Conference quark::human_relations-v1

    I think courses that help me to understand how I relate with
    other people are good and helpful. But where I try to be something
    I don't feel I am, that is where I start to feel _very uncomfortable_.
    
    I, too, understand the feeling of `coming out of a shell'. But I've
    been slowly doing that for some years - in my own time and my own
    way - it's the best way, I feel.
    
    Something someone said to me - 'You're an individual. Be yourself'.
    
    Pete.

    Learning to know yourself, behave in a healthy manner and accepting
    yourself is a lifelong process for most of us.   And, it's not easy.
    
    -Jane
    
    
    
    

    re: .0
    Based on a simple book, whose name eludes me at the moment, I found
    I could change peoples perceptions on how I appear to them.
    
    At my next party, I tried some of the examples ... and they worked.
    Some of my friends.aquaintences began fto comment on how I appeared
    to be different, but couldn't figure out what it was. WhenI told
    them what I was doing, I was taken aback by their coments 'that
    I was faking it'.
    
    Part of the "Power of Positive Thinking" is that yes, you need to
    fake it, initially, and as you grow in confidence, your new behaviour
    becomes the 'new' you. Its necessary to practice.
    
    In another book, I found this gem "Practice faking it so long and
    so diligently that you become the real, and anything else would
    be a faking it'.
    
    There are so many ways to grow, I NEVER want to go back to the "Old
    me". That is so foreign to me, that current friends cannot beleive
    I could ever have been so down on myself.

        Bob
    

    re: -.1
    
    was the simple book you were mentioning called "Frogs Into Princes"?
    
    I've seen it, and heard about it, but never read it ....
    
    -Jody
    

    Re: .0 -

    How others feel about you is not nearly as important as how you feel
    about yourself!  You say it is important to you to have someone who
    knows you better than anyone else - did you know that this person is
    *you*?  All of what you know as reality could go away and *you* would
    still be all that you have left.  That is how important your self is.

    Yes, I think that perceptions are different between just noting and 
    personal confrontation.   Like driving a car, I'd say.  There's more 
    anonymity in noting.  With words, one can express or hide deeper
    feelings that might be betrayed or lost by facial expressions.
    
    I've done some "reprogramming" by choice.  I think we all have an
    image of the way we'd like to be.  I just decided I was going to
    be more like it, instead of just fantasize.  It wasn't easy and it 
    took time.  And we definitely change without even knowing it.

    Are you losing touch with your wants and needs?  Then take time out 
    and re-establish!  See that wonderful self!

    Carol

    
    re: .0
    
    I have to agree with -.1 in regards to how you feel about yourself.
    Placing too much importance on what others think of you or how they
    perceive you is a sign of low self-esteem.  I am currently working
    this issue for myself.
    
    Behavior modification does work and is a necessary thing for some
    individuals.  I don't believe that a person's behavior can be modified
    so much that it would be impossible to slip back into their old
    behavior.  I believe what they will find is a heightened awareness
    when and if they should start to slip back into former behavior
    patterns.  This should be taken as a warning and the former behavior
    pattern corrected.