Conference quark::human_relations-v1

    Who knows?  The listeners never tell us :-)

    Listeners get dumped on with alarming frequency, and hearing types
    aren't worth the time it takes to listen to them.
    
    Bahama Mama

    Aren't most people a little of both?
    
    Lorna
    

    re.3 absolutely not Lorna
    
    I have noticed that many people you can sit and poor your heart
    out too about a romantic (or other) problem and as soon as you stop
    for air they immediately segway into their own problems.
    Those are the hearing types.
    The listening types are the ones that when you finish pouring ....
    they offer solutions.
    

    re .6
    It seems many people can be anyone of the three at different times
    and with different people. A lot depends on who a person is with
    and what their own problems are at the time. 

also Re: .6 (Bob)

Find that the hardest part of "active listening" is to be not
thinking about my next point/retort while the other person is
talking.  That prevents one from hearing all that is said (and may
even cause the person to interrupt with the retort).

Would add this to the definition.

	~Mike

    Is it always necessary to be an "active listener"? If you
    are learning about a new freind, or listening to a person's
    problems, etc. it is very important to listen carefully. But
    debate style conversation is a lot of fun.
    

    Active listening is just one tool you can use when relating to
    other people.  I found the concept a great help to me, because I
    tend to not pay attention to what others say.  Active listening
    makes sure I understood what was said.  But one has to make sure
    that you don't just turn into an echo of the other person!
    
    I first learned about active listening when I read Parent Effectiveness
    Training (P.E.T.) while taking a "Positive Power and Influence"
    course.  The book is useful for learning how to relate better to
    all kinds of people, not just children.  I highly recommend it.
    
    					Steve

I don't know about any formal definitions, but I am known as a person who 
listens and helps.  I think the secret is to care.  You don't start caring
about other people by reading about a theory or technique.  If I care about a 
person, I will listen, reflect, and get involved.  If I don't care, I will
politely send them away.  People who don't care will never make good 
listeners until they learn to really put self interest aside.  I remember
times when I was younger that I waited for the other person to stop talking 
so that I could say my piece.  If you want to, you grow out of it.../e

re:.12            Having 'tools' tends to help more.

I agree.  It takes caring and skill.  I have known several people who went out
and acquired some of the tools and then abused them heavily because they were
too narcissistic to understand what they were for.

    
    We have two ears and one mouth that we may listen the more and talk the
    less.
    
    
                             Ray

    Ray,
    
    A variation of your statement;
    
       Take the cotton out of your ears and put it in your mouth.  
    
    Crude, but it works for me.
    
    Karen

Re: .15 by ACE::MOORE,

>    We have two ears and one mouth that we may listen the more and talk the
>    less.

I thought it goes, "We have two ears and one mouth which is why
some people feel obliged to speak twice as much as they listen".

-- Ron

    This hung in my bedroom until I was about 14 ...

    The reason a dog has so many friends is he wags his tail instead
    of his tongue.