Conference quark::human_relations-v1

               
    	People who think they're "perfect" are riding on a thin shelled
    ego manefestation. To maintain this false sense of self, they must
    get some kind of feedback which they can use to support it.
    
    	Clearly, you have *not* "ignored them for the better part of
    8 months"; if you had, they would have sought what you are somehow
    providing from someone else, eventually. Probably all they have to do 
    is *sense* that they've impacted you in some way to recieve their 
    "dose" or whatever.
    
    	I've avoided fighting during this life by simply not wanting
    to participate. When a potential opponent senses that I just dont
    want to participate, the value of the "victory" over such a person
    diminishes to zero. 
    
    	You can "shut 'em down" in the same way. Make sure that they
    know, clearly understand that you have no intention of playing this
    game anymore. But dont do it explicitly! Let them sense it in you.
    
    	Joe Jas

    	I'm not sure what exactly the circumstances are that you live
    under, but it sounds like you are doing exactly what these people
    want you to do. I don't know if your male or female, and I'm not
    sure if that matters, but to some people it may.
    	If life is really intolerable your manager should be supportive
    of your efforts. If your manager and theirs is the same then you
    should elevate it to the next level. Continue to do so until you
    get some measure of satisfaction. 
    	Something else you must do is examine what type of individual
    you have been toward these people. Did they just up and start treating
    you this way? Did you/do you bring upon yourself in the manner in
    which YOU treat them? My father used to say to me, "If no one will
    play with you, then you must have done something to them. If you
    haven't, then they're not worth playing with." 
    	You also don't say whether the position you hold is one that
    you really enjoy, other than your "friends".
    	If you're not a coward, then walk up to the ringleader of this
    group when they are alone and be direct. Ask why you are being
    treated in the manner you are, and demand an answer. Don't be
    threatening but be firm. Tell that person that you will not accept
    any further abuse and that you are willing to work as a peer if
    that's acceptable, if not, you now have a basis to push this as
    far as you can.

To clarify a little.  I am female, and I am overweight.  To
some folks, that's all I need be to give them the fuel to "pick
on" me.  I'm not the only one in the organization that is being
bad-mouthed.  There are a few other overweight people in my group
(male and female) who are also ridiculed.   I'm the one that is
taking the action to try and get these jolly-makers get their 
heads together and treat me and the other obese people with the
same respect we give them. 

My manager is not their manager.  My manager has told me to keep
my cool and ignore them as much as possible.  I treat them with
the respect they are due as intelligent professionals.  I would
like to be treated much the same way, but it sure as heck seems 
like they feel that since we're fat, we don't deserve any respect.

I do like my job quite a bit and really don't want to leave the 
company.  Even though I grit my teeth whenever I have to work
with these people, I still treat them as professionals and don't
make derogatory comments to others in the group about their faults.
I keep that type of stuff out of the work environment. 

    You might want to document the incidents and keep track
    of what specifically has been said.  Juvenile behavior 
    such as what you've described should not be tolerated or
    condoned in a professional environment.  If your manager
    won't support you then go to Personnel and keep complaining
    until something is done.  

    
    I fully agree with 537.4.  What you are putting up with is an outrage!
    It is also AGAINST COMPANY POLICY - that is to VALUE your difference
    (not make fun of it)!  I know it is hard to stick up for yourself when 
    you are being ridiculed, but you have to realize that it is up to you 
    to respect yourself enough to put a stop to it!  You have no idea
    (or perhaps you do!) how it burns my pleasingly plump butt when I hear
    of something like that going on!  
    
    Marion (another woman of substance)

    And please be aware of the Open Door Policy.  I have used it, when
    appropriate, and it *is* for real.  If you can not get satisfaction
    from your manager, move it up the ladder.  That is your right, based
    on corp. policy.
    
    Good luck, keep us posted!
    
    (Just a thought.  Imagine the effect if one of the repling noters
    to this topic, saying FIGHT FOR YOUR RIGHTS, is one of the
    'profesionals' that are causing the problem, and simply doesn't
    realize it.  Whew!)
    jim
    

    I can't stand this type of thing, either.  I know *exactly* what
    you mean by "sophmoric" behavior, too!
    
    By all means use the advice that previous noters have given;  they
    are right--you do NOT have to take this, and what you are experiencing
    is not DEC policy.
    
    But while you follow that path, think of this:  imagine what truly
    low esteem those folks must have for themselves if the only way
    they can be "somebody cool" is to do something that juvenile.  It's
    like pulling everyone else down so you can look taller.  You know
    for yourself that when you really feel good about yourself, you
    would never stoop to hurting someone's feelings in that way.  
    
    Fight for what's right for you, but don't lower yourself to these
    unfortunate few.
    
    Best of luck.  You aren't alone!  Let us know how you manage.
    
    Jane  
    

    
    Please let us know how you are doing on this project.  You have
    crossed my mind more than once in the last few days.  It seems your
    objective is of great value, but you are getting no backup from
    people who are there for that purpose.
    
    Marion

    Re: .0
    
    If I understood your Base-Note correctly; you are saying that there
    exists a situation where immature antics within your work group, i.e.,
    mockery, verbal harrassment and insults are tossed about constantly
    at the expense of innocent people who are the brunt of such behavior;
    and that these activities are affecting you to the degree that you
    are considering leaving your job?!
    
    My friend, if what you are saying is accurate, then you have an
    obligation to direct your complaint to the "right" source, which
    apparently you have *not* done.
    
    You should formally and officially lodge a complaint with you Personnel
    Director, at once. The behavior you describe does not belong in
    any work place. Of course good natured levity has it's time and
    place *but* malicious mockery and constant Tom-foolery is wasteful,
    degrading, offensive and intolerable.
    
    Of course, if you are the "only" one that finds this objectionable
    and there are *no* others that share your opinion you amy have to go
    some distance to prove your point. But if there are a few that are
    affecting the work enviornment for the majority and you do not with
    them (the others who find this offensive and counterproductive)
    report the same; well then . . . grin and bear it.
                        

    re: .0, .2
    
    "Verbal Harassment" ....
    
    Sometimes, there are people who enjoy joking and fooling around. Often
    times, though, out of sheer ignorance of human plight and sensitivity,
    their "humour" comes across as callous stupidity. 
    
    At another time, in the distant past, I've heard a few people walk up
    to one of those types of people (sometimes it works better in private)
    and just tell them (EDUacate them) that what they are doing is hurtful,
    and accomplishes nothing but hard feelings amongst the "target" group. 
    
    Demeaning jokes about women, ethnic groups,  race have been around a
    very long time. Sex and marriage is often used in humour, and lately,
    since many of the traditional "butts" of sardonic humour is now
    "officialy closed"; these humorists are left with non-traditionalist
    objects, obesity, and occupations. 

    There's been a few stories where, when such a person as yourself, has
    called the situation to the atenttion of their (very good) manager, the
    manager in turn calls an informal meeting of the group to discuss the
    type of humour which is acceptable , and which is not. When done in a
    positive manner (ie as an educational process rather than finger
    pointings), the results tend to be positive (ie, a warmer, more
    efficient work unit). 
    
    Even not knowing the exact situation, my feelings are that if I
    am unaware of any "ignorance of action" on my part, and someone
    comes to me and informs me of the appropriate action, I feel much
    bettert than if someone from personell comes to me and says "WE
    must talk about YOUR behaviour on the job !"

    Since I've been on both sides of the fence, I feel qualified to
    explain "the other side" as well as being able to empathize with
    your feelings.
    
    Stout, is also a good word.    
    
    Bob