Conference quark::human_relations-v1

    "What happened... Are you Okay.... How did you hurt your...." Or
    any of the other lead in opening comments....
    
    "I hurt myself, I'd rather not talk about it, thank you."
    
    Then I go on about my business and don't worry about it... especially
    with people who ask that I don't know.  
    
    Skip

	Make up the most outrageous story you can think of and practice
telling it with a straight face.


						--D

    Hi Melanie,
    
       I had an eye infection a few years ago which forced me to wear 
    an eye bandage for 3 months.  I finally got tired of the "What 
    happened?" questions, so I began answering with "I sprained my
    ankle".  It worked.
    
    Claude
    
    
    

>	Make up the most outrageous story you can think of and practice
> telling it with a straight face.

	Oh, yes.

	"...Well, I've always wanted long, elegant-looking fingers, so
	when my aunt died and donated her body to science, I decided
	to have her fingers grafted onto mine at the knuckle.  But 
	I'm having them done one hand at a time so I don't lose the 
	use of both hands at once."

	"...Well, I was mugged a few months ago, and when I went to hit
	the attacker, wouldn't you know it, my hand fell off.  So I'm
	having it sewn back on."

	"I got my hand caught in one of the blades last time I went 
	luge-ing".

	"...Well, I didn't always drink my milk when I was growing up,
	so now that I'm an adult I don't have very strong bones."

	"...Well, I find that if I don't keep my hand tied on I tend to
	leave it places."

    That's one I can answer Mike... I wore an eye patch while in the
    Navy to strengthen a weak eye... everywhere I went... I was asked
    
    "What happened to your eye?"
    
    Not once but dozens of times....
    
    To continually day in and day out explain what happened ... nothing...
    I have a weak eye and the doc figures this will strengthen it...
    
    Followed by there story about an aunt, uncle, brother, sister, or
    themselves with the same thing and noddings sympathy that could
    lead to me wasting my time for as long as an hour... 
    
    Somewhere around the 3rd day of having a stranger ask me what happened,
    I got upset and told them to mind there own business... 
    
    Look at it this way... how would you feel if you walked into work
    wearing a red shirt and everyone wanted to know the motivations
    behind you selecting a red shirt to wear to work that day... not
    some people... but EVERY PERSON YOU PASSED.... by 5 oclock I'm sure
    you'd consider killing the next person to ask the question.
    
    In other words, you get tired of hearing the same question and going
    through the story over and over again several dozen times per day.
    
    SKip

    Thanks Skip, hit the nail on the head.
    
    Melanie

    God! What another sad commentary... 
    
    Why don't you just slug them?  Someone tries to show you a little
    concern and look what you give back...
    
    Why not just thank them for caring?  It may even make you feel better.

Re: .8

I don't think that in most cases people care, they just want to satisfy
their curiosity.

If it were me, I might try a response along the lines of Marty Feldman's
"Eye-gore" in "Young Frankenstein", when Gene Wilder's "Dr. Fronk-en-steen"
said that he could help get rid of Eye-gore's hump.  The respnse: "What hump?"

				Steve

    I dunno... maybe I'm too independent or have been taught to realize
    that if I'm injured it is ultimatly my own fault.  I don't like
    sympathy from strangers for an injury I've received... and I know
    that there are a LOT of people who feel the same way I do when they
    are questioned about an obvious injury by a total stranger... it
    isn't thier affair and they shouldn't worry about it.  A close 
    friend or familey member warrents an explaination.  An acquantence
    will even get an explaination... but a stranger?  Come on, I have
    a hard time beliveing that they are asking so they can offer me
    sympathy.  Just being nosey most likely.  
               
    Skip

    
    
    I injured my foot and up until two months ago I wore a cast as 
    well as a foot cover. Many people asked me the same question
    and I to became very tired of explaining my injury.
    Finally I just told them that it was a long story and ended the 
    conversation at that. It worked. I found that people did'nt
    want to hear a long story especially when they were not sure
    how long it would last.
    
    Good luck!!!
    
    Sue
    
    

    RE:.8
    
    If they're so caring why don't they ask all the time how I am or 
    why don't they ask, 'hi, how are you?'.  Picture yourself walking 
    down the street and a total stranger stopping you and asking, 
    'what happened?'.  Is that really caring?
    
    Melanie

    Q: What happened to you?
    
    A: Nothing.  I just wear this to try to get sympathy from strangers.
    
    -Mary

    Well, I was hit by a drunk driver six years ago, am STILL undergoing
    corrective surgeries and have endured 6 long years of WHAT HAPPENED's!
    I have some pretty brutal looking scars and a skin graft on my hand
    so when someone asks me what happened I tell them I hurt my hand
    punching someone who asked me "WHAT HAPPENED"!!!
    
    Just an aside here, I don't tend to mind when it is asked by someone
    I have known more than a couple of days, but to ask someone you
    just have met or don't even know is downright rude and unfeeling.
    Would you want to be reminded constantly of a terrible time in your
    life?
    
    -K

    Well when I know someone I do ask what happened, or how they are
    doing. Infact, I've found that a better response to seeing a friend
    or acquantance with an obvious injury is to ask how it is healing or
    how they feel. Then you are definitely caring and I've found I get
    a very appreciative response.
    
    I do recall almost 6 years ago, when my husband, Don hit himself
    in the face with a moving chain saw, that explaining what happened
    over and over at work the next few days almost made me ill. (I'd told
    a few people that I worked with but Don worked in the same building
    and had lots of friends so I kept being asked about �him.
    
    Bonnie

    Mike... you're missing the point... it isn't a reason to get upset
    if one person asks you ... it is when you are consistently asked
    by people who don't know you... it becomes old, tired, and bothersome
    to re-explain the circumstances invovled to people who's only reason
    for asking is self satisfaction of curiosity...
    
    It's not too bad when you have a minor injury but the question 
    occures in direct preportion to the apparent severity of the
    accident... it seems to be related to the same desire that makes
    everyone slow down at the scene of a traffic accident in hopes of
    seeing a dead/battered/bloody body.  The same type of people who
    go to auto races in hopes of seeing a wreck or other sports such
    as football in hopes of an accident.  Call it a curiosity about
    blood... not only is it rude (as mentioned before) but explaining
    the details over and over again becomes a royal pain... especially
    when it is 9 out of 10 times to someone who really has no personal
    interest other then satisfying there own curiosity.
    
    Going to a party one night and telling a joke... a real good joke
    that you enjoy telling to your friends... word spreads about your
    joke and next thing you know... everywhere you go someone asks you
    to tell the joke, in the morning as you walk out to get the morning
    paper, your neighbor who never even said hello before suddenly 
    walks up and says... "Hey pal... how bout telling me that joke"
    As you get in the car the garbage collector runs up and asks...
    "Hey I hear you know a pretty good joke how about telling me."
    You get to work, and the guy from the department down the hall that
    you occasinally node at while passing in the stairs looks at you
    and says "Hey, got time to tell me that joke pal?" As you walk to
    the cafe to get a cup of coffee the guy from purchasing that said
    you needed to sign off some paperwork or else asks you "Hear tell
    you know a good joke"  On the way back to your desk... to women
    stop you in the hall "Oh Mike, someone said you know a good joke..
    could you tell us?" (these are the same two girls who snubbed you
    last week when you asked them to join you for lunch and after you
    tell your joke you ask them again and they snub you once more.)
    You get to your desk with coffee and a Field Service rep walks buy
    on the way to fixing a printer..."Hey Bud, heard a good joke ?"
    You check your mail and theres three mail messages from people in
    three different departments asking you to write to them and tell
    them the joke, You go to break and a visitor from an outside vendor
    company stops you and asks if you will tell him the joke... maybe
    you enjoy this the first time it happens it's fun being popular
    the first day... now imagine that the routine happens (I've only
    gotten you through the first two hours of work here) all day, every
    day, at home, work, running personal errands, going out with friends,
    etc... every day for a week/weeks/month/months... everywhere you
    go you KNOW someone will ask you to tell the joke... the same joke
    exactly the same way everytime.... after a month of this, you decide
    to go to a comedy show for a break... you are sitting quitely at
    your table having a drink with your SO beside you anticipating a
    night of comedy and laughs... the lights dim and the comedian steps
    on stage... looks at you and asks "Hey bud... You got any jokes?"
    
    You tell me your reaction is going to be anything less then "tired
    of telling the same joke over and over and over and over and over"
    
    Get the idea now?
    
    Skip

    For crying out loud, Skip, are you gonna tell us the joke?

    Nope... ;-)
    
    However... I made the explaination seem kind boaring by going on
    and on... it's the same effect with "What Happened" Simply replace
    the joke itself with an obvious injury and the request to tell it
    with "What Happened?"... 
    
    Skip

    My few cents worth....
    If you don't like people asking what happened, move to a country where
    the rule is to leave people alone.
    I must admit, I haven't spent much time in the US (only 3 weeks in New
    England), and it seemed to me that people are *always* asking
    questions, varying from "Hi! How are you today?" when entering a shop
    or restaurant to "where did you buy those sneekers" and "how come you
    didn't eat all of your meal?"
    As a mere observer I'd say that asking questions is part of the
    American culture.
    Even ordering breakfast looked playing 20 questions ;-)
    
    Charles

    
    I had polio in 1950, I've been on braces and in wheelchairs ever
    seince.  There have been many questions, mostly from children.
    Yea I get tierd of the questions, sometimes I'm flip, sometimes
    I take the time to explain, somtimes I don't hear the questions,
    people won't ask mor than twice. My favorate is making up outragous
    sroies.
    
    I guess all I'm saying is it's life.  There are good things and there
    are bad things, and most people are still kids some of the time.
    
    
    Enough rabbling
    
    Wayne

    
    RE: 23
    
    Nope, not at all.
    
    Melanie

    Only if it's my doctor that's ignoring it.
    
    Skip

>    Finally I just told them that it was a long story and ended the 
>    conversation at that. 

Seems to me it's pretty easy to compress any story into one 
sentence. Or a phrase. Car accident. Cooking Burn. In fact,
this could be a great lab in learning how to politely 
terminate conversations.

People tend to be curious or just plain ole' interested 
in other people.  If you find the fact the people are
interested in you a problem, well .... consider a
contemplative order.  Or consider that you might be, by
default, asocial. That's OK. You should just not consider
yourself the norm (i.e., mathematical average) and everyone
else a nosey bumpkin.

An Aside. Someone should extract some of the remarks in
this string and post them in SINGLES. Apparently walking
around with a bandage is a great, non-threatening way
to establish contact: 

  "ah yes, feel out of my corvette ...
  "the sailboat rolled over on me .... 
  "dropped my spending money on my toe ..." meigs

re:         <<< Note 1082.26 by CADSE::GLIDEWELL "Wow! It's The Abyss!" >>>

>> Seems to me it's pretty easy to compress any story into one 
>> sentence. Or a phrase. Car accident. Cooking Burn. In fact,
>> this could be a great lab in learning how to politely 
>> terminate conversations.

Indeed. I had knee surgery a little over a month ago and I'm still wearing
this huge brace. When people ask I just say "I had knee surgery". This seems
to make them happy enough to go away. Some people are genuinely interested,
prehaps because they can relate, and I don't mind telling them the details
if they really wanna hear them. Maybe I'm odd (of course I am :-)) but the
questions don't really bother me. Kids are a riot though, my favorite was the
kid that said, "Mom! Look at that LADY!!". What a hoot.

Jenna

    I can relate to the comments that several have made about this
    inquisitiveness being an American trait. I'm English and when I first
    came to the USA I had a lot of problems with the question:
    
    "How are you?"
    
    that everybody seemed to ask me? My instant internal reaction, was well
    what's it got to do with you followed by. Someone I hardly know is
    'making' me think/work and say something. I never thought of it as a
    pleasant greeting. I remember sometimes even trying to give a real
    answer and was surprised that the person was already half way down the
    hall. I guess they really didn't want to know how I was. Now I
    just say the obligoritory (sp?) "Fine". I generally don't add the
    "and how are you?" that most people do. I don't believe in asking a
    question if I'm not too interested in the answer. Personally I
    prefer the "Good <time of day> <name>" as a way of greeting someone.
    1) It doesn't impose on them to say anything 2) It shows that you know
    who they are.
    
    Regarding your injury and everyone asking about it. I'd keep a little
    stack of cards and hand one out to all the nosy people that ask. You
    don't need to be truthful on the card. It's a shame, nowadays people
    think everybody elses business is their business. This is kind of
    related to the women in men's locker rooms note nearby in this file.
    
    Dave

    re: .29
    
    I'm not sure I agree that inquisitiveness is an American trait.  I use
    the following phrases interchangeably - "Hi", "Hello", "How are you?",
    "How's it going?", "What's up?", "What's happening?", "Good to see you".
    
    For me, it's a greeting, just as "Good morning" or "Good day" is to
    you.  When I spent time in Europe a few years ago I recognized the
    differences in greetings, social behaviors, etc. but I accepted them
    simply as differences.  I avoided passing judgements on those
    differences because I know how foreign our (American) behaviors must
    seem to outsiders.
    
    Do I want someone's life story when I "ask" how they are?  It depends. 
    If I'm sitting down having lunch with them and I say "how are you?", I
    generally want to know how they are.  If I'm passing them in the
    hallway at work, it's simply an acknowledgement of their presence and
    a casual greeting.  Well, it's generally understood to mean that. 
    Though I do understand why that would seem odd to someone not accustomed
    to hearing those greetings.
    
       - Larry

    
    Re -1
    Broadening the subject a little, I guess......
    
    A colleague of mine from here went on holiday in the U.S.. She was over
    for about three weeks - she is in a wheelchair, and has been from
    childhood, with severe spine scoliosis (I think it was originally
    polio)....
    Anyway, she said that she was amazed how many people said "What
    happened?" immediately she was introduced to them. People apparently
    assumed that she had had some kind of accident, when to her it was
    totally apparent that her situation was not the result of such.
    
    She's not someone who'se embarassed or defensive about her situation,
    and she'll usually respond perfectly openly to any reasonable questions
    or interest in her lifestyle. But after several weeks of questioning
    she felt forced to resort to being (what she felt was) extremely rude
    to "interested parties".
    
    She said that in the UK questioning on this scale had never happened,
    and she felt that it was a distinctly U.S. trait.
    
    

    RE: .30
    
    Larry, there is a difference between 'how are you?' and 'What
    happened!?'.
    
    /mjf

    re: .32
    
  >>  Larry, there is a difference between 'how are you?' and 'What
  >>  happened!?'.
    
  >>  /mjf
 
    Of course there is.  If you reread my reply, I never even addressed the
    base note topic or the question "What happened?"  My only comment was
    that it is unfair (to me) to label Americans rude, insensitive, or
    inquisitive solely based on the American use of the greeting
    "How are you?"
    
    The British comedian that stars in "Head of the Class" uses the word
    "brilliant" to describe something that is "awesome" or "fantastic".
    It's definitely a British use of the word and though it probably won't
    catch on here, I like it, it's different.
    
    In Italy, when you pick up the telephone you ask "Pronto?" before
    speaking.  Translated it means "(Are you) ready?".  In America, it
    would be considered ill-mannered or at the very least, odd to ask
    "Are you ready?" when answering the telephone.  Are Italians rude?
    Of course not.  It's simply a different language, a different way
    of communicating.
    
    American idioms:  a different language, a different way of
    communicating.
    
       - Larry