Conference quark::human_relations-v1

    Weel, since you worded this a little different than your Soapbox
    entry and the context of my Soapbox reply would be meaningless here...
    
    I've been to all my HS class reunions. All of these have been of
    the dinner-dance variety. I have enjoyed them all, even the ones
    that seemed poorly organized. It's been fun to renew old acquaintances
    and, even, talk to folks that you really never had mauch contact
    with. Its really amazing how some folks change drastically and
    others seem to have that timeless quality. Its also a way to update
    yourself on those that have passed away. My word of caution is the
    same, events such as this are very difficult to put together. Notices
    have to be sent out and RSVPs received before definite arrangements
    can be made for place/food/entertainment. People's tastes change
    and its very hard to please them all. If you do decide to go, try
    to keep these problems in mind and concentrate on the people. I'm
    really intrigued by someone's mention of a field day type reunion
    in Soapbox, but I don't know if I can devote the time to influence
    something like that.
    
    Bob Mc

    I was recently deeply involved with my class reunion and the only
    negative experience I had was in being an active person on the reunion
    committee.  It was a real headache, I would caution anyone interested
    in getting on a committee to understand how time consuming and
    uncooperative people tend to be.
    
    The reunion itself was great.  I found that I had not changed too
    much over the years, some people said not at all.  I didn't take
    an escort, he refused to spend another evening with those people
    after all the work we put into fundraiser's and general meetings.
    I also found that I would have left him at the table to fend for
    himself.  I was busy visiting people I hadn't seen in years, and
    dancing with men I didn't have the nerve to talk to in high school.
    I felt like there wasn't enough time to really talk to everyone,
    but the people I did get to, it was really interesting to see what
    they did with there lives.  
    
    It also seemed the people who hadn't felt that they accomplished
    much or where ashamed of how they looked now, didn't show up.  I
    say this because I knew a few who didn't go because of these reasons.
    I thought they missed out alot.  I can't stress enough how much
    fun I had.  I also felt extremely good to see how much more self
    confident I had become.  It was similar to a rite of passage where,
    I felt that I could look back and ahead at the same time and feel
    good about where I am. 
    
    We had a dinner dance and a fashion show.  The fashion show was
    a waste of time, and the food was probably ok, but those things
    were minute.  I did notice the majority of personalities hadn't
    changed much.  The people I liked then, I like now.  There was alot
    of passing out addresses and phone numbers and promises to keep
    in touch.  I made a few friends from the committee that I intend
    to keep for a long time, and a few that I would like to keep in
    touch with, but probably won't, just like high school....
               

Went to my 20th high school reunion, and June 24, 1988, I'll be at the 
25th (Proviso East, Maywood, Illinois, Class of 63)

Miscellaneous thoughts

Everyone I know that has gone to a reunion loved it. I've never heard 
*anyone* say they regretted it.

All of our reunions have been scheduled for a cocktail hour, dinner, then
dancing.  The cocktail hour and 'dancing' are the best times 'cause that
when we wander around and visit. The price is usally around 30 or 40, which
I think might be a little high for some.  (Yes, the music is always too
loud, so we did have to shout by the end of the night.) 

Our organizing committee had a brainstorm! The prepared name tags
distinguished grads and associates of grads -- which worked extremely well
for both groups.  Some people *have* changed enough that classmates need a
hint. 

The committee also gave prizes -- grad that traveled the furthest to the 
reunion (I won), grad that signed up for the reunion and cancelled most 
often, ... gosh, I forget the others.

The committee also re-read some of the class honors -- 1st and 2nd academic 
honors, class officers, scholastic prize winners, etc.

In fact, after the reunion, about 50 of us wandered off to a nearby bar and 
talked it up for another 2 or 3 hours, until 3:30 am.  The whole thing was 
wonderful.       Meigs

    re:.3
    
    "Everyone I know that has gone to a reunion loved it. I've never
    heard *anyone* say they regretted it."
    
    Well, I suppose there's a first time for everything. I didn't
    want to say any negative about reunions, because I believe that
    a lot of what you get out of it depends on what you put into it.
    But not always. At any rate, I couldn't pass up responding to
    your comment.
    
    My high school had a five-year reunion back in '76. I wasn't
    intending to go. My high school life was bleak. I was pretty
    much of an outcast. Even the friends I had weren't particularly
    close.
    
    Anyways, one of those I considered a friend happened to run into
    me and we started talking about the reunion. When I expressed my
    doubts about it, he convinced me that "it'll be great to see all
    the old guys again."
    
    So I went. And Tom was right. It *was* great to see the old guys
    again. But, about five minutes after seeing each one again, I
    felt like I didn't really care about any of them. They were all
    in a completely different world than mine. I was bored stiff for
    most of the evening. Pretty much as soon as dinner was over, I
    booked out.
    
    It was almost worth going for the interesting observation I made
    that it seemed like the most sincere greetings and interest I
    got were from people I knew only marginally well in school.
    
    Now, granted, I believe that much of it was *my* attitude problem,
    but then that's the whole point, isn't it?  My high school years
    weren't the highlight of my life, so why should I have expected
    much out of the reunion. Anyone who is in a similar situation may
    feel the same, and they may be better off not going to a reunion.
    
    --- jerry

    RE: .4
        
    Sounds like a good observation, regarding the attitude you had in
    high school.  Now that I have looked back on my high school years,
    I had a great time in high school.  I knew alot of people, but I
    didn't have a lot of close friends, so I did enjoy seeing the people
    I knew and what they were up to.  The close friends are for the
    most part, still close friends (they say I have very deep loyalties).  
    But the people I knew who didn't go, also said it was because they
    didn't particularly enjoy high school.    
                                           
    Anyone else out there who did or didn't go for similar reasons?
    And if you did, was it as expected?
    
    Karen 
    
     

    I went to my fifth and my tenth so far. I thought the tenth was
    MUCH better than the fifth. By the time people are 27 or 28 they're
    a lot more settled down than when they're 22 or 23. Most of the
    people there were married, lots had kids, houses, etc. 5 years out
    of high school lots of people are either still in college or the 
    service, and very few have settled down. At my brother's 5-year
    reunion, several fights broke out between people who were still
    mad at each other from high school!

    I didn't have a lot of close friends in high school, either, and
    the class secretary has managed to lose track of some of their
    addresses anyhow, or they moved far far away and don't show up at
    class reunions anyhow - which I suppose is reasonable, after all!
    I only moved about twenty miles, myself.
    
    The people that seemed to have a lot of fun at the reunions I've
    gone to (10th and 15th - I never got the notice for the 5th one,
    so I guess they had lost track of me for a while also) were the
    people who excluded me from their social groups at the time - the
    sports types, the cheerleaders, and the other social creatures (that
    kind of stuff is important in high school, and it is horrible to
    be excluded all the time and never have any dates, even though in
    retrospect it seems pretty silly from the adult viewpoint; in high
    school that's all there is!).  It was sort of interesting to see
    what these types had done with themselves since then, which ones
    had gone to college, which ones dropped out of college, which ones
    still lived with their parents, etc!  It was also interesting to
    see what other less-exclusive kids had become: the class druggie
    is now a physician, the class cut-up is now a high school English
    teacher, the shyest boy in the class now has an even shyer wife
    by his side, the most popular girl has been married and divorced
    three times and has four children, etc.  I ended up spending most
    of the last one talking to an old classmate who works at the other
    end of this building, though I seldom run into him at work: he was
    voted "most studious boy" while I was "most studious girl".  And
    I left early, too.  Couldn't take the smoke any longer after a while.
                    

    I missed my 5 year re-union.
    
    At the 10th, I was going through some rough times and couldn't really
    enjoy myself.
    
    This summer I attended my 15th. IT WAS GREAT! As somebody mentioned
    earlier, it's more fun after everyone starts to settle down. There
    were 3 types of people there...
    
                 1. Those I recognized
                 2. Those I didn't
                 3. Those who I forgot even existed!!
    
    I spent most of the evening wondering "Who did that person used
    to be?". One of the classmates brought a yearbook, making things
    much easier.
    
    We had so much of a good time that when the lights came on nobody
    wanted to leave. We ended up renting 2 rooms at the Worcester
    Marriot and continuing till sun-rise...
    
    We also had our first grandparent!!!
    
    Edd

    My ten-year reunion would have been last year, but it looks like no one
    organized it. In any event, no one I still know from high school was
    told. 
    
    I didn't go to my five-year reunion. A friend of mine that I'm still
    in touch with asked me at the time if I was going, and I said I
    wasn't. He asked why.
    
    I said that I wasn't going because I had a lot of friends who weren't
    in our class, so they wouldn't be there. I didn't need to go to the
    reunion to see the people I am still in touch with. The people I don't
    care if I never see again are all going to be there, because they're
    that sort. The people I want to know what happened to aren't going
    to be there, because *they* are *that* type. So why go?
    
    He asked me who I wanted to see, and I rattled off the names. When he
    came back from the reunion, he said that I was correct -- none of the
    people that I wanted to see had come, and one of them had told someone
    else that the only ones he really wanted to see weren't going to be
    there. I was pleased that our minds were still so much in tune.
    
    	Jon

    After reading the replies here and in the 'Box, I guess the answer
    to whether or not you should go to a class reunion depends on
    what your attitude was towards your classmates. Oh well...
    
    re having friends other than your class
    
    Although I have, mostly, enjoyed my class reunions, the reunion
    that I enjoyed the most was a non-class reunion. I joined the
    marching band in my junior year. That year, we participated in
    the Cherry Blossom Festival in Washington, DC. The following year,
    we marched in the Tournament of Roses Parade. Anyway, somebody
    organized a 20th reunion of the band that went to the Rose Parade.
    That was really interesting, as that group encompassed five graduating
    classes and loads of folks that I hadn't seen for 20 years. The
    group also encompassed parents, because the Band parents group was
    a very large part of the effort to get 100 members plus chaperones
    from MA to CA.
    
    Bob Mc

        This weekend we're having our first Norwell High School 1969
        yearbook staff meeting in 18 years. We had one during our
        college freshman year just to see how things were going. There
        will only be 4 of us and our spouses and children at this one,
        but we're aiming for a big one eventually, and have managed to
        find a fair fraction of the staff. 
        
        The yearbook staff was, through some really odd circumstances,
        composed of a large number of the kids who had always been
        outsiders--the eggheads, the hippies, and the shy types rather
        than the standard "popular" crowd. In many ways we're not the
        sort who would normally be very involved in setting up the class
        reunion either, but as we've started to track down the yearbook
        staff, I suspect we'll end up getting involved in the 20th
        reunion, too. By the time it happens next year we ought to have
        found most of the staff. 
        
        JimB.

    Gee, it seems as if once I put in my negative reply, the whole
    tone of responses took a dive. I feel guilty. :-)
    
    re:.5
    
    Interesting how you mention observing how many of your classmates
    had married by the 10-year while they were "still in college" and
    such at the 5-year. It seemed to me that at my 5-year, there were
    an inordinate number of my classmates who'd gotten married. At the
    time, I cynically made a mental note to consider going to the 10-
    year to see how many subsequently got divorced.
    
    I never got any notice about a 10-year or 15-year reunion, and
    since my mother still lives at the same address we lived at while
    I was in school (and at the time of my 5-year), I suspect that no
    such reunions were ever held, so I never had to think about
    whether to go or not.
    
    --- jerry

	I went to my 5 year reunion, and had a good time. The people
I thought were "stuck-up" were suddenly very friendly (i.e. some girls),
and the people I was good friends with I didn't have as much to talk
about as I had hoped. This was partly because I was running the
reunion party. I had fun vicariously because the party was a great
success. It didn't stop until about 1am (it started at 6pm) because
we ran out of beer. My father was telling people where to go if they
really wanted more. Most people were just finishing college (few if any
were married or had strongly established jobs). I look forward to my
10th.

Chuck

    At the risk of really sounding like an old man . . .
    I skeptically attended my 25th reunion a couple of years ago and
    really enjoyed the event.  (I was apparently among the missing
    for the earlier anniversaries!)  I found all the positive things
    mentioned to have been true in my experience, and I think some
    of the negative points are true too.
    Our program was broken up - a stag one evening, and a dance the
    next.  My spouse wouldn't have known anyone at all, so we didn't
    do the dance.
    Our committee had the great idea of copying the yearbook's senior
    class photos, and making badges out of them for everyone.  Certainly
    helped me to identify some friends who have aged not too gracefully.
    Everyone also received a reunion tee-shirt, with a much older
    version of the school's mascot on it.  
    All in all, I thought it was a great experience and I highly recommend
    that everyone participate in at least one reunion if its organized.
    

    
    	At my 5th,many of the people I wanted to see were not there.
    The people I did see,I really didnt care to see.
    
    	I went with my wife to her 10th and we had a good time,but
    of course,I didnt know anybody :-).
    
    	I guess I'm looking forward to my 10th,but I wouldnt be too
    upset if I missed it.
    
    
    			/tomg

    
      I went to my 5th, and some people were the same, same had
    changed drastically (bald, put on lots of weight, etc...), but
    we all had a great time.  Its funny how personalities change
    once out of high school.
    
      I was looking forward to my 10th which is in May, just got the
    notice yesterday.  However, it happens to be about 12 hours after
    the time I planned to leave on my 2 week vacation (all the plans
    have been arranged).   Right now I've decided since I haven't
    been on vacation in 2 years (yes, lots of time saved) and since
    my plans are made I'm going to bypass the 10th, and go to the
    15th.  Tough one to call, but I couldn't see upsetting everyone's
    plans for one reunion, in what I'm sure will be a host of others.
    
                                           Mark
    

RE: 4.  Right on, Jerry...

The MTU Istari Ethelion has a yearly reunion which is well attended, usually
a camping weekend in MI, plus a yearly Thanksgiving Dinner the Saturday after
Thanksgiving.

Jim.

    	I went to my 20th H.S. class reunion last month. The odd thing
    about my reunions is that they included in-laws. My wife's sister
    graduated with me, her other sister married a guy in my class also,
    so it gives us a chance to get together too.
    	This year as we walking toward the hotel ballroom, I turned
    to my wife and said "I don't think this is the right room." Her
    uncle was having his 40th class reunion the same evening in another
    ballroom, and another class was having their 10th. The guy taking
    tickets was gray and bald and I assumed he was in my wife's uncle's
    class. WRONG. It turned out that he was a good friend that I hadn't
    seen since high school!!!Gad he looked old.
    	It was a great night...some people still look 18, some have
    aged well, some of us turned 100 in Viet Nam, and sadly, of a class
    of 385 more than 10% are now deceased. 
    	The night was uplifting and of course reflective. Remembering
    this and that, and laughing about the situations that people got
    themselves into. Dress Codes....Hair, tight pants, no jeans, girls
    could not wear slacks......funny now, not then.
    	The best thing about the evening was that I patched an old wound
    with an old girlfriend. We had dated, one special Sunday we went
    ice skating and she brought it up. We broke up shortly after and
    had not spoken since. More mature, I walked up to her with a lump
    in my throat and said hi. We talked for nearly a half hour, introduced
    our spouses, and gave each other a little good-bye kiss. I think
    we both felt a real weight lifted from us. If I never she her again,
    I'm glad we made our peace. 
    	There's a saying "You can never go home". I think there is an
    exception, and it's the class reunion. You can go home and you can
    be 18 all over again.........for just one night.
    
    Ken

Well, I missed my 10 year reunion, but I made it to my 15 year last month.
I really thought that it would be fun, and IT WAS!  I had the best time!
I hate I missed the 10 year, and I can hardly wait until the 20 year!

I had not seen my fellow grads for the entire 15 years, but I could 
remember their faces, but had a hard time putting their names to their face.
Only about a third of the grads came.  They told me that there were more 
for the ten year, but some of them had gotten religion, and wouldn't come 
back due to having alcohol on the scene.

It was good to see all of those that did show up.  It was like seeing family.
I thought the guys changed the most.  The girls really looked great.  The girl
that was the captain of the cheerleading squad, looked like Oliva Newton
John!  Needless to say, we had several dances together, (and also had lunch
a couple of times too).   I always had a crush on her in school, but was
so shy!  I requested a song from "Dirty Dancing," and everyone walked
off of the floor, except us, and I taught her a dance I had learned and
had her doing it after only about 30 seconds, and we stole the show.  We
had so much fun out there!

Only a couple of girls gained enough weight to be called 'overweight.'  
They really did look very pretty.  There wasn't any single women there.
Some had been divorced, but had remarried.  There were probably about a
half dozen guys that were single, including me.  Oh, I'm divorced.

The place looked great too.  We had a large room at a Ramada, many tables,
which would seat up to 8 people, with red table cloths, with a pretty
bouquet of red and white carnations in the middle, along with red, white,
and blue balloons towering about the flowers.  We had a parquet floor for
dancing, and had a "DJ" that did a great job with the music.

Registration began at 6:30 PM and we began with the dinner about 7:30 or
shortly after.  Our class president presented a slide show .... slides he
had put together from the school yearbooks, and some awards were presented
after that.  The dance began around 9:00 PM and went until 1:00 AM.  
There was some money left over after having met all expenses, and so it
was awarded as door prizes.

Some people like having a live band.  I prefer the DJ, because with a live
band, the music selection is very limited, plus, all the songs sound the
same.  With a DJ, there is a wide selection of music, and of course it 
sounds much better anyhow.  Our DJ had one of those revolving 'ballroom
globes' that reflects the colored lights around the dance floor too.

The night just flew by too quickly for me.  It was so sad to see it winding
down.  After 1:00 AM, some of us moved to the hotel's bar and visited there
until 3:00 AM, when we were forced to break it up.  The following Sunday
we had a picnic at the school, and of course it was for the whole family.

What would I like to see different?
I'd like for it to be a three day affair.  Some reunions are like that.
By having the first night for the GRADUATING class ONLY, there is a hell
of a lot more fun, as I have been told by others that did it this way.
When the "spouses" are there, it really had a noticeable affect.  Some people
don't want their spouse to dance with an old flame, for example.  Some feel
intimidated to ask a grad to dance with the spouse sitting there, or perhaps
having several dances with one grad can be disturbing to some .....
It didn't bother me much, but I know it does some.  

The funny thing I noticed at mine was that when a song with a 'lively' beat
was played, not too many people danced, but when a real 'sleeper' was played,
all of a sudden the "husbands" that didn't dance much, got up enough nerve
to go out on the floor.  Silly people.

I read that some folks didn't enjoy theirs.  I don't know what to say to
that.  I do know that ...  I went to have a good time, no matter what, and
I did just that.

Sure, some people are there to "show off" perhaps, but so what.  Go and
have a good time.  It can really be like, "Going Home."

If you get a chance to go to one .... by all means, do it.  I'll never
forget mine.  Never.

Dwight

  Hi Folks,

  What does everyone think about bringing a date to a reunion?  My five
year H.S. reunion is coming up soon and I don't know if I should invite
my girlfriend.  I met her in college and she won't know ANYBODY who'll
be there.    

  I am definitely going.  I want to see how some of my classmates turned
out (for better or worse.)  Its interesting that none of the people who I 
have kept in touch with will be there.  My h.s. friends say that they've 
stayed in touch with the people they're interested in and don't care about 
our other classmates.  So, I'll be visiting with people who I haven't heard 
from or probably even thought about for the last 5 years.  I'm afraid that
we'll sit back and start reminiscing about the old days and my girlfriend will
feel left out.

  When the invitation first came to me during the summer, it said that due
to limited space only our classmates could attend (no wives, S.O's, or other
guests.)  I guess a lot of people didn't want to go alone and not many 
people responded because I got another letter from the reunion committee
saying that there were plenty of seats still available and that guests were
now welcome.  Over this past weekend I got a call from one of the organizers
of the reunion and she really emphasized that there are PLENTY of seats left.
I think only a quarter of our class of 260 has responded so far.  Less than
half will be bringing someone with them.  

I'd like to hear comments from both sides; people who attended an S.O.'s 
reunion and people who brought an S.O. to their's.   Right now, I'm leaning
towards bringing her.  She's kind of neutral on the subject, saying that
she'll go if I want her to, but since she's never heard about the people
we'll be seeing she won't feel left out if she doesn't go.


thanks for your help,

 Jeff Hebert
 Milford AREA Senior High class of 1983

Here's a novel idea:

 How about letting *her* decide whether she wants to go or not?

I know you said she'd "kind of neutral".  But to me that's still no reason 
for you to make the decision for her, much less to ask *us* what she should
do.

.jim

    I agree with the last reply. When my wife and I attended my 10 yr
    reunion, she felt like an "outsider", so I think she went for my
    sake more than anything else. It's hard for someone to attend something
    where they won't know a soul. Now that my 20 yr (Yech) is next year,
    the discussion is coming up again. Leave the decision up to your
    SO, but accept that decision.
    
    Eric (class of (Yech squared) 1969)

RE:  .20  Jeff Hebert 
    
First, know if you really want her to go.
                          
Remember, this is "your" time to spend renewing old friendships.  It's your
moment in the sun. Consider that you may have a better time without her.  Do
you like to dance? You may be on the dance floor all night.  I was.  You may be
very busy catching up on the lives of your buddies.  You may spark an old
flame.  Hey, I'm just giving you some stuff to think about.  I don't know you
so I'm giving you different angles to look at. 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Second, then discuss it wih her and see how she feels, if you want her to go. 

She doesn't have to feel left out.  Besides you dancing with her, you can have
your buddies dance with her also.  I didn't just dance with my classmates, but
I danced with some of my buddies wives too. 

It may be tough for her to engage in a lot of discussion with your old peers.
That's often the case.  Some of the spouses of my classmates appeared to be
withdrawn.  A lot will just depend on your girlfriend and how she blends into
the scene. 


I went alone.  I feel that if I had a girlfriend there, I wouldn't have had as
much fun visiting and such.  I enjoyed the freedom I had, roaming the place,
dancing, and shooting the sh*t.  If I had brought a date, I would have to
obligate much attention to her.  That would have taken some of the wind out of
my sail. After all, you can see your girlfriend a lot, but how often do you see
your classmates?  It was 15 years for me. 

Do what you feel is best for yourself and go and have fun.  Tell us about it
when you get back. 

Dwight

    Thank you all for relating some of your experiences to me.  The
    different insights were really helpful.  It seems now that I was
    afraid to bring her not just because she might have a bad time, but
    also that *I* might have a bad time.  
        
    I realize that I won't be able to socialize the same way as if
    I was there alone.  But remember, most of my closest friends won't
    be there anyway.  I also realize that there will be girls there that
    I would have liked to dance with before (no guts) and that I'll
    feel a little uncomfortable dancing with them now with my girlfriend there.
    But, I'd much rather dance with my girlfriend than any of my old
    high school fantasies anyway.  Besides, they've probably all put on 25
    pounds and have 3 kids by now, right?
     
    Well, I'm convinced that I'll have a better time if I bring her
    with me.  Part of what convinced me is that that she is better at 
    socializing/mixing than I am and I shouldn't really worry about her 
    feeling left out.  I was putting myself in her shoes and imagining
    how I would feel going to a reunion where I didn't know anyone.
    The fact the I would be uncomfortable in that situation made me
    think that she would react the same way.  
    
    WE will have a great time and I'll let everyone know how it turned
    out.
    
    thanks,
    
    Jeff
    

    Thank you for owning your part in this.
    
    It's valuable to you and to others of us to realize that when we
    think an issue is someone else's
    
    	(will my girlfriend have a good time at my reunion?)
    
    it often is actually our own issue
    
    	(how will I feel about relating to other women if my girlfriend is
    	there?)
    
    To take it a step further.  Very often, when we want to ask someone
    else a question, it's better to make a statement of our own feelings.
    
    /Eric

    
    
    When I went to my 25th (yes! class of '55) I had a date. He ended
    up having almost more fun than I did.  There were a lot of single
    women there and they all wanted to dance and my date was more than
    willing. That gave me plenty of time to visit and he wasn't left
    alone. He had gone to a large city school with over 1000 classmates
    and I went to a small town school with only 80 in my class. I knew
    everyone and had always been popular in high school. There were
    about 60 that showed up for the reunion. It was a two day affair
    and an absolute blast.

 

 Well, we went to the reunion on Saturday night and had a great time.
 I was very glad that I brought my girlfriend, Amanda, along as I don't think I 
would have enjoyed myself as much alone.  My girlfriend Amanda and I had spent 
the afternoon going through my h.s. yearbook to try to be ready to put names 
and faces together when we got to the reunion.  Yes, it helped some, but more 
to remind me of old stories than to remember old faces.  

   I'm glad that I went to this 5-year reunion instead of waiting for our 
10-year because everyone looked so old!  I know that everyone there was 
around 23-24, but not having seen most of them for 5 years I was surprised 
by how much everyone had changed (including myself, I guess.)  Here's the
kicker:  the great looking girls in high school now look kind of blah, and
the less popular/attractive girls look better now! 

  We sat with a girl I used to date and her husband, a girl who was not
very popular (but was always nice), a guy who I never liked very much, 
and another couple who none of us recognized.  We had to ask which of them 
was in our class and which was the S.O.  It was interesting sitting with
the girl I had gone out with because she hadn't changed one bit and it 
reminded me of some of the better times of my h.s. years.  On the other hand,
the girl who hadn't been popular and had been quiet in school had changed 
quite dramatically.  Her personality had really developed during college
and she appeared to be a very dynamic individual.  She and I got into a 
good discussion of why many of the roles had been reversed between the 
popular/unpopular students over the years.

 Ah, revenge is sweet!  The football players and cheerleaders had already
peaked and are in their decline already.  I don't know, maybe they have a 
harder time adjusting to the real world, but it seemed to me that I'm *much* 
better off than many of them are.  I think that those of us who were outsiders
in h.s. and then developed in college seemed to be happier and more successful
now.  I know that I spent a good deal of time in h.s. observing without 
participating in many activities (no parties, dances, etc.)  It earned me
a reputation of aloofness because the popular crowd thought I was looking 
down on them by not joining in.  I know I shouldn't feel this way, but oh 
what a feeling of satisfaction I got when the football player who used to 
give me a hard time in homeroom said he was packing up a van with all his 
belongings and moving west in search of a job!  I wished him good luck, but 
all I kept thinking of in my mind was, "too bad sucker, you should have spent 
more time studying (like I did) instead of drinking and partying every 
weekend!"    

 Some of my old fantasies were there, but they were a disappointment for me.
I'll always picture them as 18 and beautiful, but I guess the real thing 
just doesn't hold up as well as my memory does.  Perhaps its because my
tastes have changed and maybe the fact that I'm not under the influence
of teenage hormones anymore, but they didn't seem that special anymore.
And I'm only 23!  What's it going to be like at my 10-year reunion?

Amanda learned a little more about my background, met some new people, and 
generally had a good time.  She confessed that she did feel a little
uncomfortable when I danced with an old friend, but she realizes that I
haven't seen these people for five years and probably won't see most of 
them for another five.  She said that she liked the girl I had gone out with
and her husband and wants to try to get the four of us together sometime. 
Except for the fact that they live 3 hours away, its a nice idea.   

One more thing: its funny how my buddy who didn't want to go came over the
next day and wanted to know everything about who was there, what they were 
doing, etc.  



--Jeff "JAFO" Hebert

       
       	I'm looking forward to my 10th reunion this spring. Seeing as
       most of the girls in H.S. weren't the best looking creatures,
       I'm hoping for a surprise!  :-) Most should be pretty surprised
       with me cuz I'm not much like I was in H.S.  I was VERY shy and
       quiet with short hair and a baby face.. Now I have a beard, longer
       hair and I'm MUCH less shy! :-)  This could actually be alot of
       fun!��
       
       						mike

       Shame on you Mike, and you, author of the base note. Sigh....
       We sure haven't come a long way babies. All the references to
       "the girls" have referenced how they did look, how they might
       look, whether they would be pretty anymore. Guess all we're still
       good for is being attractive. liesl

    re: .29
    
    Wondered when someone was gonna notice that. . .  This isn't meant
    as a defense of the usage of "girl", but I recall being struck
    at my 18th high school class reunion that at times during the evening, 
    nearly everyone somehow seemed like "boys" and "girls" again.  Then
    again, at other times, people seemed terribly old and weary.  
    
    Steve
    

	RE: .29

	Now now, let's not get touchy.. I'm no MCP.. :-)

	Author of the base not?? uh-uh... nope, not me...

								mike

<	Now now, let's not get touchy.. I'm no MCP.. :-)


       I know you're not Mike, but geeze, even you "sensitive 80's kinda
       guys" say those things without even realizing it. :*) I know you
       poor things can't help it, you're just products of your
       environment. :*))))))) liesl

       P.S. I meant you AND the author of the base note. I didn't
       remember his name. (and I was too lazy to go back and look)

    Gee, I didn't think I was being sexist in describing my reactions
    and observations at my reunion.  
    
    When I was in school I had a half dozen very close friends as opposed 
    to a hundred good acquaintances.  So, many of my old classmates I knew 
    as merely a name and a face and then when I saw them again at the
    reunion and their appearances had changed, I found it interesting.    
    I had expected people to change by becoming more mature, more
    succesful, and more confident.  I hadn't expected them to look so
    old after only 5 years!  I guess that really made an impression
    on me because I'm afraid that I looked old to them too.
    
    I was very shy in high school and didn't know a lot about a lot
    of my classmates.  So, I don't know and can't report on whether
    their visions of mankind have changed over the past five years.
    But I do know that the girl I used to have a crush on now looks like
    somebody's mom.
    
    I plead guilty to being a product of my environment,  ;^)
    
    Jeff   
    

    Re: last few and sexism
    
    How are you going to relate on an interpersonal level to several
    hundred people you haven't seen in 5 or 10 years? You're not. 
    You're going to look at the physical characteristics of the ones
    you remember and be surprised at how much they've changed. If 
    you're male, you're more likely going to see the changes in girls
    you once wanted to date. Are you really interested in hearing that
    Ms. Cheerleader is now a marketing manager for an AI Applications
    Software firm? No way. 

    re: .35
    
    � 			      Are you really interested in hearing that
    � Ms. Cheerleader is now a marketing manager for an AI Applications
    � Software firm? No way.
    
    Au contraire, my friend.  This "you" is real interested in finding
    out "what's become of. . .?" and "What roads has this person
    travelled?"  Going into our last reunion (of a class of about
    150), about all I did know was that "Ms Cheerleader" was no longer
    a girl and that the odds were extremely low that she was still
    a cheerleader.
    
    Steve
    

       I wouldn't expect anyone to care about 'everyone' they went to
       high school with. There are only a few from my graduating class
       of about 200 that I wonder about. But I what I wonder is not so
       much how they look but whether they are happy with their choices
       in life. What are they doing now, does Rick still play the
       trumpet, how many kids did Kathy really have (she said she wanted
       12!!), and did Mary decide to go back to college afterall? 

       I never got notified of any reunions for my class (god, it would
       number 20 this year). Who does class reunions anyway? None of my
       friends stayed in South Bend, Indiana, we all left for greener
       pastures. liesl
       

RE: .33

	I know, I'm just Sooooo Sensitive.. :-):-)


							mike

    RE: .37, I know what you mean. Keeping track of what's happening
    with the old class can be a major problem after you have moved a
    few times. Luckally, I've still got some family who graduated with
    me and still live in the old town, so I'm able to find out. A possible
    answer is to check with the school periodically.
    
    Eric (waiting for #20 next year)

    
    Oh yeah, number 20. 
    
    They won't believe I survived this long.
    
    

    I suspect the biggest change will be not how long our hair is/was,
    but where it went! Over the weekend, I was looking through the High
    School year book, and was surprised how many faces I remembered.
    
    Eric

    Instead of a "class" reunion, I just went to a "neighborhood" reunion!
    Most of us have not seen each other since we were in first grade!
    Talk about changes!!  We had an excellent time.  450 people from
    the old neighborhood showed up...some as far away as California,
    and Texas, to mention a few.  
    
    It was a blast!  Better than a class reunion.  Practically the whole
    town was there.
    
    Anyone else ever go to a reunion like that?
    
    -Dotti.

    i recently didn't bother going to my 5 year high school reunion.
    i had never recieved an invitation, and wasn't really interested
    in seeing how the others have been doing.  if i were to go, it would
    only remind me of my high school days, and that would get me depressed
    because i hated high school, was one of those outsiders.  true i
    have kept in touch with a couple of people, but i don't really consider
    them to be friends from high school, but friends from other sources.
    (he was a neighbor, she liked same kind of music, nothing tied in
    to school)

I went to my 5 year high school reunion a couple years ago, and was disap-
pointed.  The people I really wanted to see didn't come.  And I thought
how neat it would be to see some of the others, but it turned out that for
the most part, while they were older and a bit more mature (perhaps!), not
much had really changed.  The same old cliques were in force.  Perhaps my
expectations were way too high, but all in all it just didn't go as well
as I hoped it would.

On the other hand, I was asked to a reunion that happened a couple weeks ago
and had a much better time!  As I thought about it, I realized why:  there
was no pressure on me, since I didn't know anyone!  And, of course, they
didn't know me.  I saw a lot of the same stuff happening that I saw at my
reunion, but again since I didn't know them it didn't bother me.  We talked
with some nice folks, ate a good dinner, and danced a dance.  That was probably
the most disappointing thing of all:  they played great music during the meal,
and lousy afterwards!  Ain't it always the way?!  ;-)

So maybe the idea is:  skip your own, but go to someone else's!  ;-)  ;-)


Brian

     It's been a while... but I did go to my 10th with my (then) wife.

     The moment I remember most was having someone (Gh*d, I'd like to 
     remember his name...) come over and tell me that he was glad I 
     was there.  He had flown in from Hawaii to see me (!) and tell me
     that of all his memories of HS, the one he appreciated most was 
     that I had always made the time to be friendly with him,... and 
     he wanted me to know that.  That moment still moves me.

     Bill

    I went to my five year high school reunion (1981)
    My husband and I had a wonderful time...good food...
    good music...we stayed right to the end.  I noticed
    a couple of things.....
          (1) It seems like all the female classmates tried to outdo
              each other with their dresses.
    
          (2) Most of the unpopular and nerdy types did not attend.
    
          (3) The most noticable aspect of all is that none of 
              my classmates mingled with anyone out of their clique.
              Do you mean to tell me that at age 22 or 23, they are
              still afraid of ruining their "rep" by talking to a less
              unpopular person or a nerd.
    
          (4) To be truthful, I felt like I was back in high school
              instead of at a reunion....everybody stayed together with
              the same people they hung around with in school.
    
    
          (5) They say at the ten year reunion, your classmates are
              more grown up....
    
          (6) All I can say is time will tell...

    re: .0
    
    In 1977 I went to my 20th year reunion.
    
    I suppose in any school with 900 graduates, there's bound to be
    divisions amongst types of people, and I did notice that 'we' tended to
    be clichy, just as it was in back in high school. 
    
    I had not noticed (in particular), but somone pointed out that the ones
    who came were the curious, the successful, the 'better heeled', and a
    large contingent of those who still lived in the same city; many of
    whom were still active friends (after 20 years!). 
    
    SInce that time, I've heard it said that the ones who generally
    DO NOT go to reunions are 'losers', Exceptionally successful (don't
    have time), live too far away, feel bad about their current situation
    (obese, out of work, no money, ill health, etc.).

    What I personally found were: Old friends, rumours about 'absentees',
    pleasant surprises about the ones who made no 'radical' physical
    changes, hearing success  stories about those who went on to their
    'Dreams', and alternate stories about ones who made changes. Only about
    100 or so showed up, leaving a void of about 800. Some of the absent
    ones were dead from various causes; still we wondered about ones nooone
    'heard from' nor were able to locate. 
        
    In short, it was interesting. I'd probably do it again (given the
    chance).
    Bob E.

		Hi.  I was just reading 1047, about someone going back
	to their 10 year high school reunion, and it inspired me to write
	this.  I'm currently helping in the planning of my own 5-year high
	school reunion, and I was wondering if you could give me some advice.

		First, the situation.  I graduated from an American high 
	school in England, in a class of seventy-four people who were all
	very close.  Since the school is only 10-12 years old and has
	never had a reunion, we are planning on inviting everyone who has
	ever attended to the bash.  The hardest part, so far, has
	been tracking people down, since it was a Department of Defense
	school and military families rarely stay in one place for longer 
	than three years or so.

		We are working with a company called Overseas Brats, that
	specializes in planning reunions of this sort and they have been
	extremely helpful.  I am asking you, though, if you have any suggestions
	for a reunion - any ideas on how to interest people initially?  We
	will be requesting donations from people to get the ball rolling,
	and we want to offer them a promise of delights to come to induce them
	to pay.  If you've been to a reunion, what did you like or dislike
	about it? - What made it a good or bad reunion?  If you've ever helped 
	plan one, how did you get people to help?  I would appreciate any
	and all brainstorms you can offer.

		Finally, if you, or anyone you know, has ever attended Alconbury
	American High School in Cambridgeshire, England, please get in
	touch with me.

		Thank you for your help.


	Wendy Beck
	Alconbury American High School, Class of 1988
	FEMMES::WBECK


	PS.  The reunion will be held in San Antonio, Texas in 1993 or 1994.