Conference quark::human_relations-v1

I think that they are mutually exclusive in degrees.  I don't see how someone
who is dependable, and is depended upon, can be independent, and be able to
whatever strikes them. 

But then perhaps I'm confusing independent: does not rely on any other; with
independent: free.

Jim.

     
Are independence and interdependence mutually exclusive?

Of course not. My daughter is totally independent, as long as I
can support that independence with some independent cash  :-). 

    I've met many people who have said this about themselves, and
    you know something?  It seems that the ones who say this
    are the most insecure and deeply dependent people i've met.

    It's sad in a way, it's also very common.

    More often, I have heard this come up in the context of relationships.
    To my way of thinking it's a cop out. 
    
    Ann, who is in a particularly sour mood today. 

    I recently heard the phrase "I need more space" from my SO.  I asked
    myself every question in the book - what was I doing wrong?  was
    he getting cold feet?  what if he wanted to "go sow some wild oats"
    or "play the field" again?  
    
    Until I took a day off myself and went shopping, drove around, saw
    some old friends...and I realized that not only is "some space"
    okay, but it is necessary.  I was being insecure by not wanting
    him to have fun away from me, and by assuming that because he wanted
    a little distance between us sometimes that he was "leaving" me
    in some way.
    
    But we are talking it out, and in the meantime, I've gone to some
    movies alone (and enjoyed them!), I've gotten some books out of
    the library and actually read them before they were due...
    
    Too much independence can definitely damage a relationship, but
    too much interdependence can do just as good a job bunbling it up.
    
    re .4:  yes, phrases like "I need my space"  "I don't have time
    for the relationship" etc. are common relationship copouts.  I'd
    far prefer someone taking me aside and, without malice, telling
    me exactly what's going on and why.  Nebulous reasons for ending
    a relationship hurt a lot more, and leave you wondering whose fault
    it actually was.
    
    -Jody
    

    RE: "I need my space"
    
    
    	oooooooooooooooooh, I HATE that phrase!!  I know where Jodi
    is coming from though.. I feel the same way nowadays.. One NEEDS
    to have that time to be by ones self. The problem is recognizing
    it and both of you doing that and respecting the others "space".
    (for lack of a better term)
    
    	I don't want to be drowned by a relationship nor do I want to
    die of thirst. Finding the balance is the TOUGH part and that
    takes two aware people.
    
    	   Looking for that nice pitcher of ice water,
    
    							mike

    Re .2, sounds like a typical teenager to me.
    

    
    
    
    	Did I read that right?  Are you saying that all teenagers
    	are like those expressed by the author in .2? 
    
    	Disgusting.
    
    

    I too hate the line "i need space"! I can't count how many times
    I've heard that line. Each time as an excuse not to really say what
    the REAL problem was. I always end up wondering "what did I do wrong"?
    
    
    -j
    

    re: I need space and *Independence Day*
    
    For me, needing space is the phrase to inform my spouse/so/etc that
    I need a little time to be alone, to reflect on life, or just to
    be *ALONE* for a while, whether its a brisk , enencumebred walk
    up a mountian, or a couple of hours "vegetating" in the dark of
    a very quiet room. Some might call it "meditating", others might
    call it "praying", but whatever else its called, its nice to get
    away by oneself for a few hours.
    
    Independence ?
    
    I think all the previous replies touch on part of its meaning, or
    some facet of how people choose to interpret its meaning(s). Lets
    face it- no matter what  a <thing> or <condition> is called,someone, 
    somewhere is bound to want to call it something else and proceed
    to argue and capitalize on that aspect. n'est pas ?

    Bob et trois

    
    independence a crutch?
    perhaps...
    but no more so than those who use the dependence of marriage
    as a crutch...
    or the dependence on anything...
    	job
    	government to tell them how to live
    	teachers to tell them how to think
    	

    
    lee is gonna hate me for this....:-)
    
    those who choose independance (ok, not all of them) may actually
    be stating...
    	"listen...i got my own life and my own ideas and values...
    	i don't want you to put pressure on me to conform to your
    	standards and ideals because of your inabilty to be independent!"
    	
    	some people independantly decided to follow all the rules
    	cus it's so easy to do
    	some people independantly choose to decide for themselves
    	cus they feel better that way
    	some people depend upon the rules in order to just survive.
    	some people commit suicide when forced to adhere/depend upon
    	the rules as stated by society/parents/teachers
    
    	

    now rik, I don't think I could hate you even if I tried.
    
    Actually, I liked -.1.  Sounds about right to me.
    
    Lee

    There is a tedious balance that needs to be maintained.
    
    Too much independance leads to the people involved growing in separate
    directions.  I did this once, and by the time we admitted there
    was a problem, there was nothing left to talk about!
    
    Too little independance leads to feeling smothered, unable to get
    what you want out of life.
    
    Elizabeth

    I feel like I'm trailing behind in this conference. Anyways...
    
    I have found in the past year that I have an incredibly *indepenent*
    side that I never dreamed I had. To me, however, that means I can
    go through life without having an SO at my side.  From the time
    I got out of high school I always had a boyfreind (or two :-) )
    and never dreamed I could go months without one and still have a
    life.  I actually learned to do many things alone and it isn't the
    end of the world.  I do enjoy it more because I can come and go
    as I please.
    
    I am terribly dependent on friends though.  Granted, I can do many
    things by myself, but there are times when I do wish I had a friend
    with me to share some of my experiences.  Most of my friends are
    married with children and limited on their free time.  They give
    as much as they can, but I have learned to make my own way.