Conference quark::human_relations-v1

    
    	For those interested in the another addictive behavior, read
    "Love and Addiction" by Stanton Peele. Sex isnt the only thing...
    
    	JJJ

    re .0 - don't quite know whether to take this seriously (but willing
    to be open-minded if anyone's got further evidence on the "addiction"
    evidence).
    
    One irreverent thought - the meetings of SAA must be considerably
    more emotionally explosive than AA (with all those repressed addicts
    in the same room).   AA at least don't meet in bars...
    
    More generally, I'd have thought addiction implied physical dependence
    on some physical substance (alcohol, tobacco, heroin, etc).   While
    there are bio-chemical agents at work during sexual arousal, surely
    there are so many that it's hard to define a physical dependency.
    
    What there may be, is obsessive behaviour (similar to obsessive
    playing of golf, shop-lifting, car-stealing etc).   "Addiction"
    might be a short-hand term for this kind of dependency, but it's
    a bit different from physical dependency on something which may
    in itself be hazardous to physical health.
    
    Any addicts or obsessives care to comment?

I'm reminded of the scene in the Woody Allen movie "Annie Hall" where
Woody and Diane Keaton are both visiting their counsellors/psychiatrists.

The screen is split (one side in each psychiatrist's office), with the dialogue
from the two sessions intermingled. The humor comes from the fact that the two
separate counsellors are asking the same questions independently to the two 
principals.

		Question
		"how often do the two of you have sex?"

Woody (in office #1)		  |	Diane (in office #2)
"Hardly ever... 3 times a week"	  |	"all the time. 3 times a week"

    From what I've read in relatively reliable journals (can you believe
    anything you read these days?), I believe running, bodybuilding, and
    other athletic activities are also often pursued in an addictive
    manner. 
    
    The common characteristics of the addictive behavior are that the
    person who's doing it can't function when deprived of the behavior and
    derives very little pleasure from the behavior.  For instance, running
    addicts don't just get cross when they don't get their daily run, they
    lose their concentration and can't do their job.  Rather than feeling
    good after a workout, they tend to feel like they should have run
    faster or harder, or that they aren't making adequate progress toward
    setting a personal record in the 10K. 
    
    --bonnie

According to an article I saw recently in ?Psychology Today?, 90% of people
are "addicted" to one or more things in their life: sex, drugs, money, control,
certain people, etc...

"How to be happy in spite of it all" defines addictions as small things that you
may feel dozens of times each day, when you are "addicted" to certain events
happening, such as your wife arriving to pick you up on time, instead of being 5
minutes late.  When such a small details ruins your day, or hour, you're
addicted to it, rather then letting the detail pass as a part of life... The
book lists twelve steps toward conquering your addictions; it's quite usefull. 

I know I have lots of these addictions, but so does everyone... I'm in good
company. :-)

Jim.

    In another way, additions are also used as a way of not having to
    deal with a stressful situation.
    
    Whether it's bad memories from the past, present tensions from
    work and/or relational problems, some people pick up the 'drug'
    instead of facing the problem.  By 'drug' I mean that it could
    be anything (ie. sex, narcotics, alcohol, food).
    
    It's used as a 'coping' method to everyday problems and usual
    falls into the saying, 'If something works, stick with it.'.
    
    Smc

    re: .7
    
    I would have to agree that if the addiction isn't interfering with your
    life, and is in fact helping you cope with it, it isn't likely to need
    treatment. 
    
    I think the article cited in the base note was talking about people who
    had reached the point where their addiction no longer helped them
    function in their lives but rather had taken over for its own sake.
    
    Sometimes you can't really deal with a stressful situation. You
    just have to endure it.  
    
    --bonnie
     

	I agree that it is possible to become addicted to anything,
and yes, behaviourlal addiction is prevalent in today's society.
However, I feel that as unconsciously suggested in previous notes, behavioual 
addiction is learned.  Learned from the time we were 2 years old from 
our parents.  It is EXTREMELY difficult to change our behavioural
addictions/learned behavioural patterns, because at this stage in life,
we now have a pre-set definition of what is right/wrong, good/bad etc,
as we learned from our parents, who learned from their parents, and so on.
Ironically enough, we as a society can produce generations of monsters
and generations of stable people.  Whether you turn out to be a monster 
or a stable person is usually determined by the behavioural traits you
learned from your parents, like it or not !  The trick is to try to find
out for yourself what kind of a person you are, if you can do that, and
don't like what you are and willing to try to change, then you've made
the first step in changing your behavioural addictions, and ultimately
your personality.  Don't think that you can change overnight though,
you've lived X number of years with a particular set of "behavioural 
addictions", and it will probably take 1/2 of those X years to change 
to the way you wish to be.  That is, if you wish to change at all.

	I know I'm getting a little off track, since the base note only
considers "sexual addiction", but then even this is a learned behaviour.
A previous note hit the spot when they said that "behavioural addictions
are a way of coping with certain situations".

	In response to note .5, sorry Bonnie, I disagree.  Running,
body building and over athletic activities can become addictive because
your BODY produces the drug "morophine" in small doses initially.  If
you continue with stressful physical activity consistently, your body
produces morophine in larger quantities, thus creating the addictive
dependency.

	Just my 2 cents worth !

					- Darrell -

	Along the lines of comparison with alcoholism - one always hears that
one of the signs of trouble with alcohol is getting into drinking alone -
wonder if sex addiction goes through a similar phase :-} :-}

	Again Woody Allen (I think it's in Everything You Ever...) with
his analyst:

	Analyst: Describe your best sexual experience.

	Woody: <extensive rapturous monologue here>

	Analyst: Well, how did you partner feel about it ?

	Woody : I don't know, doctor. I was alone at the time.

    At least I buy myself flowers and a nice dinner.

re: .10
That sounds reminiscent of a Tom Waits song.

Also, another Woody movie (maybe "Love and Death"?):
	WOMAN: [Woody_character_name], you're so good (sigh)!
	WOODY: I practice at home a lot.

Still more from Woody Allen (my hero):



	"Sex is the most fun anyone can have without laughing."


	"Sex between two people is a beautiful thing, ...
		between six it's fantastic."



~Mike

    Who says you don't laugh?

    Even with two? How 'bout *especially* with two?
    
    	Jon

More Woody Allen.  Didn't he say:

	Masturbation -- it's sex with the person I love best

/Eric

    And Woody Allen once again:
    
    	INTERVIEWER:  ...and do you consider sex to be dirty?
    
    	ALLEN:        Yes.  If you do it right.

    
    I really can't think of anything I'd rather be addicted to!!
    
    At least it doesn't cause cancer!
    

    re .18 "At least it doesn't cause cancer !"
    
    	Well, a number of years ago, there was this brief report out
    	of some medical research lab; seems they were able to show
    	about a 3% increase in the risk of contracting cervical cancer
    	as a direct result of semin...
    
    Don't remember _any_ other details, or when.  Was before my heyday
    in the male/female arena; I just remember thinking that was a real
    kick in the goodies to anyone concerned with statistics...
    
    Dwight

re: .20

Plus, Bob, it's always tough figuring out when the scientists are
faking statistics to support whatever political hobbyhorse they
happen to be riding on.  Usually this will get shown up for the
travesty that it is by independent research efforts, given time,
but it's surprising how long some "cooked" data will remain quotable
in the scientific literature, for whatever reason.

    Ah if the male organ would only function as pinochio's nose. It
    would make lie detecters obsolete.

    I could just imagine it...
    
    next time she was in the mood, she says...."Lie to me baby....."
    
    The Rebel...
    

Undercover Wear (lingerie company) has a pair of "Pinochio" underwear for men.
Need I say more?  (they even have eyes...)

>    next time she was in the mood, she says...."Lie to me baby....."
    
That is part of their sales pitch.    

-->< Note 310.26 by ANT::ZARLENGA "Wednesday is anything can happen day" >
| >                                    -< :^) >-
| >
| >
| >.25>  WMOIS::E_FINKELSEN "I'm a closet exhibitionist" >
| >
| >    	Ok, so let's see your closet!
| >    
| >    -mike z
|
Maybe on Wednesday! : )

    
| >.25>  WMOIS::E_FINKELSEN "I'm a closet exhibitionist" >
| >
| >    	Ok, so let's see your closet!
| >    
| >    -mike z
|
>>Maybe on Wednesday! : )

    
    Ellen, We have a staff meeting on wednesday....should be interesting.
    
    
    Bob