Conference quark::human_relations-v1

Well, you've probably seen ym recent note on roommates.. I;'ve got 3 -
two female and one male.

Mark is a really sweet guy, but compared to the girls it has to be said he's
not very domesticated... for example, he never sees the need to clean the loo, 
his room stinks of sweaty socks, but it has to be said, in general I prefer to 
have a male about the house.  This has a lot more to do with personalities than 
with the persons sex...

I get on better with Mark and he cetainly doesn't use up the same amount of 
cupboard space...

Whether I would want to share with a male or female if there were just
two of us I'm not sure... 

I decided I wanted a "mixed" house, but other than that I didn't take sex into
account... ie. I didn't care if it was one male and three girls, two of each or 
whatever...


Much more important to check you agree on levels of tidyness, noise at night or
in the morning, whether to share/not items like loo rolls, washing up liquid
etc, and if you share how will you pay, how will you split the phone bill,
how often will you have "overnight" guests...  


from experience, its the little things that niggle...

Xtine

ps. not only will he use your shampoo, but he won't realise that your Clinque
face soap cost �14 a bar and will use it in the bath! 

In defense of the ignorant male half of this species:

There are, generaly speaking, two types of men for this discussion. -

Those that have lived, succesfully, with a women before.  

  This type is very rare...They know how much your soap and shampoo cost, and
  they have been well trained by someone to pickup after themselves, do laundry
  on a regular basis, and not touch you bar of Clinique... :-)

Then there are the rest of us... :-)

The last women we lived with was mom, and she picked up after us, did all the 
cooking, and never, seriously bitched, after all that's what mom does (no flames]
please... :-)

Since moving out onto our own, one of two things happens - 

1. we become complete and utter slobs, and like it.

2. we become complete and utter slobs, and stay out all the time cause mom 
refuses to come over and clean up.

The first case is hopeless, the second case is workable, if you take the time to
train us correctly...like mom never did...

Grins,

clark.

(whose girlfreind is extending large amounts of energy and wrath towards 
changeing my slovenly ways...)

ps :-) *1000

    I actually prefer men as roommates, they feel less "demanding" to me as
    roommates, emotionally and time-wise, and in my experience they tend to
    not only be less bothered by little things, but when things do bother
    them they bring it up right away rather than festering away over it for
    long periods of time.  Of course, my experience with women as roommates
    is just a small sample, but I just feel really comfortable having men
    as roommates, and have had better luck with them.  When I was living in
    a ground floor apartment, it felt good to have a man in the apartment
    for vaguely protective reasons, and having his voice on the answering
    machine felt better too.
    
    -Jody
    

re .2

I fall into your "rest of us" type men, but neither of the two things has
happend to me.  i.e.  I am a reasonable neat person and when my mom does come
to visit she doesn't spend any time cleaning.  My house may not be as clean as
her house, but it's definitely not the home of a slob.  Maybe my mom trained me
correctly.

Rich

Actually, the only person I know of that's ever used my bar of Clinique
soap in the shower was female...

When I was 20 years old I shared a house with 3 men and one of the men's 2 year
old son.  This was one of the best living situations I've even been in.  One
of the fellows was a big slob (but so am I), the other was a great cook (which
I am not), and the last was just kind of "there".

We never had arguments like I've had living with women, they never really
put their noses in my business, and I always felt safe when I was home.  The
best part about it was how appreciative they were when I would do little
things like; clean their sink, empty out the fridge, fold a few clothes
that were accidently left in the dryer, or have some special little 
pathetic meal ready for them when they got home (I really cannot cook well).
They always found nice ways to say "thank you" for the little things.  They 
would help me out with "men" issues that I had questions about, and I would
help them with "woman" questions.

There were times that we went rounds, but I found the situation to be great,
all in all.

Well those are my thoughts.

Kel

    
    If you want one who's a neat freak... find someone who's served time in
    the armed forces... :-)
    
    				(hi Richard...)
    
    
    					jean

    I feel that I am a house broken male. I go on the papers and etc. I
    even do windows, Dec windows! Yuck-yuck-yuk! I am a landlord and I know
    how to clean and wash cloths and dish, make cookies for my 2 year old
    daughter. And cook a mean steak or chicken. Gee tracy I got lots of
    room in my apartment! Why I even iron my own clothes. What else could a
    woman ask! I am also known to do a wax job on my girlfriends cars. Got
    this neet orbital buffer. I don't know if you could find a better
    petagree animal.
    
    Growl Woof
    
    George

    I have a little different experience for you to consider in your next
    selection of a roomate.
    
    I hate to say it was just because it was a guy because I have had
    friends who have had guy roomates that worked out well.  Mine didn't. 
    There was just the two of us, maybe that was it, or maybe because of
    our differing social lives; mine active (dating), his not.  To me it
    wasn't the other's business because we both agreed to a "platonic"
    living situation.  He was neat, pleasant, and always willing to wash my
    dish that was in the sink.  All was great, UNTIL...
    
    I STARTED DATING...the neatness stayed but the pleasantness didn't, the
    smoking increased, the drinking increased, and verbal and physical 
    behavior toward me began.  First it started indirect with slamming
    doors when a date would stop by, being rude to them.  Then direct
    behavior at me; love notes ("even tho you don't want me to, I love you, 
    etc., etc.), nudity and playing mindgames like yelling during
    the night and turning the television up full blast, then off then on
    again in the middle of the night to get my attention (and demonstrate
    anger for feelings of affection not being returned).  Yes very bizarre.
    
    Well, I asked him to move since he breached our agreement and I had to
    end this (initially I thought he would just accept my rejection and move 
    on)  So I thought he should move, afterall, I lived up to the agreement.
    And my need was greater to stay there, I had a daughter in grammar school 
    in the neighborhood, she had her friends, activities, her world.  His 
    moving would not change his life.  We don't have any relatives within 
    3000 miles and he moved into the house from his parent's because I was
    looking for a roomate to find a place with.  His whole family is local.
    
    So, we moved.  It put us financially in the hole, my daughter only 
    rides her bike 1/2 mile farther to shcool and in order to prevent her 
    having to change schools we don't say anything to her school about moving.
    
    This is not the profile of every male roommate I am sure.  Probably not
    of most all of them.  But it is a situation to be learned from.  Not
    everyone is mentally healthy and anytime you take a stranger into your
    home beware.  It catches you off-guard, shocked.  And if it's a guy
    like this can you remove them from your house?  Consider the following:
    
    1.  Is the rental agreement in your name so you have control (our's was
        50/50)?
    2.  What do you know about him (really)?
    3.  Don't make excuses for drinking, drugs, lack of love life (this may
        be the key).
    4.  Don't rely strictly on a referal from a friend or relative (this
        was my best friend's brother).
    
    Really look at this person as they are.  I thought, what do I care
    about his lack of love life, it's not my business.  He made it mine 
    because after I reminded him of our agreement he continued to force his 
    feelings on me to the point of danger.
    
    I also had some male aquaintances and male neighbors say they thought I
    was very naive to think I could live in a platonic situation with a
    guy, that it was only a matter of time.  Other comments from male
    friends were that it's too hard once a guy has his mind set.  Others
    just said he was weird.  I think all apply here.  Maybe a house of more
    than two roomates is best when mixed.
    
    I entered my note "OPPOSITE SEX ROOMMATES - THE REAL SCOOP" to see if
    anyone else had this problem.  Everyone that responded didn't except
    one, who responded to me off-line via all-in-one.  It was a male who
    had a similar problem with a female roommate.
    
    Good luck.
                          

    re: .8
    
    My boyfriend served in the armed forces and he's a slob if I ever saw
    one.  Guess he's just a little rebellious!
    
    As far as choosing between a female and male roomate, I'd say choose a
    male, they're not as catty as women can be and when neither one of you
    have a date on a Friday night, you can go out together and no one will
    no that you didn't have a date on a Friday night but the two of you.
    :-)
    
    Lori B.

    re:  .8
    
    My boyfriend is in the armed forces and he is the biggest slob I have 
    ever met! 
    
    As for male roomates they are the BEST! I've had lots of roomates in
    the past (all women). I now have a male (have had for a year) roomate.
    This is the best roomate situation I have ever had and will never have
    a female roomate again! Definitely choose a male!
    
    

    For all the women who think that women make awful roommates, are
    you the type of woman you are talking about or are you the exception
    to the rule?  This reminds me a little of women who say they would
    hate to work for a woman.
    	Linda

Re: men don't get as catty as women:

Wanna bet dearie??

Grins,

clark.

    
    >Not that I'd rule out all girls, but I truley believe life would be 
    >better living wiht a guy. He won't be borrowing my clothes, he won't
    
    Oh! I'm a lumberjack and I'm O.K.!
    I sleep all night and I work all day!
    
    I put on womens clothing 
    just like my dear pa-paaa!
    
    (sorry you Pithon fans, I had to abridge this song�)