Conference quark::human_relations-v1

    Well.....
    i have found, and continue to find, that growing older is also a
    time for being happier with my life...and with myself.  i am surprized,
    again and again, at how little being middle aged, or even past that,
    means.  sure, i can't run as fast as i once could, and i am a little
    heavier than i should be...but, i am finding amazing amounts of
    contentment in my relationships with others and in myself when i
    am alone.  it doesn't seem to me that my age makes much difference
    to others, either.  of course, my friends of many years age with
    me...but i find myself acquiring new friends easily and very often
    they get "closer" to me much faster than my older friends did. 
    that surprizes me.  
    	i am very glad i am who i am...and as old as i am.  i have
    marvelous memories, and am acquiring new ones daily for my future.
    
    tony	who_turned_48_last_october_and_never_felt_better

So how do I feel about growing older ?

I'm 36 now.  I'm sure to you 48'ers that might sound young.  Then again,
to all you 25'ers perhaps it sounds old.

To me sometimes it's one sometimes another.

First of all, there's the fear of death.  That doesn't seem much different
now than when I was younger.  Not a fear of imminent disaster, just a
constantly nagging uncomfort at the fact that I'll be dead some day, at
which point I'll be dead the day after that, and dead the day after that,
the week after that, the day after that, the year after that etc. etc.  The
length of time I'll be dead scares me.  (no, I don't believe in heaven,
or reincarnation, maybe it's you folks that *do* believe such things
that aren't scared of death)

So what else about being 36 ?  For one thing, I've noticed that
as I grow older, the age of women that attract me grow older too.
I'm still attracted to young women, but a number of older ones whose
appearance used to seem "old" to me now seem, well, sometimes just plain
delicious.

Health ?  I can still play tennis and run about as well as I could years
ago.  (tennis I'm actually playing the best I ever have)

Would I like to be younger again ?  I think so.  I'd like to go through
college again and this time not be as shy about asking women out!

Relationships ?  I want my next marriage to be a good one.  The first
one wasn't.  I thought I was with the right woman but I wasn't.
So now I'm 36, and still no children.  As a male, I guess I biologically
have less of a limit than women do.  Then again, I'm not sure I'm
comfortable about being one of those fathers that die while the kids
are still young.  But that might be more of that death nonsense.

I don't really find that growing older has changed my view about children.
I've always been confused about whether I *really* want to have them.
And I always get along splendidly with friend's and relative's children,
of which there seem to be more and more of every year !

Enough for now, your turn.

Thanks.

/Eric

	I turned 40 last year and much to my surprise - it felt GOOD.
    Really, it did, I swear.  I feel much more confident because I feel
    like people will take me more seriously.  I can say "no" now when
    I'm in situations that I really don't want any part of.  But the
    best part is that I feel very secure about my *belief* system the
    older I get.  I like that.
    
    I definite agree with .0 about time - I can "see" it going by faster
    and faster.
    
    Charlotte - who has alot of static on this line.
    

    i forgot to mention....
    the only part about growing older that i *really* don't like is
    that my EYES are going south!  i've always worn glasses...no problem
    with that.  it's just that they keep changing now!  and i hate that!
    
    8-(
    tony

    some thoughts....
    
    You will probably laugh when you learn my age
    
    WSSH  played a favorite song of mine recently...it was the "5 o'clock
    flashback"   I was astounded.  MY favorite, an "oldie"??!!
    
    My last grandparent died in DEC 88.  Now my parents are "it".  Scary
    thought.
    
    My oldest son "knows more than me"  (he's 5)
    
    I guess its all relative.  To most, I am a "baby".  I am 28 years
    old.  
    
    Last idle thought:  I view 40 as an ideal age.  The kids will be
    (hopefully)  independent or semi-so.  I will have more time for
    myself and my husband.  I will write that novel, attend that health
    class, etc.  
    
    Meantime, I will focus on being ME, romping with the kids, teaching
    them how to jump on the bed, play hide and seek, delve into a good
    book, etc....
    
    
    KC

    I've thought about this subject so often over the last few months
    but this is the first time that I put my thoughts in writing.  I
    still can't be sure if I am uncomfortable with growing older or
    if I am uncomfortable with being old.  I had always looked younger
    than my actual age because I had always (until recently) been some-
    what under weight and most thinner people seem to look younger.
    Two years ago my daughter and son-in-law had the most beautiful
    granddaughter in the entire world (well at least in my world.)
    That gave me the incentive to quit smoking and I have not had a
    cigarette since then.  After I quite smoking, however, my weight
    started climbing dramatically.  On one hand this was something of
    a blessing because a lot of folks said that the extra weight looked
    good on me.  The negative side was that I started looking my age.
    That plus the fact that I was a new grandfather seemed to make my
    aquaintances of some years view me differently.  Now it was "What
    do you say gramps, are you going to lunch?"  Before it was "Come
    on Art let's go to lunch."  Maybe like some of the other noters
    I do realize that it isn't important to those that love me that
    I am not the world beater that I had dreamed of becoming. I will
    never break the 4 minute mile, I will never hit a home run out of
    Fenway Park but maybe there is something better than any of those
    things . I will always be dad and grampy to some pretty wonderful
    girls.  Maybe it won't be so bad after all.
    
                                                      Art
    

    re: .5
    
    Don't let the WSSH "5 o'clock flashback" get to you!  I'm only a
    year older than you, and I've heard them play songs which were
    released when I was working in a radio station (albeit I was only
    in high school at the time).
    
    	- Jerry

    One very, very important addition to my note (651.6) is that I
    failed to mention my grandSON Cody.  He is the guy that will hit
    that home run out of Fenway Park and break that 4 minute mile
    for his gramps.
    
    

    Hi Art,
    
    Well, I know we don't talk too often since we went through
    classes to quit smoking together, but I don't think you look
    a lot older.
    
    smiles
    
    Bonnie

re: .??

I'll bet the WSSH show is based on "It's a 5 O'Clock World" by I forgot who
(age does that -- I'm 45) but I saw the orig. band a few years years ago
and have an Auto? something album.  I probably should have ??kids but
I'm too ypoung (can't evenb type anymore) I'm tooo young!!

FLAMES ON IF YOU PLEASE, I'VE LEARNED TO TAKE THE HEAT

Thru experience!

    
    I have already enjoyed the big 50. I am looking forward to my senior
    years.  The biggest fear that I have is the possibility of failing
    health.  I feel as long as I have my health and can take care of
    my self, I look forward. My only regret is that I haven't had and
    don't have someone special to share this time with. My children
    are young adults fulfilling their own ambitions. Now I really have
    the time and the desire to have a special person in my life.  I
    don't sit around worrying about it though because "time marches
    on". My time and energy are being utilized.
      

    Wait until you reach the half-century mark (50 is even better)!
    I have neighbors who tell me 60 is even better than 50!  One mellows!
    

    One of my friends tried to tell me that "we" were now "middle aged",
    having both reached 35.  I told her to tell me that again when I reach
    60 or so!  Or never...
    
    /Charlotte (planning on living to at least 120!)

    I have carried the following poem around with me since I was
    in my teens (now 44).  It has just as much meaning now as it
    did then, and I offer it to all of you as pertinent to the subject:
    
    "Youth is not a time of life, it is a state of mind; it is a temper
    of the will, a quality of the imagination, a vigor of the emotions,
    a predominance of courage over timidity, of the appetite for
    adventure over love of ease.
    
    "Nobody grows old by merely living a number of years; people grow
    old only by deserting their ideals.  Years wrinkle the skin, but
    to give up enthusiasm wrinkles the soul.  Worry, doubt, self-distrust,
    fear, and despair -- these are the long, long years that bow the
    head and turn the growing spirit back to dust.
    
    "Whether seventy or sixteen, there is in every beings heart the
    love of wonder, the sweet amazement at the stars and the starlike
    things and thoughts, the undaunted challenge of events, the unfailing
    childlike appetite for what next, and the joy and the game of life.
    
    "You are as young as your faith, as old as your doubt; as young
    as your self-confidence, as old as your fear, as young as your hope,
    as old as your despair.
    
    "So long as your heart receives messages of beauty, cheer, courage
   grandeur, and power from the earth, from man, and from the Infinite,
    so long you are young.
    
    "When the wires are all down and the central place of your heart
    is covered with the snows of pessimism and the ice of cynicism,
    then you are grown old indeed and may God have mercy on your soul."
    
    ------------------------------------------------------------
    
    The above was based on a poem written by Samule Ullman of
    Birmingham, Alabama.  It hung over General Macarthur's desk as
    an inspiration for courage and faith.
    
    Helaine

I have some experience with this topic and felt like adding my views. I too 
just became a grandfather for the first time this past year and I love it. 
The little guy looks something like me, smiles like I do, and even though 
he can't talk yet, we seem to be able to understand each other.  By the way, 
I'm teaching him to jump on beds, throw a ball, etc.  I'm 52 and mentally 
feel like 25.  My Father just passed away a couple years ago at the age of 
92, and he told me that mentally he felt like he was 25.  The body 
certainly ages and life around you changes.  A lot of the hopes, dreams and 
fantasies you had at an earlier age, are replaced with a lot of precious 
memories and experiences.  They are comforting and fun to recall, but they 
can also become a trap, if you don't live for today - and look forward to 
tomorrow.  I heard a quote a few years ago that has stayed with me. I'm not 
sure of the source, but it goes like this; "In order to be happy, a person 
must have something to do, something to look forward to, and to know that 
someone loves them". I think that sums things up pretty well!

I just finished reading Bill Cosby's latest book "Time Flies" and really 
enjoyed it.  We're pretty close in age, and I could relate to a lot of 
things he was discussing.  It's important I think, to not take yourself too 
seriously, laughter is good for the soul.  Worry, stress, dispair, fear, 
are enemies!  Tomorrow is another day, the sun is shining - somewhere all 
the time.  Learn to accept change and as the song goes; "Don't Worry, Be 
Happy"!!  


/Dan

    Getting older should give people more courage to do those things
    they either could, would or said they should not do while they were
    perhaps, raising families, working their careers, etc.  
    
    With a little courage and a large chunk of curiosity to see what
    is on the other side of the fence, one can take risks, do things,
    act in different ways, try out new life styles.  
    
    Getting older has its downside of losses--losing family and friends
    to debilitating illness and death, loss of physical attractiveness
    to crows feet and middle-age spread, not reaching the goals and
    dreams of younger years, among other things.
    
    But now that I am older, I am more willing to try new adventures
    and do new things.  And the more I find how well I cope, the more
    I want to enlarge my horizons.  After all, I can no longer put off
    till tomorrow all the things I want today---this is my tomorrow.
    I have stopped thinking that I have all the time in the world to
    *do* and *be* and *go* and *have*.  So I am grabbing it all, as
    much as my hands will hold.
    
    Marilyn 

    
    
    On growing older...I once heard that at 5 years old 1 year is only
    1/5 of your life and nothing can happen fast enough. At 50 1 year
    is 1/50 of your life and everything goes by too fast. I hope when
    I get older I can feel comfortable about myself/life. I'm 27 now
    
    
             -=-=-R~C-=-
              ROY C WOOD
    

    .14
    
    thanks i needed that. for me growing older,what ever that means,
    has taken the form of being at peace with myself. it has meant
    preparing myself financially for my "retirement",what ever form
    that takes and to continue to take care of myself physically. that
    scares me, that i may have to depend on my sons to take care of me.
    but, the last 10-15 years, i'm over 45, have been wonderful and
    as time goes by it continues to improve. i'm not as uptight as i
    was at 20-30, AND I can now decide for myself which battles are
    worth my efforts and which are not, i can walk away and not feel
    guilty. also, i have learned that being selfish is a healthy thing.
    
    to all of you under 40, life on this side is wonderful, come on
    over!!!!!!

    re: 10
    
    Five O'clock World was by The Vogues...

    	Give that wonder horse a cigar...er, a lump of sugar!
    
    							Carla
    

    I turned 51 3 weeks ago, so nearing 42 is long past - but ...
    
    I may be unique or more likely strange - but I still look at other
    people in their 40's and up as adults. Not so myself.
    
    	My therapist claims that I never experienced such growth stages
    as puberty, adolescence, etc... because of childhood trauma induced
    depression and withdrawal. I am not the only one in this situation
    there are others - many of them.
    
    	All in all, the effect of aging depends upon the individual
    and
    his/her view of self - some people are old in their 20's.
    
    	I did, for many years believe that 40 was the end of the line,
    and when I passed it still iving, I was surprised.
    
    	Can't really say there is any special joy or regret induced
    by the passing of another birthday - the real trauma will most likely
    come when we know that our last birthday is truly our last ...
    
    
    		Guy B.