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Conference quark::human_relations-v1

Title:	What's all this fuss about 'sax and violins'?
Notice:	Archived V1 - Current conference is QUARK::HUMAN_RELATIONS
Moderator:	ELESYS::JASNIEWSKI

Created:	Fri May 09 1986
Last Modified:	Wed Jun 26 1996
Last Successful Update:	Fri Jun 06 1997
Number of topics:	1327
Total number of notes:	28298

934.0. "Looking for a friend who likes to discuss feelings" by DELNI::BRADLEE () Fri Dec 29 1989 15:30

    I don't read notes very often.  But every now and then I skim through
    to see if there is something I might be interested in.  I do love
    people and I do enjoy talking about feelings, which is what usually
    draws me to this conference.  
    
    I just finished a book titled, "Passive Men, Wild Women".  I chose the
    the book because of the title, of course, but also because that is how
    I view my husband and I.  The book however, was not exactly what I
    thought.   To me a wild woman is someone who enjoys life and loves to
    dance and experience new things.  She is spontaneous, can stay up till
    all hours with people and again, simply enjoys life.  The more people you
    surround me with, the more alive I become.  
    
    It was an interesting book of only about 140 pages.  I was wondering if
    anyone out there has read it, and what they thought of it.  My husband
    refuses to do this, "touchy feely" stuff, and I find it incredibly
    fascinating.  So, what I am looking for from this note is someone to discuss
    feelings and stuff like that with.  Especially the feelings that men
    will never talk about. You know what I mean.  You say to your husband
    or SO, "What are you thinking about" and he ALWAYS says, "Nothing". 
    And you respond, "Nothing, what do you mean nothing?!?!?! My mind is
    always going!!!!!! How can there be nothing going on in your head?" 
    Or you say, "What do you feel about XYZ?"  And your SO says, "It's no
    big deal, doesn't matter to me."  Or some other unrevealing response.  
    
    Well, I am looking for someone(or several someones) who is willing to 
    read that touchy feely stuff and discuss it with me.  Anyone out there
    interested in maybe building a friendship and trust where you can talk 
    openly and discuss/share "real" feelings.  Or, we can just read books
    and discuss what affects or feelings the book provoked in us.
    
    I look forward to hearing from you.
    
    Monica

T.R	Title	User	Personal Name	Date	Lines
934.1	All the touchy feely guys are here	XCUSME::KOSKI	This NOTE's for you	`Fri Dec 29 1989 15:35`	5
	Well you've come to the right place, your request sounds like a charter for this conference. People will talk wbout feelings. But they will do it in this public forum. Gail
934.2	Core group?	CADSYS::PSMITH	foop-shootin', flip city!	`Fri Dec 29 1989 16:08`	13
	You might also want to think about starting or joining a core group. They discuss issues (male/female dynamics, cultural dynamics, valuing differences-type stuff) that the group decides they are interested in exploring. I'm not sure if the core group program is part of Personnel or Valuing Differences. I'm about to join a core group that started forming when we were all in a male/female valuing differences workshop together. Ask your personnel rep or PSA for more information. (I am not an expert!) Pam
934.3	Too far	JUMBLY::POTTEN	Trevor Potten, Media Services Manager ESDP(Europe)	`Mon Jan 01 1990 12:15`	7
	I am very much in favour of what you say. I would like to chat too, but as 3000 ish miles is too far can we use this conference at all? I wish you luck in your search anyway ... Best ...Trevor
934.4	communication breakdown	CSCMA::PERRY		`Tue Jan 02 1990 13:24`	22
	How about this one.... Communication between spouses. I have only loved one person in my life (I'm only 28). And the thing was - - she was TERRIFIC. But something happened... We stopped talking. We could go on about the weather, polotics and world events without any problem. But when it came to discussing our feelings, we stopped short. I really say it was her. And she says it was probably her - - it's been 2 1/2 years (we still talk, and have dinner and such), so we are a little easy about talking these days. But that communication thing in a relationship is probably the toughest thing. You can't guess what the other is thinking, you need to talk. I guess this reply has to do with your mentioning your husband's inability to talk about stuff. re: TREVOR - - why not talk over 3000 miles? joe
934.5	Communication	MJOFS::BRUMBAUGH		`Wed Jan 03 1990 17:12`	12
	Talking -- yep, I agree, communication IS one of the MOST important things in a relationship. Without it what do you have??? - didley... Will your husband cooperative at all? Could you try to set aside even 5 minutes a week to talk? Call it a personal "open-air" session. Each person takes a turn to talk about what might be bothering them. AND each takes a turn to compliment the other!! A person can never get enough compliments/pat on the back's/warm fuzzey's etc. Do you have any idea why your hubby has a hard time talking? Could he be embarrassed (when it comes talking about "loving" things) Know what I mean? Well I'm all for talking openly/honestly. Write to me via mail if you want.... Cyn
934.6		CGVAX2::MCKINNON_D		`Wed Jan 17 1990 16:46`	3
	where can I get this book? dennis