Conference quark::human_relations-v1

    Relocate?
    
    (not necessarily to DEC Sahara!)
    
    Andy.

    Deal with the person as you want to be dealt with.  If the other
    If the other causes grief by being unpleasnat, it's not your
    doing, so you can work with them or appropriate authorities to 
    reestablish an "adult" working relationship.  (I'm not big on
    "adult", but there are times when you gotta be more buttoned down
    and this sounds like one of them.)
    
    Good luck with your sticky situation. 

    I assume that the situation is equally unpleasant to both of you.
    Ask your manager, and hers, if your job duties can be arranged so
    as to minimize interaction between you. If this is impossible, one
    of you should be seeking a different job. It's tough to be reminded
    of the past. Good luck.

    It's too bad it has to be a problem.  My ex-husband works on 3-3
    in the Mill and I work on 3-5.  It comes in handy when we have to
    work out plans with our daughter, to say nothing of when we were
    selling our house.  
    
    Sometimes we'll go for days without running into each other and
    then other times we've arrived in the parking lot at the exact same
    time in the morning and walked in together.  We have a friendly
    divorce and it's been no problem.  In fact, it's kind of nice to
    run into him every once in awhile and chat, but not have to live
    together day in and day out.  I've got to admit it would be awful,
    though, if one of us had chosen to be nasty and hold a grudge.
    
    I have had people say to me, Doesn't it bother you to have Bob working
    in the same building?  I told him and he said people say the same
    thing to him and we just laughed about it.
    
    Lorna
    

     I've been an avid reader of this file for quite some time now but 
     have been reluctant to enter anything due to the very fact you 
     mentioned.  Your note has prompted me to come "out of the closet" 
     so to speak so here goes.....

    Jerry, this is a tough one for sure.  It's particularly awkward when 
    one (or both) of you begin dating other "DECies"...Digital is a big 
    company but it is a small world!

    If it's awkward for you, just think how awkward it is for your peers.
    One of the men in my office came in and asked me, "Would you bring this
    home for "x" to read before our meeting?"  You can imagine his 
    embarassment when I had to explain that we no longer lived in the
    same household!

    I agree with .4, one of you should look for employment in another
    group if it's uncomfortable for you.  That's what my "x" did and it
    has relieved the pressure.

    Sharing your frustration....

    Wendy

    My situation is much the same as Lorna's.  My ex works for DEC,
    two floors below me.  But about all we see of each other is
    a glimpse here and there in the cafeteria, and on the days when
    we exchange care for our son.  Our marriage ended on a non-hostile
    basis (I wouldn't call it friendly), so I have no problems coping
    with it.  The occasional question from someone who doesn't know
    we're divorced doesn't bother me.
    
    So far, there haven't been any real issues with either of us dating
    other DECies.  Though I'm acquainted with most of those my ex dates,
    we don't move in the same circles and I don't have to deal with
    it on a daily basis.  But I do get uncomfortable when I do run
    into one of them - this is admittedly my problem.  I'm finding that
    I cannot be as friendly with my ex as I'd like to be, because it
    slows the healing process.  Maybe in a few years things will be
    better.
    					Steve

Well, you're very lucky to be on such good terms with your ex.  So
many people have unwanted horrid relationships with their ex.

My wife has a terrible relationship with her ex.  She'd love to
REALLY divorce him, but she can't, since dealings about the children
keep the two parents in touch with each other (and arguing).

Perhaps finding a way to make the relationship with your ex better,
instead of merely looking how to avoid passing in the hall, would
work better.

But I'm not sure how to do it.  Given that you divorced because you
couldn't work things out, why would you be able to now ?  Good luck.
(and tell me if you have any good ideas for my wife and her ex!)

/Eric

I sympathize with your unfortunate situation. My ex-wife and I both work for
DEC, same building, same floor, in fact we are just across the hall from each
others office areas. Her live in boyfriend also works for DEC and used to be in
the same building but that, however, changed. (He doesn't like me, heh heh) At
first this used to be a problem, but as time slowly passed, we both "mellowed"
out and now communicate regularly about such things as the children, school
events and whatever happens to arise. I'd venture to say we talk a lot better
now than we did before the divorce. So, The only suggestion I can make is this.
Always act the gentleman, be cordial, even if it runs contrary to your present
feelings. When you are both required to interact, at least on company business,
be professional, at all other times gently avoid her unless you have something
important to discuss. If things are really hostile between you two then most
other discussions should probably be done either through a mediator or your
lawyers.
						Best of luck...
		
						One who's been there

    Thanks for the suggestions.....
    
    Jerry