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Conference quark::human_relations-v1

Title:	What's all this fuss about 'sax and violins'?
Notice:	Archived V1 - Current conference is QUARK::HUMAN_RELATIONS
Moderator:	ELESYS::JASNIEWSKI

Created:	Fri May 09 1986
Last Modified:	Wed Jun 26 1996
Last Successful Update:	Fri Jun 06 1997
Number of topics:	1327
Total number of notes:	28298

675.0. "Thrill of the hunt?" by BRADOR::HATASHITA () Mon Feb 06 1989 15:58

    This is the way the story goes:
    
    Man meets woman.  Man begins by calling, sending letters, sending
    flowers.  Man takes woman out to nice places and special events
    and spends every waking moment thinking about "his new woman".
    
    After a few month of charming and acting like the perfect man, man's
    interest level wanes, his eyes and thoughts begin to roam.  The
    flowers stop coming, the talking becomes rare and superficial.
    
    Do other men enjoy "the hunt" or "the conquest" more than actually
    partaking in a relationship?  There have been incidences like this in
    my life; where I know how long we'll be together by the way I feel the
    morning after the "first time" because the spark was in the pursuit.
    Other times the actual relationship is much more stimulating than the
    lead up, but these have been preciously rare.
    
    Why are some men like this?

T.R	Title	User	Personal Name	Date	Lines
675.1	What are your priorities?	PRYDE::HUTCHINS	Knowledge breeds enthusiasm	`Mon Feb 06 1989 17:02`	34
	This behavior applies to both men and women, in varying degrees, depending on the individual. Many previous notes have stressed the need for COMMUNICATION, so that misunderstandings are minimized and a healthy relationship can develop. The basis of that relationship lies in (IMO): Expectations: What does each person expect...when they first meet and as the relationship develop? Interests: Where does the compatibility lie? Background? Education? Hobbies? Once infatuation has leveled off, what remains? Wants: What does each person want from theirself? The relationship? Needs: What are the needs? Flowers every day? That special look? Needing independence? Motivation: Why are you seeing each other? Physical attraction? Because you really enjoy being with the person? To impress your friends and/or parents? Because you don't want to be alone on Saturday night? Because you don't want to hurt the other person by telling them that "it's over"? Satisfaction: What is it about the relationship that satisfies you? Is each person gaining satisfaction, or is one doing all of the giving? It's up to you to define what is important for you in a relationship, rather than try to guess what makes someone else happy. If you don't, you'll end up doing somersaults for someone who's not really watching. There may never be 100% compatibility, but you must identify and communicate what's important to you both.
675.3	Some are real short-	ELESYS::JASNIEWSKI	just a revolutionary with a pseudonym	`Wed Feb 08 1989 10:55`	14
	Many times people pursue a relationship in order to meet the simple human need for affirmation and acceptance. I can recall a time when my emotions drove me to ask out the checkout girl at the local supermarket, when I was attending collage in Buffalo, N.Y. She said "maybe", and that was _all_ I really needed to see; a possibility that I could be accepted and affirmed by an attractive young woman. I_never_even_bothered_to_follow_through with my request, having got my "need" fully met with but a single utterance on her part. Talk about a "minimalist" relationship! The clock didnt even get to start ticking... Joe Jas
675.4		PEABOD::HOLT	Robert Holt UCS4,415-691-4750	`Mon Feb 13 1989 16:55`	4
	Too bad... she must have felt let down that you never called... Recall the words of Zorba about women and mortal sin...