Conference quark::human_relations-v1

    It's hard but it's something that you'll have to work on and deal
    with yourself.
    
    Are you divorced?  Or did you just end a live-in relationship?
    Do you long for a hug because you feel insecure about yourself?
     Or do you just miss the closeness?
    
    Every time you get sad and lonely I would suggest doing something
    to make you feel good about yourself.  Take the dog for a long walk,
    go jogging, call a friend or family member.  You should try to keep
    yourself busy and try to force those lonely feelings away.  

    Hope you're feeling better soon,
    Denise
    

    Thanks Denise, ..... I am trying all those things.
    Yes, I do feel insecure about myself - the ego has taken a terrible
    battering.   I ended a 3-year live-in relationship.  I long for
    a hig because I'm a 'huggy' person; I enjoy the actual feel of being
    cuddled.  Probably something to do with a childhood memory.
    
    
    
    To Barry who wrote to me,
    
    I'm in Reading.  Thanks for the kind words.
    

The next best thing to 'the next best thing to being there'... :-)

JMB

    
    Lynne,
    
    See you for a hug/drink/chat this evening, OK?
    
    Just to explain, I'm a friend of Lynne's who has been lending support
    recently - I'm glad she's found all of you to help with the electronic
    hugs!
    
    Abigail
                     
    

    I too am a very huggy person.  I have been divorced for 19 years,
    have had relationships of different degrees during that time, and
    there is no replacement for a hug when you want or need it. When
    my children left home is when I really  felt it the most.  My mother
    used to tell me that if I kept busy and worked hard that I wouldn't
    miss that part of my life, she was wrong. I work two jobs, am on
    the Zoneing Board of Appeals in my town, am vice president of my
    local Women in Business, tale care of two head of beef cattle, mow
    my lawn (approx. 3/4 acre) with a nonriding lawn mower, and I still
    want and need hugs.  
    
    Believe it or not in my last relationship, the man did not know
    how to hug. That is one reason why it is a past relationship.  People
    who know me well are always sending me cards and poems about hugs
    and hugging. There is some consolation in recieving them, but it's
    not the real thing.  As painful as it may be at times feel reassured
    that at least its not a life threating situation. 
    
    Still keep real busy, because sitting around thinking about how
    lonely you are makes thing seem worse than they are.
    
    +pat+

    Aren't you all ovely people  -  I feel really selfish now.  How
    come I'm so caught up in my own problems when you've all sorted
    out your own?
    
    On the other hand, today has been a very sad day, I don't know why,
    but talking/writing has helped.
    
    Once again, thank you............keep in touch while I'm here.
    
    LYNNE
    

    Often trusted friends will give you a hug if you just ask...it really
    helps cheer you up when you're undefinably sad.
    
    and - for good measure
    
    
    a  t*r*e*m*e*n*d*o*u*s, warm virtual ~HUG~
    
    -Jody
    

    Hi, Lynn,
    
    Yeah, you're Right!  Nothing beats a good hug.  One night while
    with a group from a singles organization that I belong to, we got
    on the discussion of hugs.  I (a great kidder!) said that I ran
    a "Hug Hotline," in which I would come to the house of someone like
    yourself, and admimister warm, loving, friendly hugs!  I did this
    through a toll-free number (1-800-HUG-JACK).  Members of the group
    believed me, and said "What a wonderful thing!"  I actually felt
    bad that I didn't provide that service, because there is a real
    need for it.  
    
    With your being in Britain, the best I could do is give you an
    electronic hug, and let you know there are a lot of caring people
    in the world.  You will find those people - you are off to a good
    start already!
    
    In the US we (children, and middle-aged children such as myself)
    often put xxx's at the bottom of letters to represent kisses, and
    ooo's to represent hugs.  I will end this note with a supply that
    you may use whenever you want to.  The feelings behind them are
    ALWAYS available!
                                                                         
    Jack                                                                 
                                                                         
    ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
    ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
    ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
    ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
    ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
    ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
    ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
    ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
    ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
    ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
    ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
                                                                       

    
    
    Lynn,
    
    First of all here is a big hug!!  I too love to be hugged and held.
    One thing I do is have a huggie pillow which really helps sometimes
    because you also need to give hugs as well as recieve them.
    When I moved to college one thing I did was to help out at a children's
    center.  Kids are great because most of them will hug anyone they
    know will not hurt them.  Maybe you could give this a try or if
    you know of anyone who has kids and needs a day off.  Ask if you
    can borrow the kids and take them out for a nice day.  You'll surely
    get a hug that way.  If that doesn't work, I haven't met a priest
    who wouldn't extend his arms to give a friendly supportive hug.
    
    Well just a few ideas.  They worked for me!  Hope you find a hug
    real soon and remember to be happy!!!!
    
    Michele

    I second Michele's idea!  If you have a friend with children, go
    visit them!!!  Just being around kids makes me feel great...even
    if it means chocolate ice cream smudged here and there!  (So wear
    "kid proof" clothes!)
    
    Have fun,
    Judi...leader of "hug of the week" club...
    

Gee, this is a very warm note....

I also like to hug and have acouple real supportive friends that
can take one look at me and they will give me a hug...I guess
there is a world out there that *really* cares....

hugs to all of you

MN    

    	Lynne,
    
    	Losing that immediate intimacy is perhaps the hardest thing
    	to cope with after a relationship has ended.  Fortunately I
    	have a close girlfriend who gives fabulous hugs--I bet you
    	do too!  Take a look around!  I don't think there's really
    	a satisfactory substitute for a bonafide love cuddle, but 
    	please have faith that eventually you will find someone to 
    	offer you precisely what you need.  In the meantime, maybe
    	gather your pets around and lavish them with affection!
    
    				Hugs and Sunshine,  Carla
    

    GOOD MORNING YOU LOVELY, WARM, SUPPORTING PEOPLE.
    
    TODAY IS ANOTHER DAY, AND LIFE GOES ON.   WENT OUT TO ABBY'S HOUSE
    LAST NIGHT, THEN ON TO A FUN-FAIR, A PRETTY SILLY THING FOR TWO
    GIRLS OF 29-34 AGE RANGE, AND SHE GAVE ME A CUDDLE ALL THE WAY UP
    THE STREET.
    
    I DO FEEL BETTER TODAY - QUITE ANGRY WITH MYSELF REALLY, BUT I'VE
    BEEN TOLD NOT TO BE SO STUPID BECAUSE EVERYONE NEEDS HELP EVERY
    NOW AND AGAIN.
    
    AT LEAST I KNOW THAT THERE ARE PEOPLE OUT THERE WHO LIKE JUST CUDDLING
    AS MUCH AS I DO.
    
    MY DOG HAS NOW SUCCEEDED, AFTER NINE YEARS, IN PERSUADING ME TO
    LET HIM SLEEP AT THE BOTTOM OF THE BED - I THINK HIS SNORING HELPS!!
    
    THANK YOU ALL FOR THE ELECTRONIC CUDDLES - I JUST WISH THEY WERE
    REAL ONES.
    
    HOPE TO 'SEE' YOU AGAIN IN THE FUTURE.  I'LL KEEP LOOKING IN THE
    NOTES......
    
    LYNNE
    

    
    Lynne,
    
    Re: .14
    
    Erm...."29-34 age range"....I'm only 28! And very sensitive about
    it, you rat-bag!!! That's the last time I pay your fare on the Waltzer!
           
    Abigail
    
    P.S. Let's have some candy floss next time - wait till I've stopped
    dieting....
    

    I can't believe it!  I figured I was the only person who has a "huggie
    pillow".  I know just what you mean, though.  Sometimes there is
    just no substitute for a hug.  My husband and I have a commuter
    marriage, so I too find it hard to do without sometimes.  We make
    up for lost time on the weekends, though, and everytime I ask him
    to go to the store for me to pick up a few things, I always put
    "1000 big hugs" as the last thing on the list.
    
    Marion

    It was five years ago when Sam persuaded us to give him a space
    at the foot of our bed 'just this time'.

    Lynn,
    
    As weird as it may sound there is about 4 or five of us in my office
    who all have a policy that when one of us needs a hug we can walk
    into one another's office and get one, whether it be a hi, or I
    am really having a bad day hug, they are great and we all have 
    Hug-a-bug stickers on our message slots so we know who we can go
    to for those sometimes greatly needed hugs.....
    
    Hugs, hugs, and more hugs to you.
    
    
    TammyG

    re: .16 (Marion)
    
    	Huggie pillows!  Sometimes I even go so far as to plop a king-
    	size pillow behind my back, as I'm laying on my side.  Sort of 
    	feels like someone's laying next to me...
    
    						   Carla
    

    re: 19
    When I worked in a nursing home, we would get the patients ready
    for bed and place them on their side, put a pillow at their back,
    and sort of mold it to their shape.  It was for comfort for bedridden
    patients, but also they must have felt like they were being "hugged"
    and felt secure.  About four times a night we would check the patients
    and fluff up the pillows.
    
    I, too, am a huggy person.  Love them hugs!
    Paula
    

    i got a nice surprize last night.  my son (19) came to talk and
    just visit (his mom and i are divorcing) me in my apartment.  when
    he left, he just put his arms around his old dad and gave me a giant
    hug. Sure was nice.
    
    there is a radio announcer here who, at the end of every *bit*,
    tells us all "hug somebody.  it'll make you feel good!"
    
    he's right.
    
    tony

    
    
    Tony,
    
    	What a lucky Dad you are.  It is very rare to see sons
    hug their Dads or viceversa. (except when the child is young)
    Congratulations on raising a great,caring young man.
    
    Michele

    
    RE: .21 & .22
    
    I'm glad I'm not the only Dad who enjoys hugs with his sons!!
    
    Mine are now 18 and 14, but we still hug and are sensitive to when
    each other particularly *needs* one!!  That's something I hope *never*
    changes!!  (I hug my Dad, also)...
    
    				Joe

    Well, for me I *never* hugged my father for the longest time.  Probably
    not since I was 9 years old or so.  He wasn't my original dad and
    I guess that had something to do with it.  I started to hug him
    about 2 years ago and wish I had never stopped.
    
    /Jim

    
    I think I taught my parents to hug!
    
    When I left home and discovered my own Huggee tendencies I took
    them home with me - my folks were quite startled to begin with!
    But I was persistant (I love 'em!) and now they're a great hug-source
    for me in times of trouble. Seems their own backgrounds had never
    encouraged that way of expressing all those things that hugs can
    say.......
    
    Abigail
    

    
    Well, after reading this I'll have to go home right now and hug my teddy 
    bear....                                              

    
    I'm sure your teddy bear will hug you back - they're very responsive
    huggers.                                                           
    
    Have you seen that latest Hamlet cigar ad? Where the executive finds
    his luggage has opened on the plane and it's all trundling round
    the turntable - including his teddy!? 
    
    A well-loved bear - essential executive equipment.
    
    A
    
    
    

    I just today started reading this NOTES file ... I was surprised
    to see the word CUDDLING in a title!  Both my MAIL and NOTES personal-
    names imply that I simply like cuddling!  It's nice to read that
    there are lots of others who also like giving and receiving
    hugs/cuddles!  To me, there's nothing more soothing and relaxing
    than a good, gentle "cuddling session" although I rarely am able
    to do so.  I seem to only rarely find someone who loves to cuddle
    like I do ...
    
    Have you seen the "Hug Therapy" book, by Kathleen Keating?  It's
    a small book full of "cute ideas" related to hugging.  A fellow
    "hugger" sent it to me recently.  I once read the phrase "cuddle
    crave" somewhere ... it describes how I feel about hugs/cuddles!
    
    	-Jim @ NIO

    Re: .28
    
         You have to slowly condition certain friends to hug.  I tried
    it on a long-time friend, and found out that she wanted 'em as much
    as I did.  Now it's just standard operating procedure.
    
                                      Greg

    	You mean you won't run if I try to hug you, Greg?
    
    						Carla
    

    Re: .30
    
                   I'll see YOU tomorrow.
    
                                  Greg

    carla...
    please give mary beth a hug for me.  
    
    t.

    	You got it, Tony!
    
    	C.

    RE: .0
    
    	I can relate Lynne.. I've been living by myself for a while
    now.. (going on 3 years?) and I miss stuff like that.. Now, when
    I need to give the attention I have to give, I go over my sisters
    and grab my nephew and play with him.. It fulfills something but
    certainly not everything.. (He's only a few months old so he hasn't
    gotten into hugging back yet.. :-) :-))
    
    	You learn to cope.. Friends help alot.. You just have to bide
    your time for when you are in a "position" to hug someone special.
    
    						mike

In our family,  we have never separated hugs and cuddling - this 
generated the new word "huggle" - it is what our children ask for or 
offer.  Thinking about it,  I would see the hug as providing a sense of 
reassurance and stability,  whereas the cuddle gives a measure of 
nurturing.  We all need them,  each in our own way.  As an earlier note 
implied,  they can't be just dumped upon someone,  rather must be 
developed and be appropriate to what both want or need at the moment.

Yes,  they ARE good!!!

    
    Carla,
    
    And an electronic huggle from me t'you!
    
    Abigail
    

    Lynne-
    
    I take it friends hugs don't work?!  That would be my suggestion
    for now....let them know you need a hug.  At first it feels akward,
    but it gets better each time.  Try it.

    Well people, it's me again, the originator of the small discussions.
    
    May I say, thank you all so much for your support, you have no idea
    how much it has meant to me.  I've printed every one of them and
    taken them home with me for future reference in times of dire need
    - after all, if they worked once, they will again.
    
    My friends here have been wonderfully supportive, understanding
    how I need a hug/cuddle, and admitting that they do too, but wouldn't
    say so in case they were thought 'soft' - a very common attitude
    here!!
    
    However, I am leaving DEC tomorrow (Friday) and going back to school
    full-time, so I'll be closing down my part of the conference.
    
    Once again, thank you all for your help and encouragement.
    
    love and cuddles,
    
    
    LYNNE
    

    I just joined this conference and just read this note.  I was having
    this same problem for quite a while.  I lost my fiance in a motorcycle
    accident about 4 months ago.  After the initial shock of loosing
    him, I had this dire need to be cuddled.  Like the base noter said,
    the cats were affectionate as ever, but it just did not surfice!
    About 3 weeks ago, I started dating someone and lets just say that
    I no longer crave being cuddled anymore.  There's no need to, I
    get all I want.
    
    Holly