T.R | Title | User | Personal Name | Date | Lines |
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1116.1 | | ESIS::GALLUP | Can you say #1?! I knew you could! | Tue Dec 04 1990 10:28 | 20 |
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People get nervous about things that they don't understand and
sometimes they make insensitive comments.
If I were in your position, I would think that it would make me feel a
lot better to confront the insensitive people and to just let them know
that their comments hurt and that they weren't appreciated.
You have the right to do anything you want with your body and I think
if it's what you want to do, then that's great! Don't let some
insensitive, rude people get ya down. After all, THEY are the ones with
the problems, not you......
8-)
Hugs.
kath
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1116.2 | More Thoughts... | HENRYY::HASLAM_BA | Creativity Unlimited | Tue Dec 04 1990 10:43 | 17 |
| Take a moment and think about why you are getting this surgery done
in the first place. Think about how much better you're going to
feel about yourself and how much better you will feel about other
people seeing you as your new self. Now hold onto those feelings
and try to keep others from jading your inner visions of yourself.
Chances are that the people who make cracks now will be the
same people who are impressed at the "new" you and say they *knew*
it was the right thing for you to do.
A final note...If these individuals who are making comments about
your upcoming surgery have had it themselves, you may want to ask
them how they felt when others teased them and how they felt after
the surgery.
Best Wishes for a happier future,
Barb
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1116.3 | You're the only one that matters | MR4DEC::DONCHIN | | Tue Dec 04 1990 11:20 | 29 |
| As one who has undergone such surgery, plus suffered through years of
orthodontia and dermatology work, I can understand how you feel about
this subject. After all, your surgery will change the most visible
part of you, and the route there won't be easy. Still, I
think that the people who are making the rude and insensitive
remarks *THINK* they are helping you by giving you all the
"information" that you really don't need--I don't believe their remarks
are meant to hurt you (intentionally) in any way. One other thought is
the fairly common view, despite years of studies that say otherwise,
that cosmetic surgery is "frivolous." I've found that few people
understand the emotional and psychological benefits, not to mention the
physical benefits, that cosmetic surgery offers. And many of those
people that don't understand are the ones who behave as your co-workers
are doing.
In my case, I had a horrible nose, as my father and aunt and
grandfather etc. did. I hated my appearance and couldn't think of going
through life with that beak. Well, I had the surgery (as my father did
after an accident). And my aunt--who never had the surgery--told me
that she always regretted never having the surgery done herself, even
though she was over 50 at that time.
I say hold your head up high, think positive, and don't even
acknowledge a rude or insensitive remark. If this surgery is the right
thing for you, no one else really matters.
Good luck!
Nancy-
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1116.4 | to h___ with 'em | PARITY::ELWELL | Dirty old men need love, too. | Tue Dec 04 1990 11:52 | 12 |
| I agree with .1
I also don't believe that they are intentionally being rude, I just
think they're insensitive boors. Tell them it hurts. If they care,
they'll stop. If not, just ignore them. Maybe they're jealous because
they wish they could have something done, and it's you instead.
At any rate, just do what is within your capabilities to help you feel
good about yourself, and let the rest go. You're not doing it to please
them.......
....Bob
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1116.6 | Base noter replies. | ELESYS::JASNIEWSKI | This time forever! | Tue Dec 04 1990 12:52 | 28 |
|
The following reply is being posted anonymously, by the base note
author -
Joe
* * *
I'd like to thank everyone for their great reply!
.3, you are right. "Cosmetic" surgery is not so frivilous as it would
seem. Unfortunately, many people do judge others and treat them
according to their outward appearance. Who wants to be known as
the "guy with the nose" or the "woman with the crooked teeth"?
Few people are comfortable with that, and if medical science
can help you change it, yes, go for it!
I want to make a point here. I am doing this less for others
and mostly for myself. I want to improve myself. I don't think I'd
be having this work done on myself if it were only for others.
I have to live in this body, I want to make it better (eventually,
as good as it can be without driving myself crazy or setting
up false expectations).
Thanks again for your replies. I would encourage anyone who has
doubts about cosmetic surgery to go ahead with it, as long as
you have doctor's approval and if you feel it would make you
feel better. If it contributes to your state of "mind wellness,"
do it!
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1116.7 | Gopher it!! | FSOA::LSIGEL | My dog ate my briefcase | Tue Dec 04 1990 16:20 | 10 |
| To think positive again, just think of the outcome of the surgery, and
how much better you are going to feel. Some people dont realize what
they are saing when they say it. I dont think they want to hurt your
feelings, one person might be fearful of surgury (which is not as bad
as it is, I have had it done on my eyes to correct my lazy eye problem
and it is nothing), and all they can think of is pain. Dont worry
everything is going to go fine. Good Luck!
Lynne
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1116.8 | Anon member replies | ELESYS::JASNIEWSKI | This time forever! | Wed Dec 05 1990 09:23 | 30 |
| Feel free to post this as an anon reply -
The benefits of cosmetic surgery can only be fully appreciated by the person
having the proceedure. I just today finished having 12 of my teeth capped at
a personal expense of $6K ,sore gums for weeks on end, two visits to the
dentist that had me in the chair 6+ hours straight and umpty dozen shots.
Some of the things that made it worth it for me were that I would finialy
have white teeth mine were discolored from large doses of tetracycline I
recieved as a child that left the old very grey.
The old teeth were also very soft prone to cracking and cavitys inspite of
diligent care the fillings were all different colors leaving them very ugly.
As a result I now have beautiful white teeth that are nice and sharp I can bite
thru the toughest steak without problems something I coulden't do before the
old teeth were very dull from years of my grinding my teeth. I can also give
a big smile and show some teeth something I have NEVER been able to do I felt
ashamed to show them. I just got it done but I expect over time my self esteem
will also be improved.
BTW-Bonding is an option for some but it requires being redone every few years
nor will it straighten crooked or weak teeth.
Would I do it again YES!
As for the remarks I seriously doubt anyone meant to hurt you though some
may have been made in envy, most people have a part of their body they wish
looked better you simply may be fixing something they don't like about theirs.
-Smiley
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1116.9 | | PEKING::BAKERT | Too HOT to handle,too COOL to be BLUE | Wed Dec 05 1990 17:38 | 7 |
| may I just say that when people tell storys of 'oh i've had that done'
they sometimes exagerate , again not meaning to hurt
just not pausing to think...some may even be jealous of your courage
to go through with it....i say good on ya ! keep ya head up hi , you
should be proud of yourself and the courage you have !
tracie.
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1116.10 | what procedure is being done ? | HANNAH::OSMAN | see HANNAH::IGLOO$:[OSMAN]ERIC.VT240 | Fri Dec 07 1990 11:27 | 19 |
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What exactly is the surgery you're having done ?
I agree with many of the comments. But I found myself wondering exactly
what the surgery was.
First I thought it not appropriate to ask, then I was glad when Mike
asked.
I can get real "heady" about the issue, thinking things like "none of
your business", "be sensitive to the subject at hand, the actual details
don't matter", etc. etc.
But then it occurred to me, sometimes acknowledging what's really there
can be valuable. What's really there for me is feeling curious about
what the procedure under discussion actually is. I also suspect many
other people are wondering too.
/Eric
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1116.11 | you are courageous & an inspiration - thanks! | CARTUN::BERGGREN | There is a shared center... | Sun Dec 09 1990 11:55 | 33 |
| Dear friend,
I agree with many of the helpful comments given to you already as you face
the weeks ahead and the cosmetic procedures you're about to undergo.
I'd like to add something I hope will be helpful.
Putting the insensitivity of your co-workers aside for a moment, it
sounds as if an important issue is that the comments served to tap into
some nervousness that you already had, but had managed to put in the
back of your mind.
> I already have sweaty palms anticipating the medical procedures,
> when before I told them I didn't have much fear at all about the
> procedures.
I think it is only natural to feel nervous or even a bit fearful when
considering any medical procedures. Perhaps the comments of your
co-workers can ultimately serve a positive purpose, that of bringing you
more face to face with the "true you", the "whole you" as you get ready
to embark on this new journey. And this whole you apparently does have
some fears about this. That's okay. You can just acknowledge that and
oftentimes by so doing, they ease up a bit.
I, for one, honor your fears as well as the joy and excitement you have
about the coming new you. For one good thing about fear is that
it is the best, (perhaps the only?) thing that can deepen and vitalize
our capacity for Courage -- the ability to move forward in the face of
fear. So do not overlook the courage it takes on _many_ levels to do
what you are doing.
Best of luck. You inspire me. :-)
Karen
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1116.12 | | XCUSME::HOGGE | Dragon Slayer For Hire...Crispy! | Mon Dec 10 1990 10:44 | 6 |
| Short and sweet...
If it makes you comfortable with yourself... the heck with them and
their comments... they are obviously insensitive louts with no class.
SKip
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