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Conference quark::human_relations-v1

Title:	What's all this fuss about 'sax and violins'?
Notice:	Archived V1 - Current conference is QUARK::HUMAN_RELATIONS
Moderator:	ELESYS::JASNIEWSKI

Created:	Fri May 09 1986
Last Modified:	Wed Jun 26 1996
Last Successful Update:	Fri Jun 06 1997
Number of topics:	1327
Total number of notes:	28298

145.0. "The limits of bonded bliss" by STAR::MURPHY (down the foggy ruins of time...) Mon Nov 10 1986 22:30

As I read some of the comments in topic 123 (and elsewhere), I was
thinking, I wonder if single people ever realize how us long-time married
folks sometimes envy THEM and their freedom to meet new people, explore new
relationships, etc.  I suppose if one looks on that as a chore, or as a
necessary evil in order to find a mate, then it's not an advantage.  But I
believe meeting new people, and all the rest, is fun and interesting -- an
end in itself to be enjoyed for the moment. 

And while there are benefits to a good, long-lasting relationship, it
doesn't necessarily guarantee happiness and contentment forever. In other
words, each state, married (or SO'd) and single, has its advantages and
disadvantages, and we are well advised to enjoy the advantages of our
present state, whatever it might be. 

Having made that pronouncement, I must hastily add that I don't always take
my own advice.  The reality, as I perceive it, is that we may also be
discontent some of time, regardless of what state of relationship we are
in.  At those times, the grass is just going to look greener somewhere
else. 

Dan

T.R	Title	User	Personal Name	Date	Lines
145.1	IS THE GRASS REALLY GREENER?	PULSAR::CFIELD	Corey	`Tue Nov 11 1986 14:34`	14
	Thanks, Dan. I think that sometimes us singles tend to overlook the positive side of being single. And you are right, meeting new people is fun and interesting -- an end in itself to be enjoyed for more than the moment. After all, I like friends that last forever. I have some very dear friends that I have kept in contact with for more than 30+ years. Yes, I was a very little girl when I met them. The important thing here is that we have remained friends throughout time. I do not feel as though married people are limited in their explorations of forming new relationships. Why should you envy single people and their freedom to meet new people when you have the same option at your beck and call?
145.2	Life is a sandwich	MMO01::PNELSON	Longing for Topeka	`Tue Nov 11 1986 21:32`	29
	I agree with .1 that being married shouldn't keep you from the enjoyment of meeting new and interesting people. It never did for me when I was married anyway. For me the advantage of being single is more in the area of freedom. If I have to work late I don't have to call home. If I feel like going shopping after work I don't have to let anyone know. I can come home and eat a bowl of Oreo ice cream for dinner if I feel like it (not that I ever would {;^)! I don't have to ask anyone's opinion about the clothes I buy, the food I prepare, the car I own, the house, the furniture, etc. etc. etc. On the other hand, ... There's no one at home to care if I have to work late. No one there when I come home tired after a really rotten day, or even more important, after two or three exhausting days on the road. No one to say "That was a good dinner" (or "The Oreo ice cream was delicious, Dear"). No one who cares what clothes I buy, what car I drive, etc. No one who cares when I get that raise or promotion or whatever event I come home all excited about. And that's where friends come in for the single person. I couldn't survive totally alone. I don't believe most of us could. No, life isn't perfect for anyone. It's just a long series of trade-offs and then you die. Pat
145.3	Morbidity reigns supreme	MSDSWS::RESENDE	Common sense ... isn't!	`Wed Nov 12 1986 00:05`	17
	> It's just a long series of trade-offs and then you die. Unless you believe in reincarnation, in which case it reads: "It's just a long series of trade-offs and then you die ... ... and then you die ... ... and then you die ... ... and then you die ... etc." ;'} Steve
145.4	Freedom in Marriage	ATFAB::REDDEN	Make like a duck - Fly south	`Wed Nov 12 1986 07:41`	8
	Freedom is something we give ourselves/away. When we give our freedom away, we can package it in a variety of nice boxes, like marriage, career, patriotism, etc, but we are choosing to give away some of our freedom, just the same. I have, from time to time, let someone take my freedom by accepting their definition of a particular nice box, but I didn't have to accept their definition. I choose to be responsible for giving myself the freedoms I need and giving away the freedoms I don't need for other things that I value higher.
145.5	Freedom	APEHUB::STHILAIRE		`Thu Nov 13 1986 08:21`	6
	Re .4, well said. Lorna