties... it's the 
    first rule of being a bachelor.... 
    
    Skip
    
    P.S. Tracie... how come you never made me that offer?  Ummmm nevermind,
    I'd rather be one of your flirts.... ;-)
    

    I sometimes wonder where the dust comes from. 
    
    I have a hardwood floor. I dust it every day, and those "dust bunnies"
    still show up!
    
    It seems like I'm constantly cleaning something...
    
    Grumble, grumble...it's hard being one of those "neat" Virgos (although
    my cube isn't really "neat")
    
           

    Jerry dahhling...
    
    I'm not looking for a husband...a housekeeper *maybe*, but not a
    husband.   Er...Skip, how good a cook are you? :-)
    
    Lynne
    
    

    Hmmmm well, everyone has lived and no one has complained so far!
    
    Skip

    .60
    
    
    
    Skip MG would be a little upset I think !
    
    
    .62
    
    
    He makes a mean pizza !!

    .59> let's make it 29, Jerry , you wanna go do it ??

    Well, Tracie, I'll give it serious consideration ... (by the way ... I'm
    a fantastic cook - Southern food only).  I'm having my attorney draw up
    pre-nuptial agreement...I don't want to get caught in the same situation
    that Mr and Mrs Trump just went trough.  The maximum that I could
    possibly pay in alimony is in the neighborhood of $100,000/month  and I
    want that understood up front (in the unlikely event of a divorce).

    He'll be contacting each of the respondents to secure financial
    statements, references, etc... then I'll make my decision.

    Jerry

RE-.1

A man after my own heart... 8^)


-j(former gold mine owner now shaft shareholder) 8^)

    .65
    
    jer,
    
    
    who says I am not a rich Bitch , you make on it !?

    Jer,
    
    Take her up on the offer.... beleive me you won't regret it!
    
    
    Skip

    Ummm, Jerr...
    
    I'd settle for $25K a month...I don't need much. :^)
    
    Lynne
    

    .32
    
    >>>Ya learn to love polyester :-)
    
    And don't throw a match at me for I burn for days! 

    
    They need to make multiple trips to the wastecan with dustpan loads
    when they sweep up. 
    
    or,
    
    they use a shop vac..

    The latest "clue" to spotting a bachelor's place...
    
    every available door way is hung with mistletoe (sp?)
    
    ;-)
    Skip

    .......Some of them don't do Christmas trees, and the trees they do have
    sometimes have some unusual tree decorations!

    re ,73 Dust kitties in the Xmas tree ?

    
    both drinking glasses have threads on the lip...
    
    

    
    It's a bit off the track, but how's this for a couple of bachelors?  
    When I first met my hubby he was sharing a house with another bloke.  
    Once when I was round there they had the washing machine on (gasp!) 
    and just as it went in to spin mode Andy rushed past me and threw 
    himself on top of it as it started juddering it's way across the floor.  
    I watched in amazement as he sat on top of the washing machine in an
    attempt to stop it bucking about like a rodeo horse!  He explained that 
    although it was new it always did that...
    
    Well, one day it gave up the ghost and died on them.  So they called
    the engineer out, who took a look and told them ... wait for it ...
    that when they installed it (together) they hadn't taken the transport
    brackets out!  The poor machine had been doing it's best to spin the 
    washing with two great big brackets holding the drum in place!!  Boy, 
    was his face red!!
    
    And I've never let him forget it ... :-) :-)
    
    Sam
    

    My only son, a bachelor so far, spent Christmas with us.  We were
    discussing this topic and he told me of one I'd never seen or heard of. 
    His roommate sticks his toothpaste (gel) tube to the mirror by
    squeezing out a little gel.  It dries fairly quickly, suspending the
    tube.  (Anyone seen that Frank and Earnest cartoon?  "This toothpaste
    makes my teeth stick together!"  "Well, *think* about it, Shorty.")
    
    My son said (possibly just one of those comments you feel obliged to
    make to your mother) that he thinks that's going too far, but I thought 
    it was sort of interesting - a twist on how to tell if spaghetti's done?
    
    aq
                                                               

    The first time I visited my husband at his home, we spent two hours
    cleaning and scrubbing his refrigerator, sorting out and throwing away
    most of his collection of food "classics".  I think it was a test.
    
    Has anyone mentioned the collection of 20-year old clothes in the
    closet?
    
    marge
    
    

.79> Has anyone mentioned the collection of 20-year old clothes in the
.79> closet?

    Marge, this is a NECESSITY (20-year old clothes in the closet).  One
    must always have faith that they'll get back to the weight that they
    were when they were 16 years old ... when you get rid of the clothes
    you destroy the incentive....

    Jerry_who_has_'em

    We also tell ourselves that they WILL come back in style again....
    
    like the collection of W-I-D-E ties I have from high school.
    
    Skip

    
    uh?
    
    I regularly wear a Harris Tweed sport coat that is over twenty years
    old.
    
    Still fits me, isn't worn out yet (it might need a few leather patches
    next year though), and would cost too much to replace with a new one.
    
    /. Ian .\

    re .80:
    
    Gees Jer, I can still wear a pair of pants I bought my sophomore year of
    high school.  Can't you?

    - M

    RE: .80 I have a number of shirts I bought in High School. They're
    all faded but they still fit. Why wouldn't they? Pants are an other
    story but I'm taller now then I was when I was 16. Stuff I bought
    say 15 years ago still fits for the most part.

    		Alfred

    WIFE ties...if you mean Kipper ties , they are already back in fashion
    over here !!
    
    Tracie.

    That's WIDE... remember how they were about 6 inches across at one
    time??? BAck in the 70's I beleive maybe late 60's 
    
    Skip

The other day, I stepped into Luis in "the mall".  They wanted to sell me
wool pants for $350.  I said no way hoe zay, even though they claimed some
of their customers were wearing pants they bought there 10 years ago.

One of my reasons for not biting was that I was assuming that if I got
a moth hole or something, the pants would be ruined.

But the other day I had a chat with my tailor (in Chelmsford, nice lady, took
temp job 13 years ago and she's still there!) and learned some interesting
stuff.

It all started when she altered some pants I had just bought at Marshall's (
which is where I ended up after opting out of Luis).  When she gave me back
the altered pants, she gave me the rings of material that had been cut off
the leg.

I asked her why I should save that, and she said, "in case you ever need
to bring the pants in for reweaving" a hole.

I had never heard of such a thing, but she showed me some customer's stuff
that had been sent out for reweaving.

What it is, is that if you get a hole or tear in wool jackets or pants,
she can send the clothes to a special place (in NY instead of Boston, she
says Boston takes too long) to be rewoven.  It's amazing, I could hardly
see that the hole had been there.

So, all you bachelors considering leather patches, there's another idea...

/Eric

    back to the subject at hand ...
    
    1. 12 ice cube trays in the freezer, all empty
    2. 1 clean piece of silverware (2 if expecting company)
    3. silverware (above) is stamped with "property of Ponderosa"
    4. at least one of everything in the sink, waiting to be washed.

    You forgot one Mikey....
    
    5. None of the glasses match.
    
    ;-))
    

    re: last few
    
    C'mon you two, you're giving us bachelors a bad name.  ;-)  I mean,
    we're not ALL like that.
    
       - Larry  (Bachelor and semi-domesticated, yes I'll admit it, I
                 bought a washer and dryer before I bought cable!)
                                                         

    
    After reviewing 89 replies, how 'bout these?
    
    
    * Clean oven (never used for broiling, only occasional
      cookies and cake)
    
    * Well-seasoned wok.
    
    * Some food in cupboard well beyond expiration date.
    
    * Socks are not sorted by size or color (you pick matching ones
      out of the drawer in the morning).
    
    * NO furniture (or much less furniture than is needed).  Completely
      empty rooms get bonus credits.
    
    * $5.00 "Clip lamps" instead of real table/wall lamps.
    
    * One or two token plants (hopefully still living)

    * No curtains, blinds, pictures, or other wall coverings
      (actually, I bought blinds last year, and my condo came
      with custom curtains... fortunately).
    
    * No decent filing system for bills.  Piles on coffee table,
      mantle, desks, chairs, etc.
    
    
   /Mitch.
     

    
    Last "bachelor pad" is was in had one of those neon beer signs.  Do
    they still make those things????
    
    I know when I had a roomie, dishes sat in the sink til we needed 'em,
    laundry wasn't done til he or I were out of undies, we had dust bunny
    sculptures and the kitchen table was more like a junk magnet.
    
    And just for the record, I, too, only make my bed when I change the
    sheets or when the parental figure *itches 'bout it.  Can't wait to get
    out on me own again....
    
    -raq
    
      

    A year's supply of frozen pizzas/dinners in the freezer.
    
    Dirty clothes get piled behind the door until laundered (no hamper).
    
    At least one corner in one room that everyone is afraid to even TRY
    to clean or organize.
    
    ... I won't even MENTION the bathrooms...

    Dust kitties (or lions, and tigers and bears) in all the corners, under
    the tables, and behind the doors.
    
    Bonnie

That reminds me, Bonnie.  A few years after I moved out, my mom sent me this
little thing she'd made that is on my refrigerator.  It's this thing made out
of some material that I'll call thin spongy stuff for lack of a real name.
Anyway, it shows this house with two little fuzzy things down at the bottom,
and the house has a sign on it saying:

"This house protected by killer dust balls"


I loved it!  It's still there in fact.


I'm not a neat freak, but I do try to keep my place fairly clean.  So a lot of
the stuff mentioned in this note wouldn't usually apply.  HOWEVER, it kinda
would depend on when someone visited (and how much advance notice I had) as to
just how clean the place would be.  ;-)


Brian

    Brian,
    
    I helped a bachelor friend of mine clean this weekend, which is
    where I found out about the large dust kitties. I should make him
    a sign like that.
    
    Bonnie

    Any bachelor that has food which requires refrigeration is a
    domesticated house husband waiting to happen.  
    
    Pizza you order.  You don't refrigerate macaroni and cheeze or
    pretzels.  Beer is a beverage.
    
    A real bachelor has complete socket sets (metric and imperial), a
    timing strobe scope, a functional ohm meter, a $5,000 stereo and a
    couch made out of cases of empties.

    re:.97
    There's a man with his priroities straight...
    
    One more item :
    
    An industrial size bottle of Pepto-Bismol in the kitchen cupboard.

    > bottle of Pepto-Bismol.
    
    Either that or the MEGA big bottle of Ralaids.
    
    ;-))
    

    Make that Rolaids...and the .100 TOO!
    
    ;-)
    

    re.91 >Oven (never used for broiling...
    
    Don't be ridiculous. The broiler is used for heating nachos and
    leftover pizza !

>     
>     Don't be ridiculous. The broiler is used for heating nachos and
>     leftover pizza !
    
    Didn't think of that... I don't do nachos normally, and I use the 
    microwave on pizza!  Are nachos as nutritional as pizza? :-)
    
    (obviously, I'm not a 'pro' like the rest of you! :-)
    
    /Mitch.
    
     

    The regular oven is better for pizza, it doesn't soggy and limp.
    
    oh-er, the pizza, that is.

    
    Mike you are a regular note slut!!!
    
    

    Let's keep that just between the two of us, ok?

    Save the microwave for heating exotic massage oils, right.
    
    Real bachelors don't heat leftover pizza.  It's left out and picked at
    throughout the week.  It's discarded only after it has mushrooms on it
    which weren't there when the thing was ordered.  Then it's stuffed into
    a paper bag with the remnants of the previous pizza from two weeks
    before and a new pizza is ordered.  The cycle begins anew.
    
    I almost forgot: a real bachelor will have a functional remote control
    unit (whether or not it controls anything) a three-phase, step down
    transformer and a pair of binoculars before he has a functional vacuum
    cleaner.  The vacuum cleaner will be a gift from a concerned girlfriend
    attempting domestication or a mother afraid of having things crawl up
    her leg while visiting.

    
    
    Nice place you have there, Kris....
    
    
    -raq
    

    If there's a kitchen and if there's a pan in the kitchen, the pan
    leans on its handle unless you put something in it.
    
    ed

    re: .108
    
    I must be slipping, huh?  Pan leans on its handle?

    There are some, ahh, economical sets of pots and pans
    which are so light in weight that they don't sit right
    (the handle, though also flimsy, is heavier than the pot)
    so until you put something in them they lean.
    
    They also corrode and discolor quickly.
    
    These are true "bachelor" pans.
    
    ed

    Gotcha...I just recently received two heavy frying pans as a
    apartment-warming gift.  Wooden handle, non-stick surface, special care
    instructions...I'm afraid to use 'em, they look too good.  Plus they
    weigh a ton.  Let's hear it for cooking gear that you can use a good
    old SOS pad on.   
    
       - Larry

    Geez, who said anything about it being my place, raq.  You think I'd
    live like that!?  No way.  What the heck would I be doing with a step
    down transformer?
    
    The talk about pans reminds me of the time my mother visited my place
    in Toronto and began cleaning all the dirty dishes.  The pan had
    something in it left over from some food I had had at some time
    probably during the Nixon years.  While she was cleaning it she went on
    about this brown and black gunk which was "stuck" to the bottom of the
    pan.  I looked over and had to tell her, "Mom, that's the remnants of
    burned teflon you're scraping off."
    

    Oh man, I envy you guys.  I have nice pots and pans.

    There's a cure, Mike.  Put food in your pots and pans and place them on
    the burners set to "high".  Go read a book in the park.  By the time
    the sirens of the local fire department remind you of the stuff on the
    stove - your pots and pans will look like mine.

    There's your problem, Kris.
    
    If your stove wasn't so clean, you'd have been able to smell the old
    food burning off the burners before you left for the park.

    How else do you clean a stove?  If you burn the gunk the cleaning
    person can scrape it off easier.
    
    Also real bachelors don't have cats.  A single guy who owns a cat is
    looking to be a domestic and cannot be regarded as a real bachelor. 
    Either that or he's weird.
    
    Real bachelors keep "3 in 1" oil in the medicine cabinet.  I have no
    idea how it got there but it's been there long enough to be a
    tradition.

>     
>     Real bachelors keep "3 in 1" oil in the medicine cabinet.  I have no
>     idea how it got there but it's been there long enough to be a
>     tradition.
> 
    
    Wow!  You too?  I've got both varieties in my medicine 
    cabinet... the stuff for electric motors, and the general purpose 
    kind.
    
    For the same reason, bug killer gets in the same cabinet as breakfast 
    cereal....
    
    /Mitch.

    Bug killer in with the food? Geee..... I stash the stuff in my gym
    bag... Keeps em down....:) 
    
    Whats this about cats? Thats how I keep control of the rochs! The eat
    em.... :) 
    
    A real batchlor doesn't cook, he eats at the folks place. Or grabs
    a Burger King burger on the way to the pick up base ball game in
    the park.
    
    Or in my case, go for a burger after the workout...... Yep I do diet
    soda with it....:)

    
    Kris. I didn't think you lived like that.  I was just checking.  If you
    want your pans to have that oh-so-special look, you can always entrust
    them to another who thinks he knows how to cook, just as I did.  Went
    thru 2 sets of pans that way.  
    
    -raq
    
    

    Okay here's a couple for you from personal experience since I'm now 
    living with three other single guys....
    
    The Basement... a very large pile of cloths to be washed, identified
    as...  'They Aren't Mine'.  
    
    One set of sheets to each bed.
    
    Dishes left over from yesterdays dinner in the livingroom (usually on 
    top of the pile of assorted mail to someone named 'occupent'. We're 
    still trying to figure out who he is.... maybe he owns the cloths in 
    the basement?
    
    Refrigerator covered in phone messages dating back to 1965...
    
    "You still need this number?"  
    "Hmmm oh yeah!  That was my High School Guidence Counselor, I may want 
    to call him in a couple days to see how I did (never mind that I
    graduated from High School in 1974!)"
    
    Skip

    re: .120
    
    hehehe...Ya gotta love it!
    
    Lynne
    

    Re the cats....
    
    That's how we tell the clean cloths from the dirty ones... the cats
    won't sleep on the dirty ones for some reason.
    
    ;-)
    Skip

    re: .122
    
    Would YOU????
    
    ;-)))
    

    Cats?  Cats can't fetch, they can't catch a frisbee and they can't
    bark when you're upstairs with a woman and your mom is pulling up
    in the driveway.
    
    I'll take a dog anyday.

    Beer chillin' in the vegetable crisper.
    
    24 boxes of macaroni and cheese, all stamped 4/$100, a dozen cans of
    Campbell's soup and a jumbo jar of peanut butter in the pantry.

    An upside-down ketchup bottle in the fridge -- gotta get that last
    drop!  Also an upside-down shampoo bottle in the shower, and a stick
    deodorant that's worn down below the level of actually applying
    anything.
    
    Month-old birthday cards still on display.  But hey, I actually took down 
    my Christmas wreath last week!
    
    And of course: a Corvette, a motorcycle, a 4x4, and an expensive
    audio-video entertainment center.  ;-)
    
     -- Jeff

RE:     <<< Note 1117.126 by BEGOOD::HEBERT "Cyberdyne Systems Model 101-A" >>>
                               -< priorities... >-

   > An upside-down ketchup bottle in the fridge -- gotta get that last
   > drop!  Also an upside-down shampoo bottle in the shower, and a stick
   > deodorant that's worn down below the level of actually applying
   > anything.
    
    

  Hah! Sounds like my apt :-)



 Jim

    >>24 boxes of macaroni and cheese, all stamped 4/$100, a dozen cans of
    						  --------
    Mike,
    
       Where in the world do you shop???
    
       - Larry   ;-)

    I GUESSED that the point was that they were OLD.  since so many market
    use scanners these days.  Maybe I missed the point but that was my
    guess.
    
    ed

    The way it's written, each box of macaroni and cheese costs $25.  I
    believe a decimal is left out--or else you're shopping at a pretty
    ritzy place.
    
    But then ritzy is my image of bachelors anyway.  8-)
    
    Karen            

>    The way it's written, each box of macaroni and cheese costs $25.  I
>    believe a decimal is left out--or else you're shopping at a pretty
>    ritzy place.
    

    	Back in high school I worked in a grocery store, and things WERE
    stamped -- for example -- 4/$100.  There isn't (or wasn't) a cent sign
    on the stamper.  These days most markets use scanners, so I took it the
    same way Ed did -- that the stuff is *ancient*.  ;-)  What is the half-
    life of mac and cheese anyway?


    Brian

    Even though most grocery stores use scanners, the prices are still
    marked on most/all items.
    
    Lori B.

    re:.128
    
    BJ's.
    
    Food by the case, cereal in boxes that almost don't fit in your trunk,
    and condiments in restaurant-size containers.  :")

    re: .133
    
    Ha ha ha...it's just like me to start a discussion on supermarket
    checkout scanners in a "How to spot a bachelor's place" note.
    
    Speaking of oversized containers, the problem I have with the cereal
    boxes I buy is that they're too tall for my kitchen cabinet.  Then they
    wonder why guys leave the stuff on top of the fridge.
    
       - Larry

    ...in the process of doing some cleaning I happened upon another
    indication of a bachelor's abode:

    ..boxes and boxes (unopened) of condoms ... with dates long since past
    the expiration date ...

    <sigh>
    Bubba

    re-.1
    I thought that was empty boxes that never got thrown away?
    
    -j
    

    RE: .136

    In the first place .. I guess I had delusions of grandeur .. buying 'em
    by the dozen.  When I asked for a year's supply I was expecting a
    package of three or four.

    Bubba

    Re back a few...
    
    But Mike, dogs don't care about the smell of your laundry so they don't 
    help you find the clean stuff.
    
    ;-)
    
    Skip

    most of the markets around here use scanners and have no prices on
    packages.
    
    ed

    They buy toilet paper once a year, and when they do, the bulk
    package takes up a whole shelf in the bathroom closet.

    Only a sissy hoards toilet paper.  That's what the paperback book is
    for, emergencies...
    
    I checked my refrigerator before the latest guests arrived.  It
    contained 3 bottles of wine, some water, a bottle of flat tonic water
    left over from my last guest, a half jar of peanut butter, a half jar
    of jelly, a half stick of butter left over from a guest last August, a
    scrap of moldy cheese probably left over from the same person, and
    some capers.  The freezer contained a bottle of vodka (thus explaining
    the tonic water) and an ice tray with one cube.
    
    Ray

    re: .141
    
    Yeah, I just cleaned out the fridge yesterday.  Couldn't identify most
    of the stuff if it weren't for the labels.
    
       - Larry

    Silly man!
    
    You don't clean the fridge, you buy a new one every 10 years, and
    donate the old one to the local food drive.

    Ha ha...maybe...but what if company (and not just another bachelor)
    stop by?  You open the fridge to give them something to drink and
    something hands you a 2-liter bottle of Coke?  What do you do then?

    That's why a girlfriend comes in handy every now and then.
    
    On Saturdays, while you're still sleeping, they come over early
    and clean out the fridge as a surprise.
    
    Then they like to make pancakes and set off the smoke detectors...

    
    Mikey, wake up, you're dreaming again.......
    
    
    %^}
    
    
    
    

    When bachelors dream, it ain't about pancakes...

    
    Well, I suppose it would then depend on who was makin' 'em, and what 
    you were doin' wif 'em.......
    
    
    

    re: .147
    
    depends on how well they're stacked.......
    
    -Jody
    

    Oh, great, a foodist!
    
    Remember, even flat pancakes deserve respect ... ;')

        ...don't forget the juicy syrup!
             ...and the melted butter....
      
           makes my mouth water at the thought
    
    
    Frederick
    ;-)
    (another bachelor)
    

	There's one room in the house you're not allowed in - it's the room
where everything got shoved while "cleaning up" for company.


					--Doug

    I like Elaine Boozler's (sp?) latest commercials for Fantastic.  In the
    first one, near the end, she opens up the fridge and says, "Now when
    did I buy a lime...Eeek!  My lettuce!"

    In the latest, at the end she says, "...so I have time for the really
    important things -- like cleaning the lipstick off the milk carton."


    Any bachelorettes out there want to comment?  ;-)


    Brian

    Re .153: Handy hint - if you don't wear lipstick, you don't have to
    wipe it off the milk container. ;-)
    
    -b

    
    
    re:
    
    I admit, at first, when I moved out, the lettuce thing became a
    reality, once.  But after realizing who wonderful the refrig smells
    when something died in there, I learned to keep better tabs on the
    length of each items stay.
    
    And the milk carton thing, well, it's not confined to just milk
    cartons.....
    
    

    
    I still have some fun stuff in my fridge.  For a single guy living 
    alone, it's kind of fun to watch those little green things grow.
    It's kind of like having a pet that you don't have to feed living
    in the fridge...
    
       Carl
    
    

re:.156  Have you given said fridge pet a name? ie. Rover, Spot etc.  You could
teach it all kinds of tricks.  What a conversation piece!

Ciao.

Joyce.

                                                 
    re: .157
    
      Actually one has just started moving.  I hope to train it to guard
    my food.  If anyone does try to steal my food, it slimes them....
    
    I guess you could call this an attack blob.  It's name is Snoggy,
    the attack blob.....
    
    (a multitude of smiles)
    
      Carl
    
    

    re: last few
    
    Yuch!!!   ;-)
    
       - Larry

re: 158,159

Personally I think Fang would be a better name for an attack blob, but Snoggy's
as good as any.  Carl, don't let anyone accuse you of keeping him (?) as a 
substitute child.  But since there's no such thing as a bad pet, only a bad pet
owner, start his training early.

Good Luck.

Joyce.

    
      reply .160>
    
      Joyce,
    
       Actually I think Snoggy should be called Snoglisian.  I believe it 
    had bloblets.  A little of four.  If you like, I'll let you have one.
    They kind of grow one you, and grow and grow, etc....
    
      Carl
    

Gee thanks Carl, I'm really touched!  I don't really think you should be
separating them at birth though.  They may grow up and ask you one day, what 
happened to li'l snogget#4.  Wot then?

It would also be very painful for you I'm sure, deciding on which to part with.
That and the undoubtedly long-winded quarantine regulations in New Zealand makes
it difficult (nay, impossible) for me to accept such a generous and noble offer.

My heartful thanks to you.   hee hee hee

Joyce.

  Joyce,

   That's too bad.  I was going to give you a pick of the crop.  But, I 
was going to wait a few weeks.  At least until they learn to slime on
their own.  

  But, something awful happened.  The blobs all dissapeared.  They were
wiped clean.  What happen you asked!!!

 Not the butler, but the cleaning lady did it!!!!

 Carl


P.S.  If I ever have another blob, I'm goining to name it after you Joyce.
      I'll call it Joyce-blob in your honor (said with lots of smiles).  

    When you move the fridge, you find meal fragments from years gone by.
    
    When you move the stove you find that spatula you had in the 80s.

Re: .163
Carl,

I was devastated to hear your news and felt impelled to write once more (read: 
Don't know if the moderators will be too pleased with us cluttering up this note
with blob-talk).  If there was an orbituary note in the conference, perhaps I 
would have entered something there (Read: no offence guys).

You poor man, how you must be suffering!  I don't suppose your cleaning lady did 
it deliberately, and you must put this episode behind you and get on with your 
life.  One day the sun will shine again (read:  there'll be other blobs).

I was again, touched and honored that you would name a blob after me (read: you 
tired of livin'?).  

Mourn not Carl, for death is but a doorway to another place.  Aaargh!  Sorry, 
that was too much even for me!  

Have a nice day!

Ciao.

J.

    
    reply .165>
    
      Have a nice day too! (read:  I agree, enough of the blob talk).
    But now, what am I going to do with this thingy coming at me from under
    the stove.  AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!  ( read: I wont start anything about
    this new little critter unless you do 8*).
    
      This is Carl signing off...
    
    P.S.  Joyce, it's been a true pleasure blob talking with you.  
        
    

    You'll find spent mufflers, alternators, and various other assorted
    vehicle parts in the trash.  Seldom a receipt from a mechanic or a
    garage, unless it's something serious like a transmission job.  And
    then, only if the guy can't find an engine stand and a winch.  ;')
    
    Mike, who'll be dumping a leaky master cylinder in the trash next week.

    A 10-year old bottle of never opened floor wax in the basement.

    re: .153
    
    �In the latest, at the end she says, "...so I have time for the really
    �important things -- like cleaning the lipstick off the milk carton."


    �Any bachelorettes out there want to comment?  ;-)
    
    My sister says it was written with me in mind, if that says anything. 
    I wonder what point she's trying to make.  :-)
    
    Shilah

    re:.140
    
    Did anyone see "About Last Night" last night ... ?
    
    I was rolling on the floor when Demi Moore moved in and found the
    monster-sized package of toilet paper ... !  So true ...

    We've given it company now.... 
    
    Along side it we have a monster package of 'Irish Spring' soap.
    
    I think they're very happy together....
    
    ;-)
    Skip

    Do you guys find that you run out of shampoo pretty quickly?  I do my
    best with opening up the top, diluting the bottle with water to try to
    get every last bit out.  When I'm really desparate I use soap to wash
    my hair.
    
    Also, I'll admit that on more than one occasion I've purchased
    conditioner instead of shampoo (the bottles look the same!).  That
    stuff cleans your hair (sort of), doesn't it?  ;-)
    
       - Larry

I have so many shampoo samples which I've received in the mail and from
hotels that I'll never truly run out.

		Steve

    re:.172
    
    Geez, you must wash your hair every week, whether it needs it or not.

    Hey, some of us were blessed with thick, long hair.  You're not getting
    too thin on top, are you Mike?  ;-)

    Thin?  Me?  Shhhhh....

    I always purchase the large econmy size of the cheap stuff.
    
    Recently found it at Cost-co... in 6 bottle packages... 
    
    Hmmmm wonder if the TP and Soap would be interested in making it a 
    Threesome????????
    
    
    ;-)
    Skip

    Threesome?  You mean you don't buy bunches of toothpaste at once?
    And bundles of extra toothbrushes so you can always have one for
    cleaning the bike chain?
    
    ed

    Hmmm toothpaste... hadn't thought of that.
    
    As for the toothbrushes... I just grab the one in current use for the 
    bike chain then immediatly go buy a new one for me.
    
    ;-)
    Skip

	I run out of shampoo in a single washing by just following the 
directions:

	Lather.
	Rinse.
	Repeat.

-stephen

    [shampoo update]
    
    Well, I hit Shaw's last night (24 hours, open on holidays, gotta love
    it) and picked up a bottle of Jhirmack's something-or-other.  I can
    never decide between dry hair, oily hair, frequent-use, every-other-week,
    with/without conditioner, with/without fabric softener, color treated,
    etc, etc.  It was like 3 bucks for this tiny bottle...they say it's
    concentrated, but I still go through it like water.  I don't know why I
    buy into the marketing crap about this stuff being better, but I'm
    afraid if I buy Acme Shampoo my hair will turn orange like Greg Brady.
    
       - Larry

    Larry,
    
    
    Boy to I understand the problem with WHAT shampoo to buy, So I rotate 
    them... I start at one end of the shelf, and every time I go for a new 
    bottle I advance one more.... 
    
    So today... my hair isn't normal, oily, dry, lacking body, over permed,
    underpermed, or colored.  However I suspect that's why some of it 
    has decided to change color, and ther rest of it seems to want to run 
    away.
    
    ;-)
    Skip

    
    	Larry,
    
    	Find the closest F&M store...(HUGE discount drug/beauty aid type
    	store)....they sell shampoo by the gallon.  =)
    
    	JJ
    

    So does Cost-co and BJ's.... 
    
    And the black bottle matches the mildew trying to grow on the grouting 
    around the edge of the bathtub!
    
    
    ;-)
    Skip

    
    if you read your junk mail, FM gives coupons for FREE shampoo, tpaper
    and 2liters of Pepsi! They come in the mail every few months.
    
    bd

    re: .185
    
    Yes, but where are the coupons when I'm out grocery shopping at 1 in
    the morning?
    
      - Larry

Re: .185:

Yeah, but they're always addressed to "Mrs. xxxxx".

			Steve

    Yeah, and you can't use them then, right Steve?  ;-)
    
       /l (still looking for a Bachelor version of those free coupon books)

Re: .188

Well, I'm not a bachelor, but there's no "Mrs. Steven Lionel" at my house.
I find it amusing that each of the F&M coupons is imprinted with that name,
which nobody in my household answers to, though I admit I've never tried using
one myself to see if they'll accept it; none of the offers I've seen are
particularly good deals.

					Steve

	I use 'em - they accept 'em and more keep coming.  {shrug}


						--Doug

    That's funny.
    
    Last night I got a call from some salesperson who asked for Mrs.
    Zarlenga, who doesn't exist, unless she wanted my mother.
    
    I gave the lady a sob story about how she ran off with my best friend
    last week.
    
    I had her on the phone for at least 15 minutes bending her ear with a
    story I was making up as we went along. She spent about 14 of those
    minutes apologizing for calling.
    
    I still like Danny DeVito's response in Ruthless People best, maybe
    someday I'll have the nerve to use it.

    Re: .191
    
    I've always kept that in mind, but the right situation never seems
    to come up.  (That and I'd probably never go through with it.)
    
    And before anyone asks, the response Mike speaks of is not suitable
    for a "family notesfile".  See the movie for yourself.
    
    Sometimes when female sales callers have asked whether or not I'm
    married, I've been tempted to ask "Why?  Are you looking for a
    husband?"
    
    					Steve

    .191 HANDLING THE APOLOGIES.
    
    One time I got one those $%^&$ telephone solicitrices who asked
    "for my wife":
    
    "I'm divorced"
    "Oh, I'm sorry"
    "I'm not"
    
     ed

    re: .193
    
    Same thing happened to me - but they asked for my husband.  Then they
    apologised.  ;-))
    

    I just reply,
    
    You've a cruel sense of humour, don't you read the papers? She was 
    murdered yesterday.
    
    Then hang up.
    
    They don't call back.
    
    ;-)
    Skip

    
    	Eh, they don't care who uses those coupons.  I get them for
    	the non-existant wife of the guy who used to live in my apartment!
    	I use 'em anyway.  =)  And I snitch the ones that the other people
    	in my apartment throw away without opening because they don't
    	realize what's inside. 
    
    	JJ
    

In  a recent Seinfeld episode, he got one of those phone calls. He 
picked up, listened for a moment, then said, "I'm busy right now.
Give me your home phone number and I'll call you back later
tonight... What? you don't want me to call you at home? Now you know
how **I** feel". He then calmly hung up. 

-- Ron