Conference quark::human_relations-v1

         No, you're not alone. There were times when my date book was
    more barren than the Sahara Desert......never mind getting a date,
    I could not even find conversation and every one else seemed to
    have somebody. Then! out of the blue, I'd emeet that special some-
    one and everybodu else would come out of the woods, looking like
    they wanted a date. 
         I hear more people complain about this, but right now I don't
    have the problem since I haven't even held hands/had the slightest
    inkling of a date in over as year...probably cause I'm pushing
    40...and in our insanely youthist Amerikan culture, I'm like the
    ol horse that gets put out to pasture
    
                                            The Asexual

    
    
    	There are many reasons for this, but I think the biggest one
    is the perception of *you* by others as a whole. When you're not
    feeling your best - for whatever reasons - this is easily detected
    by others. Most people do not respond in a positive way to those
    who are not shining a positive light. While this is not an "absolute"
    it does seem to be the "norm".
    
    	Consider this scenario: You are bored, feelin sort of Ho-Hum,
    no date, or prospects, and all your friends are "out". So you decide
    to go stand in the bar, watch the girls dance, watch the band and
    have a drink or two. Maybe you ask one girl to dance, and get the
    anti-complimentary "no". Now your attitude is really shot, and the
    whole image you project is that of "somethings wrong here" - not
    very attractive. 
    
    	On the other hand, when you're out on a date, ( a compliment
    in itself) your attitude is about ten fold more positive, usually,
    than when you're alone and down in the dumps. Your date wouldnt
    be with you if she wasnt interested, and the other ladies do see
    this interest, concluding that "nothing wrong here - he's pretty
    good lookin too". Thats when it seems they're "popping up" all over.
    
    Of course the trick is to be able to "maintain" a very positive
    light, no_matter_what, which is difficult at best if you're human
    like the rest of us -
    
    	Joe Jas
    

        
    re: -1
    agreed with 100%
    
    I have to agree.. when your self image is at its max then your whole
    attitude in general is projected as well as you are feeling..  it
    really has nothing to do with your looks being different but an
    inner feeling you are putting forth.
    
    I believe in inner vibes.. I think they are indeed very real and
    that we feel them in everyday life.  It is not something you can
    put your finger on or explain but more people can bear them out
    so they have to exist!
    
    ga
    
    

	  Out here in my galaxy, we have a different explanation.

	  Finding  potential  SOs  (a  member  of  the appropriate sex with
     mutual attraction) is clearly a random process.  A first approximation
     model woiuld be  to declare the probability of discovering a potential
     SO as time linear  (e.g.,  in  1  time  unit,  the probability is some
     number P), with potential SOs discovered independently.  The potential
     SO  inter-discovery  time is thus exponentially  distributed,  and  so
     potential SO discoveries tend to clump:   pauses  of  non-potential SO
     discovery will be followed by clumps of potential  SO discoveries.  If
     discarding of potential SOs also occurs with a probability  linear  in
     time  and  in the number of known potential SOs, then  the  number  of
     known  potential  SOs  at  any  one time is a random variable  with  a
     Poisson distribution, of which the 'drought  then  flood'  pattern  is
     characteristic.

	  To  keep  the  mean  of  the  Poisson distribution large, one can
     increase the  rate of discovery of potential SOs, decrease the rate of
     discarding potential SOs,  or  both.    The  first  is  an exercise in
     behavior modification, the second an exercise in lowering potential SO
     retention criteria.

			       Brian Hetrick

     PS:  :-)

	Gee, it's been awhile since Probability 101 class...I think I have
    to agree with the "When it rains it pours" theory.  The probability of
    it actually "pouring" when it "rains" is a little unlikely when you look
    at the mathematical distributions, but why is it that this pattern happens
    so often when it comes to this subject?

	I think that if we were all bits on a bus then your probability stats
    would come into play, but since we're not, then it's kind-of foolish to
    rely on them for confidence or whatever.  Rely instead on your own inner
    strengths and build them up to a point where you can "take the bull by the
    horns" and be that exciting, witty, charming, etc. part of you that people 
    are going to consistently clamor over themselves to discover.

							-davo

    p.s.  Is it me, or do the formatted text pages (-1, for example) kind-of
	boggle the old eye-balls a little bit?  It's  kind-of   tough to jump
	from   one  word to    the next when  they  aren't spaced    evenly.

    I've noticed the afor-mentionned effect, also. I agree that there's
    a lot of self-projection involved. One thing that I found useful
    since many aspects of my life are changing right now and partially
    from reading the "What Color is your Parachute" book, I sat down
    and wrote (actually typed) a list of everything fun I've done in
    my life. I also wrote down what I like and don't like. I wrote down
    what I'd say to somebody who wanted to know what my attitudes toward
    things are like. I felt good about a lot of where I'm at and what
    my attitude toward life is like. I think this process helps me remember
    what I find important in life and helps me with some long term goals,
    for instance, one still in dream stage is to buy an old low-and-slow
    airplane and fly across the country someday maybe. It helps me put
    things in better perspective and helps maintain a positive attitude
    during famines. I also try to pay attention to things that are always
    there so much that nobody notices, like sunsets, clouds, etc. That
    uplifts me and then I can pass that attitude along to other people.

    I've gone thru the "no date" period a numerous of times... not much
    fun!! The harder I tried the worse it got... Well I changed that
    by not trying so hard and trying to be friends first instead of trying
    to jump into the middle of a relationship!!
    
    So, when I finally started dating again.... women seem to come out
    of the woodwork!! It was uncanny!! Many became friends because that
    was my outlook, and some friendships became HOT n HEAVY.  Of course
    I always walk around with a :�) on my face... ANd thats what counts.
    
    Zing

Most of the previous replies seem to be focusing on how one's own attitude and/
or actions may affect one's attractiveness.  Just for variety, here are a couple
of ideas of why it might be the MOOSes (Members Of the Opposite Sex) who are
responsible for the lack of even distribution.

1)  MOOSes are like banks.  A bank is more willing to lend you money if you
    already are in debt, on the theory that since someone else lent you money,
    you must be a good risk.  A MOOS sees you with another MOOS and figures that
    since you are taken, you must be a good propect.

2)  MOOSes are not really more interested in you.  It's just that since you
    obviously are with someone else, they are simply less concerned about
    whether you might misinterpret their friendliness as something more.

    Yep.  I've experienced the feast or famine phenomenon.  It seems
    like if there is one potential SO around, suddenly there are 10.
    This seems to occur whether you are seen with your SO or not.  I
    guess it's the feeling projected of that I'm OK, and desirable,
    therefore desired.  Or maybe it's the outlook.  You only see potential
    SOs when you are in the frame of mind to meet them and think of
    them that way.
    
    Kathleen

	Maybe we are too civilzed these days to recognize any of the
    instinctual animal tendancies in our bodies.  Almost any species of
    animal will "puff-up", turn color, or whatever to attract the "MOOS"
    (even real Mooses do "Moose calls").  For anyone who doesn't under-
    stand this, I recommend a good dosage of Jaques Cousteau or Mutual
    of Omaha's Wild Kingdom, etc.

	I have heard women talk about how some men "smell" different
    when they are unnusually attractive.  This was a comment made to a
    guy who was in our close group of friends (i.e. people who saw each
    other on a regular non-sexual basis), and it turned out that in fact
    he had gone quite a while "without sex", and as a result, began to
    exude a certain animalistic odor (or so the two women involved thought).

	I suppose one could say that it might have been due to a different
    after-shave or soap, etc., but whatever it was, it worked - the guy
    didn't remain lonely for long (I won't go into the gory details here).

	I have noticed a marked color change in my face after sex.  I usually
    look a little pale the day after, and on the other hand, if it's been
    awhile, I begin looking very colorful.  Maybe this explains the fascination
    people have with suntans?

	Oh well, enough myth-making for one night!

							-davo

    Davo,  your extrapolations are wild, but entertaining 8-}

    (This reminds me of the reason that men find Eye Shadow attractive
    is because womens eyelids get darker (Blue blood) when climaxing.)

    

RE: .1

>    ... I haven't even held hands/had the slightest inkling of a
>    date in over as year...probably cause I'm pushing 40... and
>    in our insanely youthist Amerikan culture, I'm like the ol
>    horse that gets put out to pasture

Where the hell did you get that silly idea? I was almost 50 when
I had the need to date for a while. I had no problem finding female
companionship of any religious persuasion (Jewish to Atheist to devout
Catholic), in any reasonable age bracket (Twenty nine to one year my
senior), and any walk of life (car saleslady to lawyer).

Neither should you, or anyone else, for that matter.

Provided, of course, that this is what you want. But that's entirely
u p   t o   y o u .

    re: -1
    
        Not everybody posesses the motivation/lack of shyness/"lines",
    or whatever it takes to attract a MOOS!  
    
    						Phil

    But in order to enter a "feast" period, you have to find at least
    one SO during a "famine"!
    

    
    Its all in how you hold yourself. 
    
    I hold myself as worthy and attractive.
     
    Women respond to that attitude.  
    
    I'm pretty clear on what kind of relationship I want, 
    whom I want it with, and I'm confident I'll have it soon.
    
    Well, give or take a year or two... but I'm a patient
    guy.