| T.R | Title | User | Personal
Name | Date | Lines |
|---|
| 644.1 | A little clrification please | RUTLND::GIRARD | | Wed Dec 21 1988 16:13 | 6 |
| Ken, can you clarify. Marriage or relationship.
Just that if your going to limited to marriages and the article
is correct then the responses will be few.
It might be reverse if talking about anything other than marriages!
|
| 644.2 | Let`s not get too technical. | GENRAL::WOOLF | Ken Woolf | Wed Dec 21 1988 23:09 | 8 |
| For clarification (marriage or relationship) = a man and a woman living
together with or without children. I hope this is enough but if
it isn`t excuse me cuz I`m new at this and I don`t want to get too
technical. I mean the above definition could include brother and
sister relationship but that isn`t what I have in mind. Just some
feed back on what two people in love who are living together do
to make their life interesting and exciting.
|
| 644.3 | SPEAKING FROM EXPERIENCE | WFOOFF::LEWIS_B | | Thu Dec 22 1988 05:43 | 7 |
| IN RESPONSE TO IS YOUR RELATIONSHIP DULL OR EXCITING I HAVE ONLY
THIS TO SAY,THAT I WAS ONE OF THE NINETY PERCENT,HOWEVER I HAVE
LEARNED A GREAT DEAL FROM THAT FAILED MARRIAGE AND I KNOW NOW THAT
IF A MARRIAGE IS GOING TO BE SUCCESSFUL THEN BOTH PERSONS INVOLVED
HAVE TO MAKE THE COMMITTMENT TO KEEP THERE MARRIAGE TO KEEP IT BOTH
INTERESTING AND EXCITING. SPEAKING FROM EXPERIENCE
ROBERT P LEWIS.
|
| 644.4 | Huh? | ELESYS::JASNIEWSKI | Take it away...Take it away! | Thu Dec 22 1988 08:52 | 29 |
|
Other appaling "statistics" say that upwards of 90% of all families
are "dysfunctional" to some degree! Gee, I wonder if this correlates
well with the 90% figure you quoted...
I tell ya, I'd hate to have to "demonstrate" *my* worth on a
continuous or even a periodic basis to ANYONE that wasn't *paying*
me to do so! That's bullsh*t! That's one of the base factors of
a dysfunctional family - that One only has "value" if they can
demonstrate their behavior against a set of objective criteria!
The "criteria" might include things like:
a) "Nice people dont call attention to themselves"
b) "God takes offense to what you might be be thinking"
c) "No one will like you unless you obey your father"
d) "Big boys dont cry"
e) "You owe it to us to act like a nice girl tonight"
f) "Children may be seen but are not to be heard from"
This, again, is all Bullsh*t! What ever happened to the "inherant"
value a person has, just because they are a child of God? Or your
child? Or your Wife? Or your Friend?
None of my friends "must explicitly demonstrate" their
friendship to me! I hold them in my mind as "valuable" simply because
they want to be my friend and are interested in *me*. What more
can anyone ask for? If I'm "bored" with them, that's *my* problem!!!!
Joe Jas
|
| 644.5 | Us | MEMV03::CROCITTO | It's Jane Bullock Crocitto now | Thu Dec 22 1988 09:21 | 46 |
| What a neat topic! I recently married, but before that we lived
together for nearly two years. Although I feel that we have a pretty
good time together, I got some great ideas from the couple you
mentioned--thanks!
We are lucky--we have some separate interests, but we have a few
in common that we enjoy. One of them is karate--we are both black
belts, and work out together in a class at least once a week. Then
he comes with me when I teach my own class, and either works out
under my direction, or helps out. I also teach self-defense seminars,
and when I do, he is my "attacker" ;-). It's a lot of fun, even
tho it must sound pretty weird.
We also love to travel, and since he loves golf, many of our vacations
are to golf resorts. While we are there, he either plays in
tournaments or for fun, and I go shopping, biking, walking,
sight-seeing, picture-taking, visiting, boating, etc., etc. Then
we get together in the evenings for dinner, dancing, backgammon,
or miniature golf. It's a great vacation, because both of us get
to do the things we like best!
We tell each other every day that we love and appreciate each other,
and whenever we have "words", we don't let a lot of time go by to
apologize. We also remember little occasions, like the first date
we had.
It's funny, but one thing that started out being a disadvantage
has turned to an ADvantage. A few months ago, he was hit in traffic
by a 4X4, and although he wasn't hurt, the car was totalled. In
all the ensuing red tape, expenses, etc. we haven't gotten
another car, and are just using the one. Fortunately our buildings
are within 5 miles of each other, so logistics wasn't a problem.
However, it was aggravating at times not to be able to leave when
he/I wanted to, and all the other situations you can think of.
But now, after months of only having one car, we have adjusted to
the point where we rarely have a location problem. We also enjoy
the commute in and out with each other, as it gives us a chance
to catch up on our days and what's going on. We can vent, gossip,
talk, discuss, whatever. I guess I'll be sorry when we DO get another
car!!
Sorry for rambling, but I am very happy about our relationship,
and want it always to continue to grow and change.
Jane
|
| 644.7 | Up and down? | YES::CLARY | Outta control_y | Thu Dec 22 1988 10:09 | 18 |
|
_______
enjoy enjoy enjoy enjoy /
^ ^ ^ ----- /
/ \ / \ / \ / \ /
/ \ / \ / \ / \ /
/ \ / \ / \ / \ /
-------\-------/-------\-------/-------\-------/-----------\-------/------------
\ / \ / \ / \ /
\ / \ / \ / \ /
\ / \ / \ / \ /
v v v v
endure endure endure endure
Happy Holidays,
Bob
|
| 644.8 | who do you live for? | NOETIC::KOLBE | The dilettante debutante | Thu Dec 22 1988 12:14 | 19 |
|
Joe Jas has brought up a point that hit home to me. Do you have
to be a good little girl or boy or nobody will love you? I spent
most of my marriage living under that fear. Always trying to be
what I was "supposed" to be. It didn't work and I felt like a
failure when no matter what I did it wasn't "good enough" to be
loved. You lose your sense of self and end up living in fear that
you will do the wrong thing and not be loved.
I noticed this same thing in the note on friends. It really
bothered me when in note after note about what people thought a
friend was it came out to be someone who was "totally" there for
you and never acted like a real person with wants and needs for
their own.
I think that our expectations of what love and friendship
"should" be lead to the failure of many relationships. We can't
always be good little girls and boys without losing ourselves in
the process. liesl
|
| 644.9 | I don't buy it | RETORT::RON | | Fri Dec 23 1988 15:44 | 34 |
|
I find the premise presented in .0 to be far from true, at least in
my particular case (I have known my wife for over 30 years and have
been married to her for almost that long. I --we-- feel that our
marriage is easily within the definition of 'enjoyable',
'fulfilling', 'emotionally enriching', etc., etc., etc..).
.0 claims that "as high as 90 percent of all marriages are endured
but not particularly enjoyed". It then goes into the story of a
couple who work very hard at their marriage, because "They know that
unless they work at making their marriage successful and
interesting, it will slowly become dull and average. They have made
a career of having a happy, interesting marriage.". And, oh, yes:
they do not want to be dull people, so they do non-dull things...
Well, I got news for all wretched married people, struggling with
their dull, drab, lives [ :-)]. IT AIN'T NECESSARILY SO.
First, I find this 90% number a touch suspicious. How was it
derived? How come it's so round? 83.76% would have been a bit more
plausible. How big was the sample used to generate it and how was
'endured' vs. 'enjoyed' measured?
Assuming the number is valid, I take exception to the idea that "At
the beginning of the year, marking off important days on the
calendar, days they don`t want to forget" can transform a barely
endurable marriage into an enjoyable one. Or that a weekly card can
turn the trick.
Anyone who buys .0's ridiculously simplistic approach to
life, marriage and relationships - be my guest. Me, I do not.
-- Ron
|
| 644.10 | I do buy it! | AITG::FERGUSON | | Tue Dec 27 1988 01:46 | 18 |
| I believe .4 missed the point. The idea is to make your partner in the
marriage feel valued.
Responding to .9, I'd guess that making his partner feel valued is part
of his marriage if it has lasted for 30 years and is enjoyable, etc.
I feel like we are missing the forest cuz we only see the trees.
The example presented in .0 is the way that one couple accomplished
making each other feel valued. Another couple will find another way
to attain this.
I believe the concept of making your partner feel valued is simple,
yet powerful concept, that works. It also works well in relationships
with children.
John
|
| 644.11 | Dire Maker? | ELESYS::JASNIEWSKI | Take it away...Take it away! | Tue Dec 27 1988 08:27 | 42 |
|
re .10-
"Making" someone else feel valued, or like they have value, can
be a dangerous thing sometimes. Especially doing so within the
context of a relationship. You may lead them to a state where they'll
lose any sense of self-value, and can only feel a sense of purpose
or "value" within the relationship. That's stacking a lot of weight
on thin ice; however permanent we like to believe our relationships
and marriages are, reality shows us that this is typically not so.
Change can come, and should that happen, someone who's been "getting
their value" within the context of a just_changed relationship is
now going to have a hard time with it.
Children, on the other hand, can use as much "value making" as you
would care to give. That's because they're *children* and have not
yet learned to value their selves highly *despite* what anyone else
thinks. For children, you build this core belief for them, through
various demonstrations of your unconditional love; you show them
that their "value" in your eyes never changes - no matter what life's
incurred circumstances may be. This is the belief that you'd want a
child to "internalize" about him or her self - that the self is
an inherantly good and unconditionally valued "thing".
An adult that needs their value "re-certified" on a daily or weekly
basis to survive in the game of life likely did not get this need
met in it's proper time - as a child. It's even very possible that
the need was well met, but the self belief was later "replaced" with a
negative one by the child's own mind, simply from observing something
that conceptually makes no sense. One example is to see the end of
both parent's love for each other. Another would be to see the end of
one of the parent's love of themself - a parent with severe alcoholism
or drug abuse problems. Since these things conceptually make no sense
to a child, their erronous conclusion is usually that it must be *my*
fault, therefore "I am bad" and consequently cannot have value. Should
this belief be internalized, the person may search for "someone who gives
them value" for the rest of their lives if necessary. By giving
someone their value, or requiring them to demonstrate it, you may be
supporting a very negative internal self_belief.
Joe Jas
|
| 644.12 | a lesson learned | DPDMAI::BEAN | endnode on the ethernet of life | Tue Dec 27 1988 20:04 | 31 |
|
hi...
thought i might as well jump in...since i have an opinion,too! 8*)
i was a partner in a failed marriage that lasted nearly 25 years. i suspect
we may *never* had had much excitement in the marriage, and neither of us
realized that or tried to do much about it. our marriage was one where
each partner pretty well felt "obligated"...first to each other, then to
the marriage itself, and finally to the children. at long last the marriage
ended (this year) and i think we are both on the way to better lives. at least
i know that *i* am.
now, the next time around for me will be different. i see the value in an
added effort to the relationship...on the part of both participants. i fully
expect that the examples that the marriage referred to in .0 will also be in
my next one. it takes so little effort to please another...to add a little
surprise here and there. a card, a note. even a flower. (few things please
me more than a flower from a woman...that says a lot to me).
one of the previous replies suggested a degree of hostility towards the notion
of "proving worth"... i think the author intended to tell us that his friends
showed each other (by little acts of love and respect) the value the "other"
partner has to "self"... not the value of "self". i have found it is very
easy...to speak through our actions... to convey to the "other" partner in the
relationship..just how much "they" are valued by me! and it pleases "me" to
be able to do so. a win-win situation.
so, onward to the next marriage and life long (not so big) effort of showing
my love through daily actions.
tony
|
| 644.13 | | CIVIC::JOHNSTON | 14 steps to enlightenment | Wed Dec 28 1988 16:21 | 39 |
| to set the context:
Rick & I have been together since 1973, married since 1974
we have no children
Things we do that are 'sacred' to us:
"do" Breakfast at Wimbeldon - champagne, croissants, strawberries
& cream, fresh orange juice - on US TV - someplace different every year
- one year we had just completed a rennovations upstairs so we just
stayed home un-plugged the phones and bought bed-trays
Moet & Chicken McNuggets when one of us does something major
at work [raise, promotion, release, ...]
Doing our own photo-portraits, thank you very much, with the
assistance of tripod & timer
His February camp-out in Vermont.
My September assault on Mt.Jefferson [just scrambling]
OK, so much for 'what is it you do...'
We both have many and varied interests which do not include the
other. Which is not to say that the other wouldn't be a welcome
addition in most of these cases.
At the bottom of it all, I don't agree that one must "Work" at
relationships to keep them vital, but rather invest in them. To
many this may seem a semantic difference, but to me it is much more.
The little things that we do are work, anyway.
While it may sound trite, vital people make for vital relationships
Ann
|
| 644.14 | Sounds so simple typed out...%^> | SUPER::REGNELL | Smile!--Payback is a MOTHER! | Thu Dec 29 1988 10:36 | 21 |
|
When he speaks, I *listen*.
When I speak, he *listens*.
We accept the things we do not like in each other
as just as much a part of what makes each of us special
as the things we like.
We are gentle with each others terror.
We giggle with each other...and cry.
For 16+ years we have *worked* to make it work...
Anything worthwhile having is worth working for.
And probably most important....we still laugh at
ourselves....
Mel
|
| 644.15 | A vote for enjoyment. | COORS::REINBOLD | The god I believe in isn't short of cash, Mister! | Wed Jan 04 1989 22:16 | 57 |
| Wow! .0 makes so much sense to me - I have no trouble understanding
it in a positive light at all!
I was married for 8 years. We didn't do much together. The
relationship became dull. I grew; he didn't. I left him behind.
Afterward, I learned to *enjoy* life - it can really be fun! I
learned to pursue my interests, and get soooo much enjoyment from
continually learning new things, finding new hobbies and interests,
and growing. I wanted to share this attitude with someone I could
continue to grow with - someone who feels there's more to life
than TV and having a beer with friends. I think I've found him.
We try to get away together once a month for a weekend vacation.
The time alone together is great; it revitalizes the relationship,
and helps maintain the feelings that we enjoy being together. We
give each other flowers and cards and listen when the other is
feeling down. We give one another support in whatever we do. We
go out on "dates" once in a while.
re .8 Liesl, I don't feel that I have to try to be "good." This
is a mutually enriching relationship. I like him just the way he
is, and he must like me, too; he accepts me the way I am. We don't
have to try to be something for one another; we're just natural.
It's not right if you can't be yourself. But part of all that is
being courteous to one another, too. Sure, sometimes that takes
a little thought and a little effort, but it's mutual and it's
mutually appreciated, and I think it comes naturally because we
really care about one another, and we enjoy each other, and want
to make each other happy. There's not much "trying" involved.
And there's not a feeling that we have to be "good." That must
have been quite a strain for you!
re .9 Ron, it's not *what* you do, it's the attitude that makes
you want to do those things. You could force yourselves to do
those things, and still have a crummy, unenjoyable relationship.
It's the attitude that you enjoy one another, and want to have
fun together. Not stagnate together in front of the boob-tube.
It's enjoying life together, and growing together. But it's the
attitude that results in the actions, not just the doing. It's
not so much "*making* someone feel valued" as simply living in a
way that shows them you care. And that has to be mutual - it's
a shared attitude, and a shared enjoyment of life and the relationship.
It's shared feelings.
re .12 Tony, I agree with what you said (but now I don't remember
it all).
I think it comes down to the relationship having a vitality of its
own. You maintain your individuality, but the vitality in the
relationship enhances you both, and you share yourselves freely
with one another.
If you haven't experienced it yourself, stop
telling yourself it doesn't exist, or that you don't deserve it,
or that you can't find the right person. It's there for everyone
who is open to it, and it's great!
Paula
|
| 644.16 | | RETORT::RON | | Thu Jan 05 1989 15:59 | 13 |
|
> re .9 Ron, it's not *what* you do, it's the attitude that makes
> you want to do those things......
Thanks to COORS::REINBOLD, who in a dozen lines, in .15, managed to
say what I was trying to say in 34 lines, only better.
My argument was that the mechanical motions of sending cards,
remembering dates, etc. are useless if the people involved have not
been growing together or have not developed the 'right' attitude.
-- Ron
|
| 644.17 | SHARE SOME IDEAS... | YUPPY::DAVIESA | Independant Operator | Fri Jan 06 1989 08:23 | 16 |
|
Re: .16
Agree with you....
....and to lead on from that, if your attitude is "right", how many
different ways can you think of to show it?
Cards, flowers, weekends away and/or changing the setting have been
mentioned several times.......any more ideas?
I work at keeping my relationship alive using the above, but although
the feeling is there I could always use some ideas for new ways of
expressing it.....
Abigail
|
| 644.18 | | RETORT::RON | | Fri Jan 06 1989 13:40 | 19 |
|
RE: .17
> ....and to lead on from that, if your attitude is "right", how many
> different ways can you think of to show it?
My point was that (at least, for me) zero is the right number. We do
not need ANY way to display our attitude. It's inside our heads and
hearts. When and if it goes bad (it's happened...), we know about it
right then and there and fix it with a lot more than a small gift or
a card.
If you need "Cards, flowers, weekends away and/or changing the
setting" and you wish to "work at keeping [the] relationship alive",
that's what works for you and I am not knocking it. I was simply
articulating a different point of view.
-- Ron
|
| 644.19 | Love | ANT::MPCMAIL | | Fri Jan 06 1989 15:38 | 19 |
| Relatinships are never easy and there are as many ways to ENHANCE your
relationship with the siginifant other(so), as there are people
in this world. What works for one couple may not work for another.
Like Others in this note I am also divorced, after a 7 month
relationship. Before we were married our counslor said to us, find
little ways to show your enjoyment. If your partner does something
that nice say so, don't be afraid to say "you look nice", or to
compliment the person if YOU really feel like it. But whatever you
do be as honest as possiable without hurting your spouse/partner's
feelings. Be considerate, if they are having a hard day, do what
you can, but don't make waves unless it's urgent and can't wait.
Above all treat that person like you wanted to be treated.
and if you can find fun little things to do go ahead, remember it's
okay to laugh together. and remember you and he/she came first before
the kids.
If you find something that works don't fix it. if it doesn't
work then be patient and fix it.
Lise'
|
| 644.20 | just a question | FDCV01::RSWRK | | Fri Jan 06 1989 20:25 | 11 |
| So, what happens when what used to work doesn't anymore?? What happens
when you've got kids and 2 jobs to worry about (between you) and
the weekends away (not to mention private time at home) become less
and less available. What happens when the person who used to be
your best friend, as well as your spouse, turns into a person who
only wants to be with you when you are smiling and having a good
time; only wants to be with you when you want to do the things he
wants to do - when he wants to do them??
What magic potion do you try then?????????????????
|
| 644.21 | Sounds like he needs to grow up! | CSC32::REINBOLD | | Mon Jan 09 1989 13:28 | 7 |
| re .20
1) Slip him a magic maturing potion
2) Get counseling
Paula
|
| 644.22 | | GLORY::APPLEGATE | Don't try this at home | Wed Jan 11 1989 14:45 | 23 |
| re: 20
I, too, am involved in a relationship which consists of 2 kids (3
and 1), two jobs (both well over 40 hours/week), a dog, a cat, night
school (for me),babysitter hassles, in-law hassles, home repair
hassles, etc, etc. Is my relationship dull?? no. It's not
particularly romantic either, but we still RESPECT each other and
try to accomodate the other person without smothering our individual
needs.
My feeling is that once your life becomes complicated, the romantic
dinners, long weekends away, and the like are too much stress to
try to fit in. My wife and I both love to backpack for instance.
However, that has been shelved for the time being because we want
to spend more time with our kids. Another example, we had reservations
at a very nice restaurant for many months. The day of the dinner,
our daughter fell and got a nasty cut. Goodbye dinner, hello emergency
room.
My point is that the little things that you do for each other are
just that. Little things. The important things are the big things.
My marriage is great and maybe some day will look like a VISA
commercial, but for now I am content strugglin' to survive and maybe
have some laughs along the way.
|
| 644.23 | LIFE IS A LESSON ! | GENRAL::WOOLF | Ken Woolf | Wed Jan 11 1989 18:16 | 48 |
| Well, seems like it is about time I jumped in here again. Since I
started this note, I would like to make a few comments.
The reason I started the note was to get a few ideas about what other
people do to keep their relationship alive. I was married for 19 years and
have five children. I resolved to do things in my next relationship that would
keep the romance and excitment in it. When I read what Nighingale had to say I
agreed with him totally. I even think it is his marriage that he is talking
about. Any way I just wanted to get some ideas about what others do.
Some of you had some good things to say and I will incorporate those
in my next marriage. Others, IMHO I thought were quite defensive about what
they were doing in their relationship. My thought was,I wonder if their SO
would agree. And if that is what works for you, go for it.
In my examination of the responses, I did not find one response from a
person who had experienced a failed marriage that didn`t go along with the
information in .0. Maybe a lesson to be learned form those who have the
experience. Who knows ?
The value of a person was also discussed and I would just like to add
that if one or the other person in a relationship loses their value, then the
relationship is not a wholesome one. An excellent book on this subject is "Do
I have to give up me to be loved by you" by Margret and Jordan Paul. I don`t
think that .0 suggested in any way that you have to lose your value to
demonstrate your worth. And if you find yourself doing things for another
person with a resentful attitude or feel you are losing value, I would
suggested you have a talk with yourself or maybe your SO or maybe a therapist.
I feel that we all want to know that we are valued no matter how old
we are or what we have ben through. Some of us will feel this through a gift,
others by being told, some by being touched, etc. Just my opinion, maybe some
of you know someone out their that doesn`t want any of this. That`s ok if that
is what they want.
All in all, after going thru the break up of a marriage I have become
very honest with myself. When I am feeling unloved or distant, I am going to
have a talk with myself, or with my SO or if necessary a therapist. Honesty,
showing emotion, cards, little surprises, big surprises, special times,
planned vacations, gifts,etc will all be part of my next relationship.
And, probably the most important thing in a relationship, is when I am talking
with my SO I plan to *LISTEN*.
As you can expect with 5 children, I had a lot of priorities in life other
than the relationship. It will never happen again, at least not on my part.
We all started out being in love with the person we married. We wanted to be
together and share our life. The focal point I would think ought to be the
relationship. Issues will always come up. The issues should never get in the
way of the relationship. IMHO.
This note was started, for the purpose of giving others ideas on how
to keep their relationship exciting. I would like to keep the replys centered
around that idea.
--Ken--
|
| 644.24 | I second the "listen"! | LITE::REINBOLD | | Fri Jan 13 1989 15:15 | 21 |
| Talk and Listen.
When listening, hear the feelings behind the words, as well as the
words.
Don't keep quiet forever, just to keep the peace. If something
bothers you, it'll come out sooner or later in one way or another,
even if rationally it seems trivial. Bring it up at an appropriate
time, in a non-threatening manner.
If you have a non-spouse related problem, and you feel like dealing
with it alone, and want to be left alone, think for a moment of
your spouse. In the middle of all your turmoil, *he/she* may need
a hug. (And maybe you needed one, too, but were too wrapped up
in your thoughts to realize it.)
I, too, am looking for ideas, and learning from experience.
Ken, I sure agree with your "LISTEN!"
Paula
|
| 644.25 | a purpose bigger than either or both of you... | ZONULE::WEBB | better than I ever did | Wed Jan 18 1989 17:01 | 9 |
| ... just my two cents...
I think that having some common purpose outside of the relationship
-- e.g. involvement in community, or some such -- can be a major
source of vitality.... I know it's going to be something I look
for in my next time around....
R.
|
| 644.26 | If it feels good... | BRADOR::HATASHITA | | Thu Feb 16 1989 17:56 | 63 |
| On the practical level, every suggestion for injecting life into
a relationship that I've read here seems to make sense.
Think about something for a few minutes;
What is it that makes humans feel good? What is it that makes humans
feel bad?
Under the "feels good" list I'd place:
-Contact
-Acceptance
-Respect
-Passion
-Freedom
-Variety
-Security
Under the "feels bad" list I'd place:
-Rejection
-Isolation
-Insecurity
-Fear
Your lists will vary, no doubt. But that which will make a
relationship exciting will usually fall under the "feels good" list.
Our attitudes shape our lives. There is much power in an attitude.
If two people maintain an attitude which incorporates their own
"feels good" list, I think that that would provide a basis for
something of benefit.
Now, as far as excitement goes:
To me an exciting relationship is an exercise in contrast. It is a
stable, calm and safe place filled with torrents of the passionate and
the erotic and the mysterious and the sensual and the slightly
dangerous. It is secure but the security is a dynamic moving target.
It is black and white in its commitment but a spectrum of colours in
its variety. It is a quite talk in subdued whispers and a heated
debate in raised voice. It changes every day but remains the same in
its desire for change.
An exciting relationship is childlike in its acceptance of wonder and
new ideas and mature in its acceptance of responsibility. It finds
something new to play with every 30 minutes but respects the sanctity
of its own being all the time. It is happy with being content but
not content with just being happy. It grows like a vine and remains
as unmoving like a mountain.
I have never been married ("Never made the same mistake once"),
so you might be tempted to view this opinion like you'd view the
warning on cigarettes knowing that the Surgeon General has a three-pack-
a-day habit.
But I have had opportunity to observe exciting and dull relationships
up close. And this is what I've seen.
Kris
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