Conference quark::human_relations-v1

    So, Dan, does your note imply that LYING is always best because
    you are the only one who knows about it, and you tell the TRUTH only if
    you care about the what the people in Peoria think???

    
    
    "Do what you will, ere it harm none."
    
    I do, and will, live my life by that recommendation.  I try
    to be aware of how my thoughts (yes, they affect people too!)
    and actions impact others.  I would never knowingly harm another
    person, and expect the same from others in my life.  That includes
    physical, mental and emotional harm.  
    
    For the 10 years that I was married, I was 100% monogamous (well,
    okay, not always in my thoughts, but certainly in the flesh!). 
    And I expect monogamy from the current man in my life.  I am also
    95% honest.  If I have to lie about something, then I should
    a) look at what is missing in my current relationship  and
    b) not be in the relationship if I feel the urge to do something
       that would be destructive or painful to the relationship or
       another person.
    
    Unfortunately, not all of the men I have "chosen" have had the 
    same moral values.  That has caused some painful experiences
    for me, but at the same time only re-inforced my own values.
    
    Please note that I use the word "try" a lot.  I'm not always suc-
    cessful.
    
    I have only myself to answer to.  When I die, and review my life,
    I hope I will see someone that I am proud to have known.
     

        I don't think the principle that if you don't want people to
        know about it then don't do it necessitates conformity. It only
        means that you have to be proud of what you do, willing to stand
        up for it. Back when the Sexcetera file was around I wrote
        things in there that wouldn't "play well in Peoria", but I said
        nothing I would be ashamed of or wouldn't say to the top
        management of the company.
        
        I'm afraid that I'll have to agree with the dictim. You really
        shouldn't do anything you don't want others to know about. This
        is true from both practical and idealistic points of view.
        Practically, you are very unlikely to be abale to be sure that
        people won't find out what you've done. Idealisticly, if you are
        ashamed of it, you should really question whether it is a
        good idae.
        
        JimB.

    I beg to differ.  There is an assumption being made here, and
    that is that you - either consciously or unconsciously - *care*
    about the people in Peoria or their thoughts on any given subject
    that applys to the way you run your life.
    
    Personally, I think the dictim is trash, left over from time when
    people who needed rules to make their decisions and rules to run
    their lives, and couldn't devise their own code of behavior, clung
    to "morality" as a cure-all to run their lives.  "Morality" is a
    personal interpretation.  It is very imporatant to me that I have
    a code of behavior and ethics in my life and in the way I carry
    myself.  It is *not* very important to me that my code agrees with
    the opinions of the people I don't know.  And if they put it on
    the front page - so what!!  People who stoop to ridicule are simply
    insecure about their own position and are seeking to enhance it
    in other ways.                            
    
    I've made mistakes in my life.  I've done things I'm not proud of.
    But that's what makes up my life and the way I've chosen to live
    it.  We could all change things if we got the chance.  But the only
    way to avoid "seeing it on the front page" would be to live a life
    that agrees with the greatest common denominator, and not with you.
    You'd give up the chance to explore, to be curious, to try new things,
    to make mistakes and to learn from them.  uh-uh.  I'd rather have
    my standards, not adopt someone elses.
    
    Mary-Michael

  Just imagine, if all of us based all of our decisions, or even a single
  one of them, on what we thought the majority of people thought was the
  right choice.  Then nobody would make any decisions!  Never mind the
  morality stuff, it's not even logical!
  
  I consulted no one about writing this reply; I didn't even imagine
  consulting anyone.  I'm doing it because I feel it is the right thing
  to do.
  
  One could alter the intent behind the statement somewhat:
  
     If you are so worried about making choice 'x', that you have to
     ask the approval of millions of people you don't know and never 
     heard of, then don't do it.  It probably isn't the right thing to 
     do.  If you can make choice 'x' with the understanding that the
     results may not turn out as you wanted, yet you yourself feel
     clear about it, then make it/do it.
     
  So many people get hung up on what other people think.  You get so wrapped
  up in what you imagine other people to think that you might end up doing
  exactly the wrong thing, even though you wanted with all your heart
  to do the right thing.  Why?  Because you have to trust yourself first.
  If you make a mistake, you can honestly own up to making it, not blame
  (even indirectly) it on someone else (like the people who read the front
  page).  On the other side, you can honestly claim credit for something
  that goes well (and feel good about it, even if it doesn't show up on
  the front page...).
  
  Yes, Dan, I was brought up the same way.  I heard my mother say so many
  times, "How could you do 'x'?  What kind of mother are people going
  to think I am?"  I always wanted to reply, "Yes, what kind of mother
  do *you* think you are?  Why do *my* actions tell people what kind of
  mother you are?"  *My* actions say something about the kind of person
  I am, not the kind of mother you are.
  
  
  							Terza