Conference quark::human_relations-v1

    
    You are so right when you observed that a person's creativity being
    questioned is a real sensitive issue.
    
    May I offer a couple of suggestions:
    	1. Always start by pointing out the strengths of the project.
           This will help set a positive non-threating atmosphere.
    
    	2. Next ask questions about the parts that need to be changed
    (in your opinion). i.e. "I find this part interesting.  Would you
    please explain to me why you chose to do it this way." 
    Another way might be "You always have a creative way of doing things,
    why did you decide on this way."
    
    This will open the door for learning on both sides and eases the
    issue of addressing things from a personal point of view and has
    both of you addressing the issues.
                                    
    I'm no expert but this is how I would like to be dealt with when
    critic is the order of business.
    
    Mary Ann

     First, I'd like to say that you should switch roles and ask the
    questions like someone was asking you. How would "YOU" react if
    someone said.... "well.... I would have done it THIS way", or "Gee..
    you wasted so much time doing it this way... why didn't you do it
    like this.....".
    What ever happened to "Positive reinforcement" ? It's so easy to
    speak without thinking first. Engage brain BEFORE engaging mouth.
    When I'm faced with a situation like yours and want to put in MY
    2 cents, but don't want to be shut off... I'll say..."This is good!..
    it looks like you put some thought into this.... Gee... what do
    YOU think the result would be if you did..this, that or the other
    thing...". I had a boss that couldn't give anybody a compliment.
    If you did something over and above your job requirements, he wouldn't
    say anything to ya, or very rarely anyway. You were expected to
    do that job! THAT'S NOT TRUE THOUGH! You didn't have to do anything
    other than what your job asks of you. If there isn't POSITIVE
    reinforcement, you'll not feel good about your job and about yourself.
    It doesn't take much to think about what you're going to say, think
    of the response and then say it! If someone is worried about someone
    else doing better and making them look bad and possibly taking their
    job, then they probably don't belong in that position anyway, (which
    was the case for a friend of mine in DEC). People in this business
    have to learn to work together and NOT against each other. I really
    believe that we are all working for a common goal, no matter what
    your position is! I really don't have time for some of the B.S.
    that goes around. I've seen people actually do stuff just to make
    others look bad, so they can run to their boss and say... "hey,
    did YOU see what #$%^&*^&* did? ". I just walk away from it. Sorry...
    I'm running off the subject again. 
    
    Bottom line?
    
    Question someone's creativity like you would want someone to question
    yours! Suggest carefully and remember that he/she is probably really
    proud of their work and doesn't want anyone stepping on it!
    
    Good Luck! 

When I have to critique something, especially when some comments might
sound negative or BE negative, I consciously omit "you" from the words. 

+++   "Why is the hinge exposed?"
      "Will the exposed hinge bump the open door?"

---   "Why did you expose the hinge?"
      "Do you think the exposed hinge might bump the open door?"

While student teaching, I discovered that omitting "you" helped the students 
focus on the "object" being discussed, usually their English compositions.  
This convention works in real life too.  I've tested it as well as one can 
test any "real life" situation. 

I'm not sure whether the presence of "you" makes us defensive or whether 
its absence allows us to focus on the subject at hand ... Hmmmm, I guess 
it's a series: IF I AM NOT BEING ATTACKED, I CAN THINK.

Two "You" Thoughts:

My adrenaline zooms when I hear non-Americans say "You Americans, blah blah
...," even when they make a true statement.  But it's OK if they say "It
seems to me that Americans ...." 

Decades ago some popular psycho-bablers recommended that we include the
word "you" a lot to give the person being addressed the warm fuzzies.  This
bad advice has resulted in phrases such as "... your Empire State
Building," which, for most of us, is false.          Meigs

    Meigs' advice about omitting "you" sounds, er, sound.
    
    Another possibility, which doesn't omit the "you" is to turn
    it around and sound like *you* are asking the other person for
    *his* advice. For example, instead of saying, "I would've done
    it this way," say, "Don't you think it might be a tad better if
    it was done this way?"
    
    I don't know, though. The only time I'm ever called upon to
    critique anyone's "personal creation", it's when my mother is
    working on a painting and asks for my opinion. I'm usually very
    blunt about the problems I see, and will say things like, "Your
    perspective is off here," or "There's too much green here; this
    leaf looks like it's made of wax." It seems like 9 times out of
    10, my mother will respond with, "That's what my teacher said."
    
    At any rate, she never takes it personally, even when I tell her
    that still life bores me to tears. :-)  On the other hand, we're
    close enough that she knows I'm critiquing her work, not criti-
    cising her.
    
    --- jerry