| re: .0
Well, my circumstance was quite different. I had known my first
wife from high school days, from the ninth grade onward. After
a couple of 'false starts' we got engaged while I was still at Keesler
AFB in Biloxi, Miss, and we wrote for 9 months prior to getting
marrried the followiong January.
In January we colocated to Florida for 6 months, and then I went
to Korea (alone) for 6 months, and returned to the states and we
located to Ironwood, Michigan. Morale was high, and the winter of
'62 was quite cold. By that time my first son was 1 year old, but
the natives were friendly and we got a few good 'credit perks' BECAUSE
we were in the miilitary (most towns charge GI's extra deposits
BECAUSE they are in the military).
Between January 1961, and January 1968 (7 years, we spent less than
a total of 4 years together, with the rest of my time travelling
TDY to exotic places, meeting the natives, and killing some of them
("Peace was my Profession").
I managed to travel (albeit reluctantly and poorly) throughout most
of the mid-west.
You should be aware that "most" (read : majority) of military marriages
end up in divorce, particularly in SAC where the people do a lot
of travelling.
I've know several familiese, who through religious, cultural heritage,
and other 'family oriented' upbringing had good marriages, stable,
and didn't get divorced. Celebrated their 25 years of marriage 'in
service'.
Given only your note to go by, it sounds like you're ready to commit
to 'the long haul'; understand the military is his first mistress,
and have developed excellent communication skills to maintain a
good relationship EVEN during protracted absences.
The 'military' can provide a lot of supportive warmth from other
military families, and if you can be 'community oriented' can play
a valuable asset to wherever you go.
I've seen a lot of 'good will' and 'good friends' everywhere we
went. People, for lack of a better definition, are basically the
same all over the world, regardless of language or culture.
I mention the 'community', because you can find 'community' wherever
you go, but during those long, protracted absences, its nice to
have few close friends who can be trusted to provide support and
help take care of 'small problems' around the house. It was long
after I left the service that we separated.
I left the service PRIMARILY because we got concerned about the
QUALITY of the childrens education; the QUALITY (or lack of it)
of being able to relate to my children as a parent. Even during
non-TDY's, my shift hours were often 12 hours, 6 days a week; because
those 'who could' had to compensate for "those who couldn't or had
high friends who made 'discretionary exceptions'".
Good Luck
Bob
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| Well, I am engaged to a man who is in the army. Our wedding date is
September 17, 1988. He just left for Turkey September 1, 1987.
We continue to write and we talk on the phone alot.
My opinion is that if I love this man, and he loves me as much as
he says, I know it will work out! Regardless of whether he is in
turkey or right next door! Good luck in your pursuits!
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| I have been waiting for this note forever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
My name is Sue Walton and I am a military wife. I actually have
been a military dependent all my life as my dad retired the year
before I got married.
Anyway, I would like to offer two seperate perspectives on the military
as a way of life, first as a wife of 4 years, and second, as a daughter
for 18.
I. The military is an organization whose fundemental principles
are not condusive to family life. It is true that an outrageous
number of military marraiges end in divorce. But from personal
experience, I can say that there are some concrete reasons for this.
Many young men who are in the service marry quite young. The wives
are also quite young, and have not had a chance to "develope"
themselves so often they look to their husbands to provide them
with an "identity". Unfortunately, when the male is gone more that
he is home, it is very hard to keep this up. If all you ever wanted
was a man to take care of and raise a family with, and 5 years down
the line you realize the man has been gone three of them, it is
a rude awakening. Many times you discover that you have raised
the kids mostly alone, etc....
If, on the other hand, you have a "career", interests seperate from
your husbands, you can actually do quite well. Ken and I have treated
our marraige as one long honeymoon. He is a green beret in the
army and is gone for extended periods of time. We see each other
for such limited amounts of time that we don't waste it by arguing
about stupid little things. (We argue about the huge things. like
house payments, etc...)
The point is, if you go into the marriage with your eyes open and
a clear understanding of the realitys of the life, you can make
it work very well.
Some final words of caution for wives. Be aware of the fact that
it is easy to become lonesome when they are gone. For a long time
I would shop when I got lonesome for Ken. But there is a difference
between lonesome and lonely.
Also, be very cautious about becoming very involved with other
wives who are associated with your husband. Often times the get
togethers are nothing more than excuses to gossip about who is doing
what to whom. I no longer associate with 99% of the wives of my
husbands teammates because they usually just want to stone someone
who isn't around to defend themselves.
II. As a daughter, I adored the military life. We lives all over
the world. As a result, I became VERY openminded and accepting
of the differences in people. I got a decent education with Department
of Defense schools, and found as a junior when I went to civilian
high school for the first time that I was substantially ahead of
my peers.
All in all, I say good luck and if you ever need to
talk, feel free to drop me a line. I have had/seen all of the best
and the worst the military has to offer!
Sue
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| Hi, My name is Kim. I am the author of this note. Since I created
this note, I thought I might as well bring you up to date. It's
a year later and I came back to Massachusetts for my sisters wedding.
I'm temping at Digital for 3 weeks. This story has a sad ending.
We only lasted together for 2 months after we relocated to Florida.
The worst part was my mom predicted he would be out in his own
place in that time frame. I found pictures and letters proving
he was unfaithful to me in Thule Greenland and he is now living
with an older woman (widow) with four kids. I have had my share
of men in uniform, I had to find out the hard way that most of
them have a woman in every port just like the old adage insinuates.
I am recovering well and have decided to put all the time and
energy I devoted to him into myself and see how far it takes me.
LIVE AND LEARN!
Kim
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| re: .4
The pain and anguish expressed in this reply are understandable, but
are not unique to 'military' marriages, husbands, or life in general.
I feel offended by your comment " I have had my share of men in
uniform, I had to find out the hard way that most of them have a woman
in every port just like the old adage insinuates.".
It punishes my sensibilities and leaves readers with the impression
that a real truth is being expressed. It my belief, after 8 years in
the military (see also .1), that the number of men unfaithful to their
wives is approximately equal to the number of wives unfaithful to their
husband, plus 30%.
It is my belief these numbers approximate 'Civilian Marriages and
Statistics' for those marriages in which one spouse travels extensively
and frequently.
Hopefully you will recover, and eventually will discover for yourself
the perceieved truth of my words, and will go on to love yet another,
knowing full well that "History repeats itself".
In short, Good Luck
Bob
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