Conference quark::human_relations-v1

    
    When I was married and living in Watsonville(Cal),
    I knew everyone on my street (Sycamore St to be exact)...
    
    The ball field at the high school is named after the
    husband of the retired schoolteacher who lived across
    the street. The owner of the "fashionable" cemetary
    lived next door. A family of a mom, dad and 10 kids
    lived across the street. A retired Japanese nurseryman
    with a son at dental school lived down the street.
    
    I knew all the doctors amd nurses, the undertakers,
    the firemen and a good many of the police officers.
    
    Since my divorce I have lived in apartments or in 
    cabins where neighbors were either afraid of one
    another or simply had separate social circles that
    didn't include the nextdoorikers or upstairikers..

    on the east coast.....live in framingham ma......
    
    1. zero.  i lock my door, put on a cd, and read a book.  honest.
       my parents, who have recently moved to northboro, are getting
       to know many people on their street.
    
    2. i smile and say hello in the apartment building, outside it i
       wouldn't have a clue who they are.
       my parents are getting to know their neighbors quite well. they
       had dinner with some while they were renovating the house, and
       will most likely invite them over for dinner when they finish
       work in progress.
    
    3. for me, see above.  oh, and i will also hold the door open if
       i see anybody coming with a load of groceries....
       my parents: some people just walked right into the yard while
       we were working and introduced themselves.  others were introduced
       when we had to stop our dog from barking and chasing them.  or
       just started talking while getting mail.
    
    4. nuthin.  not that i was expecting anything.
       same for my parents.  they moved in during february, so that
       isn't exactly conducive for people to suddenly show up on the
       door step.
    
    5. in my building, nuthin.  i'm a reclusive shut-in.
       nobody has moved in near my parents yet, so i can't tell you
       how they would react.  most likely would try to visit, introduce
       themselves, invite over for dinner, etc....
    
    basically, i guess the point i was trying to make was..........
    this is more dependent on the individuals than on the area you live
    in.  if you project anti-social, then people avoid you.  if you
    project openness and warmth, people will go out of their way to
    meet you.
    
    howzat for an answer?

    Well, I live in an Apartment/Condo complex, and know my neighbor
    across the hall (surgeon for a major hospital), the neighbor right
    next to me (Resident in Medical school) - so I figure I'm all set
    if something happend (medically) to the girls in an emergency :-)..
    
    Plus two floors down, is the nicest guy who works for DEC (Hi
    Randy!)... 
    
    Everybody else (48 apartments/condo's in one complex) seems to say
    hi, open the door for you if your hands are full, etc...
    
    Guess it depends on what kind of effort you make also, eh?
    
    Gale

    I live in Nashua, NH.  I met two of my neighbors before I even
    moved in, and have now met everyone on my street.  In the evening,
    just about everyone is outside, gabbing and watching the kids play.
    I haven't been here long enough to make "real friends", but I know
    about five families well.
    
    This something I don't think you can generalize to regions, or
    even individual towns.  But I do know that if you have children,
    meeting your neighbors is a lot easier.
    
    					Steve

         In the apartment/condo sector, the people are so transient
    (at least in Colorado Springs) that it is difficult to meet most
    of the neighbors.  The only reason that I have friendships with 
    some of my neighbors is because I ride in the elevator with them 
    on frequent occasions.  Helping haul up 10 heavy grocery bags tends
    to endear certain people for long periods of time.  On the other
    hand, when they see me carrying guns (on my way to the range), they
    tend to shy away from overt encounters.
    
                                       Greg
    
           

    1. I know most of my neighbors except for a newly moved in group
    of 6 women just across the street.
    
    2. Fairly close to people living diagonal across the street and
    BBQ,bike ride,play tennis with the man. My neighbors on either side
    are wonderful retired people that have made my life much better
    for knowing them when I'm not around they watch my house like hawks
    and phone either my parents or myself at work if they see people
    hanging around. The wife(next door) has helped me with watering
    my lawn shutting water off ect. Both play with my dog to help him
    from getting too lonely while I'm away at work.
    
    3. They came to meet me. They came straight out and said they wanted
    to come over and check out the "new" kid on the block. I met one
    while up in a tree(trimming over grown branches) when he offered
    his help in a obvious tough spot.
    
    4. Nothing. They just watched. Coulda helped tho 8^)
    
    5. Watch, why break a trend? Actually I dont do much but I do try
    to be friendly and wave for awhile before meeting them whenever.
    My dog and a few of his mad dashes has been one way of meeting people
    living further down the street.  
    
    Getting to know your neighbors is difficult but worth the time it
    takes.
    
    -j

    I have lived in the same house for 20 years, but have changed partners
    several times (2 husbands, 2 live-in boyfriends).  I believe in
    some sort of stability for my children.  At least they didn't have
    to change neighborhoods, friends, or schools.
    
    1.  I know all the surrounding neighbors and a few up the street.
    
    2.  Years ago, we used to have parties once in a while and the wives
    would get together at times during the day.  Now, since just about
    everyone works, the neighbors are people who are there, "when you
    need them."  It may be to feed the dog, get a ride up to a gas station,
    to run over and shut off my water when the washing machine screwed
    up, or take a sick animal to the vet, etc.  I don't see these people
    often, but I know if I need something, I can call and they can do
    the same.
    
    3.  I got to know some of them through my children when they were
    younger.  The newer neighbors I have met by talking over the fence,
    usually in the springtime while doing yard work, or in the Fall,
    raking leaves, etc.
    
    4.  I really don't remember anyone doing anything special when I
    moved in--was quite a while ago.
    
    5.  I have tried going over and introducing myself and my children
    (in the case where we had children of similar ages).  It didn't
    really do anything.  I usually will just strike up a conversation
    when I see a new person on the street.
    
    I agree with one of the previous noters that its easier to meet
    neighbors if you have children, or even if you have a dog or cat.
    Winter isn't far away.  If you have occasion to help someone jumpstart
    their car on a cold morning, you'll probably be on the way to a
    good neighborly relationship!  

    I lived in San Jose before I moved to New England.  I went over
    to my neighbors house and introduced myself to her, her boyfriend,
    and her daughter.  She was very happy I did this!  We became cordial
    friends, talking in passing or stopping at each others house for
    a beer every now and then.  It was real nice!
    
    When I moved to New England I learned FAST that the people out here
    are *nothing* like that.  I learned to keep to myself, not bother
    others.
    
    Can't wait to get outta here ...   :-(
    

    I live in a large (900 units) apartment complex, Royal Crest Estates,
    in Nashua, NH, where there is a clubhouse, social director, and
    several hostesses who do their jobs -- introduce people to each
    other.  Consequently, I know 50 or 75 people in the complex and
    feel like I live in a real neighborhood.
    
    I've noticed that many of the friendly residents I know are retired
    and possess outgoing social skills which the younger (under 40!)
    residents lack.  It's difficult to meet the younger ones because
    they don't frequent the clubhouse.
    
    This is the first place in 10 years of living in New England that
    I've felt part of a neighborhood.  In other apartment complexes
    and houses I lived in, I never had the opportunity to meet anyone.
    
    	Susan
    

I live in New England and I personally don't know my downstairs neighbors.  They
moved in in August and I don't even know their last names.  I don't like to meet
my neighbors.  Just the way I am, I'm a very private person.  My husband is
different.  He doesn't usually have a problem, although he hasn't met them yet
either.

In our old apartment (we lived in a complex) I knew and spoke to more people
than I do now.  We were outside more and people had to pass by our patio to get
into the building so we were social whether we liked it or not.  But now, if we
go outside, we go out onto our porch which happens to be on the second floor.
No one but ourselves to talk to up there. 

But in general, NE people usually don't get as friendly as the south or west
because we hibernate in the winter and then we're too busy in the summer.  (we
don't have too many warm months so we pack a lot of activity into those
months.) 

 

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Note 587.0                                                            No replies
AKOV11::BHOLLAND                                     15 lines  26-SEP-1988 10:45
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    re .8    Yes, it probably does take longer to know your neighbors
    here in New England, but once you know them, they will be friends
    for life if you so choose. You need to make the effort, and it varies
    depending on the neighborhood and your life circumstances (kids).
    It's easier to meet them in the spring/summer when everyone is out
    playing and doing yard work. But knowing them as friends takes 
    responsibility. Once I was a single person living in a small house
    in a family neighborhood. Next thing I knew I had the boy scouts,
    girl scouts, school plays, new babies to celebrate, a terminal
    cancer teenager next door (with a divorced/welfare mother) etc.
    All these responsibilities which became too much when I started
    grad school and needed all my study time. So neighbors are great
    as long as you can devote the time to them....but the rewards are
    great too. Oh, one nice thing is to throw a neighborhood party,
    BBQ in the summer or coctails around the holidays in winter.
    .

    re:  .12
    
    "Once you become friends with an New Englander you'll be friends
    for life"....I've heard this nonsense TOO many times.  Where do
    you people pick this line up???
    
    I've become friends on SEVERAL occaisions with SEVERAL people, we'll
    go out, have a great time, continue our friendship, then, without
    warning, the phone calls stop, the friendship ends.  For NO reason.
    
    I've been told by SO many people, since I moved here 2 years ago,
    how much fun I am, how much life I bring into a party, how friendly
    I am, etc.  Then, for no reason, I no longer hear from this person.
    We go out, we have fun, we never talk again.  What do I have to
    say???  Typical of New Englanders.
    
    I'm sure some people will take offense to this, I'm sorry.  I'm
    sure I'll get blasted by some people, that's fine.  I can take it.
    Typical for New Englanders.  Many of you even agree.
    
    Sorry for being so defensive.
    
    
    *I* need to make the effort?  No more.  I've done MY share.
    
    
    

    I don't see how ANYONE can generalize about people simply based
    on what state they live in at the moment.  I generally find that
    you get what you expect out of such situations.
    
    					Steve

    re:  .14
    
    
    I'm not the only one who thinks this.  
    
    My sister has been out for a 2 week period to visit and said that
    she could *never* move out here because of the people.
    
    Same goes for my friends from CA that have visited.
    
    Same goes for my fiance - who happens to be an N.E.er
    
    Same goes for my mother, who has been out here longer than me.
    
    Same goes to a long-time friend of mine who I met out in CA, and
    now lives in MA.
    
    Same goes for a friend of mine who moved out here from FL
    
    
    etc.....
    
    

I've always lived in NE.  When we were growing up, everyone in the
neighborhood knew everyone else.  My sisters and parents (since moved)
know all their neighbors;  I always thought everyone did (I should say
everyone in houses/neighborhoods - it dont think people in apartments 
and condos dont get to know their neighbors as well).

I live in a townhouse condo.  There are 6 buildings.  The people in the
6 units in my building all know each other, enough to stop and chat when
outside at the same time, but I dont know if anyone is beyond that.
I know one neighbor well enough to go over and visit (and vice versa).

One thing that bothers me is a couple people in my building sometimes
kid me when I dont come home a night/weekend or am out a lot.   It 
bothers me becuase I dont think its their business.  One in particular
sticks her face out the window everytime anyone's door opens or closes.
Its unbelievable - she knows everything about everybody!!  I've always 
been a private person and am probably over-reacting, but it does bug me.

Kp.

When I first moved out here to Colorado, I didn't know a soul.  But, when the
moving truck pulled up to my building and the movers backed my car out of the
truck, my downstairs neighbor saw the liscence plate. "MASSACHUSETTS!" she
screamed..."I'm from Massachusetts too!"  Well, that lifted my homesick spirits!
Since then, I have grown to appreciate my neighbor more and more (eventhough she
has since bought a house in another area.) The things we have in common are
incredible! 

We both moved to Colorado from Mass at the same time, to the same building.

We both went to U. Lowell, but we didn't know each other.  (We even have mutual
friends from college.) 

Both our parents live in the same town on the Cape.

We go to the same church.

We both miss Massachusetts.  It's so great talking with someone who feels the
same about so many things.  The other day we got so excited talking about
the lovely smell of apples in the fall and the gorgeous fall foliage in 
Mass.

    When I lived in Boston, I barely knew my upstairs neighbors in a
    three decker, and one was my landlord.  They were not native New
    Englanders, I am. I tried every thing I could think of to get to
    know them better, baked cookies and sent them up, offered to run
    errands, I had a car they didn't, nothing worked.
    
    When I moved to Milford Ma. I lived in an apartment complex of about
    15 buildings with 11 apartments each, I knew everyone in my building
    and those on either side of me, plus a few scattered throughout
    other buildings.  We used to have some real crazy partys and the
    safest thing to do was to invite everyone then there was no one
    home to complain about the noise. Within my building we were like
    an extended family, I can remember one Thanksgiving where we had
    5 familys and their guest all at my apartment for dinner, every
    one cooked their dinner and brought it with them. We all baby sat
    for each other when ever we could and no one paid  for the service.
    
    When I moved to NH, I moved into a townhouse condo and it was pretty
    much lik milford, we did lots of joint things, cookouts, 
    Christmas parties etc
    
    I now live in a very rural environment in a single family house,
    with only 4 houses on my street, I know one neighbor real well,
    one only because my cows go to visit uninvited.
    
    I can't say the the problem is New England it's people

Re .9:
    
      I live in Windsor Heights across from Royal Crest Estates in
    Marlboro.  Though we don't have anyone from our complex to introduce us
    to our neighbors, my roommate and I take it upon ourselves and we've
    been presently surprised at the number of things that we individually
    have in common with some of our neighbors.
      It is difficult sometimes, but you just have to start somewhere.
     With one couple, we asked them about their dog, and they told us
    that they had just bought him, and we wound up talking for the better
    part of an hour.
    
    Larry   

    I inadvertantly found a novel way to meet the residents of the 
    other 3 units in our condo "complex" (are 4 townhouses a "complex"?).
    Shortly after I moved in, I had to be rushed back to the hospital
    I had just been released from following surgery.  My call to 911
    requesting transportation to the hospital (I was very careful to
    specifiy that there was no immediate life threat...) generated
    1 rescue vehicle and 2 police cars, all complete with sirens and
    lights flashing!
    
    So, while being loaded into the rescue vehicle, I had ample 
    opportunity to meet the several neighbors and assure them that
    I was sure I would be okay  :-{
    
    Actually, I was quite impressed with the service.  so far I
    am very happy with the new town.
    
    	Pennie