Conference quark::human_relations-v1

    
    Well, well...actually a touchy subject.
    
    We decided to have a joint checking & an individual checking each.
    The joint account was for home, food, & monthly bills while the
    others were strickly for personal usage. It took a while to decide
    this, but has worked out pretty good. Believe me, it takes a lot
    to decide on the alternatives available.
    						
    					Love on the rocks, Gene
    

    I'm a firm believer in "yours, mine and ours." Since we both work
    for DEC it's easy to manage this; automatic deposits keep the "house"
    account current, and the rest is ours. If we ever wind up a
    single-income household, I would want to work out some kind of
    system to ensure that whoever was sans paycheck would still have
    a reasonable amount of discretionary income.
    
    Now, back in the olden days before DEC, I doubt I would have been
    making enough money to have the freedom to choose. Still, even when
    the budget's tight, I would prefer separate personal accounts,
    accepting the fact that they might not have much in them...

    (As it happens, I do all the accounting, bill-paying, income tax
    returns, etc.; Jim's never been interested in such things, and used
    to pay his bills by the "don't bother until they're threatening
    legal action" technique. He can leave a refund check uncashed for
    years (and has); I have spent hours tracking down a tiny discrepancy
    in the bank balance. Takes all kinds!)
    
    -b

    I thought it was pretty simple. We have a joint account for all
    joint expenses (house,food,phone,utilities,etc.), and our own accounts
    of whatever types we desire for our own money.
    
    Even though were married, were still individuals.
    
    
    Steve

    Robert and I are opposites where it seems to simplify things:
    
    I need to feel finacially organized, and on top of every detail;
    Robert needs to never have to think of our finances.  
    
    So he keeps x amount of money for himself each week, and gives
    me the rest.  I make sure bills are paid, something is saved,
    and money is available for joint or seperate "goodies".
    
    It works for us, but it's not a plan for everyone.
    
    jacki
    
    
    

    We started out with a joint account for everything. Eventually
    we figured out that Don was better at keeping up with paying
    the bills and balancing the checkbook than I am. So now I have
    one account for doing the grocery shopping and he has one for
    all the other bills. They are both joint accounts but he carries
    the check book for 'his' and I carry the checkbook for 'mine'.
    
    Bonnie

    It's easy.
    
    I bring it home. She spends it.
    
    As a S.I.C.K. couple (Single Income Coupla Kids), that boils down
    to I have the income and do the taxes and she pays bills and buys
    groceries. What's all this talk about "the rest of the money". :-)
    
    Thom
     

    I guess it was serendipitous for my mom and dad.  My mother is a
    wizard at money management, and my father hates having anything
    to do with it.  The choice was obvious, I guess.
    
    DFW

    re: .1, .2
    
    If we're voting on "what works", for dual income families I found
    that the MINE, YOURS, and HOUSE (Ours) worked best.
    
    For a closse relative of mine (his wife is a wizard at budgeting),
    and he's not. But he was smart enoigh to recognize that talent long
    before they ever got married. She still manages the money, and he
    manages the dreams. :^)
    
    FOr my current (S.I.C.K.), I still like the dual checkbook feature.
    I like having "control" of the important money (mine), and she has
    control of "hers"; but all major purchases/expenditures asre discussed
    beforehand (so far).
    
    Bob+3

    Same as .2:  we have separate bank accounts, I pay all the household
    bills out of mine (I owned the house long before I'd met Paul anyhow,
    and was used to doing thing this way) and don't have much left at
    the end of each week, and carefully balance my checkbook every time
    I get a statement.  Paul pays for treats, meals out, vacations,
    most contributions, etc., and has finally gotten so that he will
    (usually) remember to record the amount of a check when he writes
    one (I make sure that he doesn't lose bills that he is supposed
    to pay for by putting them next to his place at the dinner table
    - makes for a messy table, but eventually they get handles rather
    than lost).
    
    We call this "I supply the METHOD, you supply the MAGIC".  Works
    good for us!

    
    Let me first say that I am single.... however, My brother and I
    each could only afford half a house (these tend to be drafty in
    the new england area), so we 'pooled' together to buy a house..
    
    we work it the "ruling majority" seem to be working it .... his
    mine and the house acc't...
     one thing that is now posing a question in my mind after reading
    past replies is...  for those of you that do have the yours-mine-ours
    way, who has the tax return (saying there is one) if you file jointly?
    Does that contribute to the 'ours' account ? Do you take turns spending
    (or saving) it ??   Maybe I should have started a new note for this???
    

        We have never distinguish "her" money from "mine". We've usually
        had a couple of accounts to seperate the bill paying from the
        more discretionary actount, to insure that we don't run short.
        When Selma was employed (she's still working, but with the house
        and kids) her money was depositted in one account and mine in
        another. Automatic transfers and payments insure that money
        flowed to other accounts. Now all of our income (my pay) goes
        into the mortgage account and most of the transfers are done by
        hand.
        
        When we married, I pledged her not merely all that I have, but
        all that I am. There is no such thing as "my" money. It's all
        ours. We spend what we can afford on what we want. If I'm
        spending to much on incidentals she tells me and I stop. There
        really aren't any conflicts over money. Neither of has lots of
        things that we want to spend money on and no thing is more
        important than our family members. If the bills take all the
        money, we have so many treasures that cost nothing that that's
        OK. When there is money we spend it on each other and on
        ourselves, but not elaborately. 
        
        Personally, I've never been able to understand the notion of
        "his" vs. "her" money in a marriage. My wife is so much more
        valuable than any thing or any amount of money that I can't see
        being in conflict with her over controlling money. I guess the
        notion of holding something back from my wife just makes no
        sense to me. When I married her I gave her everything I have
        (and vice versa). Given that, the distinction "mine" and "hers"
        seems rather meaningless.
        
        JimB. 

    My parents have always had "mom" handle the finances... Dad gives
    her his check each week (well, really its direct deposit), and she
    gives him an allowance... Its funny sometimes to see Dad ask her
    if he can afford something, but it works, and they have never had
    a fight about finances...
    
    In my last marriage, I always did the same thing, only he wanted
    control of the finances, so I gave him my paycheck (direct deposited
    o'course), and I got the allowance, and he told me how much I could
    had in the budget for groceries, etc...
    
    I guess I am a firm believer in a marriage that its a marriage,
    not an mine and yours concept... so I think the finances should
    be an "ours", as long as the guidelines are set so that both can
    live with them...
    
    Just my 4 cents worth...
    
    Gale

    	I'm single but...
    
    	My parents have a joint checking account with my father having
    plain checks and my mother having checks with pictures on them.
    They each keep a check book as if it were an individual account
    and they "transfer" money from one checkbook to another.  Both of
    them are employed, and the money is "deposited" to the checkbook
    that needs it most.  When the statement comes in, my father (computer
    consultant and former bank employee) can easily separate "his" checks
    from "mom's" checks and then balances the two virtual accounts
    together.  Probably confusing for most people, but seems to work
    well for them.
    
    				--Doug

RE: .15 Am I serious?

Yes, I am "deadly" serious.... and they have been married for more years 
then I will now ever see in a lifetime, even if I got married yesterday...

The only time Dad will ask mom is when he wants to purchase yet another 
multi-thousand dollar computer system, or something close to that price 
range (like another car or something)... 

My parents never have a balance on ANY credit card, so if he buys 
something, they have to pay it at the end of the month, or it doesn't get 
paid... 

Mom knows how low the savings can go, so she tells him whether they can 
afford to pay it (knowing that they also have to pay my brothers college 
tuition [out-of-state], plus keep enough in savings to buy their house when 
they return to the states, plus enough to live on when dad retires soon)... 
so when they visit here, and dad sees something he wants, he'll ask her if 
they can afford it... If mom says no, then Dad has to decide it they want
the magical level in their savings to dip or not or a few months...

I don't know why that surprises you so much... I read in Ann Landers A LOT 
about women whose husbands (of just as many years as mom and dad), have 
just recently passed away, and they knew nothing of finances, because their
husband had always handled them, and are scared to death to handle it 
alone... Why does the woman in a marriage handling the finances ever so 
well surprise you???

Gale

        Hell, I've been known to ask my wife if we could afford a couple
        of comic books. It doesn't take multi-thousand dollar purchases.
        (I tend to know whether or not we can afford them.) Selma knows
        what we have and what we owe. She can make purchases and know
        whether they'll break the budget. I don't. I ask whenever I want
        to make an unusual purchase. 
        
        JimB.

    Opps, make that in .16, that it doesn't get bought if it can't be
    paid for at the end of the month :-)...

    
    Interesting, the methods used by different folks....
    
    We have joint accounts, period. Sometimes I pay the bills, other
    times she pays. We purposely avoided having one person do all
    of one thing so that we both can take over if something happens
    to the other. And now that she has retired to raise our son, I make
    it a point for her to know that she rightfully "earns" and
    is entitled to stake claim to half of what I make. I do feel that
    way.
    
    With major purchases, we simply take turns. Especially when buying
    cars. Last time was her turn and she wanted and bought a club van. The time
    before I wanted and bought an antique caddy. It may not
    be practical, but it's fun.

Add another vote for the ``all lumped into one'' method.  We have a
    joint DCU account that is used for mortgage and car payments (and
    other large nasties), and a joint account at a local bank that pays
    for other day-to-day expenses.
    
    Judi is a financial analyst (not at DEC...not yet anyway), and she
    is a whiz with concepts like cash flow, actual and available funds,
    and escrow accounts.  It's all on line, and all I need to do to
    get an idea about the financial picture is call up a spreadsheet.
    
    We have an unwritten code...when I hear the words ``things are kind
    of tight this month'' I start carrying my lunch to work. :-)
    
    Two things worry me, though.  She keeps saying ``What's mine is
    mine and what's yours is ours."  And she keeps making mysterious
    references to Aruba. ;-)
    
    When I need pocket cash, I make a withdrawal from the machine, and
    write "Guess" in the register.  See?  Simple!
    
    Mike
    

    a joint account brought my parents to the brink of divorce, as if
    they weren't close enough already (god knows how they found so many
    things to argue about)...but several years ago they split finances,
    totally and completely.  They now have running tallies as to who
    pays for what (they both make about the same amount).  Now my father
    can buy the things he likes to make him comfy and happy without
    my mother yelling at him, and now she can have the peace of mind
    that none of her money is being "wasted" on such "extravagances"
    (although many of them are just modern conveniences or hobby supplies).
     However, it gets downright silly when they have to haggle over
    who pays for dinner and who pays for the movie!
    
    As for me and my SO, we have joint finances (I work, he's still
    in school and gets some $ from his dad).  I handle the finances.
    I'm used to it and he's not...plus although I love him dearly, he
    needs to be eased gradually into the responsibility or something
    drastic might happen (like he might forget to pay the bills).  
    If there is a large purchase in the offing, we discuss it. I have
    more of a head for finances, and a greater fear of being broke.
    He is not a "henpecked husband" though, we both know who wears the
    pants in the family :-)  

    -Jody
    

    Re: .20, Mike, how are the finances handled in YOUR family??
    
    

    What works well for my wife & I is that I have my check direct
    deposited into the DCU.  It is a joint account.  We use that account
    for all of the bills.  My wife keeps ker check and pays for child
    care and food expenses and anything left over is what we both use
    for cash during the week.  I pay all of the bills and have a
    spreadsheet program that has any possible catagory that can pop
    up to write a check for.  This makes is very easy to keep track
    where all of your money is going.  My 1987 spreadsheet becomes my
    working budget for 1988 with a few modifications.  It is a very
    good way to plan.
     

    We work with three accounts; one joint "household" account that his
    check goes into.  This covers all living expenses (food, mortgage,
    pocket money, etc.).  My check goes into the "new house" account to pay
    for large expenses on our newly constructed home (ie. getting the
    landscaping done).  The other account is a direct deposit account we
    call our "vacation" fund.  This is discretionary money for vacations,
    purchases of expensive "toys" etc. 
    
    On about a bi-weekly basis, we sit down together and look over the
    budget and bills to be paid.  All payment/purchase decisions are
    made jointly.  We work under the assumption that we will both be
    prudent and reasonable in using the ATM card for walking-around
    money. 
    
    This works really well for us because we agree on the concept of
    our marriage/family as a single entity; not as two people who are
    splitting living expenses.  Since there is a wide discrepancy in
    our incomes, one of us would be living in poverty if we used a
    yours-mine-ours scheme.
    
    Gloria

    
    
    since i don't believe in marriages but i do believe in love
    and relationships....
    
    my reply is;
    	her money is her money
    	and my money is my money
    	and if we need help ($$$) we help each other when we can.
    
    	she bought her stereo
    	i bought my t.v.
    	she bought her pictures for the wall
    	i bought mine...
    
    	and if/when we decide it's time to move on we won't argue
    about who owns what!
    	we'll know!
    
    	

    We have a joint account which my DEC check goes into. We have a
    joint savings account which her part-time pay check goes into. I
    have a DEC account that gets $20 for the emergency funds for various
    house/car repairs and mony for tools for me. Another $10 goes to
    the Christmas account for Christmas presents/holiday travel.
    
    The agreement is that we talk things over on items that costs over
    $25 so that there is money to cover the bills before spending more.
    Such items are a new couch or chair, replacement appliance, clothing
    other than gifts.
    
    This has worked for the last 6 years. My previous SO used to keep
    separate accounts with the house hold expenses divided up by amount
    of income percentage; ie I pay 60% of the house rent/food while
    she pays 40%. We ususlly have a surplus that gets carried into a
    fun money fund to have our outings on.
                                          
    /cal hoe
    

    
    We have a joint account in which both our checks get deposited.  I
    have two separate savings accounts, one for emergency funds and
    the other for vacation.

    I am in charge of handling all the finances.  If Jack needs money, 
    he asks for it.  He also receives a weekly allowance.
    
    Beckie