Conference quark::human_relations-v1

924.0. "living arrangements advice sought" by FSHQA2::AWASKOM () Mon Dec 18 1989 12:24

	There is a situation which is causing a friend of mine a significant
amount of pain and aggravation.  I am looking for various alternatives and
advice which I can give him.

	He is currently living in an apartment with 4 people.  The woman
who holds the primary lease is subletting individual rooms to the other
3 people.  She works with my friend's mother, who found him this living
arrangement about 4 months ago.  He pays $80 a week, which includes some
of his meals (any which he eats at the apartment - she does the cooking).
In return, he is responsible for helping with house maintainance.  The
primary difficulty is that he and this woman absolutely, positively *do
not* get along.  In the 6 weeks that I have known him, she has kicked
him out 4 times.  (This means that he shows up to see me, and all of his
clothes are in the back of his car.)  So far, she has always called up
and asked him to come back.

	The source of most of the arguments is that this woman is trying
to be the one who determines where my friend can go, who he can go out
with, who can come over and visit him, what his work and job habits should
be, etc., etc.  She is also trying to act as intermediary between him and
his family (and not being overly honest in the process).

	Currently, he has been laid off from work (he's looking for a new
job) and has no driver's license.  The apartment is near public transport.
He is also able to practice his music in this location (which might be
difficult in another apartment).

Suggestions that I can pass along?  Many thanks.

Alison

    This sure is a strange arrangement.  Well, I am not a lawyer, but :-)
    how can she "kick your friend out" if your friend is subletting and
    paying a monthly rent?  He can refuse to leave, you know.
    
    Eugene

    If he has a LEASE he can't be kicked out.  If he has no LEASE, she can
    do whatever she feels like, and if he wants to balk, fine - but since
    she owns the place, there's very little he can do....
    
    I'd say he should look for another place to live, unless he likes this
    kind of treatment.  But that's just my opinion, of course...
    
    -Jody
    

    re .0, Alison-
    
    > The source of most of the arguments is that this woman is trying
    > to be the one who determines where my friend can go, who he can go
    > out with, who can come over and visit him, what his work and job
    > habits should be, etc., etc.
    
    Ah, the interminable busybody.  It takes a deft touch to handle
    that.  Sounds like your friend has got the part about not letting
    her interfere with his life right; now he needs to think about the
    part where he doesn't give her any handles with which to start
    arguments.  How he lives his life is none of her business, he's
    renting space, not an advisor...rather than being drawn into dialogues
    with her, when she starts the intrusive question routine, he should
    just walk away from the conversation.  She may eventually get the
    message.
    
    DougO