Conference quark::human_relations-v1

444.0. "More about Drinking & Driving" by KAOFS::D_BIGELOW (Amateur Analytical Analogous) Tue Dec 22 1987 13:58

Greetings All,

	I was going to place this article in as a reply to previous
Drunk Driving message entered by Heidi.  But, I thought if I did 
not everyone would see it.  The following is an exert from 
?somewhere? that my fiance found.  I thought I would share it with
everyone. 

	We hear so much about drunk drivers getting into accidents
and other innocent people getting killed.  We never stop to think that
the driver has as much chance as getting killed as anyone else does !
This version of the famous Christmas story brings it a little more to light.


		'TWAS the night before Christmas

	'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the tavern
	Friends greeted each other with "Hey, What you havin'?"
	One patron was draped on the back of his chair,
	Another was squeezing the beer from his hair;
	A woman all dolled up in chiffon and sable
	Was belching a carol as she lay 'neath the table.
	And then as her garter let go with a snap,
	The blonde with the wig fell out of my lap.
	When from the bar there came a loud shout;
	"The bar is closed; now everyone out!"
	Away to their cars the customers grumbled,
	And keys into locks were nervously fumbled.
	Skidding and sliding through new fallen snow,
	The potential murderers were readied to go.
	From each glassy eye there dribbled a tear
	As all finally realized, there just weren't no more beer !

	We burped at our driver; he threw in the clutch,
	Knocked down some slowpoke and ran over his crutch.
	Zig-zagging up main street we spotted a dame,
	I rolled down the window, and called her a name.
	Up one street, and down t'other; who is that loud shouter ?
	Well, who should appear but a cop on a scooter,
	We stepped on the gas, gave the horn a loud toot,
	Then off like a shot with the cop in pursuit.
	As dry leaves before the wild hurricane fly,
	When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky.
	Up hill and down dale and then on the level,
	We roared through the night as if chased by the devil.
	Then in a twinkling I saw up ahead -
	The amber had gone, the light had turned red!
	As I drew down my head, put my feet on the dash,
	The street was lit up by one hell of a crash !

	He was all dressed in white from his head to his feet,
	What he said to the nurse I dare not repeat.
	I tried to turn over, but limp as a sack,
	There was naught I could do but lie still on my back.
	My eyes were all dim and I coughed and I spat,
	My neck was all twisted, my nose was quite flat,
	My droll little mouth a long scarlet gash,
	Ripped by the force of that terrible crash.
	The stump of my leg I could see, 'neath the sheet,
	I never did find waht they did with my feet.
	They couldn't use either, 'tis sad to relate;
	I was punctured so much I just wouldn't inflate.
	With scapel and forceps and ninety-eight stitches,
	They sewed me together like father's ol britches.
	He spoke not a word till he finished his work,
	Then said to the nurse; "Remove this dumb jerk!".
	Then placing his thumb on the edge of his nose,
	And spreading his fingers, the usual pose,
	He bade me adieu and concluded our meeting
	With a word of advice as a Yuletide greeting.
	"Your best Christmas present is that you're still alive.
	Maybe now you'll remember; If you're drinking, DON'T DRIVE!

Have a wonderful Christmas, but please remember common sense !

Best Wishes for the Holiday Season,

Darrell Bigelow.