Conference quark::human_relations-v1

    	You just don't seem to realize how lucky you are!  A child is a
    blessing.  Be thankful!
    
    	Yes, things are going to change - a lot.  You will give up a
    lot of sleep, money, time, energy, in short - invest a large part of
    what you are into raising him/her.  And worth every lost moment of
    sleep, every dime, all the time and energy you contribute!  It is
    very satisfying to watch a child grow, learn, prosper...
    
    	I suppose I should mention that we have been blessed with four
    children (18, 15, 12, and 7).  As I have told my wife many times,
    "What would we do without [name here]?"
    
    	You mention all the "games" you still like to play.  Even better!
    You can get to do them with your child - they will provide such great
    excuses to "play" all sorts of games again!  For example, I went out
    and bought a sleeping bag for my 40th (shhh) Birthday!
    
    	And I would also point out that since you are fairly young, you
    are more able to enjoy more things than if you were older.  Camping
    out on the ground may lose its charm when you are 60 (or it may not!).
    I believe it is better for the child to have younger parents for a
    whole lot of reasons!
    
    	Regarding your qualms.  As we get older, both our ability and to
    some extent our desire to have children fade.  We get set in our ways.
    You only come this way once.  Let me ask whether you would rather look
    back in 20 years and wonder what it would have been like to have a
    child?  To have missed the boat completely.  Some people cannot have
    children and some choose not to - do you think it is better to wonder
    what it might have been like?  I can assure you that it is far better
    to have the doubts you have now than to regret a decision to "wait a
    little longer..."
    
    	Be thankful!  A child is likely to bring a whole new dimension to
    your life.  It is one thing to watch children in general - it is quite
    another matter to raise a few of your own.  There is a certain deep
    satisfaction that most parents share.  There's nothing quite like it!
    
    	Good luck!
    
    Dave Eklund
    

    I'm not a parent myself so I can't give you any advice, but you
    might want to try reading the note on Fatherhood in the MENNOTES
    conference. I believe its one of the most recent notes. Some of
    the replies may make you feel more positive about your impending
    fatherhood.
    
    Debbie
    
    
    

    
    I never had an overwhelming desire to be a parent.  I didn't
    particularly like other people's kids. Frankly, I much preferred
    dogs.
    
    9.5 years ago my son was born.  In the delivery room, I sure
    didn't feel maternal.  I can only remember feeling disappointed
    that I had gone thru 8 months of a very difficult pregnancy, and
    24+ hours of very difficult labor and delivery, and I had a BOY!
    YUCK!  The next morning I saw my baby.  Love at first sight DOES
    exist.  Suddenly, this child was not "a boy"-he was MY BABY!
    
    Being a parent has been, without a doubt, the most fulfilling role
    of my life.  Thru James, I have matured, grown and become a better
    person. At the same time, he has kept me from 'growing old'.  Quite
    the contrary, he keeps me young!  
    
    We have fun together!  We are growing together.  He is the most
    important thing in my life.  I have been truly blessed.  God certainly
    knew what he was doing when he assigned me to be that child's mother.
    
    Congratulations!  You are about to embark upon the most exciting,
    fulfilling and wonderous adventure of you life!  There will be pitfalls
    and moments when you ask yourself "How did I ever get myself into
    this?"  
    
    Try not to worry too much about what it's going to be like to be a
    father.  Believe me, you can't possibly imagine....I'm afraid it's
    one of those things you have to experience first hand!!
    
    Deb
    
    

    When I proposed to my wife, her acceptance was conditional on having
    kids which I didn't want. She wanted at least 5 we compromised on 2.
    The first was born when I was 32, the 2nd when I was 35. They have
    enriched my life beyond measure. My ONLY regret has been that because
    of my OWN limitations I have not been able to be sufficiently childlike
    with them. The lightness and joy of being a little boy is a wonderful
    attribute for a father to have and share with his kids.

    One of the reasons that my husband and I enjoyed having little
    children (and why we ended up with five kids) is that we enjoyed
    doing the kinds of things that kids like to do...so the fact
    that you are still a kid inside should make having children
    a plus. You will have little people who enjoy the same things
    you do, and an excuse to do them!
    
    Also try terza::parenting..there are a lot of new parents in
    that file, they should be able to give you lots of good advice
    and share experiences with you.
    
    Press the 7 on your key pad to add parenting to your notebook.
    
    Good Luck!
    
    Bonnie

    Shhhhhh....don't let your child ever know you had doubts...because
    they might not make you a grandparent.
    
    That is true joy!
    
    

    I can't even imagine a life without kids though I know there are
    people who can.  Mine brought more joy to my life than I've ever
    had from anything or anyone else.  Growing up with your kids can
    be great fun.  I have a son now who's almost 17 and his friends
    all like me.  I've heard them say, Boy your mother is really
    'cool', or that's your mother!  I thought she was your older sister.
    Of course, I was just a baby when I had him (hahaha)...well, not
    that old anyway.  Kids are alot of responsibility but reading all
    of the things you like to do, your child will love it!  I truly
    believe once that baby comes, your doubts will go.  Enjoy!!
                                                        
    

         I had always planned on having a wife, two kids, a dog and a
    house, the standard, social norm that's been presented to me most of my
    life.  Well, except for the second kid I have it, and let me tell you,
    it's not all the brochures say.
    
         I'm sure that it's great for most people, and that most people
    really enjoy it, but don't buy into something just because most people
    enjoy it.
    
         I was looking forward to my son's birth, and still wouldn't change
    that.  He is wonderful, and raising him is wonderful.  I enjoy being
    with him, seeing how he interpruts the world and playing with him.  I'd
    say that he is the most important person in my life right now.  My wife
    wants a second child, but I'm not looking forward to having another
    child.
    
         Your fears about losing some of your freedom are true, but
    hopefully you'll enjoy your child enough to outweigh that loss.  And
    one day you will regain that freedom, in fact your child might be your
    companion in your activities.
    
         Its too late to negotiate having a child, but I'd suggest voicing
    your concerns to wife and trying to work out a way for you to feel less
    "trapped".  I suggest that you get involved in your child as soon as it
    is born.  Changing diapers is easy, feeding is a lot of fun.  I fondly
    remember looking into my son's eyes while I was feeding him his bottle.
    Children *CAN* be a lot of fun, so open yourself to the possibilities.
    
         I hope that you enjoy your child as much as I enjoy my son.  But I
    suggest that any of you who have strong doubts about having children
    make sure you know what you're getting into before you go ahead and
    have them.  The only thing worse than a parent who doesn't want
    children is a child of a parent that doesn't want children.
    
    ASP

    Hate to break the bad news, but you are in for more than you bargained
    for here.  You can expect many sleepless nights, frustration and
    feelings of helplessness.  Additionally you can expect that big
    hug around the neck simply for the 'love' of it, the true meaning
    of 'unconditional' love and the responsibility that comes with it.

    Many hours of excited play; and now you can build that balsawood
    airplane and fly it outside without feeling selfconcious!!  You
    will discover 'play' again, like you never did as a child and you
    will, at some time, realize that it is your child that was the key
    to that locked up part of yourself.
    
    There will be good times and bad.  During the good times you will
    understand what 'carefree' means and what went on when you were
    a child and you were creating memories.  Durring the bad times you
    may notice the desire to call your mom and apologize...  ;-)

    I have a car plate that reads "I MAY BE GETTING OLDER BUT I REFUSE
    TO GROW UP".  That is more than a cute plate for my car, it is the
    creed that I live by.  Someone once commented that a certain activity
    of mine (model rocketry) seemed like quite a childish thing to do,
    I commented "Why thank you, it is!".  I have always had the 'kid'
    in me and some have called it an endearing quality.  I know my children
    love it and I can't imagine being closer to anybody than I am to
    Jen and Joe.
    
    So, play your games, but head this warning.  Stay sharp and keep
    in practice...   ...or you may find your children teaching you more
    than you bargained for.
    
    Good luck and love to all
    jim
    PS: Don't worry about not 'feeling' like a parent.  I am 33 with
    two children (4 & 7) and *I* don't feel like a parent (neither does
    my mother, for that matter...), rather I feel like a very special
    person who has been provided with a second childhood.
    

    Being is parent is not something OLD people do. I was 18 the first time
    I became a parent, still a kid myself. I missed out on alot of things
    that 18 year olds should be doing, but I've never regretted it for a
    minute. I now have two daughters and have had alot of wonderful and
    memorable times participating in their activites as they have grown up.
    In fact....some of their freinds always comment on how they wish their
    parent were younger and did things with them.
    
    I know that it is frightening at first and it is a big responsability
    being a parent, but consider yourself lucky. I have had freinds that
    would give anything in the world to be able to just get pregnant. Try
    and understand and share in your wife's happiness and get involved in
    the progress of the pregnancy. The miracle of birth is so amazing and
    when you see what you have created all your fears will go away.
    

    Surely one of the most magnificent moments in my life was holding
    our first child for the first time.  I predict the appreciation you 
    and your wife will have of your creation will put aside much of
    the apprehension you're experiencing.  The wonderful experiences
    expressed previously to your note say it ALL and it sounds like you'll
    be a great Dad.
    
    ...and one of the nicest gifts you can give is HONESTY and you have
    been that, not only with your wife, but with yourself and your expected
    baby.  Keep giving and expecting that throughout life and you and your 
    family will be a huge success!  
    
    CONGRATULATIONS to you, your wife and the (little) person! 
    that gift and

	I'm not sure any of you have responded to the author.

	I read several issues he has:

	1)	His wife has gone through dramatic physical changes.
		This may be drastically reducing the married couple's
		sex life.

	2)	The husband is worried about losing his freedom to
		do the things he wants, since he'll have to be taking
		care of the child.

	3)	The husband associates childbearing with being "old", since
		everyone from his past that had children was "old".

I read the responses, and lots of you share your wonderful experiences
as parents.

But this doesn't address the author's concerns necessarily.

I'm sensitive to this, because I don't yet have children, and when
thinking about whether I want them or not, some of the exact same issues
come up for me.

I can sure relate to the author's issues.

For one thing, I'd say it's important to be able to talk to your wife
about the issues.

For example, if you are feeling you can't touch her for fear of injuring
the fetus, let her know!  Maybe she can talk to the doctor.  Maybe the
doctor will say sex and physical rambunctious activity is o.k. and you
don't need to be deprived.

Perhaps you're feeling sexually turned off to her gain in weight ?  Again,
if you can talk to her about that, do !  What seems like might be merely
insulting to her will probably actually draw you two closer together, out
of your honesty.

And the confusion about whether you really want a child.  Just because
you're committed now to having one, you can STILL communicate your doubts,
frustrations and fears.  Don't hold them in.

Certainly, by writing about your concerns in this notes file is a big step.
You had to open yourself up bravely to do that.  And I'm glad you were brave
enough not to hide yourself as an "anonymous submitter".

But you need to consider that next step.  Of communicating with your wife
about these matters...

/Eric

     Re: .0

     John,

	  I think I can understand your feelings.  At 28, I became a
     somewhat relucatant father.  Not as reluctant as you apparently are,
     but not entirely gung-ho, either.

	  I found it a big step.  I found it a frightening step.  I found
     it a step I took with trepidation.  For the first time in my life, I
     had _people_ _depending_ upon me.  Oh, yes, before I had projects or
     managers "depending" upon me -- but it's not the same thing.  Managers
     and projects can always hire another software grunt, or another
     project leader, or whatever.  It's more difficult to hire another
     father.  I went through periods of elation, periods of depression,
     periods of fear, periods of flat-out panic.

	  In retrospect, I find it interesting to examine the fear.  I was
     afraid that I would not be able to be a good parent.  I was afraid
     that I would not measure up.  I was afraid that I would fail.  I was
     afraid of all that responsibility.

	  To an extent, I masked that apprehension by being apprehensive
     about other things.  What would change about my life?  What would
     change about the marriage?  Would we still be able to afford to buy
     things?  Would we still be able to go out to dinner, and just be
     alone, now and then?  Would we still make love?  (Answers:
     everything, everything, never again, no, and not for a long time.)

	  I think I agree with you, in a sense.  Having children is
     something grown-ups do.  But I think that, in this sense, what
     characterizes a grown-up is acceptance of responsibility, not whether
     or not one does video games.  The results are a mixed bag.

	  My son is six now, and my daughter is three.  We've had good
     times, we've had bad times.  I've put my fist through walls in
     frustration (hint:  make sure you know where the studs are!), thrown
     up while changing particularly messy diapers, cuddled a screaming
     monster for six hours when I wanted desperately to sleep, called the
     pediatrician at three o'clock in the morning and met him in the
     emergency room at three twenty, had long talks with doctors about
     truly frightening test results, cared for and then caught every cold
     going through pre-school.  I've chased away monsters, rubbed backs,
     read stories by the hour, talked long in very simple language about
     very profound issues (such as coersion, war, and death).  I've sent to
     their rooms, remodeled to have rooms to send to, made pick up, waited
     impatiently for getting dressed.  I've panted in glorious exhaustion
     after no-holds-barred tickle sessions, agreed that Orion's belt is
     made up of stars that are particularly bright, gravely accepted
     bouquets of dandelions, been surprised into tears by an unexpected but
     particularly loving kiss.

	  I've been a father.  It's a mixed bag.  I wouldn't trade it for
     anything else in the world.

			       Brian Hetrick

     PS:  I don't do video game parlors any more, even through I can still
     get the number one or number two spot on the games I'm interested in.
     More of a challenge at home with my son and Nintendo.  Someday, I hope
     to be as good as he. . . .  I think "old" translates to "responsible,"
     not "fuddy-duddy."

    	I was a father at 25, 29, and again at 33. The first two were
    girls. I learned how to play Barbies, watch Sesame Street, Zoom,
    Electric Company. I read more books than I ever had, and began to
    understand life like never before. 
    
    	Forget about the "physical" person you're in love with. The
    belly goes down etc. Unless she's experiencing problems, sex can
    still fun and rather innovative. You can have coitus until the doc
    says stop. 
    
    	Old? I felt older at 19 than I do now. I play video games with
    the kids, swim, joke, and best of all, I embarass my 14 year old
    daughter as often as I think she can take it by acting 14. my 10
    year old thinks I'm the smartest and bestest person ever created,
    and I have to agree.
    
    	My son is 6 and there are times that I wish he had been the
    first because I can't do what I could at 29, but then I realize
    I do better at other things now that are just as important. 
                        
    	Relax, enjoy this. You are about to embark on the greatest
    rollercoaster ride you'll ever experience. Let us know when #2
    is on the way.....8^)
    
    Ken

    
       Thanks all.
    
       The closer I get to the BIG day when my wife will as I like to
    say "push the Puppy" The more I have come to grips with what this
    is all about. 
    
       Brian,
    
       You seem to have hit closest to home with your observations and
    I can understand what your saying very well.     Thanks !
    
    
       Thank you also to everyone else who took the time to share thier
    feelings and show some genuine concern for my situation.  All the
    effort and thought is greatly appreciated.    Thanks !
    
           John C.
    

If you don't want to have children, then you shouldn't have children.  You are
being taken for a ride for the next 20 years against your will.  No one should
have to take on that responsibility against their will.  No one should be a
parent untill they consciously make the decision to have children.  Expect
heavy weather ahead.

My experience:  I have two unwanted 2 & 4 year old boys, whom I love.

The good side is that most of good things they say can be true too.  The
children are not responsible for their parents mistakes.  Just remember that
they are children, not adults; don't expect too much of them. Don't get too hung
up on being a parent; take the time to play. 

'you are lucky'

This attitude makes me sick.  It doesn't matter how wonderfull kids are or
how many other people wish they could have kids.  What matters is whether
*he* wants kids and whether *he* has any choice about it.

Jim.

    I haven't the intention of telling you if you will be happy when
    that child comes or not.  Frankly, you seem to be quite concerned
    about the issue of age in relation to what you think kids do and
    grown-ups do.  [I stand willing to be corrected]  Your wife's
    rounded shape is a temporary problem, and by now you should be able
    to discuss personal issues with her Gyn and get that settled.  
    
    Having a child--being responsible for anyone or anything of value--is
    difficult enough when one fully and consciously accepts the
    responsibility. If you have serious doubts, perhaps you and your
    wife should consider talking them over with a disinterested 3rd
    party.
    
    When I had my first child, I was 19 and my husband 26.  I haven't
    the foggiest idea if he was concerned about being a parent other
    than we both figured that this was what people who took on the
    responsibility of marriage etc. just *did*.  I know that deep down
    I was both scared and happy.  We loved each other and bought into
    the belief that love would make it all work out.
    
    Well, we ended with 4 children, and often teased each other saying
    that it was probably due to our having moved so often [he was a
    field electronics engineer] or the water we drank, or the other
    one was a sexual maniac.  
    
    We had good times, bad times, so-so times, and I don't think either
    of us would have denied that at times we wished we had never started
    having babies.  Only in learning to become a unit of 6 instead of
    an individual of 1 did we learn the lessons of life as it is, not
    as we wanted it to be.  
    
    But he died 7 years ago, and it is those children, and the three
    grandchildren at whose altars I worship, that keep my life on its
    even keel.  I may not see my children for weeks on end; but they
    are my friends as well as my family.  
    
    M  
    
    
    
     

    Hurrah to .17! I too married at 19 and was a mother of two beautiful
    girls by the age of 22, had my third child (a boy, and oh, what a boy!)
    at the age of 30 and thoroughly enjoyed every single minute of
    motherhood.  Our girls graduated from college and work in their
    respective fields and the boy is in high school.  Never for a moment I
    could see me without "my kids" they are the glory or our marriage.  We
    play tennis, travel together, entertain together, (their friends as
    well as mine) and well, THEY are the best thing that ever happened to
    us. (Who cares for a sleepless night???) BIG DEAL!!!
    

    
    
    Hello John                      
    
    	I have only read your note - so please excuse if my sharing
    	this experience with you is a repeat of any other noter.
    	Its just that I got so upset when I read your note - I just
    	had to reply a.s.a.p.
    
    	I am married still.  But boy what an experience my pregnancy
    	was.  I can only describe it as the most unhappy period 
    	I have ever experienced - but survived.
    
    	My husband was so hostile during my pregnancy - I thought I would
    	be better off without him, for ever. On announcing to him I
    	was pregnant - his concerned reply was "Shit - I need this like
    	a hole in the head", he constantly badgered me about it - and
    	accused me of doing it deliberately -  I could have killed him.
    	
    	His main concern was that he would no longer be the centre of
    	attention - can you believe his selfishness - he couldn't or
    	wouldn't see the positive at all.
    
    	I understand you are not as hostile as my husband to the 
    	reality of this child, but don't under any cirumstances 
    	voice these feelings at this point in time to your wife.
    	It will not help her or you, you are both fragile - but
    	you do get a whole nine months to get used to the idea.
    
    	However, on the day of reckoning - my husband became all 
    	loving and Daddy like.  He was at the birth - which he
    	said he would not be at - he didn't really care about 
    	the name, which was on the top of his tounge the minute 
    	she was born - Samantha.
    
    	Enjoy your new responsibility - you are going to 
    	learn more about yourself (as you already discovered) and
    	life than you ever thought possible.            
    
    	My gilr's name is Sam as she likes to be called - and I 
    	absolutely adore her. She is her Daddys girl, no doubt 
    	about it.  Did you ever meet a Dad who comes home every
    	and I mean every evening, with a little gift for his child,
    	even when he's not there he buys in advance so as he can
    	have me give them to her.
    
    	Just take the time you are getting now (9 months) to adjust
    	and maybe you kid will like you too.  
    
    	My apologies for going on and on.
    
    	Regards
    	A.

    
    RE: .12
    
    To Eric and the Author,
    
    Eric you are being to analytical to the situation at hand.
    
    I think all of us who have been expectant parents at one time have
    felt the same feelings that the author of this conference is feeling.
    
    First time parents, whether the birth is planned, unexpected or are
    not sure of having children at all, have so many mixed emotions.  I
    saw in my husband the same of what the author is going through.  We
    were able to talk about things not only between ourselves but including
    the doctor in some of the topics as well.  This was a big help as our
    first was not a planned effort and niether of us had really been around
    children, much less a new-born infant.
    
    Having children does not mean that you will no longer be able to enjoy
    your interests as well.  You learn to adjust and include your children
    into your lifestyle.  If its bicycling you enjoy, get a child child
    seat for your bike.  This may not happen right away, but in the first
    stages, you learn as parents to take turns at pursing your hobbies.
    
    In actuality - having a child almost lets you yourself go through a
    second child hood, such as: getting to see those Disney movies you've
    wanted to see, but don't want other people to see your interest in
    child-like activities.  This is just a for instance.
    
    My first born was my daughter and I can remember my husband saying
    "what do you do with a little girl?"  The best advice he got was from
    my mother in replying "the same things you do with little boys".
    
    I also went through the guilt trip of my body changing physically, as
    I've, for the most part, been fairly physically fit.  But found the 
    enlarged portions went away pretty quickly after birth, due to exercise
    and proper diet.  As a man - I don't feel you married your wife for her
    body, as she is still the same person you had married.  Both people in
    this instance need to be a little understanding of each other.
    
    So....relax and enjoy.  You've created something wonderful and a definite
    fulfilment in your life.  When your child is born you will realize how
    much love you have in your heart for this tiny person and for the
    person with whom you share this child with.
    
    -Lynn
    

    I have another comment that is somewhat related (somewhat not...
    ;-)
    
    I have heard several people comment on the size increase of the
    mother during pregnacy.  In most, if not all, cases this was refered
    to in a negative manner.
    
    Am I the only one that finds a woman 'with-child' as attractive,
    pretty, even sexy?  I don't know if my wife had a problem with her
    size at the onset, but if she did it didn't last; not with the
    attention she would get from me.  She looked radiant.  Healthy and
    happy.  Sure she had her bad moments, bearing children is not 'fun',
    but neither is it ugly (or even unattractive, IMHO).
    
    just my 2� worth.
    jim
    

 re: .22
    
    Neither do I.
    
    jim
    

I guess it depends on your previous experiences, and on how the mother acts
during the pregnancy.

I know playboy or penthouse had a issue of pregnant women.  I know that some
pregnant women can look lovely, but my personal experience is to the contrary.

Look at the bright side, you don't have to worry about getting pregnant! :-} 

Jim. 

.22>  I don't find a pregnant woman attractive just because she's pregnant.

    
    I have a suggestion for the author of this conference.  Rent the
    movie (if you have a vcr) "She's having a Baby" starring Kevin Bacon.
    This movie is based on this topic.  It was a beautiful movie.
    
    Katrina

    Didn't figure this note could die out before we know the name of
    the "newborn".  So I'll add my 2 cents.
    
    Quick background:  43 years old, married 22 years, 2 children (boy
    15 and girl 13).
    
    We were married almost 8 years before our first child was "on the
    way" though many in the family were counting the days from our wedding
    since I was in the military and had been home on leave just 5 months
    earlier.
    
    We started out with my wife wanting children and myself believing
    we should wait.  We went "off the pill" 18 months after we were
    married since I was getting out of the service and I was getting
    this "good job" with a small computer firm called "digital".  It
    seemed like we could afford a family.
    
    But children weren't in our immediate future and after about five
    years we found ourselves getting used to our freedom yet still had
    the "sense" that we wanted children.  I/we were quickly developing
    a lifestyle of the difference between "men and boys is the price
    of their toys".  I think that also speaks to the "old" issue in
    that "old" is a state of mind.  I've always been a kid at heart
    and now do many "kid" type things with my children.  I even believe
    thats why I tell many of our friends that my son is not a "typical"
    15 year old.,  That he is still a boy.  He likes his G.I. Joe men
    and vehicles.  He still spends time putting models together.  He
    even expresses a disinterest in a drivers licence.  
    
    My daughter is more outgoing and independent.  I'm note sure that
    mature is the word but it might apply.  While both the kids talk
    of going into SPACE (they've both done the week at Space Camp in
    Huntsville, Al.) I believe my daughter will be the astronaut.
    
    I've strayed from the message I wanted to relay but I guess another
    thing all parents like to do is boast about their children.
    
    Back to when we didn't have the kids we began to get "antsy" and
    concerned that if we didn't have them soon (I was almost 28 my wife
    27) it might be too late and we'd be "too old" to enjoy them.  
    
    Well, we went through all the fertility testing available at the
    time.  ("Test Tube" babies had not come about yet).  We were told
    that we were just trying too hard and to relax and it would happen
    if it was to be.  Yes, we're one of those couples that when we planned
    to adopt she got pregnant.  We felt real lucky because at the time
    adoptions were being quoted at a $10,000 dollar charge, a whole
    lot more that a pregnncy (about $1500)
    
    I agree with the previous noter that believes that pregnant woman
    are beautiful and even sexy, not as some of the notes seem to indicate
    that the pregnant form is somewhat negative.  Rather than impose
    my view on others I simply say this is the "couples" concern.
    Communication is the key that works out any difficulty and can resolve
    any concern you have about activities.  We were out dancing the
    night before my son was born.  We even had been dancing to songs
    like "Wipe Out" up to her seventh month.
    
    In summary: We're not "old".  I don't even try to describe age.
     We love our children and are thankful for them.  I really believe
    they keep us young.

    
    
       The Due date of the "newborn" is OCT 4th
    
       If its a girl the name will be "Allison"
    
       If its a boy the name will be "John Francis Crane IV"
                                      
       JOhn C.

    re .0
    
    It will be nice for your child to have a dad who likes to play.  
    
    You might be interested in what the book "Parent Effectiveness
    Training" has to say (in the first chapter) about a couple becoming
    Parents.  You don't have to be perfect or consistent, or a lot of
    other things.  You don't have to be a Parent; you can be simply a
    parent.  You can be you.  And don't try to fool your children into
    believing you're someone/thing else.  Just be honestly you.
    
    Good Luck!
    
    Paula     

   DA DA DA DA   DA DA DA DA   DA  DA DA  DA  DA  DAAAAAAAAA



                 DATE LINE  FRAMINGHAM MASS.

   THE DATE : SEPT 16 1989
   THE TIME : 9:39 A.M.
  THE PLACE : FRAMINGHAM UNION HOSPITAL, THIRD FLOOR,  LAST ROOM ON THE RIGHT


    Yes it Happened !!!!   Three weeks early and with all the force of a
    Champange cork on new Years Eve.  

    There was another Crane added the World Population 
    Yes, Its too late, now I've Reproduced and the World is Doomed. 

   The Facts,  Just the facts.


    Sex : Female    (Bundle of joy,  The girl type)
   Name : Allison Patricia Crane   (We heard it on a T.V. Show and Agree'd)
 Wieght : 6 lbs 14 oz   (A cute little tyke)
 Length : 19 inches  (what cute little feet!)



   Both Mother and baby are Happy Healthy and Hungry, The way it should be.
   Any Monetary donations may be forwarded to me (I prefer tens and twentys)
   
  Mother and Baby will be open for inspection  ooohhs and  aaaaaahs at the 
  Banquet.  (yes,  I am still going.  It is free after all)


                    Regards
                  The Newest Daddy
                 
                     John C.

    
    
    			OMEDETO GOZAIMASU!
    
    				:-)
    
    
    					Carol

    
    
       A couple of observations after 3 weeks of being a Parent.
    
       For one of the first times in my life a milestone has actually
    changed me.  When I say milestone I mean like your 21st birthday
    or buying your first house etc. etc.
    
       We had to admit Allison to the hospital because she was not eating
    enough and had lost a pound since she was born.  I found that it
    was not possible for me to even let the nurse put her on the scale
    without me 6 inched away and watch everything that went on.  It
    is also interesting that the nurse commented how It was unusual
    that I was the one who changed her diaper and dressed her everytime
    it needed to be done. 
    
       I do really feel different.  I'm Happy about the whole thing
    and beginning to enjoy it more all the time. (Can't wait till she
    can talk) By the way, the problem turned out to be mom was not
    producing enough milk and baby is now on formula and gaining the
    weight back slowly.
    
       Thank you to everybody who gave thier valuable input and showed
    interest in the situation it helped, and also thanks for the
    congratulations. 
    
       If I remember I will ocasionaly put in observations from a parents
    point of view of the kind of changes that will take place. Everyday
    changes as well as general philisophical changes as they happen
    and what kind of impact they have on my Life.
    
    
    
                   JOhn C.
    

>(Can't wait till she can talk)
    
    Yeah- Kacie is just starting to talk now. She has a real expansive
    vocabulary- Dada, NaNa (food or mommy depending on the mood), kitty
    (applies to any and all animals from cats to horses), got it (she says
    that alot), Go (usually accompanied by bucking hips).
    
    Mother warns me- "When they're little, you can't wait for them to talk.
    When they're older, you can't wait for them to shut up."
    
    Wait until she figures out how to use the phone. :-)
    
    The Doctah (with two teenagers to compare to the baby)

    RE: .34
    
    NO, NO, you don't want to wish THAT on him (waiting until they are
    old enough to use the phone)
    
    Teenagers are the ONLY ones I know that can spend 95% of all day
    interacting with a certain group of people, and then have to call them
    as soon as they walk into the house...
    
    Phone... I go onto shock when they say oh, Mom, its for you...

>    Teenagers are the ONLY ones I know that can spend 95% of all day
>    interacting with a certain group of people, and then have to call them
>    as soon as they walk into the house...
    
    I hate when that happens. Person A drops off the middle daughter at
    home, middle daughter's parting words are "Call me when you get home."
    AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! You just spent n hours with this
    person- what can you possibly have left to talk about?!!!
    
    The Doctah

    I can relate to that!  I never answer the phone if I can help it,
    and if it can't be helped, I usually answer with "Jennifer's answering
    service..."  It *does* come in handy when I want to talk to Jennifer,
    though.  I simply pick up the phone and interrupt her conversation
    to ask her whatever it is that I want to ask her.  Ahhhh!  Teenagers!
    
    Barb

    Yeah, it's a dandy thing when they begin to talk.  First it's
    "Mama" and Dadda".  Then, before you know it, they start to 
    expand their cute li'l vocabularies to include words like
    "Izod", "Reebok", "Porsche", and "Ft. Lauderdale". . .precious
    little dickens, kids. . .
    
    But congratulations just the same; it sounds as if it's turning
    out to be a wonderful experience for you.
    
    Steve

    And what goes 'round comes 'round....they will eventually become
    parents and you become a grandparent.
    
    This is true joy....

RE: .0

Congratulations!  By virtue of your personal flexibility, and other good
qualities you've found that you enjoy being a parent.

Next time you see someone having a hard time dealing with children, take a
moment to reflect, 'there but for the grace of god, go I', and say a prayer for
them and other parent & children who are estranged...

Jim.