Conference quark::human_relations-v1

    My ex-wife and I just went to court on March 27.  We had separated a 
    year ago today but hadn't made the final decision until the fall.
    She filed on March 9 and since it was a no-fault, we were guaranteed to
    get a court date 2-4 weeks from then.

    Two months ago I was dreading the court day, thinking the worst was yet
    to come.  But the weekend before the going to court, I started feeling
    much better.  The actual day in court was anti-climactic, which is probably
    what you'll hear from other people as well.  It sounds like you have 
    definitely known for a year now that the marriage is over, so rather than
    dread the upcoming day, look to it as something that must be done.  I was
    relieved to get it over with.  I didn't feel free until I had gone 
    through the 'rites of passage.'  As far as a sense of loss, much of the
    acute pain from that has already been suffered.  There will be more to
    go through, but it can only get better with time.  All in all, there was
    a sense of gain, for you will finally feel ready to start a new phase of
    your life.

    You didn't mention how long it has been since you have seen your husband.
    My ex-wife and I had an amicable divorce (if there can be such a thing).
    We kept in touch, so it was no great shock to see her.  

    The process in court was not too bad, except you should expect some
    waiting around.  You have already gone through the emotional divorce,
    this is just the paperwork.  It took about 10-15 minutes in front of a 
    judge, in a private office.  I was so thankful for that, it seems demeaning
    to have to go through it in a large courtroom with other people.  After 
    it was over I went to work.  Kind of keeps your mind off it, don't want to
    be sitting around idly.  But you might want to have alternate plans, in
    case you do get shaken up.  Do something, anything, with a friend.
    
    I wish you the best of luck.  Take care of yourself this week.
    If you have any questions, just send me mail.
    

    Can I refer you to CSC32::NON_CUSTODIAL_PARENTS
    
    This conference contains entries solely from people who have been
    or are in your situation. I know what the title implies, I suggest
    it only as a source of information.
    
    FWIW, it's anti-climatic, but it did cause some feelings that took
    a long time to get over.

    I don't think my divorce was typical (you remember the $50 one).
    Let's see, when the day came I took the morning off because they
    don't indicate what time you will see the judge.  I walked passed
    my soon to be ex in the hall, didn't recognize him (oops). At the
    given hour everyone waiting for the day was herded into a small
    court room, there wasn't even room enough for everyone to sit down.
    Surprisingly we were the first case called, who knows how they chose
    that, certainly not alphabetical. We both stood before the judge. He asked
    us a couple of questions while reviewing the agreement of separation
    of property that I'd drawn up.I guess the only thing I'd missed
    was credit card debt, we has none (jointly). He asked me if I wanted
    to take back my maiden name (I didn't). And then he mumbled something
    about you'll hear from us in the mail. It was anti-climatic we weren't
    even sure if he was done (he looked back up and told us he was done)
    
    Walked out of the court, thankful to get that over in 5 minutes.
    I got a letter from the court in a couple of week, it was a scruffy
    form letter that indicated that the judge granted the divorce and
    that it owuld be final in three months from the issue of the letter.
    I think I'd filed in April and it was finalized by October. Took
    a lot more work to get married.
    
    Gail
    

    I dont know how it is like in different states, but in NH ...
    
    Uncontested cases, only the person filing shows up.  A couple of
    questions ( maybe not ) from a judge or a marital master ( like a
    paralegal ) or even a grunt or two from him is about all that happens. 
    You go in a private room to swear on the permenant stipulation
    statements.  In and out in less than 5-10mins.  Almost as fast a Burger
    King.
    
    Quite anticlimatic esp since the ex isn't there.  The main hall is
    filled with others just like you so its a NBD ( no big deal ).
    
    You have already done the hard / emotional part.  This is a formality.
    
    Now contested..... thats diffo.
    
    /t