Conference quark::human_relations-v1

    Re:   To understand such individuals have you ever tried 
          using the basic meaning of behaviors that fall under:
    
          Reaction Formation: ?
    
          Scapegoating:       ?
    
        Mote-beam Projection  ?
    
        It might help a bit   ! 

>    How do you deal with "self-righteous" people?

 With kid gloves, usually.

>Should I get  upset over this person, should I do
>    something, or say something to my manager  BEFORE it starts effecting
>    my health (sorry... too late!)

 You should definitely say something to your manager. Your health, physical and
mental, comes before someone else's ego. Put this into perspective- you are
a human being with a job. It is only a job. Don't let someone else adversely
affect your health and keep quiet about it. You have a right to a decent job
environment.

 Explain the situation (including the stress) that the SRP is causing you to
your manager. Manage your manager- keep the heat on him/her until you are
satisfied. If you are not happy at your job, you must do something to change
that.

>That's obvious, but it gets harder each day attempting
>    to work under these conditions and I get very depressed over it.

 Don't accept it. don't be hushed, either. it's their problem, don't let it
become yours. You have rights- assert them.

 The Doctah

    Re: .0
    
    Check out _Coping with Difficult People_ by Robert M. Bransom.  (Very
    useful, as well as being a fun read.)  You're probably most interested
    in Chapter 7 on "Know-It-All Experts."  The thrust of the book is not
    how to change the difficult person's behavior, but how to handle
    yourself so that you can get done what you need to get done without a
    lot of aggravation.

.0 brings up a very interesting question, which merits some further 
analysis. For instance:

>	People that are always sure of themselves, whether they are
>	right, or wrong, but when they are wrong they #1 never admit
>	it, #2 still feel they're right, #3 will be happy to prove
>	you are wrong no matter what.

The question comes up, how is the author different than the PWISOH
(person who is sure of himself). The author, too, has not admitted
to being wrong. The author, too, still feels he is right (in spite
of the good will shown by the PWISOH in trying to explain to the
author why he is wrong). And the author, too, persisted in trying
to prove the other person was wrong, by writing this long note. 

If we ask the PWISOH for his opinion of the author, we may be
surprised to hear that he thinks the author is "sometimes, stubborn
individual (if not always), disagreeable, extremely hard to work
with especially within a group working on the same project.". In
short, he may think the author is a PWISOH himself. 

I am not saying all this just to get the author mad at me (even
though I have probably succeeded anyway), but to suggest that maybe
a different avenue of thought is in order.


>	You send them reports on "your" part of the project and
>	before it goes to documentation, they take it upon
>	themselves to rewrite it to please themselves.

The question comes up, is it just "to please themselves", or have
the PWISOH possibly managed to improve on your work (it's always
easier to improve an existing work than to create it from scratch)?
In other words, should you be angry at him, or thankful? 

This reminds me of... I'll call him Jim, who was responsible for a
complex technical proposal that kept four Engineers busy for several
weeks. Well, one of them was occupied with other interests. As a
result, his part did not come out as well as we hoped. Rather than
hassle him with it, Jim chose to stay late a couple of nights, to
rewrite the engineer's chapters. He then Emailed a copy of the
edited text to the engineer. 

Now, the engineer could have easily thought Jim a PWISOH. Instead,
he sent him a thank you Email, noting the improvements in the text.
And why not? Jim made HIM look better by putting in the work and
also helped him to improve his next effort, by demonstrating what
the final spec should look like. 

Of course, Jim's working relationship with the engineer was probably
better than the author's relationship with his PWISOH. But, isn't it
up to the author to improve his working relationship with everyone
in his group, including all PWISOHs? 


>	How do *you* handle the stress of working with a
>	"self-righteous perfect person"? They're just a legend in
>	their own mind. 

In addition to the book mentioned in a previous reply, there is 
also a seminar, called, surprisingly enough, "How to Work with 
difficult people". I can save you a hundred bucks or so by telling 
you what's it all about in several words:

	o  Everyone is a DP (difficult person), including the 
	   subject of your note, me, you, all Digital employees 
	   and citizens of the USA, USSR and China, with the 
	   exception of a small village near Peking.

	o  All PWISOHs are DPs, but not all DPs are PWISOHs.

	o  If you treat a DP or PWISOH the same way you would want
	   others (who think **you** are a DP or PWISOH) to treat
	   you, your problem will likely be solved.

I wish you the best of luck.

-- Ron