| T.R | Title | User | Personal
Name | Date | Lines |
|---|
| 540.1 | Silence is Golden | ANGORA::BUSHEE | Living on Blues Power | Fri Jul 15 1988 14:18 | 4 |
|
If you still value this person as a friend, I'd say keep
your nose out of it. Butting ones nose into anothers love
life is one of the quickest ways to make ex-friends.
|
| 540.2 | Lend an ear. | TUNER::PRIEUR | | Fri Jul 15 1988 17:27 | 16 |
| I feel you can state your opinion but no more. I always "listen"
to my friends, then digest their opinions and suggestions, but ALWAYS
come out with my own conclusions. He should respect your concern
for him. All of us have to make our own choices in life,
whether bad or good. We all make mistakes but hopefully we
learn from them.
It is never wise to interfere in affairs of the heart. No matter
what the emotional situation is, it is between those two people
alone.
If you value your friendship, lend him an ear, shoulder, tissues,
whatever. But let him decide what's best for him. He will either
see through her facade and move on, or he will stay in the relationship.
But that is his choice and either way he will learn and grow from
it.
|
| 540.3 | Eggshells! | HOTJOB::GROUNDS | Suicide is painless | Mon Jul 18 1988 20:37 | 6 |
| If you're going to discuss it with your friend, it might be best
to approach it delicately. Sometimes a series of questions can
lead the person to a better understanding. Don't try and tell him
what you think; rather, lead him to the same conclusion through some
carefully worded questions. He will find solutions to his problems
in the process of answering your questions about the relationship.
|
| 540.4 | ask questions, then listen | COMET::BERRY | Howie Mandel in a previous life. | Tue Jul 19 1988 07:16 | 8 |
|
In agreement with .3 - don't try and tell what ya think, but lead
with questions.
Isn't it interesting how we can always listen to other people's
problems and always give "advice" but can't get our own lives right!
|
| 540.5 | small world | CADSE::SHANNON | look behind you | Tue Jul 19 1988 10:34 | 29 |
| This type of problem is a good example of the two different
types of people that you find floating around today.
type 1 : well meaning to a fault. rarely can see the faults
in another person, even obvious ones (like dishonesty).
much to easy to manipulate since too concerned with the
other person well being or feelings. You know the saying
about nice guys finish last.
type 2 : self centered and manipultive. Can see no wrong in
themselves. Dishonest yet feels justified in being
that way. ect ect ....
When type 1 gets together with type 2 the result will always be
type 1 getting the shaft from type 2.
A.J., it's obvious your friend is a type 1 and his exgirlfriend
a type 2. My advice to you is to not say anything. Type 1 people
only learn after they have been through the wringer a few times.
let him learn his lesson the hard way. Eventually he will learn
enough to avoid the kind of person he was hooked up with.
mike
ps I feel sympathy for your friend, The identical thing happened to a
friend of mine. I think it happens quite a bit.
|
| 540.6 | try just listening | TLE::RANDALL | I feel a novel coming on | Wed Jul 20 1988 09:23 | 23 |
| Obviously your friend is getting something, psychologically
speaking, from this relationship.
Two possibilities come to mind: one is that the woman has some
virtues that are not immediately obvious that compensate for her
dishonesty, the other is that your friend has some kind of "need"
to be treated like this. Possibly both.
You might try helping him explore his feelings about her and about
his relationship with her. [I don't mean leading questions, I
mean accepting whatever he has to say.] He probably hasn't
thought of his relationship in terms of what he's getting out of
it, and she might be just a symptom of more severe problems. If
she has virtues that are not immediately obvious, you might find
yourself liking her, too.
Even if she turns out to be even worse than you thought, I would
suggest that you refrain from dumping on the woman, if possible.
Being rude about her is not going to persuade him to leave her. In
all likelihood it will just make him cling to her more stubbornly
and could conceivably prolong the relationship.
--bonnie
|
| 540.7 | situation is cleared up | CADSE::SANCLEMENTE | | Wed Jul 20 1988 11:07 | 13 |
|
I want to thank everyone for their help. As it turned out,
however there will be no need for me to talk to him. She finally
exposed herself for what she is (slightly unbalanced). I know it
seems like I am bashing her. I know everyone has good and bad
qualities. It just seems that in this case the bad are so much
more outstanding.
Thanks again A.J.
P.s. One thing that helped my friend see the light (blinding as
it was) was a new and much better relationship.
|