Conference quark::human_relations-v1

    
    	What behavior constitutes flirting while dancing? How do you
    discriminate between just "a good dancer" and someone shakin' their
    stuff with flirtatious intent? Is that what "Dirty Dancing" type
    moves are all about? 
    	When I dance, I *dance* - if I hafta take a half hearted
    tack because someones gonna think I'm flirting, well, I guess I
    dont care *what* they think then - its too much fun!
    
    	Joe Jas

    Good question...
    
    I have been told that I flirt often but the worst part is I don't
    even know I do it.  It is something subconciously in me that does
    it without me even realizing it.
    
    A flirt is someone who can be anything depending on how you interpret
    a flirt.
    
    A flirt can be someone who dresses to get attention (whether it
    be a guy or a girl).
    
    A flirt is someone who may start talking to you in a long check
    out line.
    
    A flirt is someone who may be dancing look your way smile and move
    suggestively.
    
    A flirt might be he/she with a lot of opposite sex friends.
    
    A flirt can be someone who talks to the opposite sex easily and
    without worry.
    
    A flirt may be someone who is confident to ask you o dance.
    
    A flirt might be someone who makes a positive comment about your
    clothes, appearance, body, whatever.
    
    Oh boy the list can go on and on.  I guess I am considered a flirt
    because I hug people I know.  Most of them expect it now and one
    guy asked me "Where's my hug?" I have more male friends than female
    friends because I find guys easier to talk to than women.  Does
    that make me a flirt?  I don't know but fiancee thinks it isn't
    enough. Yet other tell me it is.
    
    A flirt is one of those terms that depends on the person using 
    it.  It is one of these "define it yourself" terms.

    I think flirting helps spice up an ordinary conversation.  If done
    in fun (without intend of harrassment) it can relieve tensions.
    But it helps to know your audience!
    
    Memorial day weekend I was out dancing and was really enjoying myself!
    I was with a date, but wasn't really flirting with him or anyone
    else in the club.  I was just dancing for me.  Then Whitney Houston's
    song "I wanna dance with somebody...I wanna feel the heat with
    somebody" was played.  With that song I really got wild, jumping
    around and probably looked like I was after every guy in the place.
    But I was just having fun with myself.  (I think my date had different
    ideas :-)    In years past, though I have used dance to flirt on
    occasion, and now that I'm taking lessons to dance with a partner,
    who knows where that will lead...ah..la..dirty dancing???
    
	sherry

    The term dirty dancing came from when the ballroom dancing (eight
    inches apart only touching at the hands) was more in style.  When
    the closer more intimate style of dancing and sexual stimulation
    came around the women referred to it as That dirty dancing and the
    men basically just called it obscene.  To them you weren't supposed
    to show any signs of intimacy...
    
    				D.
    
    

    I think the essence of flirting is knowing when it stops being flirting.
    That is, knowing how to be complimentary, jokingly suggestive, or
    just plain having fun but also a sense of what's appreciated and
    what isn't.  I think as a man it's what makes flirting enjoyable
    and yet appreciated because it has not been mis-interpreted
       Dinner parties, for example, are just loads of fun with the
    right partner, because you can kid around inordinately.  And yet
    nothing will come of it unless your partner makes some unmistakeable
    overture.  
    
    And you can just blush politely.
    
    Guy
    
    

    There's flirting that doesn't look like flirting and there's not
    flirting that looks like flirting.  A friend and I used to trade
    outrageous double entrendres, but we weren't flirting (at least
    I wasn't) - we were sharpening our wits.
    
    I'd say that flirting is defined by intent.  The tough part is figuring
    out their intentions.

I don't like flirting when there is no intention of anything more.  I think
that it can be very cruel to a flirtee who doesn't know any better...

Jim.

    Re: .7
    
    That would determine the difference between flirting and teasing.
    However, there are other options.  If the intention is to arouse
    interest, then the behavior is flirting (or possibly teasing). 
    If the intention is to make the person feel welcome in a strange
    situation, then it wouldn't be flirting.  Unfortunately, it's not
    always possible to distinguish the intention behind the behavior.

    re .7:
    
    I agree with Chelsea. If there's something to the flirting, it's
    not flirting; it's teasing or seduction.
    
    	Jon

    I've never thought that flirting says anything more than "I'm a
    woman and you're a man, and a very attractive one at that. I don't
    intend to do anything about it, but I want you to know your
    attractiveness is appreciated." 
    
    The essence of flirting is that it draws a line that both people
    are aware of and it's explicit in its intention to not cross
    that line.  Thus, anything on this side of the line becomes
    nonthreatening and fun because you don't have to worry whether
    responding means you're going to encourage crossing the line.
    
    I flirt quite a lot and have never been misunderstood. It's very
    easy to tell when my interest is being taken seriously and back
    off before I cause the kind of hurt that Jim was rightly worried
    about.  Someone who doesn't back off is playing a game other than
    flirting. 
    
    --bonnie

    
    A flirt is a tool to be used like a "feeler gauge."  It can be very
    useful and can be mastered.  It can take you not only to the door,
    but through it.
    
    Dwight

    re: Dwight
    
    I don't think it could be put any better than that.
    
    sherm

You shouldn't flirt with someone if you're just going to end up slamming
the door in their face!

Jim.

        There are clearly two different types of interaction being
        described here. My understanding of "flirting" has always been
        like that described by Miss Manners--in which the entire
        interaction is based on the firm understanding that flirting is
        completely self-contained and will, by definition, go nowhere.
        Flirting, by this definition, is an end in itself and not a
        means to something else. The door isn't slammed in any faces
        because it isn't opened.
        
        Others clearly understand flirting differently or are using the
        word for a completely different behavior.
        
        JimB.

	To my eyes, flirting ends when it's relatively clear to both parties
	that the conversation has an end purpose - that "all this is leading
	somewhere".

	Flirting ~= idle chatter, except that more interest is shown during
	flirting and that flirting is more sustained. When I shoot the breeze 
	with random females in elevators - that's not flirting, 'coz I'm killing
	time with "happy talk" and there is clearly no interest in each other.

	Flirting is a feeling-out process, in some instances. In others, it's 
	just a game - and can become a tease. It *is* a fun game, tho'...

eric

    I think flirting is *fun*, too.  I am not particularly skilled at
    it, but I very much enjoy flirting and being flirted with....
    
    but I try *always* to not allow it to become offensive, or to be
    offended by it.  It's a game that two (or more) can enjoy with one
    another....
    
    tony

    re: .0
    
    Help me  to understand what you mean. 
    
    Whats the difference betwen "flirting" and FLIRTING, except for the
    spelling ? I can't for the life of me tell the difference, any more
    than can I tell "when someone is attracted to me" and "someone would
    like to know me better". 
    
    I love dancing ... the marvelously long swings, gypsies, and small talk
    and kind words often shared at about 30 mph as we glide across the
    floor. Is it flirting, to gaze into persons soul through their eyes,
    and feel the stimulating warmth of thier soul gazing back, for even a
    moment ? 

    There are times when people 'consciously' lead somone on with some
    sortof false pretext, but that's not flirting ..that's hurting ..and it
    ain't right. I agree with that. 
    
    There are times when people want ot build up their collection of
    friends and aquaintences. That's not flirting, its ".. getting to know
    you ..", isn't it ? 

    A few times I been told that I had "flirtatious eyes" ..is that bad ?

    Is it better to remain straight, immobile, stiff, and carry a phony
    smile ... or to show an interest in the face that you see, the body
    that you hold, the arms that contain you, even if only for few fleeting
    moments ? 

    There are people in this world, even at dances, who seem to hold the
    premise that only they, and their closest friends deserve to be alive
    and in their presence ... and there are those who share themselves with
    a glance, a smile, a warm hand and friendly eyes, in love with life,
    and all that is around them .. at least for a few hours a  week .. or
    so it seems. 
  
    There is one place that I go dancing to, that seems to be an
    anachronism in the world of folk dancing; and exception; a blot on the
    goodwill of contra dancers everywhere ... where at times i feel like a
    stranger amongst strange people .. or are they mostly from New York ? 

    Bob  

    
    Does anyone care to answer the following?
    
      Is flirting necessary bad?  Or is it a good thing?  From what
        I have read so far, it is **fun**.  When do you draw a line
        between the good and the bad?
    
      Can a married person (male/female) flirt with other people (single
        or married)?
    
      
    
    
       
    

I like to Flirt...  I don't consider that bad...  But then again, I don't flirt
insincerely.  I flirt to draw people out; I wouldn't be upset at someone being
forward because I was flirting with them.  Flirting insincerely is what I don't
like. 

Jim.

    If flirting means teasing or being silly with then I don't
    see any harm in married people flirting with people they
    are not married to.
    
    Bonnie

    I think flirting can be extremely enjoyable (from both sides) -
    however you must make clear what's BEHIND the flirting - is it serious
    or joking - are you acting unattached when you're actually VERY
    attached - make sure your message gets through, despite the medium.
    
    otherwise people could get hurt if they misinterpret...
    
    -Jody
    

    I always thought flirting came from great self confidence.  You
    have to admit that in order to flirt one has to like what one 
    has to offer.  I like flirting and being flirted with.  It tells
    me that the other person at least feels confidence about him/herself.
    I doesn't mean anything more, unless someone wants to make it more.
    If someone reads more into it,  the flirt has an obligation to
    tell the flirtee that nothing was meant by it. 
    
    								
    Bill