| Ahhh... a subject close to my heart as "conforming" and being aware
of other people's opinions is one of my current "smaller dilemmas"
I believe it is very difficult to conciously change yourself and
during that process of change one can have some very uncomfortable
moments but I also believe that a lot of what we regard as conforming
is really changeable depending on the situation. For example, in
the UK it is expected that people will dress comparitively smartly
(shirt, tie etc) and I would not go into my UK office in jeans and
a T-shirt. Some time ago, I was seconded to one of the European
offices where dress is much more relaxed (I very rarely wear a tie,
let alone a suit !). Since I am now used to working in Geneva, I
can go into my UK office wearing anything I like (within reason)
because I am conforming to my "norm" - not theirs. I actually get
some comments but they don't seem to stick.
I definately believe that dress is important if you wish
to progress in any organisation (Computer companies, in my experience
seem to be slightly more relaxed than most). Considering other people's
opinions is harder but decisions should be based on what the "business"
requires not what the individual(s) would prefer. As long as a tough
or unpopular decision is explained properly, then most individuals
would understand and comply.
On a personal level, I am trying to conform slightly less and
consider people a little more for a while because that is not the
normal "working" me. I'm finding it sometimes uncomfortable but
quite interesting. Where it will lead me to - I'm not quite sure
but I feel it may make me more content "all round" - I won't know
until I've got to where I think I want to be but the driving force
behind it is that by conforming to what are the usual norms I feel
I have reached as far as I want to go for me "personally".
Only time will tell.
be lucky,
Steve
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| Re .0, by telling your staff that the way they dress will have an
impression on their career you are perpetuating the notion that
the style in which a person dresses indicates how well they can do
a certain job. This is obviously ridiculous. I could put on a
conservative business suite and carry a briefcase but it doesn't
mean I know the first thing about being a product manager, for example.
On the other hand, if I had the experience and knowledge, if I
chose to wear black leather and chains to give a presentation, my
outfit would not make my expertise less valid. I know the world
is like this. I just think it would be more fun if it wasn't.
I think people should be able to wear whatever they want to work
(except for pajamas or bathing suits) regardless of their job.
I guess people have to decide what's more important to them - playing
the game in order to reap certain rewards or being true to themselves.
Lorna
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| The way in which a person dresses DOES affect how well they can
do a certain job, *IF* that job requires communicating with or
persuading other people--and most of our jobs do require it to
some extent.
An important aspect of communicating with people is to make them
comfortable and receptive, to set their expectations in a
positive way so that they will receive what you say the way you
intend it. A lot of our expirience of the world is subjective--
we interpret the world rather than perceive it directly. This
means that our expectations and our previous experience has a
lot to do with what we think we see and hear. Because ofthis it
is important to set positive expectations when trying to convey
something.
In the sixties, the Timothy Leary crowd used to talk a lot about
"set and setting" and how important they were to the quality of
a "trip". By "set" they meant "mind set"--your state of mind,
your emotional state, your attitudes and expectations. By
"setting" they meant the environment you were in, whether it was
secure and friendly or hostile. Set and setting were, they
claimed, absolutely vital to determining whether you had a good
trip or a bummer. Well, set and setting afect not only our
experiences under the effects of halucinogenic drugs but our
every day experience.
How you dress affects the set and setting of those you interact
with. It sets the expectations and the emotional tone--the other
person's mind set. Your appearence is also a part of the overall
environment--their setting--and yours. It can also affect how
you feel about yourself. It can make you feel more hostile or
comfortable or vulnerable.
If you give a presentation in a business suit, people will
expect a business-like presentation. That can mean both a
professional one and a conventional one. It can be good or bad.
If you wear black leather and chains it may make them think of
Hell's Angles, Mad Max or the Terminator. It is likely to make
them expct you to be hostile, self confident, and inconsiderate
of others.
Personally, I like to try to view the world as devoid of
expectations as possible. I find that I am happier and have more
fun if I enjoy my experiences as they come rather than try to
fit them into a box. I find that when I have few expectations I
am more open to see the real merits of a thing rather than my
own biases. I am more likely to really consider the thing and to
think.
My own dress and style are somewhat calculated, although they
might not appear it at first. (They are also very much for my
own comfort and enjoyment.) When I know I'm going to a meating
or making an in-house presentation, I wear one of my hand-made
billowy-sleaved 19th century Missouri boatman's shirts. (I used
to wear a velvet or velour tunic based on a 13th century pattern
that my wife and I evolved to take account of modern things like
zippers.) I may wear relatively new jeans, but am more likely to
wear casual slacks. My hair is long (shoulder to waist length).
Few people dress like me. It doesn't fall into a mold. It sets
no strong specific expectations. The general cut of the shirts
is a bit flamboyant or rakish. The handiwork represents a good
deal of effort and pride. The overall impression is a little
eccentric. The hair is pretty much ex-hippy. Although I look a
bit odd, there's nothing to indicate hostility or serious
disaffection from society.
People expect me to be a little eccentric--and I am. Innocuous
eccentricity is often paired in our minds with genius, either
intellectual or artistic. They expect me to be creative and
unconventional. Beyond that they don't know what to expect,
except perhaps the unexpected. They often end up seeing me as I
am, with perhaps a slightly positive bias.
The point is that dressing for success and image are important,
but cookie-cutter conformity isn't always the only or the best
image you can try to project. Minor eccentricities, especially
ones with a positive conotation, can work to your advantage. The
practical truth is that we help to build perceptual and
experiential world that we live in. People believe that the
world is the way they see it, and how they see it is colored by
whatthey think and expect. We can make those expectations work
for us or against us.
JimB.
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I too have been somewhat interested by the way my appearance
affected my interactions with others. I lost 50 pounds and
was fascinated with the change in my interactions. Pro and
Con. I took a job as a Field Service Engineer and was required
to wear the suit and tie. More interesting data gathered. I
was sometimes enraged by how I was pigeon holed but soon learned
to use this benign (sp?) form of bigotry to my advantage.
I came to DEC from Hewlett Packards largest site in of all places,
Boise, Idaho. They have an interesting policy of no offices for
anyone, management by "wandering" around, and no suits. They did
this in an attempt to eliminate the office games and cliques that
they believed to be so counter productive and detrimental to the
overall moral. It became almost a contest to see who could come
in dressed the frumpiest. I found it an interesting experiment
and learning experience. Depending on what level you talked to you
would get different responses to its affectiveness. I found it
counter productive and attitude degrading. The barriers were still
very much there with some managers while others used this approach
to foster comradery and open communication channels.
While there, I had a good friend that looked like he was a graduate
of the Hells Angle School of charm. Rooms would actually fall dead
quiet when he would enter. Really. We took turns exploring each
others worlds and associates. We never ceased to be amazed at the
contrast between who we really were and what others precieved us
as. Society's preoccupation with appearance was bewildering and
fascinating. He also had the best character (there's an old word)
of anyone Ive ever known and I was proud to ask him to be my best
man sans tux.
Ive enjoyed opinions shared thus far and would like to read what
others feel about this costume party we are in, called life.
gary -
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